Undergraduate / "Spanish National Derby" common app essay [10]

Here is my essay. I know there must be some grammar and structure problems. so please be harsh to me.And is my topic proper?

I really appreciate your help!!

Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

Several years ago, the "Spanish National Derby"-game between Barcelona and Real Madrid was a feast to global soccer fans, teeming with glistening stars and brilliant attacks. It was the most influential advertisement in Spanish Football Division, a gold-lettered signboard; whereas, it now exhaust loyal fans. Indeed, people are becoming numb to it.

Since last year, every fan crawling up from quilt, without doubt, would see a farce version of "Spanish National Derby": a game mixed with boxing and diving. White t-shirt Real Madrid players are just Michael Tyson or Bruce Lee, all the way pushing and kicking opponents. Soccer rules, actually, encourage reasonable use of physical strength. Real Madrid player's actions, however, break away the required category. Their movements could hurt others easily. Soccer appealed to me for its beautiful cooperation and wall-like defense initially. Violent actions, both illegal and negative, raised serious problem. People, in daily life as well as field, need to realize that they should cope with difficulties by wisdom rather than violence; they should calm down and deal with problems more logically.

Blue t-shirt Barcelona players are Oscar winners in pitch, rolling in green grass whenever being violated. Maybe we should understand Barcelona, but some of its habits cannot be carried onto the table either. Although some Barcelona players are young, their acting skill is astonishingly mature. No matter whether they are actually infringed by Real Madrid players, these young "actors" would cover their face and scream. Barcelona's action is a moral concern. Players start to dive to earn points, a banned behavior since soccer's origin. What's more, diving is cheating in field. Cheating not only impairs the outcome of a single game but also harms soccer measurably.

It is good to see both Barcelona and Real Madrid hope to beat each other. Their way to win, however, is questionable. No ever-victorious general exists. Barcelona and Real Madrid, apparently, do not recognize this point. They abandoned the original soccer spirit: always be competitive, but always be legitimate. Napoleon once remarked, "He who doesn't want to be a general is not a good soldier." There is another saying however, "Legitimacy shall dominate the world." These teams should not be carried away by the desire of winning.

As the society toil onward into its future dreams, FIFA should focus on these concerns by clearing the dirty environment and returning the changed sport back to the pure and bright soccer.

Undergraduate / 'Chinese calligraphy' - Rice- Unique Life Experiences and Perspective [11]

The prompt: The Committee on Admission is interested in getting to know each candidate as well as possible through the application process. The following essay question is designed to demonstrate your writing skills and facilitate our full appreciation of who you are.

The quality of Rice's academic life and the Residential College System are heavily influenced by the unique life experiences and cultural traditions each student brings. What perspective do you feel that you will contribute to life at Rice? (Most applicants are able to respond successfully in two to three double-spaced pages.

Please be critical to my essay. I would appreciate any help.And I want to know whether the topic fits Rice's requirement. THX
my essay:
If individual student is a carriage, then university must be a monolithic train, a composition of each body. If individual student is a carriage, then the seat, table and luggage rack inside must be each one's life experience. Without those facilities, the train stops operating; without a whole integration, installations are meaningless. Throughout the journey of my carriage, two things measurably molded me: one is Chinese calligraphy, another is running.

Chinese calligraphy was my misunderstood but rightly chosen interest. I could not forget how angry I was when I was first passively brought into calligraphy world. I considered calligraphy an old-fashioned culture initially, a useless tradition in modern society. My frustration and misunderstanding, however, soon faded away when I immersed into the real calligraphy. I noticed that every stroll on the rice paper is a natural force beyond control; every stroll demonstrates focus as well as dedication. It was not so much as writing as a lesson. Every night I wondered how to increase strength in each stroll, how to be self-possessed even the large environment was disturbing. Gradually practicing became a routine just as eating. Every day's training cultivated my art sense, with life fulfilled; every day's training sharply developed my ability, with blood melting into brush and paper. Today, I am able to accomplish several types of calligraphy, ranging from regular script to Li calligraphy. Calligraphy, as an everlasting experience rather than a normal art form, teaches me that tradition still values greatly today, that people should keep their mind concentrated even under clamorous atmosphere. Rice University, a place where academia prospers, needs focused students to contribute their insight and thoughts; besides, I will provide profound calligraphy art to Rice Gallery or its studios and I will spare no effort to show rich and traditional Chinese culture to Rice, which seeks to maintain a diverse community at all levels and "to build bridges whenever essential and dismantle walls wherever necessary."

"Come on, you only get two minutes left; you have finished two-thirds, just insist," I often encourage myself on treadmill. I was not interested in running from the beginning; I chose to run because I wanted to lose weight and built muscle. After several days, however, I found running is more like an inspiring experience than a boring activity. Everyday I run five kilometers. The first few kilometers are light, with little sweat springing. The middle part tests physical strength; as I continued, hearts race at over 200 beats a minute; lactic acid builds to stinging levels in muscles; fragile capillaries burst in the lungs. The last two kilometers are no longer physical ordeal; they test my will. They are kind of force that makes people quit, makes people find any excuse to evade final torment and makes people surrender. But each time I endured the difficulty and reached finish line. Running journey pushed me to a world where will and perseverance say more than anything. Running journey helped me to understand that no matter how rough and unpredictable the front road is, keep advancing. Each time after five-kilometer honing, my heart was teeming with satisfaction-the same satisfaction I felt when I got first place in competitions. College life is a four-year-long trip that demands perseverance. Rice University must be more than normal college. It must require meticulous academic research and a powerful will to maintain passion in learning. A tough runner, I believe I will infuse a never-giving up spirit to the academic life in Rice University. Also a mathematics interested student, I believe I will conquer fractal geometry and vector calculus by transplant running spirit into hard questions.

