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Posts by saurabh93
Joined: Dec 15, 2011
Last Post: Aug 25, 2012
Threads: 11
Posts: 94  


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saurabh93   
Jan 29, 2012
Undergraduate / The Tale of Grant Wood - perspective writing about anything [5]

I had to do some perspective writing about absolutely anything, so any feed back would be highly appreciated!
I have lived my entire life in this good old cottage, as white as the clouds that swirl over us every single day. I farm around the clock, and I go to church just about every Sunday. Fifteen years after fighting in the War to end all Wars and not a bit has changed about me or my little girl. We love our nation as always. Life on the prairie has always been sedentary. Except for the occasional howl of the prairie wind and the tooting of the Chicago-St Louis express way off in the distance, we are a quiet place. Tumbleweeds and hills form our ever-expansive landscape. American flags adorn every hill visible. And churches dot the cornfields like black spots on cows.

We are away from the cities and their outrageous quality of life. The city is for those who are too lazy and are likely to get carried away by bad influences. By living away from the hellish nature of cities, we can avoid those speakeasies and those rebellious youngsters who need to learn to go to church instead of getting hangovers. If they can read the instructions of booze-maker, they can read the Bible. That's right. We do not need to be living in the city where folks can do just about anything and get away with it. Their life revolves around the new Model T's and the escapist silent flicks. But for us it's the Oldsmobile. We prefer the dust roads to those new superhighways that disturb the tranquility that we enjoy here on the farm. They receive much more help than they need and deserve. And we are the ones who have to finance them. Those tax policies are withholding the hard-earned fruits of our labor! A tornado swallows our home, but we break the ground, not the government! When grasshoppers and rats invade our wheelbarrows, we remove them ourselves. We don't need institutions to do them for us. We are farmers. We are Protestants. We aren't as moralist as the Puritans but we do take ethics seriously. Our productivity is useless if outside institutions taint the benefits that we reap. In the countryside, we are self-sufficient. The pitchfork is our tool to a life of well-being. We do not need Hoover to increase government influence and compromise our work ethic. The life we live is satisfactory, and we want to keep it that way.

Recently, a depression hit our fabled nation. People are out of work and looking for scapegoats and institutionalized help. If one came complaining at my door here in the middle of nowhere, I'd think of him not as a fool, but a troubled person who needs guidance and advice. I would show him my jumpsuit underneath my cloak, and expect him to drop those jaws. We don't succumb to begging for money, we work for money. Our nation did not rise simply because people did not know what they had to do, or they escaped from reality through booze. We rose from bed every morning and went off to work, looking only at the barn or the factory. And we remind ourselves that we've accomplished something on our way back home. I farm for countless hours, but it's how we become better people. By putting your ethics in the way of your desires, rewards are fulfilled. They're done so either through having them go to the market in Chicago or people coming to buy our traditionally-grown food.

My little darling spinster lives with me, in the good old Iowa countryside. She is as innocent as just about any country girl. She milks the cows, and she sews the undergarments and removes weeds from our farm. She attends an all-girls Protestant school where she studies how He created the world, and how fanatic theorists have dispelled the sanctity of the Bible for their own gain. They're heretics! She enjoys sitting on the porch and letting the godly sun light up her face, symbolizing the brightness inside her. I want her to be as pure as her looks. Either she'll marry another Protestant, or she'll not marry at all. And she belongs in the house. She does not leave and find work on her own. She maintains the family and maintains our traditions and makes our future generations remember their grandfathers. Her American mindset is reflected in her clothes. They were originally her great grandmother's who bought the colonial-era clothes at an auction at Independence Hall in Philadelphia during the Centennial Exposition back in the day. She is a devout American and a devout Christian.

