Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by apidjakfar
Joined: Dec 22, 2011
Last Post: Feb 14, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 12  
From: Indonesian

Displayed posts: 14
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
apidjakfar   
Feb 14, 2012
Graduate / Personal strengths and limitations in relation to the development of a social worker [3]

Hi Sarah
It is easier to determine what are strengths are than that of our weakness, so, my suggestion is that you can ask your supervisor or simply ask your friends or teachers on what your weakness points they have found that you have to improve especially related to your professional one.

hopefully it will be helpful
Apid
apidjakfar   
Feb 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I got my first internship in my life' - UM unique essay [2]

Hi
Markwu

overall, you have drawn well. nonetheless, the first sentence must be "eye-catching", and powerful one. such as " I wish to study science mathematics at the university of Michigan because bla bla, and so forth.

good luck.
Apid
apidjakfar   
Jan 29, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The mobile care community' - undergrad admission [2]

Hi, Rohit1994

I would say that you have invaluable experience in helping people especially the survivors of Tsunami. In my standpoint, the matter you need to improve is that organizing one sentence to the other should go smoothly and clearly so that it is will be helpful for the reader to catch your points.

good luck ya

Regard
Apid
apidjakfar   
Jan 25, 2012
Scholarship / 'specialization on child and families and social work' - Scholarship Essay [3]

Dear Moderator Susan.
again, thank for your critique.

concerning the first paragraph, I have tried to split them into 2 shorter sentences, but I really have no idea how to do that, do you mind giving me some insight how to begin with?

in term with the last paragraph, what would you say if conclude like this : "Having extensive experiences over six years with children and families, I am committed to continuing to assist them by joining with potential Indonesian government agencies or NGO. My goal is to contribute to helping disadvantaged children and families by promoting good care practice and empowering women, as well as provide social service to potential government bodies. I strongly believe that my proposed study will benefit Indonesian government; related stakeholders and community especially in isolated and neglected locations as in these areas child and family specialist being able to address their issues more pertinently and comprehensively is inadequate".

Thank
Apid
apidjakfar   
Jan 23, 2012
Scholarship / (refugee camp, Afganistan) - Statement for the Chevening Scholarship [3]

Hi Sdanish
I think your essay is very strong and the only things you have to add is that concerning the data you mention on paragraph 3 that it would better if you provide the sources from where you get them so that it will be accountable "scientifically". secondly, concerning your plan upon completing your studies, you should not show self-interest and self achievement in career.

good luck
apidjakfar   
Jan 23, 2012
Scholarship / 'specialization on child and families and social work' - Scholarship Essay [3]

Dear All colleagues

I do hope that any input, critiques for my essay and many thousand thank for your invaluable inputs

Taking a master degree in social work with a specialization on children and families is of great interested to me. I have developed my practical skills and broadened my understanding of disadvantaged child and family's related issues that occur at a grassroots level, by working with various non governmental organizations in Indonesia. I have assisted children and families through facilitating and evaluating psychosocial humanitarian intervention both, in emergency settings such as Tsunami Relief Program in Aceh, and in a development context e.g. an integrated nutrition program in NTT and my current project on helping victims of human trafficking and people smuggling in West Kalimantan.

Therefore, gaining deeper competence in social work that focuses specifically on children and families allows me to develop and exercise my analytical, theoretical and research skills on this subject and look at it from an intersectional standpoint e.g. family, social, cultural, educational and health context, which in turn will substantially help me in developing a project/intervention to address children and families issues more pertinently and comprehensively to local context.

I have found that addressing disadvantaged children and families issues through social work practice is rarely applied in Indonesia especially in isolated and neglected areas. Local government agencies tend to tackle a social issue partially rather than comprehensively. For an example, a social worker is scarcely involved in handling under-nutrition and mortality issues. WHO & UNICEF have found that these problems are very complex not only related to food and health but are related also to cultural beliefs, economic and political. Thus, in this basis, social work approach is fundamentally needed to empower the community and to advocate decision makers.

By contrast, social work practice has long been rooted in the history of US since the first social work class offered in 1898 at Colombia University (website of National Association of Social Worker) and it has been widely applied by both the US government institutions and its civil societies in handling a social issue including that one related to children and families. Hence, pursuing the master degree in social work especially related to children and families in the US provides a wonderful opportunity for me to learn directly from social work professors and practitioners who have developed strong practical theories in social work and are internationally recognized for their competences. In addition, taking the master degree in the US will also enable both Citizens to exchange social and cultural values in order to create mutual understanding between the two countries which in turn will strengthen the diplomatic ties between Indonesia and the US.

