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Posts by jerrytherock31 [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 13, 2011
Last Post: Dec 23, 2011
Threads: 6
Posts: 14  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 20
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jerrytherock31   
Dec 23, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Immigrating to the USA from Taiwan' - Evaluate a significant experience [2]

need all the help/advice you can give :) thanks!

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

When I was seven years old my family (mother, brother, and I) immigrated to the United States from Taipei, Taiwan with barely any knowledge of the English language, no family or friends living in the country. This move was a defining and difficult moment of my life because I was given a choice: leave all that I had ever known and follow my family to the United States or stay in Taiwan with my grandparents. After many discussion with my mother, I decided to step outside of my comfort zone and take the risk of immigrating to a country that I had only ever seen on television.

Clutching just two small suitcases full of essentials and items I deemed important, such as my favorite pillowcase, I began my odyssey to the West. En route to the airport, my heart seemed to beat louder than the rumbling engine of the taxi; a cacophonous symphony in my chest. All the way to the airport, I wondered if I had forgotten anything I could not live without; this was meant to be a one-way trip, we would not be returning.

As I boarded the plane, exchanging the scorching Chinese summer for a dark, cool, and claustrophobic interior, I took one last glimpse of the city I knew and loved, endeavoring to etch the sparkling metropolis in the annals of my mind.(do you get what i am trying to say here?) Soon the plane was airborne and I was watching my childhood memories pass in a flash out of a dirty portside window.

During the longest flight of my life (not needed?), my family and I prepared ourselves for what lies ahead (or lay ahead or laid ahead). As we settled in, my brother and I chose our American names from popular television shows; I became "Jerry" from Tom and Jerry, while my brother (formerly Po-Chen) decided upon "Kevin" from the movie Home Alone. Bearing our new identities like diaphanous masks, we arrived in the United States twenty hours later.

As we landed on a snowy, frigid Chicago runway, the full reality of my situation hit me like a two pound chunk of hail. I was finally in America; the culture I left was as different from the weather was that day. However, in the coming months I would not only survive in this foreign society; I would prosper.

Immigrating to the United States played a monumental role in the person I am today by immersing me in an extremely diverse culture, forcing me to adapt as well as grow as a person. Despite the harrowing task of beginning an entirely new life in an unfamiliar local, I quickly mastered the language, adopted the foreign culture as my own, and made a smooth transition into American society. The internal motivation and drive that helped me expeditiously adjust to a foreign country at such a young age continues to propel me to excel in every facet (is this used correctly?) of my life, and will ensure that I exceed in my collegiate studies.
jerrytherock31   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'idyllic day by the lake' - - Emerson College Essay [7]

i really dont have anything else that i can talk about...my life is usually just work work work :/ so this is like a hard topic for me but if i re-write this story...what do you think i should change?
jerrytherock31   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'idyllic day by the lake' - - Emerson College Essay [7]

it was a true story....does it really sound fake?
like i was terrified for months and till this day i hate that woods....
should i change something that would not make it seem fake?
or should i come up with a totally different story?
HELP!
jerrytherock31   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'idyllic day by the lake' - - Emerson College Essay [7]

I REALLY NEED HELP ON THIS! i dont know if this is a good story and a title to title my life. HELP!!! THANKS!

We understand that the college application process often feels stressful, when instead it should be an opportunity for self-reflection. Stop worrying for a minute and have fun with this response. Much of the work that students do at Emerson College is a form of storytelling. If you were to write the story of your life until now, what would you title it and why? Please be brief (100-200 words).