Our life is simple here. Every morning, I get up at 7 o'clock to the rooster and the swinging of the restless pendulum. Sitting on the bed, I face east and watch as the sun rises up with the ease, ready to do its heavenly job of channeling its energy to grow food just like me and my farmland. I am reminded about my wife who died of rabies. A stray dog from nowhere bit my nectarine on the leg as she was grabbing the chickens in the chicken pen, and she fell ill. She died on our wooden and brass bed, the same one where my father died. Those nasty wails just won't leave my head, and will always resonate throughout our home for as long as we own it. Our neighbors and church folks all attended her somber funeral.

Yet, I still continue to live the life. On my way to the bathtub, I pass the portraits of Washington, Ben Franklin, Lincoln, and the Virgin Mary. A plaque given to my great grandfather by General U.S. Grant is up by the portraits. I then wear the jumpsuit and put on my bronze spectacles with a cracked lens, and then cook bacon. My lass, on the other hand, begins mopping the wooden floor, unmindful of the fungus and spider webs. She then cooks cornbread and bacon for breakfast. Usually, we would have mashed potatoes and gravy for lunch, and stew for dinner. But on Sundays, we fast, and spend our day either at our farm chapel or at the community church with our other families. One family at our church has children born every Christmas day since the wedding. We go there in our Oldsmobile pick-up, coughing up dust and avoiding running into our valuable farm animals.

We say our mass, and then have the Sunday conversations. Surrounded by the little ones with their carefree lifestyles, I talk to the priest, who was once a bank owner in Jefferson City. He tells me that while he was working, he would notice billboards advertising booze, the skirts of women reaching up to the knees, and people driving their cars at 30 miles per hour on local roads. He came from a family where religion was as strict a code of ethics as Puritanism. His brother was banished from the township for sneaking on a freight train and attending a speakeasy in Ohio. He wanted to become a priest to escape the decline of Victorian and conservative values in our nation.

I go home, and then I take off my church cloak, put on my jumpsuits, then head to the fields. Using my tractor, my pitchfork, and my biblically shaped perseverance, I grow the potatoes, lettuce, tomatoes that would transform into the food we eat and our now-hungry population eats. I work like this for as long as my body can sustain. Then I put the pitchfork and wheelbarrow aside, and head to the dinner table. My lass is with me, and we silently eat dinner. We then sleep.

The life out here is so simple compared to those blind urban folks who would dehumanize themselves and America's image while reveling in booze. We are away from such an atmosphere, and we are happy with it. Folk music as opposed to jazz, we Iowans value the American tradition and the Christian tradition.
saurabh93   
Jan 28, 2012
Graduate / SOP MFA in Dramatic Media at the University of Georgia [2]

an organization dedicated to educating young girls ages 9 to 19 in media literacy and production.

I quickly realized that educating young people in the realm of media art was something I wanted to continue to cultivate as I grew as an artist and a media maker.

Besides these small errors, everything else is great. I'm sure you'll get in!!

Can you look at mine? Thanks!!
saurabh93   
Jan 28, 2012
Undergraduate / 'very high expectations for me' - SUPERMAN [2]

We listen to the same genres of music and even read the same genres of books!

but my Supermanly-brother has always stood by me and eventually, it did pay off.

Your essay is good, but I think it can be more formal.

Will you look at mine? Thanks!!
saurabh93   
Jan 28, 2012
Undergraduate / "transcend through cultural ghettos" - UMICH SUPPLEMENT [2]

On the outside, most people see me as a private school student, attending the most prestigious college prep high school on an island in the Pacific called Guam. However, unlike other private school students, with their futures planned out by their parents and the expectation that they follow along, I belong to the community of online bloggers, or champions of free thinking. With the rising engagement of teenagers on the internet, I soon found tumblr to be my second home. At first, blogging allowed me to freely voice my opinions and proved to be an escape from the stress of daily life. But it soon evolved into a melting pot of intellectual exchange, where I was able to interact with bloggers from all over the world. I feel that though I am physically on Guam, mentally I was able to travel the world and witness both the beauty and cruelty of mankind.

