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Posts by MichaelJ [Suspended]
Joined: Dec 21, 2011
Last Post: Dec 24, 2011
Threads: 1
Posts: 7  

From: Saudi Arabia

Displayed posts: 8
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MichaelJ   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / "You're Lucky"-Stanford Roommate Letter-Is it too vague? [16]

Great essay, we learn a lot about you from it and it targets the question perfectly. I'm not sure about what you meant by: I have no valuable culinary abilities, unless you're up to the challenge of eating a peanut butter sandwich for three meals a day, but I'm ready eat almost anything ? You need to review the part in red and rephrase it. The humor is always a plus in the admission process.
MichaelJ   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / Lack of cooking skill-Common app Essay [7]

The introduction is very skillfully done. It shines light on some of your commendable accomplishments without seeming arrogant or as if you were boasting. You pick a fairly simple topic, "cooking", but your interpretation of it is extraordinary and that's what makes it all the much better. Not only does it reflect great mastery of the English language, but creativity on your part. This is exactly what selective schools would be looking for! In terms of grammar, I think EF_Susan hit it all. Good luck!
MichaelJ   
Dec 24, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Drawing is my guilty pleasure' - Johns Hopkins [11]

Hey guys! This is my JHU supplement. Please critique it as much as you can I really want to have a good shot of getting in! I will return all the favors I promise because I know you're all busy and taking time out of your day to edit my essay.

TOPIC: Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials

Drawing is my guilty pleasure, which is not to say that I am any good at it. The doodles and the complex designs of lines and waves in my notebook never fail to arouse laughter in my closest of friends or gain smirk remarks. Although it is true that my portraits may appear disfigured and that my silhouettes are bland, I only compete with myself, so I don't worry about it. Every time my pencil strikes a paper with an artistic intent, I overcome my shyness and I gain a voice. My drawings become a medium through which I can communicate and speak without having to open my mouth; I can express myself and say things that I wanted to say. Furthermore, I draw to explore the bounds of my imagination and translate my abstract visions into concrete images.

At the opposite extreme, I battle time with my drawings, trapping this finite being within the cells of my gridded A4 sized paper. I attempt to conceal memoires, experiences, emotions, and friends, within jagged lines so as to never forget them. I attach my identity to every piece of artwork I produce, and even though they will probably never be showcased at an exhibition, their beauty will never fade from my eyes.

P.S. Do you think they would want to hear about something I am not necessarily good at but I'm passionate about? I'm applying for their biomedical engineering major so it's not really related to art.
MichaelJ   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'I am a Romantic' - Stanford Letter to Future Roommate [13]

Excellent essay. Very well written and very light-hearted! It'll score you brownie points with the admission officers ;). I kind of want to be your roommate now haha. Maybe if we both go to Stanford next year. Do you mind giving my commonapp essay a look?
MichaelJ   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / Introduce Yourself to Penn - TaCo Nickname [10]

Great essay! It was very light hearted, something that I think will amuse the admission officers. This essay is a PERFECT response to the question and shows great creativity on your behalf. I could not find any grammatical errors, other than the ones stated above. With all honesty, it's an awesome essay, and I'm sure it will play a huge role in your admission =).
MichaelJ   
Dec 21, 2011
Undergraduate / 'write down the number quickly' Harvard, Stanford, Yale - a person who influenced you [3]

Topic: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

Hi guys! I'm applying to some very competitive schools and I would love any feedback I can get on my common application essay. This means a lot to me and I will try my best to return all favors by checking out your essays! Again, thank you.

"X, write down the number quickly!" my mom yelled. Not paying much attention, I picked up a pencil and paper and scribbled down the number that was on the bottom left of the television screen. As the commercial was coming to an end, the phrase "It's difficult to leave a child with an aching heart" resounded through the living room in an Egyptian Arabic dialect. Not quite understanding what just happened, I reviewed what I had blindly written on the paper; it read "The Magdi Yacoub Heart Foundation - 0100024611/22." This was gibberish to me at the time. I could not comprehend its significance as I had never seen the commercial before, nonetheless been familiar with the Magdi Yacoub Heart Foundation. Cautiously I asked my parents who Magdi Yacoub was, and their answer was one I will never forget. "Magdi Yacoub," my mom said with a warm smile, "is the heart and pride of Egypt."

Burning with curiosity, I wondered to myself, "What does she mean by heart and pride of Egypt? How come I've never heard of him?" I hurried over to the laptop in my room, determined to find out exactly who Magdi Yacoub was. Spending hours upon hours reading articles and websites dissecting his childhood and his invaluable achievements, such as establishing heart transplantation in the UK and becoming the world's leading transplant surgeon, I was mesmerized by this brilliant saint. His surgical skills were unsurpassed, his generosity was beyond comprehension, and his intelligence was extraordinary. It was this man who made everything possible in my life.

Magdi Yacoub is the reason I can proudly say that I want to be a cardiac surgeon and help those whom are less fortunate and be the very best at what I do. He instilled in me an ambition to strive for academic excellence, compassion, global awareness, and a desire to succeed. This experience shaped my character and my view of life. I began to volunteer at the local hospital whenever I could to help patients and learn as much about the medical field as possible. I spent hours upon hours reading medical case studies, trying to satisfy my limitless thirst for knowledge. Distractions that had once dominated my life, like YouTube, video games, and television had become insignificant. I began to realize what I truly wanted out of life: to help others, to understand the human body, to become a world renowned heart surgeon, and to become the heart and pride of Egypt.

My performance in school was significantly enhanced as I developed a genuine interest in all my subjects. I was eager to read the next chemistry chapter on organic chemistry or do the practice AP Calculus questions at the back of the book. Magdi Yacoub inspired me to always try my best and to accept the fact that sometimes this may entail failure, but that one only improve because of it. He taught me to make a difference.
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