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Posts by erndawg
Joined: Dec 17, 2011
Last Post: Dec 30, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 13  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 17
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erndawg   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My favorite color is blue, I like dogs' - Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter [9]

Stanford Supplemental Essays. Feedback is GREATLY appreciated :)

#1 Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development.

My whole life I had been influenced by the popular notion that Lawyers were all greedy and cold creatures. When I finally put down, "To Kill a Mockingbird", I felt like my whole perception on the world of Lawyers changed. During my reading of the book, I fell into deep admiration of Atticus Finch, the hero of the novel and the villain of the town. Atticus's willingness to accept a case that nobody else would inspired me. The fact that this case happened in the Deep South and in a time where racial tensions were high made Atticus's acceptance of the case extremely risky. However, he didn't back down from the case because he knew that justice had to be done. Even though Atticus didn't win the case, he fought as hard as he could and even exposed the testimony of Mayella and Bob Ewell as false. Ultimately, the trial was decided on racial terms rather than just ones. Although the multiple story lines in the novel (Such as Boo Radley) were captivating, I was influenced most by the trial and the case of Tom Robinson. The determination of Atticus Finch to put up the best case possible with all the adversity he was facing was remarkable to me. Through Atticus Finch, I learned that not all Lawyers go into their professions strictly for the money; some lawyers truly take joy in making a living defending people who do not have the resources to hire a private attorney. A new path showed itself to me, a path that brings not only happiness to me, but justice to others. MY reading of "To Kill a Mocking Bird" made me realize that I wanted to go to Law School and become a public defense Lawyer. Atticus Finch showed me that being a lawyer is more about helping others than helping yourself. I want to become a PD Lawyer because I will be able to defend people that are thrown under the bus by society just because they do not have the resources to provide for a proper defense. Bringing a smile on the face of an individual will bring me more satisfaction than a seven figure income.
erndawg   
Dec 28, 2011
Undergraduate / 'My favorite color is blue, I like dogs' - Stanford Supplement: Roomate Letter [9]

Let me know what you guys think. I honestly let my mind flow when I wrote this and I think its just a ad bit too goofy.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thanks!

Hey Roomate,

My name is Ernesto Montes, but you can call me Ernie (You know like that dude from Sesame Street). Anyways let me start off by letting you know a little but about myself. My favorite color is blue, I like dogs, and I enjoy long walks on the beach. I am 18 and my family comes from Peru, the land of the Incas. I LOVE soccer and if you do to, that's great! If not, it's all good because I enjoy sports in general. I'm also a football fan so we can go watch all of Stanford's games together! On a side note, I am a huge Atlanta Falcons fan and I almost never miss a game. Things can get a little ugly during the games, so I suggest moving all your valuables at least 20 feet away from me so that your stuff is safe. You think I'm joking. I'm really funny and if you're not funny its ok, I'll still laugh at your jokes (Because I'm just that nice of a guy)

So after reading this far you're probably ready to start crying because you think you just got paired up with the silliest and goofiest kid possible. No worries buddy, I'm serious when you want me to be. Even though I love to have fun, I know when its time to shift into school mode. I work very hard in school and I always try to make sure I know all the material. I am also very respectful, so if I'm studying and you want to go to sleep, I will gladly go to a library to finish my studying. Volunteering is also another of my hobbies so I'll be sure to take you with me one day to do some community work!

I'll tell you some stuff now that you should probably know. I have a very dirty pleasure in...sweet tea! I am ADDICTED to sweet tea and if you open our refrigerator you will always find at least a gallon of sweet tea in there. It's a southern thing. Aside from sweet tea, I'm in love with music. I listen to anything really, but most of the music you will find on my iPod is alternative rock with a mix of dubstep. I hope you've learned a lot about me and I congratulate you if you're reading this because not only have you made it in, you're my roomie! Get excited.

Sincerely,
Ernesto Montes
erndawg   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Drawing is my guilty pleasure' - Johns Hopkins [11]

Really great essay, you not only show your passion for drawing, but you also show how significant it is to you as a person and I think thats what makes this essay great.

When I draw, I feel like I become a different person. My mind, which is addicted to mathematics and science, gets a breath of fresh air. It is challenged to operate beyond its comfort zone, making itself vulnerable to what lies within the artistic realm.

the only thing I see wrong here is the "It" starting the second sentence. Seems like you're refering to fresh air instead of mind with the it. But overall great essay!

