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Posts by saichicka39
Joined: Oct 4, 2012
Last Post: Apr 14, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

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saichicka39   
Apr 14, 2015
Book Reports / Independent Reading Assignment Critique - A Passage to India [2]

Hey guys, can you guys please review this critique on A Passage to India. IT DOES NOT MATTER IF YOU READ THE BOOK. The point is to help me peer edit my work. Thank you so much.

My Essay:

Every now and then, a novel comes a along that captures the minds and hearts of readers for its stunning style of writing. Set in the 1920s of British-India, A Passage to India by Edward Morgan Forster accomplishes all of the attributes of an enchanting novel, and further sends the readers spiraling in their own emotions. The exceptional novel depicts of an English woman, Adela Quested, who accused an Indian man, Dr. Aziz, for molesting her in the mystical Marabar Caves of India, and also depicting the affects Dr. Aziz's trial has enraged across British-India. E.M. Forester's style is able to coherent build up the climatic plot and construct dynamic characters, as well as exposing the themes of assumptions of domination, inevitable racism, and the power of lasting friendships. I, being a fellow immigrant Indian, found myself impressed by the bleak universal truths opened in this novel and the sensational style by Forster; this ultimately led to my very own abreaction.

A Passage to India is split into three different parts: Mosque, Caves, and Temple. At the beginning of each part is a chapter dedicated to illustrating the details of each of the settings. I was fascinated how Forster used these vivid descriptions to establish the tone and foundation of characters introduced in the novel. Forster's poetic writing is enforced by the in-depth excursion into the background lives of characters. Characters like Ms. Adela Quested can be vividly imagined and reflected upon because of the extensive disclosure of her thoughts and actions. Another character Forster animates is Dr. Aziz. Dr. Aziz's innocence and naïve character development truly intrigues the readers, that they (including me) become appalled and emotionally attached to Dr. Aziz's trial. These characteristics of Forster's sophisticated writing made me more involved in the emotions and mood portrayed throughout the book.

Another aspect of Forster's writing style that I appreciate is his intrepid employment of raw emotions and feelings. Parallel to the effect of his descriptions of settings and characters, Forster is able to evoke emotions and thoughts of the British in India that are very difficult to express. Forster is able to etch the most clandestine and nationalistic attitudes of the British, and therefore is able to explain the harsh British prejudice towards the Indians. To be honest, I was actually appalled by the way British though of Indians, and made my reconsider my opinion of whether or not Great Britain truly helped revolutionize India.

E.M. Forster's eccentric style of writing altogether leads to the universal truths demonstrated in A Passage to India. The most prominent theme expressed in this novel is the assumption of one nation of obtaining the right to dominate another country. This is the case so when the British are exclusively controlling Indian society and government. British attitudes do not honor Indians but arrogant British attitudes submit Indians into prejudice. This prejudice can be portrayed when Dr. Aziz is harshly accused and bashed by the British of molesting Ms. Adela Quested. The following is an excerpt from Chapter 5 of Mr. Heaslop's (British magistrate) attitude towards controlling India: "'We are not pleasant in India, and we don't intend to be pleasant. We've something more important to do.'" This type of attitude personally made me cringe and reconsider my respect of the British controlling India. However, there are a few characters, like Mr. Fielding and Mrs. Moore, who do not surrender to British arrogance. Unfortunately, the British racism towards Indians can't be masked by the kindness of a few. This theme is can be particularly observed as Russia is pressuring Ukraine to submit to Russian ideals.

Another universal truth exposed in this novel is how the strength of a strong friendship can only be determined by affection towards each other. The prime relationship in this book is between Mr. Fielding and Dr. Aziz. The camaraderie between the two can be described as an Anglo-Indian man who does not dare to view condescendingly to a Muslim Indian, but dares to build an ever-lasting bond with the Indian. Separated by time, land, and social status, Mr. Fielding and Dr. Aziz are still able to get along and be supportive of each other. It was not the same race or religion that bonded the two, but the kind affection that drew them closer. I found this aspect of this book to be very heart-warming. It relieves the stress and tension in the background of British-Indian society. This theme can be seen in our modern world as people all over the world are becoming friends online and in reality.