Ultimately, blogging has allowed me to "transcend through cultural ghettos (Elif Shafak)"; it has shaped my view of the world, taught me to be more open-minded, and to look at matters in different perspectives. Now I blog not only as a hobby, but to promote global awareness to other teenagers and adults alike. The blogging community offers me two things I value the most, a place to express myself without limitations and an opportunity to make a difference in someone else life; it's a place where I truly belong.

Good work, can you look at my essay?
Thanks!
saurabh93   
Jan 27, 2012
Essays / Internet Censorship (pros and cons) Ryerson Essay [2]

Of course, since quotes strengthen your argument a great deal because it directly links your argument with the text. For most essays, you don't really need to follow the 5 paragraph standard format. As long as you organize your thoughts you'll be fine.

Can you look at mine?
saurabh93   
Jan 27, 2012
Scholarship / 'there are going to be tough times in life' -Internship Essay [3]

Well written, but I don't think it addresses the prompt too well. It asks for the general background, but you are only mentioning one incident. And you can make a better link between your mother losing your job and your interest in the field.

Can you look at mine? Thanks!
saurabh93   
Jan 27, 2012
Writing Feedback / Essay on the plight of children in Sub-Saharan Africa [4]

We need to help show these youthful children that someone loves them. We need to show them that even though they may be facing one of the hardest and most controversial times of their lives, there are people who care about them. One way that this love can be expressed is through adoption .

Good so far. Can you look at mine?
Thanks!!
saurabh93   
Jan 23, 2012
Undergraduate / (My exploration / Autism) - UC Essays Review [2]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Mr. and Mrs. Shah, we need to talk about your son," the Stanford psychologist explained as my parents began to look anxious. "After 15 hours of thorough examination, we have concluded that Saurabh is diagnosed with high-functional autism."

On that hot summer morning in 1999, I initially did not know how to respond to that grim sounding claim. I was only a naïve 5 year old, occupied with a toy train set. On the other hand, my parents were dismayed with the result, and felt that I would remain academically and socially incapable for the remainder of my life. But they had no idea about the dramatic change they would witness in me for the next decade. I transformed noticeably in academics and social thinking, while reaping valuable life lessons during my journey.

But the answer did not strike me quickly. As an elementary school student, I excelled in academics, yet I met social challenges. I behaved noticeably different, and was constantly reprimanded by my teachers. My peers isolated me more frequently than other peers. I even had to transfer to a special education program. I constantly wondered what it meant to be autistic, and what accounted for the negative attention I received and the lack of change.

Only in middle school did I realize that there is a possibility for change, but it can only come through personal efforts. I had to look around me for opportunities, and inside me for strengths. Exploration was the key to my exposure to the world and ultimately my development as an individual. One such opportunity arose when I participated in a sixth grade Greek melodrama production. I was only given a few lines, but I was able to perform in front of an entire audience. Moreover, I made eye contact and appeared confident, and displayed no signs of awkward activity. I also participated in a competition where I recited Sanskrit shlokas, or verses, from Hindu religious text. Sanskrit is a language filled with difficult pronunciations, yet I memorized them and won first place. From these two events, I learned that I have the ability to showcase my talents and let the world know that I am a different individual beneath the façade of autism. I came to the realization that I can control my behavior and participate in new experiences at the same time. This led me to strive for more opportunities where I can discover who I truly am and what I have the potential to be.

In high school, my progress has led me to become the campaign manager for a mock election of a school wide project hosted by my AP Government class. I have also been volunteering at the El Camino Hospital every week, further fashioning my interaction skills with visitors, the sick, and the elderly.

My exploration not only made me more sophisticated but also altered how I view autism. I have heard stories of famous autistic people such as Temple Grandin who have climbed up the societal ladder by simply finding where their true passions lie and acting upon them. Struggles serve as groundbreakers for bringing about momentous change, even if one only seeks to know why they have them in the first place. I initially wanted to be viewed as an equal with my peers, yet I confronted barriers because of my limited social awareness. My individual progress began when I found occasions where I can discover who I truly am [awkward tense]. Continuing with this principle, I hope to find a career where I have the room to improve and excel. Over the last few years, I have begun to look at autism as more of a boon than a burden.

