Undergraduate / UC prompt 1: Girl Gamer in Chinese Society [9]

Please be harsh when grading this essay because I want to get into a good school.
Also please compare this to my previous essay on the same topic, My grandma, my rock.

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

"Welcome to summoner's rift!" The game welcomes me as I relax in front of the computer to connect with people from all around the world through one simple online game. Initially, my parents disapproved of my extracurricular activity. They felt that gaming was not part of their plan for me.

Since I was a young child, my parents have prepped me for a future that they were not fortunate enough to have. They wanted me to follow their vision of success: a doctor, a lawyer, or a pharmacist. In elementary school, my mother would drill multiplication tables into my head as she walked me to school. She enrolled me in Chinese school classes where I sat in a classroom and listened to the teacher talk for three hours. I now realize that this was the way my parents showed their love for me, by wishing for my success. However, as I grew, so did my realization that I didn't want to become a doctor or a lawyer.

By the time I entered high school, I was so tightly wound with the pressure to do well in school that one of the ways I found stress relief was through League of Legends. League of Legends is an online strategy game where teams competed against each other to reach the enemy base. I was enraptured by the technology that the other players didn't see. I wondered how the simple computer language could code for a game so complex. The most amazing part of the game was how people from all around the globe could play together. That was when I realized that I wanted to know more about programming and how to create software that connected people in such a way. I became aware that I wanted to major in Computer Science.

I was reluctant to tell my parents about my discovery. I was worried that my Western ideas would clash with their Chinese philosophies. To my surprise, they were pleased to see that I had finally found something that I was so interested in. They had researched about computer fields and the opportunities it could lead to. My parents used technology to research about new ideas. I was even more inspired to go into the field of Computer Science to create technology that international people could use to connect with each other and learn about different ideas. My parents disciplined me to work hard, and they have taught me to use all my knowledge to help me in the future. My parents truly cared about my happiness more than any amount of money could compete with. I plan to continue to work towards my dream until the announcer declares that the game has ended with victory.

- does it sound wordy?
- does it seem like I'm bitter towards my parents? I'm not. I swear.
Thank you for your time.

Undergraduate / UC prompt 1: My grandmother, my rock [8]

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The narrow hall ends in a large spacious room where my grandmother sits. I grab a seat next to her while she rests in her wheelchair, bundled in many layers. She smiles up at me as I walk in. "Laundry day again?" she asks.

Every weekend, I walk up to my grandparents' house and just talk to her. Through these conversations, I have learned so much about her struggles, her joys, and her life. My mom says that my grandmother is the most intelligent woman in the world. My grandmother did not receive a proper education, but if she did, I could picture her as a government official. Even without any education, she somehow managed to pass the citizenship test. [..]

I'm debating whether I should use this one or create a new one.

Please be harsh.

How are the transitions?

- Is it too cliche?
- Is it too much like a story?
- Is there too much about her and not enough about me? How should I change it?
- Grammar mistakes, etc.
Thank you in advance.

Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2 "Computer problems" The lights hummed above as I stared at the jumble of wires [7]

Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

The lights hummed above as I stared at the jumble of wires. I couldn't believe I had to work with this mess. Inside the brain of the computer were wires that crisscrossed each other and ended up in opposite corners of the box and parts that looked foreign and bulky. I was simply stunned, but my teacher smiled to reassure me. I trusted her when she said taking apart the inside was not the hard part of the task. My heart pounded against my chest. I would face this task for the next two weeks.

For the next two weeks, I studiously memorized the functions and location of each of the parts. I learned the differences between similar looking cables and how to properly install the motherboard and fan. The information danced inside my head like Calculus. The RAM goes here. The P8 and the P9 connect to the motherboard. Serial ports have female and male connectors. Initially, my head swirled. When I felt I had a stable understanding of the parts, I attempted a virtual simulation. And failed miserably. Nonetheless, I continued to work with the virtual computer until I could only fall asleep after I pictured the computer box closing.

The day of the test finally arrived. The task was daunting: complete the removal and reassembly of the computer within two hours. I looked at the container, took a deep breath, and removed the cover. I carefully unhooked each cable from its accompanying socket, unscrewed each screw, and placed the parts neatly on the table. An empty box laid on the table. The teacher checked my work and nodded, telling me that I could move onto the reconstruction. I was already halfway done with the challenge. The virtual simulation replayed in my head. I smiled.

This first success at such a difficult task fueled my interest in the internal components of the computer. When I finally finished putting the computer back together, I realized how little I actually knew about the object I used everyday. I grew hungry for more knowledge about computers. I finished my education at Digital Connectors and became Cisco certified. I took a class in Computer Programming. Next year, I plan to take a class in Computer Repair. Yet, as the rate of technological advances increases, I can only hope to learn a small percentage of it.

I've always been in charge of technology at my house, but I have never actually gone inside the computers. Learning the parts took a large effort, but I am pleased to say that I can safely check my computer if necessary. However, it is not enough. I plan to learn as much about computers as I can. My goal is to never take my computer to a specialist, unless my computer spontaneously combusts. That would be a problem.