Nana12
Jan 9, 2012
Nana12
Jan 8, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The Pursuit of Medicine' - Sophie Davis Essay #3 [2]
Great essay, however you need to have a stronger introduction. Make the reader bite the apple. In addition try to use better transition words, throughout your essay I felt as if you were just listing. A helpful writing technique I use, is completing rewritting an essay on the same subject, to explore new ideas. Then bring these essays together to great the final product. Try showing your passion for medicine, Universities should know what makes you different. Hope this helps. !
Great essay, however you need to have a stronger introduction. Make the reader bite the apple. In addition try to use better transition words, throughout your essay I felt as if you were just listing. A helpful writing technique I use, is completing rewritting an essay on the same subject, to explore new ideas. Then bring these essays together to great the final product. Try showing your passion for medicine, Universities should know what makes you different. Hope this helps. !
Nana12
Jan 8, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The girls my age went to adult clubs' - skills or knowledge [3]
Propmt: Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How?
I step out of my uncle's 1996 red Dodge Ram truck; happy to be out of the dangerous, unpaved, bumpy road. I take a deep long breath as I analyze my surroundings. There are children running around shirtless and shoeless along the small closed- in streets of San Jose de Ocoa, in Dominican Republic. I feel as if I had stepped out of a world of color, into an opaque hopeless world of black and white. There aren't any traffic lights and the gray cement homes are packed together tightly on the short streets. I timidly follow my uncle into my great uncle's home. This is the first time that I will have visited my family in Dominican Republic; my heart beats rapidly and my palms begin to sweat as I walk through the squeaky feeble doors.
The house is dark; I ask my uncle if anyone is home, and he replies that he hears them out back. I clumsily make my way through piles of shoes and clothing to the backyard. I am shocked to see there are hens everywhere, this is my first time seeing this many animals in a single backyard. An old, short, and tan lady smiles at me and rushes to give me a hug. She speaks rapidly in Spanish and overwhelmed by her enthusiasm, all I can do is smile and nod my head. From the corner of my eye, I see an old, skinny, and pale man sitting on a discolored plastic chair on the opposite side of us; he beckons me to his side. I tread lightly on the dark green patches of grass, nervously biting my nails as I near him. He stands up and gives me a warm embrace. In Spanish, he says that he is so happy to have finally met me. Out of nowhere, tears begin to well in my eyes; I was flabbergasted by my surroundings yet filled with a sense belonging and love.
That was nearly four years ago; my uncle offered to take my brothers and me to Dominican Republic to spend the summer. My first few weeks, I spent them in Santo Domingo, the capital of Dominican Republic. My uncle had a mansion, with his own maid. In addition, there was a beauty salon right down the street, where I could get my hair done for only five dollars. Santo Domingo was very different from Miami. My uncle could send me to the store to buy his beer and although I was only fourteen, they would hand it to me with a smile and no I.D.
The girls my age went to adult clubs, almost every day. They dated men nearly three times their age and many of them were married by the time they were eighteen. I felt as if I were in a scary alternate universe. However, I enjoyed learning about my culture. My experience was extremely engaging.
In Santo Domingo, there was only one super store, in which you could buy all your household appliances and groceries. If you weren't willing to travel the distance, you had to resolve to buy all your poultry and beef from a "carnicería" and your vegetables from a vendor in your neighborhood, who would sit in the heat all day selling her produce.
Once a day, a man would walk down your street, yelling at the top of his lungs "AVOCATE, QUENEPA, MANGO", which translates into avocado, mamoncillos, and mangos. My brothers and I would rush out of the house, with our Dominican pesos in hand choosing the best of each fruit. Once a week, my aunt would hysterically yell out "SE FUE LA LUZ", this meant that the light went out; it would stay out for the entire day, which meant freezing showers. Life in Santo Domingo was both fun and frustrating.
A few weeks after my arrival, my uncle took us on a trip to see our family in San José de Ocoa. The trip was long and physically grueling. The roads were disastrous, the majority of my trip I clung tightly to my seat, praying we would make the journey.
San Jose de Ocoa was very different from Santo Domingo. The families were so impoverished that they could not afford shoes for their children; they did not own cars, so they drove around in mopeds instead. There wasn't a hospital or even a grocery store in close proximity. Many of the people there lived on subsistence farming, producing just enough to feed their families each year. My great-aunt cooked everything on one small stove top, she owned only two pans, and they did not own a refrigerator. They kept their spoilable produce in a neighbor's house across the street. There wasn't any running water so they gathered the water they would use from a local well each and every day. My great-aunt have to boil five gallons of water, for us to drink. It was difficult to wash dishes, take showers, use the facilities, or anything that involved using water. I never valued running water so dearly ever before.