Help me with my supplement?
erndawg   
Dec 25, 2011
Undergraduate / 'an environment for self-learning' U Penn: What do you hope to learn and contribute [9]

While I browsed the website of the University of Pennsylvania, I asked myself, "What makes a great university?" As I was pondering this question, I gawked at my screen when I saw scenes such as the The Blanche P. Levy Park, flushed with bright green grass, and the medieval architecture of the Quad. The beauty of these structures sparked more interest on my part for the University of Pennsylvania. As I did more research, I started to fall more in love with Penn. All of the aspects of the university attracted me, from the top academics, to the athletics, to the active involvement of the student body. It was then that I came up with an answer to my question, Balance. I believe that this balance that the University of Pennsylvania has is what makes it one of the most unique institutions of higher learning in the world.

One of the great things about Penn is that it provides an environment for self-learning. Many people from all corners of the globe come to Penn and this diversity is the greatest learning tool of them all. I want to be able to sit down with a group of people from different backgrounds and engage in discussion and debate. I want to be able to give my own opinion on certain issues and learn from the different perspectives of my peers. I want to be able to see the world in a light I had never imagined. Penn makes this possible for me.

Although Penn's student body is academically gifted, the beauty of it is that these same students are not bound to the classroom. Penn's students are also musicians, athletes, Greeks, and above all, human. I've been to some colleges where the students seem like robots with the same routine: eat, study, sleep, and repeat. At Penn, this is not the case. The great involvement of the student body attracts me greatly. I want to be able to give back to the community through service, play sports, and be able to make friends all while working hard academically. The opportunities for involvement beyond the classroom at Penn are unparallel. At Penn, students are able to join groups that range from teaching others to embrace cultural differences to groups such as Alternate Spring Break, a group that offers community service trips to various locations across the country. Penn's embracement of the notion that school is not all about academics distinguishes it from the other elite institutions of the nation.

As an aspiring applicant to the College of the Arts and Sciences, I am excited for all the opportunities such an education would provide for me. I look forward to be stimulated mentally from world renowned professors and to take advantage of tools such as peer advisors and other students to learn more about myself and others. At the CAS, I will be able to combine studies from my economics major with other subjects such as calculus, literature, and various other subjects. This flexibility that Penn provides as part of its program promotes the intellectual growth of an individual. Unlike at other institutions, Penn allows students to wander through the various fields of academics in order to expand knowledge and to gain insight in other fields that would not have been possible if students were bound to one major. If I am accepted, I would strive to play a pivotal role in this cultured learning experience. I would talk to other students about my studies and will be able to exchange knowledge with my peers. This exchange of intellectual findings not only promotes my growth as a student, but also helps the student body mature intellectually as well.

I firmly believe that learning shouldn't be bound to just classroom lectures. I have found in my research that Penn also holds this same idea. True learning comes not just from professors, but also from an active student body. At Penn, the best of both worlds are combined in order to form an experience that remains eternal for those that walk through the Franklin Field Gates at The University of Pennsylvania.
erndawg   
Dec 20, 2011
Undergraduate / 'a BMW, dream school: U of M Ann Arbor' - Short Response about College [3]

I agree with the poster above. If you can replace the name of the college with another one (see if you can do that with yours), then you should consider revising it. You need qualities that make U Mich unique. I am sure you can easily find those because you seem to be very familiar with the school. Best of Luck!

Help Me with my common app essay please? :)
erndawg   
Dec 19, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I want to be different and go to college' - experience and its impact on you [11]

Hey guys this is my common app essay. I really need some feedback on it since the deadline is soon approaching. Is this a good essay or should I write about a different topic? I greatly appreciate the time you will take to read this. Thanks!

Btw, i am Hispanic. (Should help interpretation of essay)

"Where did you go to college?"

Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined that a question so simple could have such a significant impact on my life. I was in my freshman year and the family was having our traditional Thursday night dinner. [..]
erndawg   
Dec 17, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Soccer is more than that' - Common App Extracurricular [4]

Hey guys,
I am in the process of sending my common app and i just need feedback on this essay
Is it to generic, or can you feel my passion for the game?
How can it be improved?
Thanks so much guys!

Soccer. It looks like just another sport on the surface, but to me it means so much more than that. Every year, my team gets a couple of new players that are unfamiliar of our way training. As the captain of the team, I am responsible in getting these players ready to compete. I am to work with both the younger guys and the coach on a regular basis, which has not only made me a better leader, but also an effective communicator, a motivator, and a hard worker. These skills I have learned have also carried out into my everyday life and into the classroom, where I am motivated to excel and to help my peers. Soccer has also benefited me in a very personal matter. When I have the ball at my feet, it's like I'm in another world. I forget all of my struggles at the moment and only focus on the game. The adrenaline I get when I bury the ball into the back of the net is unmatched and celebrating the goal with my teammates makes it all the worthwhile. Soccer? Definitely more than just a game.
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