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Posts by annguyen
Joined: Oct 14, 2012
Last Post: Aug 15, 2016
Threads: 5
Posts: 9  
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Displayed posts: 14
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annguyen   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Technological proliferation has revolutionised the interaction between people. IELTS essay [NEW]

Topic: Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships that people make? Has this been a positive or negative development?


My essay:

Technological proliferation has revolutionised the interaction between people. In my view, technology has influenced on people's relationships in various ways and this has become a positive trend.

To begin with, technology, the Internet in particular, has a tremendous impact on how people socialize. Social networking sites online enable people to befriend many other people across the globe. For example, I could possibly make friends with foreigners thanks to Facebook and also keep in touch with them frequently. Furthermore, technological devices open up opportunities for a person to be friends with those who share his interests or hobbies. Take entertaining applications on smartphones for example. If a user joins a game, he will be connected with other players. They could then begin a conversation and even exchange photos with each other. Never before can people build up relationships in such various ways thanks to technology advances.

With regard to the impact of this trend, I am strongly convinced that it has become a positive development. In fact, social network platforms and online applications have diversified the circle of friends of many people. This helps each individual to understand different cultures and customs, which leads to improved mutual understanding among people. Moreover, given the availability of technological gadgets such as smartphones or tablets, people could strengthen their relationships without geographical constraints.

In conclusion, I am of the opinion that advances in technology has impacted on the way people establish their relationships in various ways, and this has become a positive trend.
annguyen   
Jul 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Government spending on the internet - is it the most appropriate use of money? IELTS task 2 [7]

Hi Minh,

You have nice ideas to put in your essay! Here are my suggestion to improve your essay:
- extraordinary sums of money -> A large/massive/ huge sum of money
- Infrastructural investment, for example, is extremely necessary -> you can say "...vitally important/ crucial"
- Several scientists and researchers with great brains are calling for funding in ... -> I think this sentence is too long. You should paraphrase it. My suggestion would be "Many scientists and researchers in various countries are in urgent need for funding to carry out their projects, thus government should help them in terms of finance."

Overall, I see that you use a wide range of vocabulary and have a good essay structure. Keep on going!
annguyen   
Jul 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Governments spend a lot money on improving Internet access. Why? Is it the most appropriate use? [7]

Hi ichanpants89, thank you so much for your feedback. My essay is an IELTS essay actually. I think I need to organise my intro and concluding paragraph better.

Apart from the introduction and concluding paragraph, could you please help me to correct my body paragraphs based on 3 criterion: coherence and cohesion, vocabulary and grammar? Again, thank you for your help! :)
annguyen   
Jul 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Governments spend a lot money on improving Internet access. Why? Is it the most appropriate use? [7]

Topic: In many countries, governments spend a large amount of money on improving Internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most appropriate use of government money?

It is true that governments in various countries invest heavily in their Internet networks. There is a variety of reasons for this investment and I am of the opinion that it is not the most optimal use of governments' budgets.

To begin with, governments of many nations aim to enhance the Internet access for a number of reasons. Firstly, as the Internet provides a tremendous amount of information, citizens could gain more knowledge and widen their horizons. Online courses, for instance, enable Internet users to gain degrees in different fields. Another significant benefit of improving the Internet access is that it aids governments to promote their activities more widely. It can be seen that a piece of news could possibly go viral once it is uploaded on the Internet, especially on the social media. Governments could utilize this technique to make their campaigns such as breast cancer prevention widely recognised.

Despite the above advantages of the Internet has to offer, I am strongly convinced that the investment in Internet access is not the most optimal use. In fact, there are many other key sectors that urgently need governments' subsidies. Healthcare system, for example, should be enhanced since they have enormous impact on citizens' health. Another key sector that requires governments' considerable investment is the national security system. If their security systems are strong, governments could guarantee a more secured life to every citizen. For these reasons, governments should allocate their budget for the key sectors that aims to solve the most critical issues within their nations.

In conclusion, governments of many nations across the globe are currently investing in enhancing the Internet access. However, I believe that this expenditure is not the most optimal use of governments' budgets.
annguyen   
Nov 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'modern appliances' - Technology help improve our lifestyle [5]

@Inspired2012: hiii.^^I'm doing fine:). what about u?
I'm going to take an exam in my country. It's similar to IELTS. I think I still need to enrich my vocab.:)
"Nonetheless, it is my contention that people can know how to make reasonable use of these appliances with a view to not causing in order not to cause undesirable consequences" ->is it ok?

Anyway, thank you so muchhh :)
annguyen   
Nov 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'modern appliances' - Technology help improve our lifestyle [5]

Modern appliances in the home have become common leaving no doubt that advances in technology help improve our lifestyle. Do you agree or disagree?

At the turn of 21st century, the immense advances in technology have made a profound impact on every aspect of people's lives. Concerning the advent of modern appliances in the home, some argue that these inventions are making our lives increasingly complicated. However, as far as I am concerned, a substantial reduction in doing domestic chores and more leisure activities are tangible benefits that modern appliances make people's lives improve.

The first point needs to be made is that people are likely to reduce their time in doing domestic chores thanks to household appliances. Washing machines, for instance, are modified for different types of clothes; thus, people no longer need to spend much time on their laundry. Another example is microwave oven, it enables housewives to cook and heat food surprisingly faster. As these examples make clear, people, therefore, can lessen the amount of time they spend on domestic chores.