My time there exposed me to so many beautiful aspects of San Jose de Ocoa. The families there depended on each other to survive. Everyone in the entire town knew each other. They took care of each other's children like their own, they helped cook and clean for their sick neighbors, and they depended on each other for the food they needed to survive. Everyone contributed to the needs of others. They were like a large family made up of smaller subunits, which worked in unison with each other to survive the harsh conditions.
However, my visit to San Jose de Ocoa, exposed me to a completely different side of the world. A place where there are unplanned power fluctuations, where many families did not even have electricity in their homes, where the tap water is not potable, where political corruption seems to be widely practiced and accepted, and where an entire country is heavily dependent on foreign aid and loans. This was a country filled with children that may never receive an education.
I learned much more in Dominican Republic, than I could have ever learned in a classroom. I realized why the United States is a haven for immigrants looking for the opportunities to advance themselves. I am blessed to have the necessities many people lack such as food, shelter, water and clothing. My family is enduring rough financial times, but nothing like some of the families in San Jose de Ocoa. Experiencing life in an environment like San Jose de Ocoa, has motivated me more than ever to take advantage of the education opportunities I have in the United States. I want to be able to accomplish great things in life and one day return to Dominican Republic in order to aid in the advancement of its citizens.
Propmt: Other than through classes in school, in what areas (non-academic or academic) have you acquired knowledge or skills? How?
I step out of my uncle's 1996 red Dodge Ram truck; happy to be out of the dangerous, unpaved, bumpy road. I take a deep long breath as I analyze my surroundings. There are children running around shirtless and shoeless along the small closed- in streets of San Jose de Ocoa, in Dominican Republic. I feel as if I had stepped out of a world of color, into an opaque hopeless world of black and white. There aren't any traffic lights and the gray cement homes are packed together tightly on the short streets. I timidly follow my uncle into my great uncle's home. This is the first time that I will have visited my family in Dominican Republic; my heart beats rapidly and my palms begin to sweat as I walk through the squeaky feeble doors.
The house is dark; I ask my uncle if anyone is home, and he replies that he hears them out back. I clumsily make my way through piles of shoes and clothing to the backyard. I am shocked to see there are hens everywhere, this is my first time seeing this many animals in a single backyard. An old, short, and tan lady smiles at me and rushes to give me a hug. She speaks rapidly in Spanish and overwhelmed by her enthusiasm, all I can do is smile and nod my head. From the corner of my eye, I see an old, skinny, and pale man sitting on a discolored plastic chair on the opposite side of us; he beckons me to his side. I tread lightly on the dark green patches of grass, nervously biting my nails as I near him. He stands up and gives me a warm embrace. In Spanish, he says that he is so happy to have finally met me. Out of nowhere, tears begin to well in my eyes; I was flabbergasted by my surroundings yet filled with a sense belonging and love.
That was nearly four years ago; my uncle offered to take my brothers and me to Dominican Republic to spend the summer. My first few weeks, I spent them in Santo Domingo, the capital of Dominican Republic. My uncle had a mansion, with his own maid. In addition, there was a beauty salon right down the street, where I could get my hair done for only five dollars. Santo Domingo was very different from Miami. My uncle could send me to the store to buy his beer and although I was only fourteen, they would hand it to me with a smile and no I.D.
The girls my age went to adult clubs, almost every day. They dated men nearly three times their age and many of them were married by the time they were eighteen. I felt as if I were in a scary alternate universe. However, I enjoyed learning about my culture. My experience was extremely engaging.
In Santo Domingo, there was only one super store, in which you could buy all your household appliances and groceries. If you weren't willing to travel the distance, you had to resolve to buy all your poultry and beef from a "carnicería" and your vegetables from a vendor in your neighborhood, who would sit in the heat all day selling her produce.
Once a day, a man would walk down your street, yelling at the top of his lungs "AVOCATE, QUENEPA, MANGO", which translates into avocado, mamoncillos, and mangos. My brothers and I would rush out of the house, with our Dominican pesos in hand choosing the best of each fruit. Once a week, my aunt would hysterically yell out "SE FUE LA LUZ", this meant that the light went out; it would stay out for the entire day, which meant freezing showers. Life in Santo Domingo was both fun and frustrating.
