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Posts by ravenet
Joined: Feb 16, 2012
Last Post: Feb 19, 2016
Threads: 6
Posts: 22  
Likes: 2
From: Singapore

Displayed posts: 28
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ravenet   
Feb 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS- TASK 2-More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life [3]

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely difficult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for everyone?

Introduction

It is true that many people migrate to cities for better living conditions. Although urban areas have numerous benefits for inhabitants, there are some serious such problems as pollution, lack of houses, and too crowded. In my view, governments should take appropriate steps to tackle these issues.
ravenet   
Jan 6, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS-Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths [3]

Question :
Women and men are commonly seen as having different strengths and weaknesses. Is it right to exclude males or females from certain professions because of their gender?

Answer:
Introduction
in many parts of the world, there is now greater equality between women and men. However, there are many professions can be done by males than females due to it is required great strengths and physical stamina, and therefore I agree with the statement.

Thanks.
ravenet   
Oct 28, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Human's dependence in the modern world - about coherence, academic style [7]

gabbie
Hi,

You essay seems fine, but there are couple of points you have to keep in mind to make it more formal and academic style.

In the present day, whether human are independent or dependent on each other has sparked great concerns. Some people hold their view that they are increasingly dependent while others claim that they are becoming more and more self-reliant. My writing will critically analyze both sides of this issue based on some reasons below.

In the modern society, many people believe that they are increasingly independent on others for their daily needs, while others argue that they are unable to manage their themselves if they could not get from followers. However, I strongly believe that people are looking help from others to live in a world of their own .

Please see my introduction and see blue marked phrases for good collocations.

Thanks
ravenet   
Oct 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'broaden horizons'; it is better to begin learning foreign language early [5]

dumi
Dear Dumi,

I have written this within time and I also feel that my answer is little confuse, and because I thought they did not ask my option here so that I just write in this way.

Now, I am clear and next time I will be more clear.

Dear Pahan,

What I thought is that how children are learning languages so I come with that idea to include teachers.

It is possible to you rewrite that paragraph, and it will help me to understand what I should have written rather than this.

Thank you both of you again for your great help.

thanks
ravenet   
Oct 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'broaden horizons'; it is better to begin learning foreign language early [5]

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning foreign language at primary school rather that secondary school.Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

It is undoubtedly true that learning a foreign language can broaden people's horizons and help to expose different cultures. Although some people believe that these languages should be in primary schools, other people argue that it is enough to learn in adulthood.

On the one hand, children have an innate ability to learn new languages easily and very quickly. They learn new skills very faster than adults so that it would be a better age to teach new things such as languages. Learning a new language is more important for every child to communicate each other. Furthermore, in a primary school teachers mainly focus on teaching their native language in order to understand pupil's behaviours and their needs. They easily started to use it fluently as a result of their parents using them daily. Consequently, primary school teachers can use the second language to communicate with students to encourage them learning and using it in the future.

On the other hand, secondary school is the best place to teach a second language because pupils are mature and willing to learn new things in their life. However, subjects are taught in adulthood school is highly focused on preparing their students for higher education as a result teachers should concentrate on main subjects rather than teaching a new language. For example, students are in secondary schools, they have to refer a lot of subject related material and lecture notes to score higher marks in exams in order to get a placement in a prestigious university or college. Therefore, they cannot focus on sub subjects like a second language.

In summary, it is clearly true that learning a foreign language may broaden children's horizons and giving them endless opportunities. However, these languages teach in primary schools the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.

Please help me to all corrections that I made in this essay.
ravenet   
Oct 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS -Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think [12]

Dear Dumi,

Thank you for your all explanation and I just now read in Oxford dictionary that make sure is more informal and it is using every day English so ensure is the best choice too.

I understand the should be able to and can cases too. However, grammar books are mentioning that be able to mostly use for one time result.

Ultimately, thank you for your all comments and I am willing to see more corrections in my latest essays and upcoming essays too.

Thanks.
ravenet   
Oct 24, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS -Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think [12]

Dear Dummi,

Thank you for your comments and I learn from you a lot. However, I have to two questions in your sentences.

As a result, it should be free and everyone can WHY YOU USE should be able to should be able to access it to for their daily needs

On the other hand, the water supply should be controlled by the government to ensure WHY YOU REMOVED make sure that every citizen has access to fresh water to fulfill his or her daily needs.

Thanks
ravenet   
Oct 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS -Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think [12]

Dear Pahan,

I do not quite understand that where my sentences have grammar mistakes except vocabularies. I can write any sentences without grammar mistakes when I write as individual sentences, but when I write to paragraph I may be missing.

Please help me to highlight all mistake in my essay and it could help me to improve my writing.

Thanks
ravenet   
Oct 23, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS -Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think [12]

Some people think that we can use as much fresh water as we want. Others think that fresh water supply should be controlled strictly by governments as the sources are limited. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

The water is one of the most important natural resources in order to human life. Some people believe that water should be freely accessible for everyone in the world, while others argue that it should be controlled by governments to ensure that available to everyone. I would argue that the water supply should be regulated by authorities for several reasons.

