Writing Feedback / Essay about my life and changes - can you help me? [5]

Greetings!

We try to answer all posts within 24 hours, but cannot guarantee to have them by a certain time. Here are some editing tips:

"My life has gone through several changes since I became an adult."

"Ordinary boring jobs, nothing unusual; only the same habits."

"And suddenly I became a sailer/explorer, instead of an average American."

"The journey was also well prepared. The idea was to travel, and arrive at one of the uninhabited Fiji islands. "

"Some wind gusts; later I arrived at the island." - Hard to tell about the punctuation here, out of context.

"The plan was to make a little wooden house on the outskirts of the jungle, so I could keep an eye on the boat, not to mention it was much safer to settle on the outskirts instead of the jungle."

"Not a single cloud appeared, only clear, blue skies."

"Suddenly, as I stood up after drinking some water, something appeared among the trees,"

"Several hours had passed since I walked into the jungle. The weather changed, the temperature was a bit lower and it become darker. I gathered some leaves from the huge palm-trees, and made a bed in my wooden house."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / The importance of human's creativity can be easily considered in business field [2]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing suggestions:

We are living in a modern world where everything changes dramatically at an amazing speed; if we don't accommodate quickly, we will fall behind. Industrialization and globalization give us both opportunities and challenges. One of the most important factors leading to success and outstanding performance is creativity.

The importance of humans' creativity can be easily considered in the business field as well as other areas, including communicating and even getting a good job.

Since the foundation of some international organizations such as EU and WTO, the global economy has been heated by acrimonious competitions, which urge competitors to find suitable strategies to overcome hardships. Creativity is a high priority among their concerns. All companies have to try hard to find out the way to get into target markets, and attract as many customers as possible. Creativity is the key factor for them to succeed.

Google Inc., the popular Internet search engine, is an example of creativity in the internet world. Google has succeeded by innovating its technology and business model. It has a creative idea to identify and solve the problem of assessing the quality of search results by using the number of links pointing to a page as an indicator of the number of people who find the page valuable. Therefore, Google's search results became far more accurate and reliable than those from other companies, and now Google's dominance in the field of Internet search is almost absolute. Creativity also brings about flexibility, which is very important in the trend of globalization.

Moreover, creativity is also a high priority of recruiters. Nowadays, the more active and creative you are, the more likely you get a good job with high pay. Creativity makes you become outstanding and give you more opportunities to make great progress.

Our lives abound with examples of the importance of remaining creative. It is the key to all fields, especially in business and competition. Among many other people in the world, you can be outstanding and prosperous if you have creative ideas and find a flexible way to apply them inpractice. Creativity is an important key to help you fulfill your dream of success.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Graduate / Need help with Postgrad Design admission essay. [8]

We don't write essays for students, but if you'd like to post your rough draft, we'd be happy to help with some editing.

EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Strategy and Information Technology Management [7]

Greetings (and thank you)!

I think your position on Carr's views seems quite clear. The only thing I would suggest is that the last paragraph be a little longer. A paragraph generally should have at least three sentences. You should mention Carr and the article again in the closing paragraph, and again state your position with regard to the question.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / College Writing assignment: Remembering a person essay [2]

Greetings!

Well, after reading your essay, it's no mystery why you, a high school student, are taking a college writing class--you're very talented! This is as good or better than a lot of the "heart-warming" stories published in those "Chicken Soup for the Soul" series. It's so good, there's very little to critique; I did find just a couple of sentences that I thought were slightly awkward in construction and could use a little reworking. They are:

My cousins, slightly older and hardly more mature than me, would often descend with my siblings and me below the party to the basement, where we would prepare to create a rip roar of laughter in Ron upon going back to the living room by dressing

ourselves in outrageously out of place outfits. - I think this would do better as chopped into two sentences, and technically, it should be "more mature than I"; you could also say "than I am."

Perhaps the most special moment I've experienced involving Ron since the death was last spring during a varsity golf meet. - I assume you meant the death of your last grandparent, but it's a little hard to be sure; try adding a few words to make it clearer.

