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Posts by luvicemocha
Joined: Dec 29, 2011
Last Post: Jan 3, 2012
Threads: 2
Posts: 20  

From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 22
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luvicemocha   
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / 'struck at the ambiance' - POMONA 2 -- Fun experience [5]

New Year's Eve is that time of year where each and every individual looks forward to the upcoming year and the opportunities it presents. In accordance with the prospect of a fresh start, people make resolutions to put themselves in better shape for the future. But do people really follow their resolutions and not utter them simply out of partaking in the New Year spirit?( I think this does not go with your essay) I made a resolution two years ago that I was going to be more compassionate to others. Every New Year's Eve since then, I have been visiting a nearby retirement home, SunnyView in Cupertino, with my father to help plan and prepare for the New Year celebrations and the evening party.

I think is great.. as you can see I copy the whole thing to make changes but only found one..well plus the ones ppl already pointed out but I didn't put anything.. thanks for looking over at mine and good luck!!!
luvicemocha   
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / Tufts Supplements " Legos , A Park , All Aboard!" [3]

student is valued for their talents

you should pick his or her not both only one.. because you are talking of every student not all students

bio-medical houseand in my school,

he/she

pick one

likelihood

i think this is mispelled

I like both of them. I think they are very creative!! Good luck!! plese help me!!!
luvicemocha   
Jan 3, 2012
Graduate / 'truly engaged with physical therapy' - personal statement [3]

My interest in physical therapy goes back to my high school years, as an athlete I experience quite a couple of small injuries in which not really knowing physical therapy was involved. I decided to join the soccer in order to become more involved, of course it being my first time playing soccer I was always on the ground.

This whole thing is kinda awkard.. maybe try switing the sentence around... and the part of "small injurirs in which not really knowing physical therapy was involved" is just weird...

okay so I just read the first couple sentence of the second paragraph you just have to reprashe everything.. it sounds relly awkard ..

the overall messeage is good just work on the stucture of your first sentence.. good luck :) could you help me please?
luvicemocha   
Jan 3, 2012
Undergraduate / ' New Schools, New Me' - Common App Essay #5 [8]

I think you are kind of repeting yourself with

became involved in my school

and

entered more clubs

I think they basicly state the same thing so just choose one

Other than that I think it's great, very precise and well writter :) good luck
luvicemocha   
Jan 2, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Play-Doh to plato' - UChicago.. Play -Doh's prespective [8]

okay well just have a bit of done but can you guys correct grammar and tell me if I'm going the right way???

Prompt: Find a connection between Play-Doh to plato

I am Play-Doh. My touch is soft, moist and smooth but not sticky. My smell is wonderful, the perfect combination between salty and sweet. I am entertainment for young minds. I can bring back memories of long lost childhood full imagination and creation. I can be the best past time. I am the first canvas for child's imagination, the first source of creation. My shape can be transformed into anything imaginable, although many times people just us me to replicated objects already in existence. Like house, chairs, animals, and common things like that. For a child, I can be the first hands on experience making their imagination come to life. The purple castle or the big, green ogre can exist thanks to me. No matter how big or small the imagination, I can capture a child's imagination more than going to Never Land with Tinker Bell's dust. I would consider myself the first canvas for any young creator. My shape will do whatever the hands order it to do. Yet, I wonder if people would disagree with me being a form of art. Well let me prove my self. First I would start by answering the most basic question before we can define if I am or I am not art.

What is art?

According to my sources, art is the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture.

Well I guess that describes what I can become but I feel for some this might not be good enough. After all that are only my sources telling you what art is. Let's see, what we can do to prove or disprove that I'm art. Well, I know, let's see what some theorist have to say. After all, they probably know more than simple Play-Doh. Let's ask the question again.

What is art?

In Percy Bysshe Shelley's mind art is something that "acts in a divine and unapprehended manner, beyond and above consciousness". Well I'm not sure I act that way, and I do not think that the children playing with me are above consciousness, I think they are just imagining. Well then, I think I should find what art means to another person. Susan Sontag, for example, thinks that "art is an imitation of reality". I think that sounds right I am not the real object, but I feel the idea is not develop enough and might not be enough explanation. Far enough then, I think that I your eyes deserve more explanation. According to the philosopher Plato in The Republic, the products created by art "are two steps away from reality". I think we got our answer, I am two steps from reality, I am the copy of the product which a kid as seen. Furthermore, the product or image that the kid is getting an idea from was a copy from the original design. For example, the kid might have watch Monsters Inc. and decided to create a monster that look like the monster in that movie. Yet, monsters have been around for much longer the movie, as a matter of fact much longer than Disney so they got the idea of monster from someone. Therefore, shaping me into a monster is only a copy of copy of copy...

