Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]

Thank you very much hales and kimuratakya,

that was very helpful,

Sincerely

Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]

Hi, thank you again,

please have a look at this one :

" The person influencing me most was my neighbour , a computer science teacher, who arose my strong interst in computer science by his ability to make the conversation about computer science concepts more fun and exciting , he made me realize the role of computer science in the real world, for example the algorithms used in web search engines and computer simulation in weather forecasting. He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him."

Sincerely

Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]

Hi, thank you very much,

Please give me some hints , my essay title is : " Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence."

Sincerely

Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]

Hi ah_zafari,

thank you very much for your help, I've tried to rephrase it, it's 100 words now

please tell me what you think, I appretiate your help

"My neighbor who was my family friend, was a computer science teacher, he inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science . His ability for expressing computer science concepts made the conversation more fun and exciting, and my interest in the field even increased when I realized the role of computer science in the real world. For example the algorithms used in web search engines and computer simulation in weather forecasting. He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him"

Sincerely

Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]

Hi, thank you very much Jiya,

here is another version of my essay, please give me ur thoughts ,

"My neighbor who was my family friend, was a computer science teacher, he inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science . His ability for expressing intricate subjects made the conversation more fun and exciting. He cleared me what computer science is and how it blends mathematics and science and apply them to real world problems. For example the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting .He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline. I never forget him. "

Sincerely

Writing Feedback / IELTS (no country can progress without the co-operation of other countries) [6]

Hi,

I would suggest :

".., all the world is like a body which /that can work properly .."

"..Likewise if a powerful nation helps a poor nation/one .."

I am thinking to replace "as a result " with the following : ---> "When a powerful nation helps a poor one/nation, the whole world will be prosperous and peaceful."

"..they ought to make themselves progress then .."

"...the nations are humanly related."

I hope this helps you, and that I didnt say something stupid

Sincerely

Writing Feedback / What is happiness? Why is it difficult to define? [3]

Hi ah_zafari,

Here some suggestions, I hope natives would have better ones :

"...,humankind has been looking for the different ways to make them happy .."

"...mankind is drawn intrinsically to the situations in which they feel happiness / OR/ to the situations of happiness ..." --> I think this sentence should be rephrased otherwise.

"...the main factor that causes..."

"..Muslims , for instance, believe that living in a condition, on which Islamic rules are dominating, is the real meaning of happiness.."

I dont understand what "briefed" means in here --> "happiness is briefed on this world"

"...happiness is also influenced by gender of individuals .."

"Although, there is no comprehensive.."

"...can makes individuals happy..."

"... When a person has no aim in their life, they would be disappointed since theyfind the world a worthless place...."

How about this one : "worthless place, thus it would be impossible for them to understand the beautiful facets of life ..."

"...in increased percentage of suicide ..."

".. the quality of life and thoughts of people are the important causes that strongly influence happiness..."

".., when a person is asked ..."

"...they find it an intricate topic to talk about.."

"..too many factors that impact happiness.."

".. to adapt themselves..."

"..make the world a more satisfying place to live."

I hope this would help you, that was just my suggestions, perhaps there are better ones

Good luck

Sincerely

Undergraduate / 'He always encouraged me to be a computer scientist' - influential person for me [16]

Hi ah_zafari, thank you very much,

I modified my essay a little bit, however it's still > 100 words,

about this computer science teacher, he just was our neighbour and talked about computer science when he visited us at home

"Until now I still remember a friend of my family and neighbour, who was a computer science teacher that inspired me to have a passion to pursue a career in computer science. His ability for expressing intricate subjects made the conversation more fun and exciting . He taught me about what computer science is and how it blends mathematics and science and apply them to real world problems. For example the mathematical algorithms used in web search engines, OR computer modelling /simulation in weather forecasting .He always encouraged me to be an expert in computer scientist because he knew about my eagerness to this discipline"

Sincerely

Undergraduate / 'Bad grades, ashamed' an incident which led you to challenge yourself academically [5]

Hi, thank you all,

thank you EF_Susan, for correcting my essay, i'll need ur suggestions for some other essays ,

sincerely

Writing Feedback / Should students be given homework daily?; 'enhancing understanding, awareness' [5]

Here are my little suggestions :

"face too many difficulties .."

"it causes too much anxiety for students..."

"..when complete coursework as grasping .." ----> perhaps u could say :" ..when they have completed their coursework and grasped ..." OR " ..when having completed coursework and grasped ..."

I'm not a native speaker but i'm not sure it's right ---> "obtain learning.." --> I could say : " ..and learn efficaciously"

Scholarship / Essay for an internship application (things about me / good fit / dream job / ads) [4]

"We are not afraid of taking risks or not afraid of failure because there are worse things than failure.."

I guess you mean this : "we are not afraid of taking risks neither of failure because there are things wors than that "

Let's see someone else's opinion

good luck

Undergraduate / 'distant education' - applying for a degree at university [4]

An essay about what makes me unique : Please give me your thoughts , thanks

autodidact, meticulous ,and never giving up, these are words that describe me since my childhood, for example I always wanted to do every school work on my own, didnt even look at the solutions of the problems and exercises, as I tried to have my own way of solving them and to perfectly organize my work and succeed at it. However, I am a broad minded person, open to new ideas and willing to consider changing my view points about an issue if I am given a good reason

Scholarship / Essay for an internship application (things about me / good fit / dream job / ads) [4]

In "We are not afraid of taking risks or not afraid of failure ..."

you perhaps did want to say this instead : " We are not afraid of taking risks neither of failure .."

I dont know if it's right to repeat the word : failure

My suggestion is : "...because there are things worse than that "

I hope , some native speakers would have other suggestions

Good Luck

Undergraduate / 'distant education' - applying for a degree at university [4]

thank you very much TarlGis, for the recommendations, I appretiate it,

I will try to make it better, then post it