I loved the ending. The last sentence, though, seems to hang in the air just a bit. You might want to add one more; something like "Yeah, that's right."

Outstanding work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Detroit news - Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick. Term paper [4]

You're welcome! And feel free to ask questions! :-)

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Comparison Essay- Italian food and restaurants [4]

Greetings!

It would be helpful if I knew why she thinks it is a D paper; that seems a bit harsh. It does have some punctuation mistakes and a few awkward phrasings, but overall, is a pretty good essay. I will show you some places that need help:

Olive Garden is a nice Italian restaurant that servesits purpose of satisfying your taste buds of wanting an Italian fix. - The part in bold is awkward; better would be something like "that serves its purpose: satisfying the craving for Italian, when no other kind of food will do."

The service is either steady and fast or downright slow.

If you are craving Italian it will provide the fix, but not leave you wanting to come back the next day for a repeat. The menu has brightly colored pictures of what the entrée will look like and that is reassuring for someone like me who does not like to take a risk with the unknown. The setting is either booths or tables that are very clean with crisply folded linen napkins and festive Italian music playing throughout the restaurant.

The employees seem to be there just for the paycheck; they don't seem excited by their job.
Olive Garden is to "real" Italian what McDonald's is to authentic American food. My family tends to call Olive Garden, "McItalian." (Wouldn't "McTalian" sound better?)

Unlike Olive Garden,D'Giovonni's is much more relaxing and the food is authentic.
The portions are double that of any other restaurant. There are always leftovers for lunch and dinner the following day. The restaurant is small and sits along the water's edge. Diners who have finished eating tend to stay around for awhile just to take in the breathtakingviews of the boats coming in and out of dock.

Every employee takes a special pride in working at D'Giovonni's and it clearly shows. [Saying "working" instead of "in their job" avoids the problem of the the singular "employee" and plural "their.]

The employees [apostrophes make words possessive, not plural] seem happy to be there to assist you and if you want to make an adjustment to an entrée that is on the menu they will do their best to accommodate you, even if this means bringing out the chef to talk to you personally. You would think that because the chef is from Italy the food would be more expensive.

Considering the chef's experience, the cost is a steal. You get a delightful meal and the amazing sunsets on the Chesapeake Bay, all for a reasonable price.

I hope this helps make your teacher happier! :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A bit of help - Brave New World and Movie Brazil [2]

Greetings!

I can only give you some pointers about where to find information that might be helpful. Of course, much has been written about Brave New World over the past 70 years, so finding reviews, articles and critiques on it should not be difficult. While you might not be able to find the specific issue you have to answer, you should be able to glean some insight about the World State and control of the population. As for Brazil, when I have to know something about a movie, I usually start with imdb.com and go from there. While some of the reviews written by viewers are amateurish and not that helpful, there are links to external reviews, plot and character summaries, and many other things (which are especially helpful if you have not actually seen the movie).

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Medical students training in nutrition - help with a paper [4]

Greetings!

1) Why traditionally has nutrition education not been part of the medical school curriculum? - I think for this, you would have to look at what the focus of medical training was, until very recently. Perhaps you could find an article on the history of medical training or medical schools. I suspect that the reason has to do with the profession's focus on treating disease, rather than preventing it.

2) where is the call for more nutrition training coming from? - Check out websites for organizations such as the American Dietetic Association and the National Association of Nutrition Professionals.

3) How is nutrition being integrated? (medical school curriculum) - Probably the best way to find this is to look at the medical schools' curricula. You could talk about how many courses are offered and at what point in the medical training.

4) What do physicians in training as well as experienced say about this issue? - You might try the Journal of the American Medical Association and other professional journals to see if there are articles that contain interviews with doctors on this subject.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Evaluation Paper - how to optimize the development of children [12]

Greetings!

I think you're doing very well with it! The only thing I would suggest, content-wise, is that you add a little more to the last part. The author made a couple of suggestions at the very end that you might want to include.