A few weeks after my arrival, my uncle took us on a trip to see our family in San José de Ocoa. The trip was long and physically grueling. The roads were disastrous, the majority of my trip I clung tightly to my seat, praying we would make the journey.
San Jose de Ocoa was very different from Santo Domingo. The families were so impoverished that they could not afford shoes for their children; they did not own cars, so they drove around in mopeds instead. There wasn't a hospital or even a grocery store in close proximity. Many of the people there lived on subsistence farming, producing just enough to feed their families each year. My great-aunt cooked everything on one small stove top, she owned only two pans, and they did not own a refrigerator. They kept their spoilable produce in a neighbor's house across the street. There wasn't any running water so they gathered the water they would use from a local well each and every day. My great-aunt have to boil five gallons of water, for us to drink. It was difficult to wash dishes, take showers, use the facilities, or anything that involved using water. I never valued running water so dearly ever before.
My time there exposed me to so many beautiful aspects of San Jose de Ocoa. The families there depended on each other to survive. Everyone in the entire town knew each other. They took care of each other's children like their own, they helped cook and clean for their sick neighbors, and they depended on each other for the food they needed to survive. Everyone contributed to the needs of others. They were like a large family made up of smaller subunits, which worked in unison with each other to survive the harsh conditions.
However, my visit to San Jose de Ocoa, exposed me to a completely different side of the world. A place where there are unplanned power fluctuations, where many families did not even have electricity in their homes, where the tap water is not potable, where political corruption seems to be widely practiced and accepted, and where an entire country is heavily dependent on foreign aid and loans. This was a country filled with children that may never receive an education.
I learned much more in Dominican Republic, than I could have ever learned in a classroom. I realized why the United States is a haven for immigrants looking for the opportunities to advance themselves. I am blessed to have the necessities many people lack such as food, shelter, water and clothing. My family is enduring rough financial times, but nothing like some of the families in San Jose de Ocoa. Experiencing life in an environment like San Jose de Ocoa, has motivated me more than ever to take advantage of the education opportunities I have in the United States. I want to be able to accomplish great things in life and one day return to Dominican Republic in order to aid in the advancement of its citizens.
Nana12
Jan 8, 2012
Scholarship / 'the ending of the month Ramadan' - a leadership experience, how and why? Gates. [3]
I understand the idea you are trying to convey in your essay, but you have to have a stand-out introduction. Maybe an anecdote or a scene, to really entice the reader. In addition state your religion and background. You kind of just jumped into volunteering at the Mosque. You have to use more transition words and you have many grammatical errors. This essay has the potential to be great. I suggest you rewrite it but clear your mind of everything you wrote in the previous essay, that way your ideas are fresher. Overall, I get what message your trying to portray, it's a really good one, an experience in leadership that few of us have, but stand-out. You have to show WHY YOU?
Hope this helps (: goodluck.
I understand the idea you are trying to convey in your essay, but you have to have a stand-out introduction. Maybe an anecdote or a scene, to really entice the reader. In addition state your religion and background. You kind of just jumped into volunteering at the Mosque. You have to use more transition words and you have many grammatical errors. This essay has the potential to be great. I suggest you rewrite it but clear your mind of everything you wrote in the previous essay, that way your ideas are fresher. Overall, I get what message your trying to portray, it's a really good one, an experience in leadership that few of us have, but stand-out. You have to show WHY YOU?
Hope this helps (: goodluck.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'advancing and enhancing technology / Bangladesh' - Gates Essay: Subject Excelled [5]
I edited your essay on microsoft word. I'm new to this forum and I am not familiar with editing on here. I can send it to your email if you like I have it saved.
I edited your essay on microsoft word. I'm new to this forum and I am not familiar with editing on here. I can send it to your email if you like I have it saved.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'suicide among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender' - treated unfairly [4]
Thanks (;
Thanks (;
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'My sister and I were born in Morocco' - Letter of special circumstances for college [15]
This is a really good essay. A few grammatical errors, but nothing big. The paragraph before the last paragraph needs to be revised. You have to think in terms of advertising yourself, not "hoping" they will accept you. You should say something along the lines of what you would contribute, rather than them being rewarded. Otherwise great essay. I think that conclusion is fine, if you come up with a completed conclusion, I will be happy to look at it for you.