As a result of these intriguing facets of this novel, I am proud to say that A Passage to India sent me through an emotional catharsis. I felt very involved with all of the characters and settings in the novel. There were times when I read the hard grueling parts of the novel, and that totally upset my day. Thinking from an Indian perspective, perhaps The British arrogance was what motivated Indians to fight for independence. After finishing the book, I am appreciating the harmony and beauty of the book that I haven't been able to while I was reading. If I were to read this book again I would pay attention to key details that might hint towards certain events in the book. There is definitely nothing I would change about A Passage to India. E.M. Forster has clearly outdone himself for me.

Ultimately, A Passage to India by E.M. Forster apprehends readers with its phenomenal style of illuminating writing and the blighting truths of human nature. The theme that most instinctively defines this novel is the assumption of power over others. Forster interweaves all these clever and distinctive aspects of this novel to dispense a compelling catharsis to readers, like me. I would undeniably recommend this book to anyone looking forward to reading a favorite.
saichicka39   
Apr 17, 2014
Scholarship / CHCI Scholarship; Mexico = Opportunities for the Future [4]

This is such a beautiful and touching essay. I love the personal story that motivated you to become a physician. However, I would put more on how you would like to become a pediatrician. I believe that the personal piece should not feel more powerful than the message you are trying to communicate with the reader. Bravo!!!
saichicka39   
Apr 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / I strongly believe that life in a big city is extremely enjoyable [7]

Even wealthy people who have cars use it.

This is a really weak support that doesn't really help your arguement.

Add more words, its kin of short. Also, the conclusion is short, which makes it sound like "So I don't know what to type so I am just going to say this."
saichicka39   
Apr 22, 2013
Writing Feedback / Memorial Day Essay - significant history [3]

Memorial Day Essay: "What is Memorial Day, and what does it mean to you?" Word Count Limit: 500-525

Memorial Day Essay: "What is Memorial Day, and what does it mean to you?" Word Count Limit: 500-525

It would be appreciated if you could find any mechanical errors, or give me some other ideas, feedback and that kind of stuff that I could include in the essay. Well here it is:

Memorial Day has a significant history which makes it such a poignant and touch holiday that it is today. Memorial Day was originally proclaimed as Decoration Day on May 5, 1868, by General John Logan, a Union general of the Civil War. Decoration Day was first observed on May 30, 1868 at the Arlington National Cemetery. On that day, flowers were laid on the graves of those who had died during the U.S. Civil War, both Union and Confederate soldiers. Despite the initial observation five years before, Decoration Day was first recognized by the state of New York in 1873. By 1890, it was recognized by most of the northern states as a national holiday. However, the southern states had failed to acknowledge May 30th as Decoration Day. Instead, each state of the south has their own "Decoration Day" type of holiday, by calling it different names, celebrated on different days. During the reconstruction of World War I, Decoration Day was expanded to honor all U.S. military soldiers who died from any actions the United States has taken its part in. It wasn't until then the southern states had finally begun to observe Decoration Day. Nevertheless, the southern states had continued to celebrate their other form of "Decoration Day."
saichicka39   
Apr 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / Listen to teachers or Get involved in discussing ; Type of CLASS I like [6]

One of the most important things in teaching system is lecturing .

This is a generality because I could say student to teacher interaction is one of the most important things in the teaching system. Therefore conflicting with "a fact" you expressed, so just think of something else to start of your essay.

on the other hand there are some schools or universities in which students can take part in class or do some of talking

Change the "or do some talking" into "lecturing". It sounds more professional.
In some school or universities just teachers lecture in class , on the other hand there are some schools or universities in which students can take part in class or lecturing.

.I like second method because in that condition students can have interaction with each other or teacher and express their idea , also in this way students can concentrate on lessons much better and I believe this method raises students self confidence .

This sentence is a run-on. Also change the "I like" into "I prefer" because the subject asked which one "you prefer".

I prefer the second method because such condition, students can have interaction with each other or teacher while expressing their idea. Also in this way, students can concentrate on lessons much better and raises students self confidence .

Main reason of choosing student and teacher lecturing system is interaction because in this system all of students can discuss with each other or teacher .in this condition all of students even week students can express their idea . Students can learn from each other and also teach each other so it cause to learning cooperation in studying and certainly in their life .

There are a lot of mistakes in this paragraph so let me just change this for you.
The main reason of choosing student and teacher lecturing system is for interaction. In this system, all of students can discuss with each other or the teacher. In this condition, all of students even week students can express their idea . Students can learn from each other and also teach each other so it cause to learning cooperation in studying, and certainly in their life.