I have one typo/omission to point out:

Some of the activities and opportunities the author suggests parents participate in with their children include emotional support, clear rules, clear consequences, and unconditional love.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / ESSAY on entrepreneurship for acceptance into special program-feedback pls? [2]

Greetings!

Your English is excellent! I don't think I'd have known it's not your first language if you hadn't told me. :-) I found only a few small points worth mentioning:

Growing up with entrepreneurial parents, in a city where every block hosts a trove of new businesses big and small, - I found myself wondering, "Which city?" You might consider mentioning the name here, rather than later in your essay, as you do.

Recently, I used my creativity and love for the arts to complete a fashion project, launching a successful 15-piece bathing suit collection and interactive catalogue.

I am an encouraging leader, but at the same time a good team player, and I take up others' ideas with the same enthusiasm as my own.

Best of luck with the program!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / What is the meaning of rituals / authority in Business? [4]

Greetings!

It most likely is referring to the interaction between groups in a business setting such as management and unions. A "ritual" between these two groups would include wage bargaining. There are certain unwritten rules about how this type of bargaining takes place. For example, it is common for the union to ask for more than they know they will get, just as it is expected for management to offer less than they are ultimately willing to pay.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Odipus the king blindness motif [5]

Greetings!

I think your essay is off to a good start! You could make your thesis statement just a little more "explicit" like this: In Oedipus the King, Sophocles uses the blindness motif effectively by making Oedipus "blind" throughout the story by his refusal to see that the prophecy has come true, while Tiresias' physical blindness allows him to "see" the truth.

Your "famous quote" in your opening is not so famous that your reader will know who said it, so it really needs a citation, or at the very least, an attribution: As Samuel Butler said, "A blind man knows..." And you want to quote it correctly, too, so that it makes more sense. You might want to lead off with it:

Samuel Butler wrote "A blind man knows he cannot see, and is glad to be led, though it be by a dog; but he that is blind in his understanding, which is the worst blindness of all, believes he sees as the best, and scorns a guide." Blindness appears in all people, even if they possess the ability to "see." ... and so on. If you are using American English, put commas and periods inside the quotation marks.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Marketing Assignment of The Heinz U.S.A Company [24]

Greetings!

While I haven't researched it, I can make an educated guess as to the needs and wants question. Let's take parents first. Naturally, they want their children to grow up healthy and strong. Therefore, they will want foods that are nutritious and help build healthy minds and bodies for their kids. But it doesn't matter how nutritious the food is if the kids won't eat it. So, it also has to appeal to the children: good taste, attractive colors and shapes (depending on the food, of course), perhaps even colorful packaging or toys included in the package. Children want food that tastes good and is fun. That's about it. They don't start to worry about nutrition until at least the teenage years, usually.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on math topic: elasticity of demand [2]

Greetings!

If you have never written a math paper before, it may sound a little scary at first, but really, it shouldn't be very different from writing a paper on any other subject. Approach it as you would an English paper. First, make sure you understand what the topic is. Elasticity of demand means that when there is a change in the price of a product, the change in demand for that product is large. As you may know, there is a formula for computing this change, which is (Q1 - Q2) / (Q1 + Q2) divided by (P1 - P2) / (P1 + P2). I think that the way you will get seven pages out of this topic is to discuss the impact elasticity of demand has on the market. If you use the search term "elasticity of demand" you will find some articles on the subject that might help you get going.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Odipus the king blindness motif [5]

Greetings!

I think you've done a very good job of following the instructions and writing your essay! In fact, I only see one small thing that needs correcting; you need an apostrophe in this sentence:

The final scenes deal with Oedipus' discovery that the prophecy is true and he has been blind to the truth.

When writing ancient names, the usual practice is to just put an apostrophe after the "s" rather than adding apostrophe "s", so it's Oedipus' and not Oedipus's.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Comparison Essay- Italian food and restaurants [4]

Greetings!

