Posts by Suzhou

Suzhou

Jan 1, 2012

Undergraduate / 'The Game' - JHU essay; Undecided [9]

I would get rid of the first sentence and specify the date you had your revelation. Also, when you say "My parents were living vicariously through me and for years, they'd planned every step I'd take during and after high school" - I'm no college counselor but I'm not sure if that would be a wise thing to say. You sound dependent on your parents, and that doesn't come off well. I would talk more about how much you love pursuing a wide variety of subjects and how you want to satisfy all your curiosities before picking a major.

Good luck!

Suzhou

Dec 29, 2011

Undergraduate / Emory Supplement Essay - "A New Adventure" [4]

Prompt: What are the unique qualities of Emory University, and the specific school(s) to which you are applying (Emory College of Arts and Sciences, Oxford College, or both), that make you want to become part of Emory University? In what ways do you hope to take advantage of the qualities you have identified?

There's only so much my hometown can offer. I'm more than ready to engage in a new adventure for the next four years.

Emory, with its flexible curriculum, provides a wide range of opportunities. Under the college, I'll be able to pursue biology and writing - two unrelated fields of study that have both captured my interest. Who knows where it'll take me? Perhaps I'll double major and write figurative prose on the microbiology of E. Coli. Not only that, the liberal arts program would allow me to gain a degree of knowledge in a variety of subjects I normally would never take. Maybe I'll even find a new passion - a hidden zeal for economics, perchance, or an unforeseen enthusiasm for humanities.

As a current student puts it, Emory values quality over quantity. Instead of an overabundance of large introductory science classes, seminars and special topic courses are offered that target specific subjects within biology. Many of these cross over with other subjects, like psychology and anthropology. Through this, I'll be able to explore topics in many fields I'm curious about.

Emory also seeks to take things outside of the classroom, whether it's with their Engaged Learning approach or the opportunities of internships within Atlanta, one of the major cities of the South. Education here is more than just bookwork - I can achieve a wider understanding with "real-world" experience, discover the answer to that age-old question adults love to ask: "What do you want to do with your life?"

Do you guys think my desire to attend Emory really shows?

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'endless activities' - Why NYU? Supplement [7]

Can you guys also proofread this essay for another one of NYU's prompts?

What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

There's nothing like spending free time curled up with a good book. And although my English teacher would lament my definition of a "good book", since it does not involve any literary classics, my guilty pleasures inevitably lie in fantasy, especially with good old dragons. A mythical creature (or two) is the perfect ingredient for spicing up a plotline.

I received Inheritance by Christopher Paolini for Christmas. From the first page, I was enraptured. As I forayed deeper into the conflict, the same thoughts clamored ever louder in my mind: "How is the author going to pull this off? How will Eragon escape from the evil clutches of Galbatorix now?" My hands may have well been glued to the book. I was voracious, and devoured each chapter with eagerness. I started the 849-page book at twelve pm and finished nine hours later, a bit dazed and disappointed to be thrown back in reality.

With writing, Paolini captures the readers' attention with exceptional skill. It doesn't matter whether I'm in my room or in the kitchen near a turned-on TV - even if for a brief moment, I can lose myself in the land of Alagaesia.

This skill is a goal I'll always be striving towards, to offer my readers a chance to forget the mundane and delve into my poems, my essays, my imagination.

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'endless activities' - Why NYU? Supplement [7]

Pinkbunny: That was an accident...haha I added it back in. Still below the character count though :) Thanks for the help

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'endless activities' - Why NYU? Supplement [7]

Prompt: Why NYU?

At NYU, there's so much doing on, endless activities that my hometown will never be able to offer. Is it the guest lecturer coming to talk about the latest development in biology? Is it the film screening being held in Washington Square Park? In a city teeming with millions, there's no end to the possibilities. I have a chance to pursue my education outside of the classroom, to gain that "real-world" experience, to figure out the answer to the age old question adults love to ask: What do I want to do with my life?

The liberal arts program of CAS would give me the opportunity to involve myself in both biology and literature, two unrelated fields of study that have both captured my interest. Not only that, by taking the core classes, I might even discover a hidden passion. Perhaps I hold a dormant zeal for economics - who knows?

Current students at NYU talk of the freedom they've found here. It's not a "lets-go-wild" freedom, but a degree of independence. I'll be living on my own, in control of my plans and my time. I'll have to learn how to support myself, how to balance my work and my education, how to lay down reachable goals to work for. These skills are not taught, but slowly acquired.

At NYU, I hope to not only broaden my perspective outside of the suburbs where I live, but to discover my ambitions and emerge enlightened.

Is the ending too...stupid? Does my passion come through? Be as blunt as you want!

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Curling' - Extracurricular Common App [6]

"But I quickly learned how to accept the loss, and more importantly learn from it. Before long I found I was applying this principle not only to curling but to my entire life. I never imagined I'd find such an important lesson or rewarding experience in such a simple sport."

The transition is a bit jarring. You're doing the age old college essay formula, where you talk about an activity you participate in and relate it to some form of moral lesson. And while there's nothing wrong with that, I feel like it should be put to better use in the actual common app essay, where you have more room to explain your growth. In this short answer, you simply go from "I lost at curling" to "I can learn from loss." Perhaps it would be better if you explained just why you stuck with curling, instead of talking about the lesson you gained from it.

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'successful business' + 'stock market+ 'listing off renowned artists' NYUs [5]

Your middle essay is especially good. You show you have a good grasp of business aspects and your passion for this subject really shines through.

In your first essay, when you mention "the cloud", perhaps (word limit allowing) you can touch a little more on that? What exactly, is the cloud?

And in your third essay, don't start off with "what intrigues me". Just say something like "Perhaps most of the responses here will talk of renowned artists, poets, etc etc"

Read mine? :)

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'Complexity is what makes me great' - Common App Essay [8]

In my opinion, I don't think you should include the last line. The admissions office is going to read thousands of essays like yours where people try to affirm that they're more than just a resume with their essays. Instead of asking for an understanding of what you've achieved, talk about it. Write about everything you'e done, all the goals you've reached and struggles you've overcome.

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / "How can a Chinese boy play guitar" - Common Application [9]

A very minor suggestion: When you write "long", remember to italicize it. And if you can the tone online and incorporate it into the word, that wouldn't hurt either.

Suzhou

Dec 27, 2011

Undergraduate / 'moment I have in badminton' Common App Activities Short Answer [NEW]

Prompt: Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

There's a moment I have in badminton, when my opponent has just served to me, and I know exactly how I'll return her shot and where my hit will land, so that there's a likely chance she won't be able to receive. Given my complete lack of coordination in athletics, this is an unexpected twist. But badminton has been the one sport that's stuck with me ever since I picked up my first racquet in third grade. Basketball, ballet, soccer - those were fleeting. They've never given me the rush I get from returning a forceful smash, or hearing the satisfying thwack that indicates the power in my clear as I hit the birdie across the court. Sure, badminton practice can be tedious. And there are times when I miss all my shots, lose all my games and am struggling to not give in to frustration. But I'll always keep playing, simply because this is what I love doing. When I play, I get an intensity no other sport will ever offer.

Grammar/word flow/content tips and suggestions are welcome!