Now, do you see why I think of myself of art? Plato as allowed me to be consider art because of his ideas of it being merely copies of copies that resemble the original piece, yet where different in some way or another. Thanks to Plato I am art therefore me and Plato's ideas are related.
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Mexican culture' - Yale/ Harvard supplement [15]

Yes I did!! Thanks everyone for the comments. I was really worried when my dad said he didn't like it..but everyone else seems to like it so I hope admissions does too
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / Beauty of Biology and aspirations as an engineer. Why Duke? [3]

Maybe you can write something along this of wating to help better the human race expecially those in need with your knowledge of Biochemical engineer and that DUKE is the only place that can provide that?

Overall I think is amazing
could you check mine??
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'A regular day in my childhood' - Common app [9]

Well I like it and I think you will be okay with the 100 words extra.. is not too many.. and you have cut a lot!!

could you please go back and check mine.. I made some changes too
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The power behind diversity' - personal statement for v-tech [2]

I think it's great..

his/her

pick only his or her don't do both
if you have more space maybe you could talk about the diversity of professors/teacher and the importance of that

Overall, I think you did a great job I really like it
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Knowledge matters. People matter. Life matters' - Stanford [4]

I think is great... I love how you explain your idea and I think the admissions office will really like it.. I didn't find any erros but you might want someone else to take a look also.. could you check mine please?? and also the comment I post it because I made a few changes?
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'A regular day in my childhood' - Common app [9]

I like the essay but I agree Zhoe kelly I think you expend too much time describing your chilhool day... maybe go right to what happens when you get home.. and add that our mom works all at night.. and then go to explain the things that this though you farther.. but I'm not sure is up to you.. I am just trying to find creative ways to cut it down.. good luck and thanks for looking at mine :)
luvicemocha   
Jan 1, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The President of the Hip-Hop Club' - CommonApp Extracurricular - Newspaper [9]

I like it. I think it is very original and in my opinion it gave an insight to who you are. There are going to be many essays when people talk about their dedication to something, this is very creative.

this is the only sentence I think needs work.

Society changes and the world is kept human by people who make themselves heard, and I hadn't understood their need for a platform to do so until I joined The Patriot.

I'm not sure what you should do maybe just flip flop what you wrote? but other than that I think its great!!

could you please read mine? It's called princeton and Alice and wonderland thanks
luvicemocha   
Dec 30, 2011
Undergraduate / Airplane hum - Yale supplement. [5]

I like the idea, but maybe you need to turn it around a bit to show a deeper meaning. Maybe talked more about your own little world like alechuamg said. I do explain why/ how you got to that point and how you just reliaze what a waste it is that you rather be doing x or y.
luvicemocha   
Dec 29, 2011
Undergraduate / 'Mexican culture' - Yale/ Harvard supplement [15]

Promp: Write about something you haven't already in your applicataion

On a warm, sunny morning, at six AM to be exact, I found myself in dark clothing at a funeral home. I had not slept for twenty four hours and I felt all cried out. Of course, this assumption was proven wrong just minutes later. I felt trapped in a nightmare that would not end. Only twenty two hours earlier, I was on my way out to plan my last homecoming dance. Just before I left, the phone rang and everything changed. I picked up and heard one hysteric aunt screaming, "Do you know what happened to my dad?" over and over again. I tried to calm her down to find out what she meant but my mind jumped to the worst conclusion. In spite of this, I tried to stay positive until she said, "He died, my dad is death". I started calling my mom and told her; she could not believe she refused to believe it. I could not understand why she denied it; at that moment it just seemed like a fact. Yet later, when I found myself in front of the corpse, I couldn't believe it either. My cousins and I discussed how none of it seemed real. Everything was happening too fast, and it seem impossible to us, that the source of so many childhood memories, the person responsible for many happy times. The person took us to the movies, the beach, the arcade was gone. Just like that, without a warning just gone. Even though he got drunk all the time, even if he only wanted things his way, and even if he continually showed his disappointment on how Americanized my siblings and I were becoming, I still loved him.

My grandpa's, or how we used to call him "Tata", death was a tragic, yet it allowed me to discover a lot about myself. I discovered that one's identity can change in just mere seconds, one second I was a girl with four grandparents and the next I was a girl with only three. At the beginning of the summer, I assumed I was the oldest daughter of both of my parents but then I discover I was never the oldest. I found out that my dad had had a daughter before he married my mom whom I had have not yet met. I realize that my identity is defined by many things out of my control. Who I am can change in just seconds from new information I gather or from an unexpected event. Although there are things which are out of my control, there are still some which I can control. For example my ethnicity, a few years ago I was Mexican but know I am Mexican American. Although, I cannot control where I was born or where I live, I can control which parts of each culture define me. I can take the self discipline and dreams from the America culture, and combine this with the family focus from the Mexican culture. This task is not always easy and many times I find myself being more like one culture than the other depending on the situation. Like the days I'm so wrapped up in homework and do not even say hi to my parent. Yet, through the years I have come to master this better. I am very proud of what my culture has help me become.