Undergraduate / Knowledge of Languages is precious; Common App Essay [2]

Hey Everyone, this is an essay I wrote for BU but was hoping to use for the common App. The problem is that it is over the word limit by 50 words (that's about two sentences). Someone also told me that my thesis should be placed in earlier paragraphs. Thus if you could help me review the contents and cut it down, I'd really appreciate it.

To gain the knowledge of another language, whether of computers and binary information or a spoken one is a very precious skill. However, when it comes to judge which is more useful, and valuable, I find it necessary to draw from past experiences to answer such a challenging question. Even though I was taught the English language in my home country, of Egypt; as an immigrant to the U.S., I faced the obstacle of learning many additional English skills. In Egypt, I was only taught British English, so I struggled to learn the American accent, and colloquialisms. I also found it very hard to put my thoughts into English words, for I was only taught how to read and write. As for computer language, I cannot claim of knowing the signs and symbols of coding and programming language, if any. However, I have the experience of knowing the base language that leads to the Computer Language, Mathematics. The language of Math is similar to that of Computers in that, it's systematic and precise.

I remember the type of person I was one year after immigrating; I felt true appreciation for the mathematic world which speaks to all equally. Due to my lack of English, I struggled in many classes, and Algebra, unsurprisingly, was the only class I did well in. Four years later, I have learned to find beauty in every foreign language other than my native tongue, Arabic. My reason for such a change of heart stems, I believe, from me actually having to learn another language, and the benefits that came with pushing myself to gain that knowledge. From making new friends, and socializing, to better educating myself and earning the grades I deserve. However, the single most treasured profit that came with a new language was the new perspective and insight into other societies.

Growing up in a Middle Eastern country, one is bound to be exposed to bias, and aversive views of the U.S. As a child, I was exposed to a tremendous amount of propaganda that I actually remember siding with Saddam Hussein- a dictator! -in his war against America. I later learned that such criticism was in fact prejudiced, and nowhere near how I really felt. My discovery was backed up by my newly acquired perception of noble ideals that the United States does support. Democracy, liberty, and ability to move up easily in social ranks were and are America's basis, and I was in love with them. As a persecuted minority, I appreciated greatly the freedom of religion. All of which I could never know, if not for my social interactions and speaking in government classes.

Thus, one can observe that while computer language is a good way to communicate and use the world's endless resources, human languages are even more powerful. Languages carry with them an extra dimension of culture that is incredibly rich and potent. This force not only creates intercontinental bonds, but also stimulates human thinking. I learned how influential a new language was, when I was liberated from propaganda that aimed to create animosity. Only by depriving Egypt the means to connect to the outer world-of which knowing other languages are essential to create- were leaders able to control the simple minded, including the child that I was.

Undergraduate / I would aspire to become a physician; Johns Hopkins Supp [2]

Hi! I wrote those two essay for Hopkins Supplement and I'd really, really appreciate the help. Even though I don't mean it, I usually write in my own voice a lot. A critique of contents and word flow would be really helpful. Thanks.

Write a brief essay (250 words maximum each question) in which you respond to the following questions. (freshman applicants only):

1) Johns Hopkins offers 50 majors across the schools of Arts and Sciences and Engineering. On this application, we ask you to identify one or two that you might like to pursue here. Why did you choose the way you did? If you are undecided, why didn't you choose? (If any past courses or academic experiences influenced your decision, you may include them in your essay.)

Soon after my family immigrated to the United States, my little brother was involved in a minor accident. Accompanying him to the hospital, I remember being amazed by the advanced technology that the doctors employed to help their patients. I was in awe as I imagined myself using such equipment to help the poor of my mainly undeveloped, yet beloved, country. From that moment forward, I would aspire to become a physician with the intention to serve my community.

Such a decision triggered a major conflict with my previously planned career choice. As far as I could remember, Mathematics was not only my favorite subject, but also my biggest passion. My thirst for Math led me to take many advanced classes such as Linear Algebra and A.P. Physics, through which I learned the various real-world applications of Mathematics. I had figured that only an education in Engineering could quench my fervor for Mathematics.

I was conflicted deeply, not knowing if I should follow my passions or my noble goals - which would help individuals directly. The answer came later when I learned about the Biomedical Engineering major at Johns Hopkins. Enrolling in such major would mean, not only do I get to pursue my goal of treating the unfortunate, but it also ensures that I will fulfill it passionately. Through BME, I would also be best prepared for Medical School, in case I decide to pursue treating patients on a daily basis rather than designing cutting edge technologies.

2) Tell us something about yourself or your interests that we wouldn't learn by looking at the rest of your application materials. (While you should still pay attention to sentence structure and grammar, your response is meant as a way for us to get to know you, rather than a formal essay.)

After two years of little involvement in extracurricular activities, I felt it was time to start learning a new sport. It was convenient that one of my friends would suggest joining our high school tennis team, however I was reluctant to do so. I much preferred the wrestling squad over our school's less popular tennis team. Nevertheless, due to unfortunate events that made me miss the wrestling tryouts I changed my mind toward joining Tennis in the upcoming spring season.

The team matched my expectations in that among the other competitive schools in our county it ranked very low. I felt ashamed under the snickers of my friends who played for other "elite" schools. I was discouraged but my focus shifted as I discovered the essence of the sport itself, having fun. Unlike the wrestling team which dealt with losses very seriously, my team would instead rejoice in friendships and the joy that comes with the act of playing.

Much like my tennis team, I began to not worry about winning and rather started to compete against myself. With every serve I stroked, I overcame my shyness and gained confidence. Slowly and steadily I improved. After my first season, I became the second best rookie on the team, and the fourth best overall. Being little introvert, I also valued the sport for helping me become more sociable and outgoing. Most importantly, I gained the friendship of most of my teammates, of which some went on to become my best friends.