I suppose the lack of introduction is because you do not make it clear from the first that it is a comparison essay. You just begin talking about Olive Garden. Try adding something like this: "Not all Italian restaurants serve the same Italian style food or provide the same atmosphere for their customers. Two restaurants which have very different approaches to Italian food are Olive Garden and D'Giovonni's. While both have their good points, when it comes to a comparison of the two, there really is no comparison: D'Giovonni's wins, hands down."

Then, you can start your next paragraph talking about Olive Garden. You might want to start it off with a sentence that makes a good lead-in from the introduction: "The first demerit on the Olive Garden score card is the service. While it can be steady and quick, it can also be downright slow."

I think your teacher's first comment refers to a lack of transition from talking about Olive Garden to talking about D'Giovonni's. That's why I added "Unlike Olive Garden..."

Your conclusion will be a paragraph very similar to your opening one. It sums up the major points and again states the main point the reader should come away with, namely, that the better restaurant of the two for great Italian cuisine is D'Giovonni's. (Are you sure about the spelling? I would have thought it would be "D'Giovanni's.")

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'The eggs' - My Narrative Essay [4]

Greetings!

I love your descriptive detail! This is a really great story, and I like the topic, too! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

She knew she had to cross this stream, but must be, as always, gentle with the contents of her bag.

The eggs were heavy and usually varied in size and color, but just by looking she could tell what was inside each of the three she carried. (Avoid lapsing into the second person "you.")

Her father, however, was too old to travel by foot the way she could, and so she had taken over.

which were markedly different from the bare trees she left behind her with icicles drifting off. - Snow drifts, but icicles really don't; better would be "with icicles hanging like daggers from every twig."

She came to a lush clearing surrounded by trees around sunset, and she set the bag down gently. - You've just used "lush"; I'd rewrite it like this, to avoid repetition and make it less awkward: Around sunset, she came to a tranquil clearing, surrounded by tall oaks. (Sometimes it can give your writing more flavor to use a specific reference like "oaks" rather than a general one like "trees.")

she spent so much time traveling that she would never be able to properly care for any creature her father came across.

You're only a sentence or two shy of two pages. I might end with something like "She sat gazing into the fire, watching the dance of the flames as the night drew its dark cloak around her. Now and then, she reached out a hand to softly touch the eggs, one by one. They were warm to her touch, and she smiled."

Of course, there are a million ways you could end it, but your writing is so good, I couldn't resist trying my hand at it! :-)

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / negative correlation between TOEIC and proficiency. [2]

Greetings!

You've written a very good, concise essay! Here are some editing tips:

Judging one's language proficiency is by no means easy since there is no proper
measurement which demonstrates one's skill 100% accurately.

However, I strongly disagree with this idea due to several reasons.

how effectively one is able to use business English in a business setting.

However, TOEIC only tests two of them--reading and listening.

A great many companies in Korea once required all job applicants to attach their TOEIC score to the resume to select workers with better English.

However, TOEIC cannot merely test one's language proficiency because it was initially created for testing one's business English ability.

Therefore, other measurements including testing 4 skills should be used as a means for demonstrating one's English ability.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Marketing Assignment of The Heinz U.S.A Company [24]

Greetings!

It sounds like you are to just answer questions, rather than write a structured essay, unless you were given additional instructions. So, I would just start by saying something like "The Heinz company took the needs and wants of children and parents into careful consideration when creating its products" (assuming that's true). For #2, "The coloured tomato was a success in the U.S. for a number of reasons." Then, just discuss those reasons. Next, "A similar program would [or would not] be a success in [country] for the following reasons:..."

I hope this answers your question!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Evaluation Paper - how to optimize the development of children [12]

Greetings!

I think you have done a good job with answering the questions. The one thing I wondered about was this sentence: "However, the article does lack other useful information mentioned in scholarly articles." It seemed to stand out as not belonging with all the other sentences in the paragraph. If you are going to mention the fact that the article lacked useful information, you need to say what it is. If there is not room to do it here, or if that is not the purpose of this paragraph, leave out this sentence.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / How Industrial Design is important to society [3]

Greetings!

