Undergraduate / My why essays [3]

#1 What makes Stanford a good match?(250 words-1800 characters)

Without doubt Stanford University has everything a dream school is expected to possess; top academic programs in various areas from business to natural science, alumnus as Nobel Prize winners, perfect location with golden sunshine, and most curious, creative, passionate, confident, as well as intelligent future leaders.

However, what appeals to me most is its pioneering spirit. Unlike Harvard and Yale, which are schools with old reputations, Stanford University is a hopeful young pioneer always ready for adventures. Today's society is still full of poverty and injustice, and the responsibilities are left for us to change the world. Stanford is the one that will lead the change. I, as an individual, have the desire to become part of this leading power. Thus, I yearn to acquire the knowledge, develop the skills, strengthen the will, and befriend with people with the same aspiration, in Stanford to fulfil my ambition.

Another feature of Stanford University that especially attracts me is its Practical Education. Stanford's education is based on industry, on the need of the society, and with this philosophy, Stanford provides its students with numerous opportunities to apply their knowledge into practise, which not only deepen their understanding of the text, but also better prepare students for their future careers.

I am determined to be a person with a critical mind, practical skills, and a ground-breaking spirit, which will be essential for me to achieve my goals in whichever field I choose to explore. Stanford University perfectly fits my pursuits of education, and therefore, it shines as an excellent match.

#2 Why Tufts? (50 words)

In order to succeed in today's increasingly interdependent world, an international view is one essential factor, and it is also what I am determined to develop. Tufts University provides an excellent international atmosphere with its study abroad program extremely appealing. Unquestionably, it shines as a perfect match.

#3 What do you find most appealing about Columbia? (500 characters)

New York City was the first thing that stired up my fascination to Columbia University. Yet after research I realized that it is not the location itself that is most appealing, but the way it cultivates Columbians' aspirations and widens their views. In the leading metropolis of the world, Columbians are able to closely feel the society's development trend, which nurtures a critical mind, a sense of responsibility, as well as an inclination to head the world. These are the exact qualities I am determined to develop. Thus, Columbia shines as a perfect match.

Please revise the three why essays. Any suggestion would be greatly appreciated! Thanks:)

Undergraduate / 'flying was a real challenge' - extracurricular essay - flight training [5]

"In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it. "

Does my essay answer the questions? How's the ending? Please revise it and give some suggestions. Thanks:)

After going through all the requirments to become a pilot, I asked myself, "Why not?" Then, I started my flight training. However, simply the first few lessons proved it to be a real challenge. I was often disoriented in the cockpit as my instructor yelled at me in a language that was not my native tongue. One slight misunderstanding of another pilot's radio call was enough of a mistake for me to crash. My hard work did not seem to yield any improvements. Even if my training progressed for one day, it regressed the next.

Frustration flooded into my hopeful dreams to soar the skies. I attributed my struggle to a lack of talent in mechanics, and wanted to give up. However, after a conversation with my host dad, I realized that for seventeen years I had been used to easy success. Good grades, art skills, leadership, peers' respect, had all come naturally. Life was not always perfect, but I had never been given a real challenge that tested my limits. Flying was an excellent opportunity for me. "Do not believe in your disbelief, but believe in your belief." Encouraged by his words, I promised myself to take on this challenge and see how much I could achieve.

The next day after our talk, I went out for a ride with another pilot. Sitting in the back of the airplane, I was able to watch every action and found myself easily understanding them. I was amazed to realize how much knowledge I had acquired over the last couple of months after all. That day we flew until the night fell, and for the first time in my life, I saw a magnificent sunset from high above the clouds. The sun drew back its flames by sinking bit by bit into the horizon, leaving behind strips of golden ray torn by the floating clouds. Immediately, I realized that this spectacular view could only be seen from spectacular heights, which took resolution and tenacity to reach.

In the following weeks, I spent more time studying aviation communication and started to practice night and day on a flight simulator. As time went by, I started to truly feel the airplane. Nicely under control, it smoothly "flared", gracefully "rounded out", and gently kissed the ground. I finally presented the sky a perfect performance.

I have not flown for several months now, but this adventure has proven to be more than just a fond memory. It woke something inside of me that had been long asleep. Potential. I don't think I believed in my potential, until I disbelieved in it. Until I flew a plane, I had not disbelieved in myself. "Believe in your belief." That was my host dad's voice, and it awakened the power inside of me. Since then, I've had to keep this voice awake for myself to defeat the weakness that discourages me.

Meeting the challenge of flying has closed the circle on my understanding of growing. Things that come easy to me are simply gentle breezes leaving without a trail, but it is only flurries and showers that shape the sturdiest trees. Beliefs are built only after tested by hardships. Characters are defined and developed only through adapting to and overcoming individual challenges. At this stage, in front of me is the entry to a university, and I know this is where I, the total person, will be further shaped; body, mind, and spirit. Aviation showed me a path, and it is unversity life that will help me continue on this path of personal growth and integrity. Along with me is the spectacular sunset engraved in my memory. I will always believe in its beauty and endeavor towards the life of greatness.