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are? I swam in only a few competitions in my entire life, yet I consider swimming to be a major building block of my individuality. I am an atypical swimmer because my principal aim was not to outwit others but to outwit myself. In other words, I chose to swim to clear an obstacle in my personal life.

As an autistic individual, I often struggled to meet etiquette standards both at home and at school. I needed to find an avenue where I could work on polishing my conduct and motivation, and not rely on the frequent prompts from my parents and staff. I chose swimming because I also wanted to work on controlling my habitual body fidgeting that was annoyeding me and my parents.

With autism, body coordination development is a slow and painstaking process. While it remains stagnant, focus does not. Over the six years that I have practiced swimming, my strokes have improved and became stronger, because I put my mind to the strokes. To propel myself, I had to coordinate my arms and legs in harmony. The keys to coordinating the arms and legs are focus and the motivation to persevere.

The improvement was evident in the constant trimming of the lap timings and my coaches' compliments. Although my progress is not remarkable relative to those of others, it has embedded inside me an urge to focus and possess intrinsic motivation. I learned that no matter what obstacle lies in front of me, there is a way to conquer it, and that is being in the right mindset by focusing on what matters. If I wanted to improve my body coordination, I had to commit vigorously to swimming, and persevere despite having dissatisfying results. Swimming is not only a means of competition, but also a means of self-development.

After the short-term satisfaction of beating the clock had winnowed down, I carried with me the long-term satisfaction that I could refrain from fidgeting, and pay more attention to my schoolwork. These results did not in anyway reflect the occasional repetition of levels and the letdowns I had from being last place. They are attributed solely to the level of dedication I placed in swimming. Because of swimming, I have grown as a more independent and motivated individual.

The UC Deadline was a long time ago, but I am still nervous about its quality to this day, and so I would like honest feedback!!
saurabh93   
Jan 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'more and more exhibitions and sculptures appearing in public' - IELTS Essay [5]

Art is the outcome of individualism in lieu of collectivism, which implies that art can only be appreciated by certain groups of people. Therefore, there are accusations against the attempts of government to support art projects financially when the money can be spent in other public services. In my opinion, it is beneficial to augment spending for public art projects.

Otherwise this is great
Can you look at mine if you can? Thanks in advance!!
saurabh93   
Jan 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'joined the band in the fifth grade' -Childhood experiences that improved self esteem [6]

These childhood memories enhanced my self esteem because it gave me a great appreciation for music and the arts. I was also given the ability to have confidence in my abilities and it has given me the drive to complete everything in life I set out to achieve. I am thankful for these two people and for the person they have helped me become.

Other than that, very good
Can you look at my questionnaire?
saurabh93   
Jan 23, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'That special someone is my MOM' - THE PERSON I ADMIRE [4]

This is nicely written.

There is one time that I wanted something really bad but she said no and told me that "want" is different from "need".

-- I like this

Can you look at my questionnaire? Thanks!!
saurabh93   
Jan 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Learning From My Dissapontments (saint marys supplement) [5]

This is very emotional and nicely written. It's good how you put yourself on the essay without making the language sound ornate and flowery. That's always a good thing to avoid that trap. Good Luck!!

If time permits then can you look at my essay?
saurabh93   
Jan 22, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Basketball and feeling of regret' - Common App Essay [6]

Maybe add an example and talk about what you learned from it, and not just talk about how it's your passion. That's what I would suggest.

Can you please look at mine??
THANKS IN ADVANCE!!!
saurabh93   
Jan 22, 2012
Essays / The structure myosin II essay - stuck on word count [4]

Muscle contraction is a fundamental process that allows locomotion to occur. The structures of the proteins involved are key to enabling muscle action to work. Myosin is one of the major proteins that works in conjunction with actin and others to make muscles contract in muscle cells. 55% of the weight of a muscle is composed of myosin.