I am sure that these two items inside my carriage would contribute to the structure of the large train.

Undergraduate / 'you don't want to be late for your first day' - UC PROMPT1 [6]

hello, everyone. I want to apply for Berkerly, and this is my uc prompt essay.
hope you be harsh to the essay, thx. Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Son, you don't want to be late for your first day!" My mother nudged me while I was still snoring. My daydream was interrupted, and I suddenly remember that it was my first day at American school. Nervous yet excited, I rushed to school bus after breakfast, all the way planning to impress the "new world". My reveries, however, shattered because hardly could I complete a full sentence in English, nor could I understand what others said. I came to school with hope but returned with disappointment.

"What can I do with a shattered dream?" I asked my parents. Under the dim light out of apartment my parents were trying to persuade me that although the first step was difficult, I could conquer it. I did not capture their meaning. Father, seeing my bewilderment, told me his childhood story. He was a typical rural person who had never seen the larger world than his growing-up town until seventeen. Daunted by outside prosperity, teased by others on his small stature, my father thought to return. His innate dream, which was to become a lawyer, however, impelled him to persevere in professions. Eventually, with great determination, he became a distinguished jurist.

After the story, he further stated "I told you my story because you need to cheer up. Your life is much better than mine. With a goal, just go to explore it. I knew you dreamed to speak fluent English; tear is not the way to your dream, but hard working surely would be". Being unable to communicate, I still felt depressed. But everyday mother taught me vocabulary, teaching me from A, B, C and my tongue suffering from pain. Everyday I learned addition and subtraction principles after school, embracing English-written formula. Everyday I managed to talk with classmates and teachers, listening to their pronunciation and smelling the scent of their acclamation to me. Everyday I returned home at last, feeling tired but, meanwhile, satisfied。

For the first time I started to speak English in a confident manner after several torturing weeks. For the first time I realized that life could be colorful if the initial dream broke down. For the first time I found that a shattered dream would rebuild. Several months later, returning China, I spoke most native English and read fastest in class.

I could not kindle the extinct dream deep in heart without my world: parents. They encouraged me with their uplifting stories whenever I met trouble; they studied with me together to show that determination leads to success and they took me to churches, rendering all possible places for me to practice. My vocabulary now has two words: determination and hard-working, for they have shaped my father's dreams, and mine.

Undergraduate / mathematic, my dream- Cornell: Art and Science supplementary essay [3]

Hi, I wrote an essay with 515 words, and I cannot shorten it aptly. And there will be some grammar errors. So please be harsh with me, and tell more usefle corrections.

I need this help. Thanks a lot.
prompt College of Arts and Sciences:
Describe your intellectual interests, their evolution, and what makes them exciting to you. Tell us how you will utilize the academic programs in the College of Arts and Sciences to further explore your interests, intended major, or field of study.

Mathematical, my dream

I dreamed of a wide open road, with emerald green highway signs, and a groundbreaking skyline. I was dreaming about my future, using my favorite tool of math to help organize the city of tomorrow in a myriad of ways.

"Hurry up! You don't want to be late for your first day!" My mother interjected. My daydream was interrupted, and I suddenly remember that it was my first day at American school. In the car, I imagined leaving a deep impression to classmates on first day. However, I could hardly complete a full sentence, and my broken English led some kids to stare amusingly at my stutter. Soon, I became discouraged about my ability to succeed in school. A week later, Ms. Mylowe, my lead teacher, talked with me: "Tony, I knew you had difficulty conquering language obstacles, but I heard that you have a talent at mathematics, why don't maximize your talent?"

With this tide of encouragement, I found a new immediate goal. I wanted not only to be good at mathematics, but to apply it to real world problems. I discovered that math is a potent combination of empirical knowledge and logic, underling functionality of practically every process from rocket science to the budget of a household. In November, I became the first place winner in the school Mathematics Superbowl. I can never forget that Mr. Frank, the principle, referred to me 'the most gifted boy in the school' on the ceremony. Moreover, Ms. Mylowe made up a story to describe my obsession with math: I stared at the bottom of the river; curious and occupied, "Why are you staring at the fish?" My friend asked. My reply sounded strange. "I'm trying to figure out the angle of elevation of the river base from this point."

The torrential, unpredictable, ever-changing currents overwhelmed me. Without conscious thought, I gradually began correlating real-life to mathematic principles, whether it is the number of audiences in school bus, or the trajectory followed by falling stone. Math was the beacon shining at the end of my elementary school career, my light at the end of the tunnel. Numbers speak to me as if they were a psychologist and I was a patient - they have the same cathartic effect as a psychologist or a best friend. At the age of twelve, it was math that empowered and injected me with confidence and energy.

My grinding resolve and feisty demeanor in mathematic did not burst from a single event. Pushed by my passion, they grew with me as I was enduring hardships in a foreign elementary school. Enkindled by social issues, their intensity grew within me as I aspired to solve problems beyond the horizon of pure technicality. I envisioned a ground for which I could apply my knowledge and experiences in a larger arena. I found my place in Cornell University's College of Art and Science. Besides, with the Double Majors program, I can study both mathematics and economics. Economics is a way for me to take mathematical formula into daily life problems: my goal since twelve.