This is a really good essay. A few grammatical errors, but nothing big. The paragraph before the last paragraph needs to be revised. You have to think in terms of advertising yourself, not "hoping" they will accept you. You should say something along the lines of what you would contribute, rather than them being rewarded. Otherwise great essay. I think that conclusion is fine, if you come up with a completed conclusion, I will be happy to look at it for you.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'suicide among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender' - treated unfairly [4]
prompt:Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?
Researchers have found that suicide among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth (LGBT) is comparatively higher than among the general population. Many high school students who are gay lack the social support much needed in these delicate and emotionally grueling teenage years. Many high schools do not offer support groups for these individuals and parents are often oblivious of what their children are going through. These students are in constant fear of being taunted or harassed. Some would rather conform to the norm, than be disliked for the sexual preferences. High school can be some of the worst years for these students; they have virtually no support and lack the abilities to deal with these social problems, thus, turning to suicide as a solution to their problems.
I know how difficult life is when you are gay because, I am homosexual and accepting my sexuality was very difficult. All of my life, society has taught me that being gay is wrong. However, in my teenage years, I knew that there was something different about my sexual preferences. I denied it for many years, I practically lived in fear. When I revealed my sexuality to a close friend, she betrayed me and told everyone I knew. Many of my friends abandoned me; I was alone, without any support or understanding. I have experienced difficulty in finding new friends and people who were accepting of my homosexuality. I was talked about, criticized, and ridiculed, by many people I knew. Many of my peers were in fear of even being in the locker-room with me while they were undressing. As a result of this, I kept my sexuality hidden from my new friends.
My junior year, I finally accepted myself. I was fed up with pretending to be someone who I wasn't. I came out to everyone I knew and not surprisingly, I lost many new friends; however, I was shocked to see that many of my friends became accepting. I even influenced some of my peers to reveal their sexuality to their friends. At first many people behaved awkward around me, especially my basketball teammates, but with time they became comfortable around me. It felt so good to finally be honest with others, but most importantly honest with myself.
This experience with my sexual identity has been a rough process, but I learned that in order to have others accept me; I need to be more accepting of others and their personal beliefs. Everyone is different and this is what contributes to the diversity of our world. We learn from people of different cultures and religions, but in order to learn from others we must be willing and unbiased.
prompt:Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?
Researchers have found that suicide among lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth (LGBT) is comparatively higher than among the general population. Many high school students who are gay lack the social support much needed in these delicate and emotionally grueling teenage years. Many high schools do not offer support groups for these individuals and parents are often oblivious of what their children are going through. These students are in constant fear of being taunted or harassed. Some would rather conform to the norm, than be disliked for the sexual preferences. High school can be some of the worst years for these students; they have virtually no support and lack the abilities to deal with these social problems, thus, turning to suicide as a solution to their problems.
I know how difficult life is when you are gay because, I am homosexual and accepting my sexuality was very difficult. All of my life, society has taught me that being gay is wrong. However, in my teenage years, I knew that there was something different about my sexual preferences. I denied it for many years, I practically lived in fear. When I revealed my sexuality to a close friend, she betrayed me and told everyone I knew. Many of my friends abandoned me; I was alone, without any support or understanding. I have experienced difficulty in finding new friends and people who were accepting of my homosexuality. I was talked about, criticized, and ridiculed, by many people I knew. Many of my peers were in fear of even being in the locker-room with me while they were undressing. As a result of this, I kept my sexuality hidden from my new friends.
My junior year, I finally accepted myself. I was fed up with pretending to be someone who I wasn't. I came out to everyone I knew and not surprisingly, I lost many new friends; however, I was shocked to see that many of my friends became accepting. I even influenced some of my peers to reveal their sexuality to their friends. At first many people behaved awkward around me, especially my basketball teammates, but with time they became comfortable around me. It felt so good to finally be honest with others, but most importantly honest with myself.
This experience with my sexual identity has been a rough process, but I learned that in order to have others accept me; I need to be more accepting of others and their personal beliefs. Everyone is different and this is what contributes to the diversity of our world. We learn from people of different cultures and religions, but in order to learn from others we must be willing and unbiased.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the Grand Prix at Prospect Park' - extracurricular activity [4]
Sum up all the ways this activity has shaped the individual you are today. I like the way you did the conclusion, but you need to add more details. However, for you to be able to do that you need to be more detailed in your essay about the different ways this sport has been meaningful to your life and developments. I like that you tell a story, but your entire essay can't just be that story because, your leaving out all the influence this has had in your life. For example, you pushed through exhaustion during the race and won, but think about all the physical preparation that you have endured to dedicate your time to running. How it has given you time management: balancing practice, family, and school responsibilities. In addition it has probably given you discipline, to know what your priorities are. These are just examples, but make the essay connect to you personally. I hope this helps.