We try to answer posts within 24 hours, but can't always do so immediately. I hope this reaches you in time; I've made some corrections to your very good essay:

Though a majority of people unfamiliar with Industrial Design may misconceive it merely as a profession for drawing pretty pictures, putting candy wrappers over the products, our real job is to create solutions to everyday problems. Without the existence of Industrial Design Curriculum, the products that we are able to buy today would be more expensive and people would be living in a much worse environment.

I think the study of Industrial Design is intended to provide its service to the people of the general class. [Not sure what this means; maybe "to people of all walks of life" or even "the middle class" would be better?]

One of the most important aspects of industrial design is to provide good merchandise and reasonable prices in contrast to those of the past when the products mostly served the normal class. [There is no "normal" class. Not sure what this meant.]

There are numbers of homeless and starving, lack of services for the disabled, decreasing frequency of communication and socializing within communities, and limited access to health care.

However, one of the goals of Industrial Design is to not only offer the knowledge and awareness of design luxury goods, but also provide quality the goods for the weaker groups, such as the elderly, youths, homeless and physically disabled people.

Thus, Industrial Design helps in balancing out the social classes among our society and eliminating as much of the social problems.
One of the most devastating problems we are facing today is global warming. The cause of global warming can be described by our mistakes but most importantly our failure to realize this crucial responsibility, especially as the developing world places an increasing burden on the earth's resources.

However, as Designers, we can set an example by correcting our mistakes and hoping that others follow.
Thoughtful product designs can slow environmental degradation, decrease human illness and improve social conditions.
Industrial design lets us realize what we have done wrong and see it in the environmental degradation that surrounds us.
Therefore I believe our profession plays a crucial role in shaping the world into a better place to live.

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'The eggs' - My Narrative Essay [4]

Greetings!

I like your ending! It gives good insight into her character. For better comprehension, you might want to change the penultimate (next-to-last) sentence just slightly. I'd do it like this:

It also made her happy to find homes for the eggs, she realized, staring into the fire, until the sound of twigs crunching underfoot snapped her out of her reverie.

Even if you decide not to change it, do put a comma after "eggs."

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A silent scream, imaginative emotions - Narrative essay [16]

Greetings!

If I understand you correctly, you are to write a narrative essay and the only other instruction is that the subject must be "a silent scream." Whenever I hear the phrase "silent scream" I think of the painting "The Scream" by Edvard Munch. If you google it, you'll find the image; I think it would be very easy to tell a story around this picture. That's essentially what a narrative essay is: telling a story. You could make up a story line for how the person in the picture happened to be standing on that bridge, hands over ears, screaming in apparent terror--it could easily be a silent scream. I read an interesting comment that perhaps the person is not actually screaming but is covering his ears because the landscape around him is screaming. In that case, his scream would be even more likely to be a silent one.

I hope this helps give you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Poem, "To his Coy Mistress by Andrew Marvell"; literary analysis [3]

Greetings!

I think your thesis statement needs to be a bit more concrete. What the poem is really saying is that life is short. The man is telling the woman to stop wasting time being coy and accept his amorous advances before they grow old. It is a somewhat teasing way of saying "Stop fooling around and let's get on with this relationship!" That's essentially the "plot" in a nutshell. The theme could be the brevity of life and/or the fleetness of youth. The man is impatient, but not to the point of being exasperated. There is a certain ironic tone to the poem, as the man tries to nudge the woman into acquiescing.

I hope this helps!

Thank,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Term Paper - The Symbolisms in Nathaniel Hawthorne's Thesis Statement-Help [4]

Greetings!

This starts out sounding more like a paper about the author himself than about the three works. It is also a little vague just to say he has integrated symbolism; in what way has he done so? I think you need to move in a little closer with your opening; don't just tell what he did, give an indication of how he did it.

