Undergraduate / 'the willpower to succeed in all my endeavors'- Personal Statement [4]

This is the personal statement that i've been working on. The prompt is "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?" Thank you.

Looking back, it's funny how much people can change in just the span of a year, including myself. During my junior year, our basketball team had a new varsity coach to start off the season. Under a new program, no one knew how the season would go, and we weren't excited about it. Luckily our coach, Elizabeth Reza, knew what she was doing, and proved to be an excellent coach.

So the regular season started at Central Valley High School. Unfortunately, in that game, our point guard Shantel was injured, and barely finished out the game. The next day at practice we learned that she wouldn't be able to play for three weeks. For some reason, the lucky person that she picked to be the replacement was me. I was terrified at such an idea. I just wasn't good enough at dribbling and my ball handling skills were mediocre. Images flashed through my mind of the million ways I could embarrass myself at the game the next day. Game time arrived, warm-ups were a blur, and I just couldn't wait to start the game. The jump ball went up as the clock began to tick and the game was under way. Livingston didn't come out as aggressive as I had anticipated and I was soon at ease bringing the ball up the court. The game was still close though and every basket counted. It came down to the wire as Livingston got the ball one last time and threw up a wild shot, but to no avail. The buzzard echoed through the gym and we came out triumphant with a score of 37-36.

The year went on and we fared pretty well in league. I ended up keeping the starting spot of point guard even when Shantel returned from her injury. It's amazing to look back at how scared and nervous I was to play the position last year, compared to how I play this year. Through many practices and games during the offseason I have made incredible strides in my skill level and am confident when I step onto the basketball court. I have learned so much from my accomplishment and look back at the event in such a positive light. It was a huge accomplishment for me to be able to play point guard when my team needed me most. From this experience I have learned that life is not set in stone, and many things can change in an instant. This challenge that I faced during basketball season taught me many things about life and changed the person that I am today. Because of my accomplishment I have acquired the willpower to succeed in all my endeavors and to always put forth my best effort. The lessons I learned as I became a point guard will follow me through the rest of my life as I come across the many obstacles that life throws at me.

Thank you for your help!!!

Writing Feedback / 'The life lessons that I learned in Mr. Chaney's class' - Intellectual Development [3]

Hi. So I just wrote this essay today, and it is due tomorrow by midnight so any feedback that is receieved before then will be greatly appreciated. Prompt is Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

Walking into his class first period was always exciting last year. The days were never dull and interesting topics always were brought up as we listened to the morning announcements. Then one day, Mr. Chaney sent us all out since we were being extremely loud. The whole class stood outside until it was dead silent and not a word was spoken as we entered the classroom. Just as we began to sit down, Mr. Chaney sent us outside again. The whole process was repeated a few times, despite the fact that it was dead silent. As the class entered for the fifth time, we expected the process to finally end. That attempt had been the best yet. But to everyone's dismay, Mr. Chaney sent the class out again. My friend Samantha and I, at that moment decided we were not going to listen. We stood in front of our desks and just watched as everyone else walked out. A few stragglers saw that we were remaining inside, and decided to join us. As the room cleared, about fifteen kids had joined us by staying inside. The rest looked from the window with expressions of confusion and disbelief. We were directly disobeying the teacher, and yet there was no hesitation in the decision. As Mr. Chaney saw us standing there he exclaimed "About time you guys finally realized!"

Mr. Chaney had been testing my class to see how many tries it took for the class to stand up against him. He then went into this huge lecture about how it is acceptable to stand up for personal beliefs, and that sometimes authority must be defied. If new ideas are not established there will never be progress. I took his words to heart, and realized that people do need stand up to authority and be individuals. It is through this practice that diversity is established. Through this class I learned to cherish my individuality, as well as to defend my beliefs right down to the core, no matter who questioned them. The life lessons that I learned in Mr. Chaney's class last year will never be forgotten.

Undergraduate / 'The urge to succeed' - What matters to me Stanford [10]

Any feedback on this essay is appreciated :)

Growing up, I was always the tomboy. I was the girl who always hung out with the boys. I was the one who spent all my time getting dirty outside while playing sports. My dad solely embraced this attitude as well. I was his first child. He didn't have his boy yet. He thus put forth all this effort to make me an athlete. I juggled playing soccer, volleyball, basketball, and softball. I excelled at these and enjoyed these sports. While the sports I play certainly do matter to me, it's bigger than that.

Every athlete has heard the phrase "it's not about winning, it's about having fun." But come one now, let's face it, this is not true. For me, I have the most fun when I win. No one likes losing, and while it may be a hard fought game, it's never rewarding unless you get the W at the end. The feeling of success that is accompanied with winning is one that cannot be matched by any other. To me, success is everything. It's just the way I am. I'm incredibly competitive and always try my hardest to win.

The urge to succeed is what drives me. I cherish the feeling above pretty much everything else. It is what keeps me going. I'm constantly searching for a way to be successful in everything I do. Life for me is a competition, and no matter what, I always try my hardest in whatever I do. In those late hours of the night, when all I want to do is go to sleep but I still have tons of homework, I stay up and do it because by doing it, I succeed all the more in school. At the end of a basketball game, when there is a minute left and the score is tied, and I'm dead tired from playing the whole game, I push myself all the more further so that when we win, I know my hard work paid off. And in those times when I don't succeed, rather than hang my head in disappointment, I push myself more so that next time I'll be prepared and will succeed at whatever my next challenge may be. The desire to succeed matters to me, and without it, who knows where I would be at in life.