On the one hand, the water is a precious natural resource and it is available in a large proportion of the planet. As a result, it should be free and everyone can access it to their daily needs and people could consume the amount of water that they needed because it is free of charge. Moreover, a large amount of water is being used in agriculture and industries to produce commodities, and therefore it should not be limited usable. For example, people who are doing farming needs the huge amount water and if governments control the utilization of water then farmers would not be able to compensate the water supply bills. Therefore, it will have a negative impact on the crop yield.

On the other hand, the water system should be regulated by governments to make sure that available to their every citizen. There should be an authority to manage and control the water supply because some people may overuse it and other people could not access it. Moreover, the government should ensure that their people are accessing clean, safe drinking water and it helps to reduce the number of diseases that spread through the water such as cholera.

In summary, I am inclined to believe that the water supply should be regulated by governments to ensure that it can be easily accessible to everyone, and it is safer and cleaner.

Please input your feedback

Thanks
ravenet   
Oct 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS : IN MANY COUNTRIES TODAY INSUFFICIENT RESPECT GIVEN TO OLD PEOPLE >... [5]

Hi,

I can see there are quite a number of mistakes in your sentences,

Here is a few basics corrections

Contrary to the yester years where , aged persons are given highest priority and respect in the society , but now - a - days

1. Do not start the sentence with Contrary to
2. aged persons --> the elderly
3. now-a-days-> nowadays

Thanks
ravenet   
Oct 21, 2013
Grammar, Usage / [Poor diet] - Need help with grammar ; Which sentence is correct? [5]

kaylatruong

Thank you and there are two nouns are with and so it should be have instead of has

Poor diet and lack of exercise have resulted in a generation who will die younger than their parents.

Please help me to clear it

thanks
ravenet   
Oct 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / Some teachers and parents suggest that rivalry between children should exist, while others don't [8]

Gulala

Some teachers and parents suggest that rivalry between children should exist, while others think that children should work together because it will help them in future. Before rendering my opinion, I think it is necessary to look at the arguments of both sides.

Could be ,

Some people believe that rivalry between children should exist, while others argue that children should work together because it will help them in the future. However, I would argue that children should be competitive and work together each other.

Thank you.
ravenet   
Oct 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'political stability': Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth [4]

Hi

I have read your essay it is good, but there are a few mistakes and it could be greatly improved .

1. You should focus on the general statements rather than particular.
2. More passive forms could help you to increase your band.
3. Always focus on your spellings.

thank you
ravenet   
Oct 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS; Schools should provide practical knowledge and skills to students [4]

Hi,

Your essay is good, but what I think is that , you need to have a general idea and you thought that you agree, disagree or balance in the introduction rather than such a big introduction.

It could be written as like below,

Todays, most of schools have curriculum that focuses academic subjects rather than practical skills such as car maintenance and bank accounting management. However, I completely agree with that children should be taught academic subjects in schools for their bright future.

you are feed backs always likely accepted.

thank you
ravenet   
Oct 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged- IELTS [12]

Dear Pahan,

Thank you for invaluable advoice and I could see the point you have mentioned is very good. However, there is grammar mistake in your sentence. if we use first conditional, you can not use the would in the dependent clause, and you may use will/may/might/could.

If you are not literate with computer usage, then you would run into lots of problems to perform that simple task.

Can be
if you are not literate with computer usage, then you might run into several problems to perform this simple task.

thank you
ravenet   
Oct 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged- IELTS [12]

Dear Friends,

Please help me to review below essay for IELTS task-2

Soon people who cannot work with computers will be disadvantaged. To what extent do you agree or disagree with idea?

The computer is one of the most powerful equipment in the modern world. Furthermore, people are using it everywhere in their daily life. Therefore, I completely agree that if people are unable to the computer, it will have a negative impact on their daily routine.

Firstly, computers are using in banks to increase the productivity. The computers are used in banks for several purposes like monitor daily transactions, ATMs and online banking and therefore people should know that how to use the Internet in order to access online banking services and withdraw money from the ATM using their pin numbers via provided navigations.

Secondly, the workplace is another important sector where these indispensable devices are used in order to minimize the workload for employees. Consequently, it will help to companies to increase their revenue and also employees have more quality time to spend with their family. Moreover, the companies could expand their business beyond the boundaries as a result of emails, voice calls and fax.

Finally, the transportation is another sector where computers are widely used. There are many ways the computer programs are being used to control traffic in the cities. In addition to that it helps to record illegal activities such as burglaries, illegal parking and break the safety measures. As a result, it is play an important role in the transport sector and generate incomes as well as save the unnecessary costs.

In conclusion, the computers are using for several purposes in our daily life. Therefore, it is important that all people should be computer literate to use them effectively and efficiently.

Thanks
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