Undergraduate / Stanford Supplement Short Essay, Johns Hopkins essay [4]

"Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging." (250 words-1800 characters)

I wrote everyday, but hardly realized how amazing a world there was behind what I was writing until one day I saw a piece of work created by a local calligraphist. It was a birthday present for his student who was born in the year of horse. It says HORSE, one single character on a blank sheet of paper, yet I sensed an inspiring spirit beyond the simple word. One stroke raised as head, four strokes stretched as legs, and an invigorative young horse should run out of the paper! He turned his head and gave back a look of distain to the obstacles he had just overcome. His eyes shined with pride and his pose revealed a determination to conquer. All those simply came out of several brush strokes. I was amazed by my own realization.

That vivid picture evoked a profound understanding of this traditional art. I then saw that each character contains its own spirit, emotion, or quality, and perhaps that is why "character" was given its name. Together with the way a chirographer conveys those meanings, which is also a reflection of his or her feelings and thoughts, "characters" codetermine the excellence of a piece of calligraphy work. Hence, I always give a more insightful look into what I write, and try to infuse it with my own disposition, or with the temperament I intend to develop. This art is not only a visual palace, but also an expression of personality. The study of calligraphy cultured my life-long love for the beauty of Chinese characters.

Please revise it and give some suggestions. It's 259 words right now. Is that a bit short? What could I possibly talk about if I want to make it longer? Thank you:)

Undergraduate / 'No time to take care of me' - the environment in which you were raised [4]

I need to shorten this essay by 148 words, but I don't know how to. Can you please give some suggestions?

Describe the environment in which you were raised---your family, home, neighberhood or community--and how it influenced the person you are today. (word limit:200)

I cannot help laughing everytime I think of this story of my mom. She has wanted to be a heroine since eight. Everyday after school, she hid behind a camphor tree near the only river winding through her small town, waiting for someone to fall in. She kept imaging that when a kid got drown, she would jump straight in and sacrifice her own life to save the kid, though she could not swim at all.

When my mom was eight, she was determined to sacrifice. Fortunately her childhood dream did not come true, but she found a better way to achieve her own values. She became a journalist, a job that consumed the rest of her life. Mom worked ceaselessly for years. While pregnant, she was still writing and interviewing for a monograph, which resulted in threatened abortion more than once. She composed thousands of reports, and called for justice for millions of people, but like many other able women, she was forsaked by her husband. Busy with her work, mom leaves me in grandparents' house, and lives by herself. Within my memory, I have hardly slept with my mom. Even on Chinese New Year Eve, when every household throughout the country is having the biggest family feast together, mom is creating news in the office.

I had cried when she had no time to look after me while I was sick, and I had protested by calling her "aunt" as she did not come back for weeks, but with age I slowly understood the responsibilities she is taking. She felt her dream fulfilled when workers' hardships were voiced, when corruptionists were denounced, and when stories of heroes were spreaded out through the public. What have been sustaining her seemingly lonely life for all these years were her love and dedication to the society. I realized that I should too, take the responsibility, and devote my life to the community I live in., because I truly feel that there is not much we could ask for in this world, but by giving we gain the greatest happiness.(348 words)

Undergraduate / Who am I? (200 words) [16]

Self -identification and self expression may take many forms. Use the richness of your life to give us insight--Who are you? (word limit:200)

Who am I?
I have always believed that only after everything external has been taken away is the left person the real me. Then what are left are simply my heart and my mind. I can't paint not given a brush, yet I have developed the talent to recognize true beauty. I could no longer play the piano without a keyboard, but I am still moved to tears when hearing a piece of melting work. I will not be considered pretty anymore when standing in front of a stone-age tribe, but I know I will receive their smiles because in my eyes that shine of kindness would never fade.

Looking inward, I observe love and cares, grief and joy, queries and awakenings, interests and passion, dreams and wills. The love is given not just to family but also to mankind; the cares are both for the beloved and those in need. I regard pain the exact way I cherish mirth. I think and learn to discover truths as wide as the universe, as deep as people's souls. All that I am striving for is an eventual harmony in the internal me as well as the external world. (197 words)

Is it too general or abstract? Please revise it and give some suggestions. Any criticism would be appreciated as well.

Undergraduate / My Exchange Year--elaborate on one of your activities [2]

Is this too general? Should it be more detailed and elaborated?
Any suggestion or editing would be greatly appreciated. Thanx:)

My exchange year was not as expected a super fun year, but it substantially raised my intellectual as well as spiritual level. The first day I arrived, my host dad presented me a picture of the top of the pyramid, and had been guiding me towards there ever since. I worked hard and played hard. By participating in volunteer work, such as Canned-Food Drive, I fulfilled the spirit of giving and experienced the power of this American virtue. The people I met and troubles I encountered apart from home helped me reconsider many things that I had used to take for granted. I better comprehended the love of my Chinese family; I learnt to influence others with my active spirit; I saw a more objective picture of my role in each community I had been involved. From this year, I gained independence, confidence, and maturity. (145 words)