Sum up all the ways this activity has shaped the individual you are today. I like the way you did the conclusion, but you need to add more details. However, for you to be able to do that you need to be more detailed in your essay about the different ways this sport has been meaningful to your life and developments. I like that you tell a story, but your entire essay can't just be that story because, your leaving out all the influence this has had in your life. For example, you pushed through exhaustion during the race and won, but think about all the physical preparation that you have endured to dedicate your time to running. How it has given you time management: balancing practice, family, and school responsibilities. In addition it has probably given you discipline, to know what your priorities are. These are just examples, but make the essay connect to you personally. I hope this helps.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'the Grand Prix at Prospect Park' - extracurricular activity [4]
I like this essay it tells a story. However, you need to explain how this activity helped shape your life. You could include bits and pieces of the race, to use as a visual for the reader, but you must remember to thoroughly answer the prompt. Include how this activity has shaped your life, for example your unrelenting, determined, etc. I would also like to see a stronger conclusion. Your essay has the potential to be great, but you need to expand on this activity and how it has influenced your character and contributions to your community. Good luck ! (:
I like this essay it tells a story. However, you need to explain how this activity helped shape your life. You could include bits and pieces of the race, to use as a visual for the reader, but you must remember to thoroughly answer the prompt. Include how this activity has shaped your life, for example your unrelenting, determined, etc. I would also like to see a stronger conclusion. Your essay has the potential to be great, but you need to expand on this activity and how it has influenced your character and contributions to your community. Good luck ! (:
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'advancing and enhancing technology / Bangladesh' - Gates Essay: Subject Excelled [5]
This is an awesome essay. However, you have a few grammatical errors, so be sure to correct them before you submit.
In addition, maybe you should stick with AP US or technology as the main focus.
This is an awesome essay. However, you have a few grammatical errors, so be sure to correct them before you submit.
In addition, maybe you should stick with AP US or technology as the main focus.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / "First Kiss" Why OSU? I could comment on how awe-inspiring Elwood Gordon Gee is [2]
This is an awesome introduction. It gives them similes and something to visualize. However, in the body of your essay, use specific examples about the school and why this school attracts you so much. Such as, small class sizes, activites, clubs, etc. Research this school thoroughly, they will see that you know about the school. In addition, write the ways you will contribute to the school, getting involved in activites and organizations, hope this helps !
This is an awesome introduction. It gives them similes and something to visualize. However, in the body of your essay, use specific examples about the school and why this school attracts you so much. Such as, small class sizes, activites, clubs, etc. Research this school thoroughly, they will see that you know about the school. In addition, write the ways you will contribute to the school, getting involved in activites and organizations, hope this helps !
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Scholarship / 'my goal of becoming a doctor' - short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? [3]
Thank you so much! Do you do grammatical editing? If you do I would really appreciate it (:. This is the first time I've used this forum. I'm so happy someone responded!
Thank you so much! Do you do grammatical editing? If you do I would really appreciate it (:. This is the first time I've used this forum. I'm so happy someone responded!
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Undergraduate / 'I indulge in silence' - my commapp [10]
This is really nice, but it isn't good for a commonapp essay. You have to write about yourself, your accomplishments, stand out. Colleges and Universities are looking for specific qualities that make you different. This essay is awesome, but it sounds too poetic. You have to sell yourself as best as you can. Goodluck (: hope the advice helps.
This is really nice, but it isn't good for a commonapp essay. You have to write about yourself, your accomplishments, stand out. Colleges and Universities are looking for specific qualities that make you different. This essay is awesome, but it sounds too poetic. You have to sell yourself as best as you can. Goodluck (: hope the advice helps.
Nana12
Jan 7, 2012
Scholarship / 'my goal of becoming a doctor' - short and long-term goals. Are some of them related? [3]
My grandmother lies sprawled on the living room floor, all I can see is blood dripping down the side of her forehead. She whimpers in pain and my father gently picks her up and rushes her frail, limp body to the car. I stand paralyzed in shock, looking at the same spot where she lay, helpless, crying for help.