I can't tell you if this is better for a beginning, because you did not post the old version. :O-)

You say that symbolism plays a "vital role"; what role? While it is true that you don't want to give too much detail in the opening paragraph, you nonetheless want to be specific enough not to bore your reader with generalities. You are obviously a good writer; I think you just need to dig a little deeper with this one.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / How to write essay to describe myself? [22]

Greetings!

It can be very hard to talk about yourself! You might pretend that you are writing about a friend--try to look at yourself as though you were someone else. What are your strengths? What are your accomplishments? What kinds of things do you like to do? If this is for an admissions essay, emphasize your best points. If it is a class assignment, follow the instructor's directions for the type of content. You could also ask people you know what they would say if they were asked to describe you. (Pick people who know you well and like you!)

Thanks, and good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Essays / Term Paper - The Symbolisms in Nathaniel Hawthorne's Thesis Statement-Help [4]

Greetings!

That is a stronger opening paragraph, but you might want to clarify your thesis even further. In addition to saying that Hawthorne's symbolism helps the reader interpret his or her own life, you should probably give an idea of how this is done. If this is truly your thesis--that is, if the paper is going to be about what Hawthorne's symbolism means to modern readers--then you might want to say how this will be accomplished. For instance, Hawthorne might be trying to get the reader to examine his prejudices or faults, or imply that people tend to be judgmental. The reader needs a more specific clue as to how you will support your thesis.

Hope this helps--thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Argumentative Essay on Nuclear Power - danger of switching to nuclear energy [4]

Greetings!

It's nice to hear from you, too! You have done a good job of researching your topic and providing a convincing argument. You will have to ask your instructor if it is all right to use the first person "I" in your essay. Argumentative essays often allow use of the first person, but some instructors prefer third person.

Yes, you do have some grammar mistakes, although your English is really quite good. Let's look at a few things:

"By this happened, new nuclear energy is existed."
I think what you mean here is "Because of this, nuclear energy is being used more often."

"However, we should not switch to nuclear energy to expose ourselves to great danger and I totally agree with this statement."
You should end this sentence after "danger."

"It will results that public health affected negatively."
This will result in a negative effect on public health.

"In fact, there is also leakage of radiaoactive waste as it is dumped in rural settings."
Check the spelling of "radioactive."

"So ,if we are switching to nuclear energy, great danger is certainly exposing to us."
A switch to nuclear energy can expose the public to great danger.

If your university has a Writing Center, I think you might find that to be a valuable resource. Writing Centers exist for the sole purpose of helping students learn the basics of composition. And of course, EssayForum is always here!

Thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "You do not understand me at all!"; Trapped Essay [4]

Greetings!

You've written a very nice story! I found it moving, and your descriptions are quite vivid. I think you are a talented writer.

The only advice I have is to proof-read carefully. I found a few typos and some phrases that, while cute, are probably not what you meant (e.g., "clock tickling"). And "me and my father" should be "my father and I." You may already know this, but when trying to decide whether to use "me" or "I", take out the other person's name and see what you would use then. You wouldn't say "me was chatting in the living room," so the correct pronoun is "I."

Very good work. Good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "All Quiet on the Western Front" [3]

Greetings!

You have a well-written essay here! Good work. I think all you really need to do is proof-read it. I will point out a few things that you missed, but I'd advise you to go over it carefully yourself.

"6 young German's" -- Spell out "six" and there should not be an apostrophe in "Germans."

"mainb" "deliberateive system taht" "psycological" "Sever" -- examples of typos

"Human's" -- no apostrophe

"emote" -- is this the word you meant to use?

"from evolution" -- I think you mean "through evolution"

You've really done quite a good job. All you need is a little proofing. Good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Inflation, a small change causes huge impacts - Causes and Effects essay. [4]

Greetings!

You make some good points in your essay! I think your English is quite good, for the most part. I had no trouble understanding your meaning. There are some corrections that need to be made, however:

"most worried problems of all economies" - worrisome economic problems

"the main factor created their ..." - the main economic factor will suffer a lot because of inflation,

"developing countries are not in ..." - developing countries are not in a better situation during inflationary periods.

