Undergraduate / USC essay- "to be a successful Hispanic", let me know what you think [18]

Lattent, please be patient, when you have violate the rules of the website, you won't get any help.

Student Talk / Can't edit any part of the common application, although I haven't submitted it yet. Why? [16]

Well, I think there might be some technical problems regarding your application.

However, there is a chance that it's submitted. NYU supplements have red arrows rather than green, and says it was downloaded rather than submitted, and I applied to washington university in st. louis, the supplement was indicated by red rather than green triangle and it says offsite, I presume they mean the same thing since i can't alter it in any way. So, if any of the above happens, it definitely meant it's submitted

and the payment thing: unless you made the payment on the commonapp website, it will have a red triangle for you. my WUSTL pays on their website and they also have red triangle instead of green ones.

angela

Undergraduate / USC Essay ignorance in the presence of knowlege [5]

Well, here is a great piece. As a Chinese visitor student, I do understand and see some of your points. However, here is what I recommend: don't mention James, don't mention what he thinks or does. It is totally unirrevalent and unpersonal to reveal other people's stuff. I honestly wouldn't think this is a good idea.

Someone once told me, if you want to write a public letter, you can not make enemies. You can say, in my opinion, there are still many people being racist even though they themselves are a part of it, or something like that. In this way, you are stating what YOU think, rather than BLAMING what others think and do. I mean, what happens if James under alias came across and happen to see this essay? I advice you to think twice before you write.

Angela

Undergraduate / 'ways to better myself' How has family history, culture influenced who you are? [2]

This essay is generally well-written, including the vocabulary you use and the grammar.

However, I do not find a very strong sense of interest in your essay that will keep me read it again and again. To accomplish this, you can try to write about something more specific than general.

angela

Undergraduate / UGA short essays on application.. [6]

Well, the first one is pretty easy.
Write something that can show yourself, that you didn't write about in the CommonApp.

And the second one,
During the last 3 years, what experience, specifically, have you had that made you see the world differently.

I mean, honestly, though they are saying different things. Colleges are all making us writing the same topic.

angela

Undergraduate / Why GWU? This new beginning. [6]

Yeah, I got an idea that probably would made this essay better.

Your essay do convey the sense that you need, and I would like to suggest a little more.

One of the most important thing in your essay is the first paragraph. I don't mean it doesn't fit, it fits perfectly. But, the thing is when you spent almost 200 words talking about a place, it made this essay sound more like a city guide than understanding the places and I had little difficult time with the transition you made. SO my suggestion is: cut some of them, not all of them though.(It's an amazing intro.)

And for the rest of the space, I suggest you say something more than studying abroad and internship. I mean, come on, this thing is offered by EVERY single university. It certainly doesn't make it special and unique.

What I would do is say more about its surroundings, Yeah you already did that, but maybe just elaborate it a little more. Cause, you know, DC is the place when politics meets reality, so maybe you should write a little more about that. For example, how you imagine you would sit at the office of secretary of state and talking on the phone with xx president, etcetc.

angela

Undergraduate / 'volunteering at Ability First' - University of Southern California Transfer Essay [10]

I agree with the others, you made your point and the essay sound great. There is just one suggestion that I am going to make: during your overall volunteering experience, at what point and how has it made you to see things different from what it was? Maybe you should specify on the particular thing, like the feeling you have when Eric first succeeded in something, blah.

Undergraduate / SUNY or Common App which is better ? [9]

Well, rich monte is right. university admission officers are trying to find out as much about you as possible in order to know you better, but if you decide that you would not write an essay (which, in my opinion, is not the smartest way around), you should really try to show your personality and other information that are suppose to be on the essays as much as possible.

Undergraduate / We have only one space left in UB's freshman class, tell us why you deserve for this place? Buffalo [16]

I mean linnus is right, if you want a bolder way of saying that would be:

why do you want to attend XX university? tell us something interesting that will made us accept you, excluding your grades.

however, i don't really thing that you should move onto the extracurricular parts. I mean, there are a lot of things you can tell about yourself, and they are just giving you examples of what your essay should be about, just like a sample topic. There is really no need to follow it, and to me, it would sounds kind of cookie-cutter if you do write it that way

Undergraduate / Overcome a dissapointment essay [4]

First of all, you didn't write your prompt, so i can't really tell you whether you are sticking to it.
From what I have seen, your essay conveys a sense of integrity, something that I don't really possess and I admire you for that.

good luck

Undergraduate / Umichi transfer short answer (respect for differences) [6]

In the silent library of the College, while typing Chinese on the computer, I found there was breath behind me.

"I was curious why he is looking at the screen ." maybe better, just my suggestion.

Due to my curiousity,I politely asked him, " Excuse me, would you mind to tell me what are you looking at?"

He found my existence when I asked him the question. (you can't say "find existence" here, the whole sentence is just not right. Use "he finally noticed me")

a native American, An American is better. Do you mean local people, if so, that would be local, or just American. Native american means the early indians that inhabited the area. So your sentence would be: I kinda of rewrite the sentence in my meaning, if you wouldn't mind.

"In the place where you can hardly find a Chinese, it's unbelievable that an American pointed out my mistake in my native language."

After that , we often learn things from each other. He teach me English while I teach him Chinese.

Although Chinese is not as important as English is, I have been beginning to teach simple Chinese to people who are really interested in the language since I met my American friend . Therefore, hopefully, I will be able to meet that kind of people in University so that I can contribute in this subject more .

The fact is that we usually call each other friends rather by our ethinic status.

angela

Undergraduate / the transfer essay (setback you have faced) [4]

Hi lam,

there are indeed some mistakes in your last paragraph. I didn't understand a lot of it, please rewrite and read it out loud before you continue, this would make it much better.

angela

Undergraduate / We have only one space left in UB's freshman class, tell us why you deserve for this place? Buffalo [16]

ethnicities, religions and cultural backgrounds

from scratch in 2004

In our first year, we lost all the matches we played and ended up 4th in the group stage

persisted until we won our first bronze medal in 2006 (until is better and more formal than till)

Every Tuesday, I coach elementary students for soccer. I feel that I have a great responsibility of passing on this sport to the next generations and being a role model to them.

our little brothers and organize trips for them (I strongly suggest you add "and sisters", don't be mean, girls are a part of the world!)

Your essay is generally fine, there are some details you should focus on to make this essay better like, elaborating a little about the environment in BU that fits you blah.

Undergraduate / Challenging the limits of my intelligence and responsibility - Philosophical Warrior [29]

Hi,

this essay is great, it completely expressed your opinion. Your essay is fine and doesn't sound militaristic. Just suggesting, it's a little bit to long, but maybe this is what it should look like.

angela

Undergraduate / "successful artist" - The University of Texas at Austin [11]

Well done, this is a very fine essay. There is practically no grammar mistakes, and you are expressing clearly. I would suggest that you paragraph your ideas so that it can look more organized. e.g.

Their rewarding experiences with UT and the promising futures they have truly inspired me.
I moved to Texas from Taiwan when I was fifteen years old. I have worked my way through high school and college, and supported my older brother while he was in UT.

Also, I would say that you need to elaborate on the thing or things you try to focus on, it just seemed a little scattered. now you are talking about the success you have seen, then you go on about your work experience. The point here is not talking about how successful UT students are, (though certainly you can talk about it, but i recommend saying a little less about it) it is that what more you can talk about yourself other than what they have asked, you know, maybe about what work experience you had, stuff like that.

angela