It started out as a clear, idyllic day by the lake. My brother, Kevin, and I were taking a hike in the woods, when a storm of grey clouds started to hover over the light blue sky. As Kevin quickly left the woods, I was still hopping over stepping stones of the woods. As the rain began to pour down, the dry, crusty dirt formed into liquidly mud, causing my flip flops to slip through; I found myself stuck in the woods. I tried to find a way out, but the rain had attracted a huge, thick snake that was blocking my path; I was terrified. As I stared at the snake, curved up and hissing at me with red, evil eyes, I lost hope. I began to cry my eyes out as I slowly stepped back from the snake. I sprinted through the woods, trying to find another way out. My heart was pumping as hard as the rain was pouring down. Finally, I found a pathway; as I stepped onto the road, all my fears vanished. I realized how life throws difficult tasks in front of me, but there are always a way out; this gives my life the title of "Never Give Up".
jerrytherock31   
Dec 18, 2011
Undergraduate / 'The more united the members' - What does community mean to you? [3]

One's community is that which gives one a sense of belonging. - doesnt sound right

To me, a community is like teeth. It is a group of people who feel each other's pain and carry each other's burdens. - i dont think you need "to me," and i believe you can combine these 2 sentences with a ;
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Grocery Shopping-Common Application Essay [6]

haha just keep working on it! maybe try to pick on of the topics given to write about. like i am writing a experience that i was in and how that impacted on me (i believe its number 1 on the common app essay)

lol if you want you can read it :P
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Film Concept: short film idea - Emerson College [6]

just needed to write a script and this was sent to VCU already but im going to use this idea of my film to write an actual script for another College, Emerson College (which needs to be 5-10 pages)

let me know if this is a good idea for a short film!
let me know if each scene is too common or not...i want to have a unique idea but idk if this is unique or not.

Thanks!

When three girls had problems in their lives, they concurrently make their wishes without knowing each other. It begins in Richmond, Virginia with Mary who yearns to fit in with the popular crowd. She arrives at a party where she is quickly surrounded by judgmental whispers. She dashes to the restroom and contemplates ingesting several pills.

Meanwhile in Houston, Texas, Kelly is pregnant, but Joe, her boyfriend, is unaware. Kelly arrives at Joe's house to tell him the news; however, Joe accuses her of cheating before she could even speak. Joe shoves her down, hurting the baby.

During that time in Salem, Massachusetts, Cady sits at the kitchen table finalizing her homework while her mother, Sydney, cleans the kitchen. The father, Tom, storms in and yells at Sydney for unknown reasons. Tom pushes her away and throws his wedding ring aside.

As the three girls wallow in their sorrow, they notice the time: "11:11P.M." They have heard of the urban legend that when the clock reaches this time, one can make a wish and it would come true. As they simultaneously make their wishes, time stops due to the powerful force of their combination. Will the girls' wishes come true?
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Book Reports / Essay - Impulsiveness: Romeo and Juliet [6]

idk what the first choice is even talking about but the second one i feel like is easier to talk about.
you can say something about how Juliet drinking the poison has influenced romeo to kill himself or something like that.
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I came to the United States from Taipei, Taiwan' significant experience- Common App [7]

hey please help me edit this essay! (the bold words are the ones that i need help on the most) but also any help would be awesome! thanks!

Please write an essay (250-500 words) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

In 2001, my mother, my older brother, and I came to the United States from Taipei, Taiwan, not knowing any English. Before taking off on a twenty-one hour fight, I had a difficult decision to make: whether to leave seven years of my childhood life behind and follow my family to the United States or to stay in Taiwan with my grandparents; I took the difficult route by leaving my childhood memories behind. With only two small suitcases full of childhood memories, such as my favorite pillowcase with a green cartoon frog smiling back at me when I lay my head down, I was off. (I feel like this sentence needs work but idk how to fix it..HELP!) On the way to the airport, my heart was pumping faster than the engine of the yellow taxi. I kept on wondering if I had left behind anything that was important. With the thought of a new life just twenty-one hours away, I was intrigued; I wondered what it would be like to live in America and how I would master the new language of English. (needs to reword???) As I boarded the plane, leaving the unbearable heat of a hundred degrees, I stared out the dirty window; I saw my childhood memories flashed before my eyes as the plane few passed my house. My brother and I left our old lives behind; we were excited to see the new world ahead of us. On the longest flight of our lives, we sat in the soft seats in the coach section and chose our American names from popular television shows; I selected "Jerry" from Tom and Jerry and my brother, XXX, selected "Kevin" from the movie Home Alone. We needed nicknames that were easier to say in America. When we arrived in the United States, we saw a snowy, frigid runway in Chicago. The culture I left was as different from the United States as the weather was that day. I was clueless about everything from reading signs to understanding the flight attendant's instructions. Maybe it was good that I was only seven years old because I did not have any expectations. It was a long, difficult journey, but I eventually mastered the new language and made a smooth transition into my new life in America.
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / Grocery Shopping-Common Application Essay [6]

