Writing Feedback / 'positive and inspirational trend' - IELTS: Creative artists' freedom [3]

Hi all,
firstly, i would like to thank all the contributors, senior writers and junior writers for their positive feedback over here.kindly, i would be very greatful and merciful weather you could proofread my essay :)

thanks a bunch

here is the topic of the argument
Creative artists should be given freedom to express their ideas through the words, pictures,music or films. some people nevertheless think that the government should restrict artists freedom of expressions. to what extent do you agree or disagree.

With the prevalent impact of esthetics on the world and the wide area that is given to artists to create, some people convince that the authorities organizations should be imposed an explicit limits that control the liberty of art in different types such as writing, painting,dancing and sculpture. However, there is another stand point which supports the freedom of speaking out .In my opinion, the restrictions that might be asserted could be unfair for most of art workers.

admittedly, the art and artists have great influence on shape of our society and they hugely inspire people.Since along time, art has been helping people to express about their thoughts and emotions, so people would become more creative and turn all their thoughts into positive actions that absolutely develop the world to better also there are famous artists had passed in our history such as Picasso who had added the cubism to painting as well as Leonardo da vinci both of them were a source of motivation and creativity .Hence, artists and their creations have been giving the humanity a tremendous meaning of beauty and inspiration.

However, the liberty of speech and creativity must be bordered because of multiple drawbacks that happened recently. Some writers,musician and photographer have been introducing a variety of offensive and obscene deeds that face a clear refuse and bring a harmful effect on the society. These works might be exhibited in galleries of sexual images, offensive paintings, child pornography and articles of defamation and discrimination. Thus, the government in cooperating with some religious organizations have made a censorship for a moraless art displays.

In conclusion, although there are some negative and moraless effects of art works, but the art and artist have been exerting a positive and inspirational trend over the history of humanity, culture and intellectual life. And i believe that the moral limits and restrictions should come from the inside of artist rather than enforcing a rules on their works.

Writing Feedback / IElTS: 'fast food as an alternative'; the average weight of people is increasing [NEW]

Hi everybody, here is my second essay over here wish you guys help me in elevating my writing level and reaching a good score
:)
here is the debate topic
in some countries the average weight of people is increasing.
What do you think the causes and measures for this problem ?

With the huge development of our daily life and the vast progression in the technological tools and devices, In some nations such as the United states of America, the normal value of human being weight is apparently grown in a fearful way. Without any doubt, the modern lifestyle of society, such as the full-time jobs, available transportation modes and the junk food have been greatly participating in boosting the obesity rates of humanity.

admittedly, the new fast food preparations have been considering as an alternative for the healthy food and traditional ways of nutrition.Obviously, in the last couple of decades, the majority of people have been beginning to consume the junk food,for instance humberger, pizza and desserts rather than the natural food in a way that make them facing a variety of diseases such as cardiovascular problems and obesity. However,the minority of nations like japan still has faith in the useful tips of right nutrition to keep their health in a safe side.Hopefully, the solutions to obesity and its dangers should be declared by government authorities by spreading awareness among people and providing a different health programmes and instructions.

Secondly, the evolution in technology have been participating in rising the obesity rates in society. the people's rising reliance on new technological tools in accomplishing the multiple daily tasks in their houses and jobs cause a grand negative impact on their weights. Furthermore, the availability of cars and a lot of transportation ways have been helping people to commute the work places without any hard exercises like walking or using bicycles.

In conclusion, government authorities should take a clear and serious steps to show the dangers of excessive overweight means and how fatal the life is going on.Schools and colleges also should put materials and plans which are essential and beneficial for community health.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Exam: people and technology [NEW]

Hi all, actually this is my first essay right here, and i am so glad to write it , wishing you guys could help me in improving my writing skills by kindly correcting this essay .

thanx in advance :)

well, this is the argument topic,

some people fear that technology is gradually taking over control of our lives, while others think that it has led to many positive developments in all aspects of their lives.

discuss the topic and show your opinion .

With the progression of technology ways in different branches of our lives, some people believe that this wide prevalence will cause subjugation for our society.However there are other point of views convince that these modern innovations of technology could introduce a vast evolution which might improve our lives in a good manner.In my opinion, the explosion in technology will stay on the summit of twentieth century achievements and positively it will widen our life experiences.

admittedly, the developed technological tools especially the computers and cell phones successfully elevate the quality of life. insertion of computers in our lives has been helped young people and children to be more educated and being different generation than before.Furthermore, the Internet, Computers, electronic cameras and super cellphones have been causing a huge improvement in the communication system and even the level of student knowledge and culture in the learning process.

however, many critics have been claiming that these new technological devices such as computers and cellphones consume our daily time in negative way.the porn websites and other dangerous websites could make a huge drawback for children and teenagers who are surfing the internet without the control of parents.Also the modern tools and technology in the houses might turn people lazy and increase the level of heath disorders such as heart diseases.

In conclusion, it is convincing that the new innovation of technology has different advantages that absolutely could takeover their demerits .