My grandmother broke her hip, that dreadful day, nearly seven years ago. She also suffered from Alzheimer's disease. A few weeks after her accident, she completely forgot how she injured herself. My father could not afford a full-time nurse to watch after her; as a result, I now gained the responsibility of her everyday care. Taking care of my grandmother was extremely difficult; I had to bathe her, change her disposable absorbent underpants, feed her, and put her to sleep. She would often forget who I was, consequently, resulting in resistance to comply with me. She would kick, bite, punch and scratch me every time I tried to feed or bathe her. It caused me a great deal of pain to see her suffering from an incurable disease. However, taking care of my grandmother helped me realize my passion for helping people, ever since then I knew that I wanted to become a doctor.
There are so many diverse and interesting aspects of the medical field. The world is constantly changing and with the development of new technology to treat many more health complications, the need for doctors is growing. Doctors are needed by every society regardless of wealth or diversity. Their patients depend and trust them to deliver accurate diagnosis and treatments. There is no feeling more gratifying than knowing that you have impacted an individual's life in a positive manner.
In addition, my love for science contributes to my goal of becoming a doctor. Biology has taught us that every single organism alive is interconnected through complex webs of DNA; chemistry shows us that many different components make up every day substances, and physics gives us insight into the factors concerning everyday motion. Science is a world of endless possibilities and never-ending discoveries. It helps us understand and ironically question our very existence.
My short-term goals, such as, maintaining impeccable grades and doing the things necessary in school to grant my admission into a great university are just components of achieving my dream of becoming a doctor. However, I am aiming to make differences in the people of my life today. I am involved in multiple community-based organizations that raise money for local elementary school children to have the necessary school supplies. In addition, I try to make differences in my neighborhood and school. Every weekend, my younger three brothers, their friends, and I, carry large, black, plastic bags, exploring our streets for trash. Furthermore, I try to influence school peers by encouraging them not to litter and many have changed their behavior as a result of my nagging.
My passion for helping others and love for science equally contribute to my dream of becoming a doctor. I am aware that becoming a doctor involves dedication to my field of interest and many years of school. However, my life experiences have equipped me with the mental strength and perseverance to conquer each and every obstacle standing in my way.
My grandmother lies sprawled on the living room floor, all I can see is blood dripping down the side of her forehead. She whimpers in pain and my father gently picks her up and rushes her frail, limp body to the car. I stand paralyzed in shock, looking at the same spot where she lay, helpless, crying for help.
My grandmother broke her hip, that dreadful day, nearly seven years ago. She also suffered from Alzheimer's disease. A few weeks after her accident, she completely forgot how she injured herself. My father could not afford a full-time nurse to watch after her; as a result, I now gained the responsibility of her everyday care. Taking care of my grandmother was extremely difficult; I had to bathe her, change her disposable absorbent underpants, feed her, and put her to sleep. She would often forget who I was, consequently, resulting in resistance to comply with me. She would kick, bite, punch and scratch me every time I tried to feed or bathe her. It caused me a great deal of pain to see her suffering from an incurable disease. However, taking care of my grandmother helped me realize my passion for helping people, ever since then I knew that I wanted to become a doctor.
There are so many diverse and interesting aspects of the medical field. The world is constantly changing and with the development of new technology to treat many more health complications, the need for doctors is growing. Doctors are needed by every society regardless of wealth or diversity. Their patients depend and trust them to deliver accurate diagnosis and treatments. There is no feeling more gratifying than knowing that you have impacted an individual's life in a positive manner.
In addition, my love for science contributes to my goal of becoming a doctor. Biology has taught us that every single organism alive is interconnected through complex webs of DNA; chemistry shows us that many different components make up every day substances, and physics gives us insight into the factors concerning everyday motion. Science is a world of endless possibilities and never-ending discoveries. It helps us understand and ironically question our very existence.
My short-term goals, such as, maintaining impeccable grades and doing the things necessary in school to grant my admission into a great university are just components of achieving my dream of becoming a doctor. However, I am aiming to make differences in the people of my life today. I am involved in multiple community-based organizations that raise money for local elementary school children to have the necessary school supplies. In addition, I try to make differences in my neighborhood and school. Every weekend, my younger three brothers, their friends, and I, carry large, black, plastic bags, exploring our streets for trash. Furthermore, I try to influence school peers by encouraging them not to litter and many have changed their behavior as a result of my nagging.
My passion for helping others and love for science equally contribute to my dream of becoming a doctor. I am aware that becoming a doctor involves dedication to my field of interest and many years of school. However, my life experiences have equipped me with the mental strength and perseverance to conquer each and every obstacle standing in my way.