Equally relevant to the issue is that modern appliances provide people with a wide variety of leisure activities. Various devices have been modernized to meet people's leisure interests. For instance, by means of HD televisions, people are able to watch live soccer matches comfortably at home. Even viewers can enjoy lots of high-quality films thanks to 3D television screens without going to the movies. In addition, mobile phones or computers make people accessible to a great source of entertainment such as video games, Internet, and so forth. In short, people can enjoy more leisure activities with the help of modern appliances.

However, some have opposing view that modern appliances have contributed to people's sedentary lifestyle. Because of their growing reliance on household devices, people do not want to involve in any domestic tasks but to sit in chairs. As a result, they are likely to be passive or suffer from obesity. Nonetheless, it is my contention that people can know how to make reasonable use of these appliances with a view to not causing undesirable consequences.

In the light of the above-mentioned argument, one can safely conclude that modern appliances offer us great conveniences to improve people's lives. These technological devices have served as assistance helping people to handle domestic chores, and also to participate in various leisure activities
annguyen   
Oct 29, 2012
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] (academic) What is the main function of a university? [4]

Hi,
Hence, some practical skills could be no longer needed ( I think you should replace with " necessary") in the near future.
besides, you should check your spelling:
individual's happiness and then connedted
This is because that this short-term demand for skilled employees in certain trendy ( trendy means "fashionble" , i think it's related to clothes, you should replace with another word) field can be easily replaced by changeable social environment

I think each body paragraph should have a topic sentence and a concluding sentence.

Your listening score is good. My listening skill is quite bad. Can you suggest some IELTS books or give me some advice on this skill? :)
annguyen   
Oct 25, 2012
Writing Feedback / 'Keep healthy and don't eat junk' - Convenience foods vs traditional foods [2]

Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and traditional methods of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

There is no doubt that convenience foods have gained in popularity over recent years. Thus, many people hold an opinion that this type of food is likely to replace traditional ones as well as conventional methods of cooking progress. However, to my viewpoint, I am convinced that traditional foods will not be substituted because their benefits for people's health and their vital role in maintaining traditional culture.

The first aspect I want to point out is that people are able to keep healthy if they eat traditional foods. When it comes to conventional methods, people will involve in the whole process of cooking, so they can guarantee that these foods are of good quality. For instance, my mother always choose fresh fishes or organic vegetables to prepare meals, hence, all of foods she makes contain sufficient nutrients. On the contrary, beforehand- prepared foods are usually added chemical substances to make them fresh longer; this potentially causes diseases for people such as cancer. Therefore, I am sure that people will keep eating traditional foods for the sake of their health.

Another point I would like to mention is that traditional foods are specialities of each region. Accordingly, these foods which date back to many years ago need to be maintained. Take Sushi in Japan for example. This special food plays an important part of Japanese's meal. Annually, Sushi festivals are held throughout the Land of rising sun with the aim of encouraging people to know how this food is made. Besides, Sushi restaurants can be found in lots of Western or Asian countries, which prove the prevalence of it. As this example makes clear, traditional foods are still favored by many people.

To summarize, as far as I am concerned, despite the dominance of convenience foods, traditional ones will not be replaced owing to their merits for people's health as well as traditional cultures.
annguyen   
Oct 16, 2012
Writing Feedback / "Teachers' role in the classroom"; IELTS [5]

if I want to give an example in the first paragraph in the body like this:
" Accordingly, they can orient each student towards efficient studying method as well as suitable learning materials. Take me for example, when my teacher said that my reading skill needed to be improved and suggested some e-books, I made a search for this type of material on computer. As a result, I gained my skill of reading comprehension."

"Take me for example, "=> Should I put a comma or a full stop here?
annguyen   
Oct 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1: GRaph/ consumption of fish and some different kinds of meat [2]

Hi, Williamcosta
"Overall, there was a gradual decrease...." => I think you should replay Overall with In the case of...,/ Regarding...,
"Starting at 50 grams per person, people consumed less..."=> Clearly, the consumption of lamb started at 150 grams per person in 1979. However, people....
annguyen   
Oct 14, 2012
Writing Feedback / "Teachers' role in the classroom"; IELTS [5]

As computer are being used more and more in education, there will be no role for teachers in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree?

Undeniably, the immense advance of computers has made an impact on most aspects of people's lives, especially in the field of education. Computers are considered to be essential studying tools, which leads to the opinion that teachers no longer play any role in the learning process. However, I am convinced that the presence of teachers in class will be maintained.

In the first place, teachers are of substantial help to students. Throughout their teaching, teachers possibly learn the strengths and weaknesses of individual student. Accordingly, they can orient each student towards efficient studying methods. Moreover, there is no doubt that computers provide students with a great source of information as well as materials for learning. Nevertheless, this tremendously available source seemingly makes students disorientated. Consequently, students who are under the guidance of teachers probably choose relevant documents to them.

In the second place, it should be noted that the interaction between teachers and students is particularly vital in the process of learning. In the classroom, students can directly put questions to teachers so as to thoroughly understand any complex concepts, instead of spending much time searching on computers. Furthermore, it is possible for individuals to exchange opinions in class. By this way, not only can students give their voices to others but also accumulate experience from teachers specializing in certain subjects. Clearly, students stand a chance of acquiring knowledge more easily thanks to teachers.

As the above discusses, to my viewpoint, it is crucial to maintain the role of teachers in the classroom. With their profound knowledge, teachers can guide students to the right track of studying as well as to learn invaluable experience. Although computers provide us with diverse information, they should serve as a subordinate role in the learning process.
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