ehhh sorry to say but this essay is kinda week. it talks more about your DAD instead of you and your point on the issue. I feel like this issue you are trying to talk about isnt a really good topic. try to find story behind this and describe it instead of stating the fact.

try to rewrite this and add more details.
good luck!
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / 'MISSION ACCOMPLISHED' - SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE AND IMPACT ON YOU [6]

pretty good so far.

"...ask for, say, drug-quitting advice,..." i dont think you need "say"

also
"Which is what, I've been told, made people..." - "ive been told" is not needed as well

"school, and a worm's eye" no need the comma

rephrase this: "what the "big bad world" could be like"

its a good topic to write about but I would still with one part of the experience that had IMPACTED ON YOU. just one experience, dont need to have a lot.

good luck! hope ive helped!
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Film as my major' - what influenced you to select your first choice major - Emerson [2]

please help me edit my essay! give me advice! i really want to get into Emerson! thanks!!

Topic: As you know, the academic programs at Emerson College are focused on communication and the arts. Please tell us what influenced you to select your first choice major and, if applicable, your second choice major. If you're undecided about your major, what attracted you to Emerson's programs? Please be brief (100-200 words)

I chose to pursue Film as my major because when I view an engaging and captivating film, it inspires me to reinvent the techniques used and to employ my own personal twist. I am intrigued by how a scene is framed and how the camera focuses on the subject; the effect this produces, making the overall mood and emotions of the film vivid, is an effect that I seek to capture and take in new directions. The varieties of opportunities in the art of film are some of the techniques that I can benefit from Emerson's Film Program. (should this be capitalized?)

Cinema brings excitement to the audience's world and brings the filmmaker's wildest dreams to life. I am determined to captivate future audiences with the techniques and skills that Emerson can impart to me, as well as with my original ideas and visions. In forthcoming films, it would be a pleasure to share my imagination and creativity with enthralled viewers. Emerson professors are extremely experienced in cinematography, enabling a productive and immersive learning environment. The high-quality atmosphere harbored at Emerson College will allow me to become a well-rounded filmmaker and attain my goals in the film industry.
jerrytherock31   
Dec 13, 2011
Undergraduate / 'my family bought a Japanese restaurant' - YOUR WORK EXPERIENCES [3]

So I already had a lot of people edit this for me but just to get some other views on my short essay for Common App. Please let me know where or what needs to be changed or deleted, if needed. Thanks!

In 2005, when I was eleven years old, my family bought a Japanese restaurant named "Ichiban." We turned the restaurant into a massive success; since then, it has received impressive reviews in the media. I help my family by performing the duties of a waiter, assistant chef, and manager.

I have achieved numerous skills from working at the restaurant. When I started, I was shy and nervous about interacting with the customers, but after more than six years of experience, I have gotten rid of my fears. Sometimes before my shift started, the sushi chef would teach me how to make sushi, a task that I had been dying to achieve for a while. Now whenever the restaurant gets busy, I can help relieve the chef's burden and please the hungry customers. Today, with school on one hand and managerial duties on the other, I have learned how to balance my schedule. My work experience has made me the person I am today: fearless, uniquely skilled, and organized.
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