This is a good factual essay. I can't determine the accuracy of the facts, sorry :)
Good luck, and can you look at mine?
saurabh93   
Jan 22, 2012
Book Reports / 'Khaled Hosseini and Lawrence Hills' - comparative essay [2]

So far, I think the essay is very focused and there are no grammatical errors that i came across, except Nana's powerful quote (apostrophe)

Can you look at my essay if you can? Thanks in advance!!!
saurabh93   
Jan 22, 2012
Essays / Need help on starting an essay on injustice (+posted essay) [9]

Using examples are the most effective way to strengthen your essay, since it shows a manifestation of your statements in the real world. So I suggest using these in your essay.

Can you look at my questionnaire?
Thanks :]
saurabh93   
Jan 22, 2012
Undergraduate / UC Berkeley Questionnaire on Disability [11]

Fall Grades and Spring Classes:First list all of your fall classes and grades. Then list all of your spring classes.
Fall Classes - 1st semester grade
Contemporary Literature - A
French 4 Honors - A
AP US Government - B
AP Statistics - A
Physics Honors - A
Academic Communication - A
Learning Skills - A

Spring Classes
Contemporary Literature
French 4 Honors
Economy
AP Statistics
Physics Honors
Academic Communication
Learning Skills

1. Please provide a brief description of the functional limitations of your disability. Include date of onset. As an autistic individual, I have always struggled with interpersonal skills. I have had trouble figuring out the verbal and nonverbal cues of social interaction, especially when it comes to body language and greetings. When I'm in a conversation, I tend to not focus on the speaker and miss out on some of the information, and am often reminded to keep at least an arm's length from the other person. I would also leave the conversation halfway without bidding farewell. What's most complicated are the many nuances that exist among people in social situations, such as cues given by the eyes and what the person really feels even though the physical expressions may suggest otherwise. Due to these problems, I have failed to find real, reciprocal friendships who can confide in me and vice versa. Another issue is my tendency to goof off and gain attention, which is now not so much of a problem anymore. I have learned to use self-control and think about the effects of my actions beforehand, and have understood that the attention that I was bent on acquiring is actually negative and will distance people away from me.

Date of onset - 1997 (3 yrs old) - This was when signs of autism were first detected within me.
Diagnosis - 1999 at Stanford Hospital

2. What impact, if any, did your physical or mental difference or medical condition have on your academic performance? Academics have been my strongest area in school, unlike socializing, because I liked to learn and my parents put a lot of emphasis on education. But, I still faced hardships in the beginning. Initially, I learned through rote memorization of facts, and had trouble with critical and abstract thinking. Whenever an assignment required creativity or personal interpretation, I would rely heavily on the teacher for help. I preferred to have concepts explained to me because I had a hard time coming to the conclusion or deriving the intended meaning on my own. While working in groups, I would be asking my peers numerous questions about what to do next or what to look for, instead of taking the initiative and figuring the concepts out on my own. In class discussions, I would base my comments off of those of other students rather than find original concepts to bring up.

Up until sixth grade, some of my academic classes were special education, where the pace of the course depended not on the curriculum but on my individual needs. But as I progressed through school, I slowly transitioned into the mainstream, with an instructional aide per class. My academic performance has strengthened because of the increasing support of my parents and teachers and the wonderful academic-oriented climate I was raised in. In high school, I pushed myself to take challenging courses, particularly in math and science, because I have set my sights on going to a top-notch university. In the beginning, academics were a struggle, but now it's an endeavor that I want to continue pursuing.

3. How do you approach learning a subject in which you are having difficulty? Please provide an example identifying a specific subject (English, math, history, etc.).Literature is an issue because of its emphasis on interpretation and ambivalence, unlike in other subjects where there is only one right answer. What makes it challenging is recognizing the multi-dimensional personalities of literary characters, and drawing information from other subject areas and personal experiences to make inferences about the text. To address this problem, I pay more attention in class discussions and Socratic Seminars, where I observe how others discern the text and relate its themes in the broader global context. My struggle in this area is what makes essay writing more of an obstacle. My grammar and style are proficient, but I had trouble with the analysis. I would sit down with my teacher, and we would discuss revisions which I take into account before submission. While I learned how to interpret, I realized how critical it is to think about the world in abstract terms, and so I pushed myself to take AP Language and Composition during junior year. Here, I had to pay more attention in class, and we focused almost entirely on the literary themes. The timed in-class essays helped me with my interpretation skills. Therefore, I make examples of other students and push myself for a higher difficulty level when I approached Literature.