Additionally when students lecture in class and talk , they will be concentrated in subject and maybe talk about subject but if they just listen they won't focus on subject as much as possible . in fact strangeness of this method is that it can keep all of students attention in class.

This is a really weak argument for the essay, either expand on it, otherwise take it out.

Moreover with speaking in class students self confidence raises and they will be able to join to discussion and take part in class which learns them to be responsible to their duty and it can lead them to be a self confident person , finally students can be a successful person in society and surely in their personal life.

Wrong transition, incorrect sentence format, run on sentence.
Moreover with speaking in classTo add on, students' self confidence raises and they will be able to join to discussion and take part in class. The teacheswhich learns them to be responsible to their duty and it can lead them to be a self confident person. Finally students can be a successful person in society and surely in their personal life.

It seems to me studying in a class that both students and teacher can talk and lecture is more useful than other methods because with this technique students can learn from each other and cooperate and also they can concentrate on lessons better , therewith in this method students self confidence will be raised and it prepare them for entering to society.

Let me show you your mistakes.
It seems to me studying in a class that both students and teacherscanare talk-ing and lecture-ing is a more useful than other methods becauseW ith this technique, students can learn from each other and, cooperate, and also they can concentrate on lessons better. Therewith in this method, students' self confidence will be raised and it will prepare them for entering an advanced society.

Okay, so I get what you are saying, but pay more attention to sentence format, transitions, punctuation, and more words to this. It is a short essay.

Don't hesitate to tell me anything that you son't understand.

saichicka39   
Apr 21, 2013
Essays / "What is Memorial Day, and what does it mean to me?"; Need ideas [4]

So guys I have this essay to do, and I really want to do it, but I don;t have any ideas. The following information is what the essay prompt and contest is about:

2013 Essay Contest Announcement and Official Rules
"What is Memorial Day & What Does It Mean to Me?"
The contest is open to all Marion County, FL middle and high-school students. The purpose of the
contest is to create an educational awareness involving the young people in our community so
that they can learn more about the price of freedom.
Official Rules
1. Eligibility: Entrants must be middle or high school students enrolled in the Marion County Public
School system (entries from private, charter and home schools will also be accepted).
2. Format: Entries must be presented in the format of a Personal Essay, between 500-525 words,
using a double-spaced 12-point font and must include a bibliography (not included in the word count).
3. Topic: "What is Memorial Day and...What Does It Mean to Me?"
4. Research: Research is essential in creating a quality essay. Please cite library resources, Web URLs
with access dates, and personal interviews.
5. Bibliography: The bibliography must cite at least two references. Entries that do not include a
bibliography will be disqualified.
6. Essay Entries: Must be submitted and received between March 1 and April 30, 2013. Entries
cannot be acknowledged or returned, and they become the property of Highland Memorial Park. Essays
can be delivered to your Guidance Counselor's office or, they can also be mailed to: Highland Memorial
Park, Attn: Beverly Brown, PO Box 2047, Ocala, FL 34478-2047. Entries must be accompanied by a
3x5 index card, attached but not stapled to essay, containing the following information: contestant's
name, address, phone and student ID number, name of parent/guardian who will accompany
contestant at the awards event.
7. Evaluation Process: Two winning essays will be selected on the following basis:
>25 points-Originality and creativity
>25 points-Compliance with the assigned topic
>20 points-Factual accuracy
>15 points-Grammar and organization of content
>15 points-Scope of research
8. Awards: An iPad mini will be awarded to one each Middle & High School first place winner; a Kindle
Ereader will be awarded to two each Middle and High School runner up winners. Each winner and his/
her parent/guardian must be present to receive their prize.

So all I want some ideas and come help as I write the essay. It will be really appreciated if you guys could give me any ideas.

Thank you for taking your time to read this.

saichicka39   
Oct 5, 2012
Writing Feedback / Outline-- Responses in relation to the attacks of September 11 [5]

Man that must be a big essay, for the general idea, try to include things about how the planes got hijacked and if other people knew about this attack. I know Wikipedia isn't accurate, but you can use use key words from Wikipedia and research it. Just type in "9/11 Conspiracy Theories, and a humongous article pop up.

Hope it helped! :-)
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