Having extensive experiences over six years with children and families, I am committed to continuing to assist them by joining with potential Indonesian government agencies or NGO. My goal is to contribute to helping disadvantaged children and families by promoting good care practice and empowering women, as well as provide educational service to potential government bodies. I strongly believe that my proposed study will benefit Indonesian government; related stakeholders and communities, especially in isolated and neglected locations, as in these areas, the availability of child and family specialists able to address their issues more pertinently and comprehensively is inadequate.
apidjakfar   
Jan 7, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'tracing family history' - ielts writing [4]

Hallo Gao

You have answered the question straightforwardly and your argument is quite strong, however, the thing that need to be improved is that grammatical thing, such as the term "for one hand" replaced with on one hand and so forth. In addition, I am not native speaker, so it is better to ask advice from native colleague to revise yours.

another point I want to comment is that I do not know under which category you take the IELTS whether it is academic or general, as far as I have known, for academic one, you have to use formal words or sentences instead of informal one. for example " use a great number/ amount of benefit instead of the term a lot of.

Good luck
Apid
apidjakfar   
Jan 5, 2012
Letters / 'I hold a Bachelor degree in Biochemisry' Motivation Letter pursuing master's degree [3]

Dear Bianca, it's nice to know you, btw, I am Indonesian too.

I would say that you have drawn it well, nonetheless, concerning the first paragraph, I would suggest that if you can elucidate the reasons why taking that course/subject not just to meet your curiosity, such as it will equip you with some critical knowledge or skills that will help you in your future career and in assisting your community.

Good luck ya
Apid
apidjakfar   
Jan 3, 2012
Scholarship / 'human right law' - Open Society Foundation Scholarship [4]

Dear, all colleagues,

First of all, I do thank for Mr. Akhil who has commented on my essay, however, to be honest, I am not confident enough with that essay, so, is that anyone else who willing to give their invaluable constructive critique on my essay? I am going to submit it on the 2nd week of this month.

Thank a lot
Apid
apidjakfar   
Dec 22, 2011
Writing Feedback / IELTS - we should not let technology and make our lives simple? [5]

both of statement in question is right, one hand, technology has dramatically improved the how we live in you can give some examples. on the other hand, it causes negative impact also to the way how we live, you can account for by giving examples,such as it will affect child development especially socially etc etc.
apidjakfar   
Dec 22, 2011
Scholarship / 'a hardworking and passionate person' - Why I Deserve This Scholarship [6]

I would suggest that it is worthy also to tell about what have you done in term with social contribution to prove that you are the best candidate for the scholarship such as, i have engaged in providing medical or social activities for the disadvantages people etc.

good luck
apidjakfar   
Dec 22, 2011
Scholarship / 'human right law' - Open Society Foundation Scholarship [4]

Hi, i am going to apply for open society scholarship foundation, I do need any constructive critic, correction for my essay. thank for your invaluable assistance

Why have you chosen to study this academic programme? (up to 150 words)

Taking a master degree on human right law which specifically focus on child issues at the University of Nottingham has interested me most because firstly, it allows me to shape and exercise my analytical, theoretical and research skills on human right law especially that related to child issues and look at existing legal and regimes related to the issues more critically and from wider perspective e.g. international, regional and national levels which In turn will substantially help me in my future work. Secondly, I want to contribute in assisting Indonesian government in overcoming any issues relates to children by providing social services to children and their families especially in isolated and neglected areas as well as educational services to potential government bodies.

How will this scholarship benefit you and your country? (up to 50 words)

The scholarship will enable me to develop and gain theoretical, practical and research skills on human right law especially related to child issues and look at them from wider scopes which in turn will help me to practise them in my future work to assist Indonesian government in overcoming any issues relates to children by providing social services to children and their families especially in isolated and neglected areas as well as educational services to potential government bodies. Furthermore, Indonesia is essentially need competent experts on human right especially related to child issues because it is a signatory state to CRC and is still exercising transitional democracy to substantial democracy, therefore, government agencies and community at large need to be enhanced their capacities and awareness continuously on how to address these issues more pertinently to local context and human right- based.

Why have you chosen to study in the UK? (up to 150 words)

There are a number of reasons why I wish to study in UK. Firstly, I have strong wish to study at the University of Nottingham since it is the University that internationally recognized for its teaching and research especially on law subject. In addition, its teaching staffs are well-known internationally and are as front liners on human right grounds who significantly have contributed to promotion on human right issues around the globes. Secondly, Universities in UK particularly, the Nottingham university provides students a well-rounded education that will assist them meet their career aspiration and life goal not just completing university but well into the future. Thirdly, UK has long been becoming as the destination country for international students around the globes so that it will give me a wonderful opportunity to enhance my connection internationally which in turn will assist me in my future work as well as enrich experience diverse cultures.
Do You Need
Academic Writing
or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