4. What type of disability-related support or accommodations, if any, have you received?In the middle of 1st grade, I moved into a special education program, and have been taking Social Skills classes ever since. Through personalized instruction and a high number of adults per student, I learned, practiced, and applied vital communication skills to the overall school setting. Every year my case manager, teachers, my parents and I would hold an IEP meeting where we would highlight my progress in school and set goals until the next meeting. My goals have been entirely socially related, and I have not needed any accommodations in academics starting from 7th grade.

In high school, I changed high schools because the second school had a more supportive academic communication program than the first. I received daily instead of weekly social skills instruction, and a personal psychologist who would talk with me on a weekly rather than a monthly basis.

5. What impact, if any, did your physical or mental difference, or medical condition have on your participation in extracurricular activities? In Robotics during freshman year, I was tasked with programming the robot, and this was a challenge. What I did was continually persist in asking my peers about solutions, and easily gave up on navigating the confusion in programming myself. While working, I was withdrawn from the group conversations and not laughing when everyone else was. Anytime I was engaged in a conversation, I would restrict myself to talking about the schedule ahead and deadlines, as well as offering help, rather than the typical interests of the group, such as music and incidences in classes. Although I was not as good as the others, I was more focused and dedicated to the task at hand, often staying until the late evening cooperating with club officers and fellow teammates in creating code.

6. Do you have a severe physical disability which affects your daily activities, such as personal care? If yes, please describe. No, I do not have any physical condition which inhibits my ability to carry out my daily activities.

Please Help me and be harsh!!
saurabh93   
Jan 20, 2012
Undergraduate / 'internships and a first hand job experience' - Why OSU [3]

Talk more about the university itself, and even go into what you want to pursue, A lot of places have wonderful nightlife, restaurants and festivals, so that's not really unique, But you're off on a good start.

Please look at mine, Thanks :)
saurabh93   
Jan 19, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I'm pregnant?' - Admissions Essay - core values [4]

This is a good sacrifice you made for your family, and this is a good way to highlight it. So far I do not spot any error in your essay. Good Luck.
saurabh93   
Jan 17, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Gotta Catch 'Em All' - Common App Personal Letter Prompt 4 [2]

Every battle seemed to be choreographed, made so I could mimic it, using all the latest merchandise . This sentence was repeated in your paragraph. Your area of interest is unique, but you barely describe how it has impacted you to this day.

If time, can you please edit mine?
saurabh93   
Jan 11, 2012
Undergraduate / "Be nice and smile at the customers" - 250 words critique [3]

I have also managed to take AP and Honor courses with a busy schedule. My work ethic pulled me through the countless sleepless nights and motivated me to maintain an A/B GPA. In the end, my work ethic has shaped who I am and is responsible for all the success I had in my life.

I think that this is not very original because a lot of students take AP's and manage a busy schedule regardless.
Good Luck

saurabh93   
Jan 11, 2012
Book Reports / Dystopian literature Essay on Isolation and Governmental Control [3]

Isolation in both novels was a key theme in character development and governmental control. Being forced into leaving the comfort and normality of home for an isolated world can change a person and their opinion on society drastically. When someone is set on a certain way of life, it can be hard for him or her to change. By being shown a new perspective, people may begin to think differently about their way of life.

If this is your thesis, then you should assert how it relates to the book that you have read. Include info about the characters and plot that support your claim, but the rest (intro, conclusion...) is great.

If time permits then can you look at my 2 essays?
Thanks!!

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