"In Asia, Vietnam becomes the country ..." - In Asia, Vietnam has suffered the most from inflation.

"struggle for their lives every day, ..." - struggle in their daily lives, the unemployment rate grows higher,

"inflation of the country." - inflation in the country

"become so familiar to" - be familiar to

"impacts of that small number to their lives," - impact of that small number on their lives.

"especially foods and clothes which are the most ..." - Necessities such as food and clothes are affected the most."

"For example, a canned fish that was about one dollar six months ago ..." - For example, canned fish that was one dollar six months ago is now one dollar and fifty cents.

"that added cents." - that added cost.

"most people are in average or even low class;" - most people are members of the middle or lower classes;

"less than wage of an American" - less than the wage of an American

"less money on new cars or motorbikes, and expensive clothes to get ..." - less money on new cars, motorbikes, or expensive clothes to have enough food and affordable clothing for their family.

"People are not only the one affected by inflation ..." - People are not the only ones affected by inflation; companies and factories are as well.

"to face with inflation, they end up their problems" - to deal with inflation, they end their problems

"such as running in smaller-size factories, firing" such as running smaller-size factories and firing

"Unskilled and old workers now become ..." - Unskilled and older workers now become the first targets of firings.

"Moreover, in Vietnam, most workers are unskilled which do not have any college ..." - Moreover, in Vietnam most workers are unskilled. This means they do not have college degrees, are paid low wages, and have very few legal protections.

"inflation periods;" - inflationary periods;

"unemployed ones. With no college degree, they cannot find ..." - are then unemployed. With no college degree, it is difficult for them to find another job.

"As the result, inflation causes the ..." - As a result, inflation causes the unemployment rate to go higher;

"... to their foods now becomes their nightmares." - and a small amount added to their food bill becomes a nightmare.

"The change in inflation is maybe small and is only measured in ..." - The change in inflation rates may be measured in small percentages, but its impact can be unimaginable.

"For economy, it slows down the development," - Economically, it slows down development,

"run in smaller sizes," - down-size

"making unemployment rate go higher." - raising the unemployment rate.

Does your university have a Writing Center? Many do. Writing Centers exist to help students with the basics of composition and are especially helpful for people learning to speak English. You are doing very well with your English composition, but there is always more to learn, even for native speakers.

Good luck, and thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / MLA documentation question! [3]

Greetings!

Purdue University has an excellent website for MLA citation. (They also have one for APA

Grammar, Usage / MLA documentation question! [3]

Greetings, again!

A lightning flash took over the above post before I could finish it!

To continue: Purdue also has an APA citation site. I can't post the link here, but you can do a search for "MLA citations", and it should come up.

You are correct to cite your factual information, whether it's a quotation or not. You can legitimately cite the AMA journal if you can access it through your university library library database (which you probably can). The librarians would be able to help you.

The best way to learn citation styles, assuming you don't want to purchase the manuals, is to search out relevant web pages online. As I mentioned, the Purdue site (which they call OWL) is excellent.

Good luck, and thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Running away - essay writing [2]

Greetings!

I love this story! I'm especially fond of the twist at the end. You have a real knack for capturing the viewpoint of children. I have only a few suggestions:

You might want to mention in paragraph one that David's sister is named Claudia. That way the reader won't have to figure out who Claudia is later on.

"plight" of stairs? :-)

"The tree was dancing their awkward waltz, blowing heavy wind, making David quiver." - You've got "their" referring to just one tree. Also, I think you may have meant "blowing in the heavy wind".

"ears" in the last paragraph should be singular.

You've done a fine job. Keep up the good writing!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Narrative Essay (It all started when someone said PIZZA) [2]

Greetings!

It sounds like you have a family full of good cooks! Let me answer your three opening questions first:

*You do a good job of involving the reader in the action
*The narrative starts from the first word
*You kept the focus on the main narrative all the way through

Here are some things that I noticed that you might want to address:

In paragraph two, did you mean to say "branches" rather than "birches"?

"arms lengths distance" - should be "arm's length"

You have a few run-on sentences. Here's an example: "Kneeling down I inspected the firebricks and the clay dome, I determined that it was time to light a fire inside the oven and prepare it for the baking." You'll notice that each of the clauses here could be a complete sentence on its own. You could either turn it into two sentences or insert a connecting word after the comma: "...clay dome, and I determined..." You'll find a few more of these if you'll look through the essay again.

"processed" - I think you mean "proceeded"

"Ross and Rebekah both younger siblings" - you need some commas: "Ross and Rebekah, both younger siblings,"

"The oven had now soaked" - is "soaked" the correct verb?

You did a nice job of maintaining your narrative. Just go back through and identify your run-on sentences and you'll be fine.

Thanks, and good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Federal Budget research paper [6]

Greetings!

You're right--"the federal budget" is a VERY broad topic. :-) Without having seen your instructions, I'm not really sure what your professor wants. I can, however, make a few suggestions. If they are similar to your instructions, maybe they'll help.

You could try focusing on just one area of the budget (Social Security, for instance, or foreign economic aid). You can probably find the information you need on appropriations and spending by doing an Internet search. I'd use terms like "budget", "United States", and "appropriations." Government web sites might be particularly helpful.

You can also see what your college library has to offer. Your library database should have journal articles on specific areas of the budget. A librarian should be able to help you find what you need. (Books and periodicals could help as well.)

Sometimes seeing what's available in a broad area can help you choose a more narrow topic. You might find something that you find interesting. Ask yourself questions if you have an area of interest: "Does the government fund Artic wildlife research? What percentage of the total budget goes for Medicare payments? Does the United States spend more on undersea programs or the space program?" These are just a few topics; I'm sure you can think up many more.

When all else fails, ask your professor for more details. :-) That's usually the best way to find out exactly what to do.

Thanks, and good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "You do not understand me at all!"; Trapped Essay [4]

Greetings!

I was always puzzled about the "I" vs. "me" thing until a very wise teacher taught me the trick about taking the other person out of the sentence. Works every time!

I think you should get a high score, but I wouldn't venture to say what it should be. Every instructor is different, and each has particular criteria for an assignment. I think you can be proud of your writing, though. ;-)

As for the editing, I've found that reading my work out loud is the best way to, literally, hear what doesn't sound right. You can also read it to other people and ask them to let you know if there's anything they don't understand or that sounds odd. (Needless to say, this refers to literate people with good taste.) You can also take advantage of your university's Writing Center, assuming they have one. The entire purpose of a Writing Center is to help students hone their composition skills.

Good job--thanks!

Sarah
EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Inflation, a small change causes huge impacts - Causes and Effects essay. [4]

You're certainly welcome. :-) Your English is very good, so please don't be discouraged! English is a difficult language, and I'm amazed that anyone EVER learns it! Just keep practicing your speaking and your writing, and you'll be amazed at the progress you'll make. I can say this with certainty: I know someone (an English-speaker) who started corresponding with French-speaking people on the Internet. She barely knew any French when she began. Now, a few months later, she knows quite a bit. It will take a lot more practice for her to become fluent, but she'll get there. I think you are quite fluent. You just need a little help with the details, which can be quite confusing. But that's why we're here!

Research Papers / Federal Budget research paper [6]

Greetings!

I think that's a good idea, and very timely in light of the upcoming presidential elections. If you think it supports your topic, you might even mention the candidates' positions on tax cuts and federal spending.

The budget is very imbalanced, as you probably know, and the national debt is high. You should be able to find lots of opinion pieces in newspapers and academic journals that mention this. Also, domestic programs have been in danger of budget slashing as tax cuts have taken effect, and this has been going on ever since the Reagan adminstration.

Just be sure to follow your instructor's guidelines and you should be fine. Good luck!

Sarah
EssayForum.com