chillyp
Dec 30, 2012
chillyp
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / I MOVE/ U Penn/ Ben Franklin essay. [4]
Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'
Which are you? (Please answer in 300-500 words)
I've moved a number of times in my life so far. I moved from California to Taipei in the 4th grade then back to California in the 7th grade and finally back to Taipei again in the 9th grade. When I first moved to Taiwan I was immediately enrolled into a public school; faced with language barriers I struggled to find myself and get a grasp of the language. Being proactive, I sought help from teachers and never gave up despite continuous low grades in Chinese literature classes. I reached out to classmates for help and made new friends, many of whom I still talk to today. Displaying a relentless display of action and drive, I ended up becoming the class representative for two years in a row and was asked to translate songs from Chinese to English.
I still adopt this way of action today in my daily life. In school I "move" by asking about things that I am uncertain about. In sociology class last year I continually tried to connect what I had learned about gender roles to issues plaguing society. In government class I marvel at how the role of government has changed dramatically throughout history. And while others simply read and memorize, I analyze and hope to understand more through the writings of Thomas Paine and Alexis de Tocqueville.
When I started taking photography seriously I decided that it was time to become better. I asked around and was soon able to intern with a photojournalist at a well-known newspaper. During sophomore year I founded the photography club at school and still run it. And when I started needing money for additional equipment I decided to shoot portraits for clients and post samples of my work on an online photography portfolio. Besides photography, my interest in the yo-yo drove me to start a collaborative blog with my friend in California. And when I moved back to Taiwan I immediately searched and found a local yo-yo club to participate in. I started participating in competitions in Taipei and developed meaningful friendships. After the devastating tsunami that occurred in Japan I decided to raise money with the yo-yo through the online forums that I was involved with.
Although my life so far has certainly been an interesting and at times difficult one, I have learned to not be limited by the environment and rather take control of the situation by moving. Whether or not it has been promoting my liberal views in my conservative school or seeking to live an impactful life by volunteering to speak at leadership club weekly I strive to continue this mode of living life. I have learned to embrace movement.
Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'
Which are you? (Please answer in 300-500 words)
I've moved a number of times in my life so far. I moved from California to Taipei in the 4th grade then back to California in the 7th grade and finally back to Taipei again in the 9th grade. When I first moved to Taiwan I was immediately enrolled into a public school; faced with language barriers I struggled to find myself and get a grasp of the language. Being proactive, I sought help from teachers and never gave up despite continuous low grades in Chinese literature classes. I reached out to classmates for help and made new friends, many of whom I still talk to today. Displaying a relentless display of action and drive, I ended up becoming the class representative for two years in a row and was asked to translate songs from Chinese to English.
I still adopt this way of action today in my daily life. In school I "move" by asking about things that I am uncertain about. In sociology class last year I continually tried to connect what I had learned about gender roles to issues plaguing society. In government class I marvel at how the role of government has changed dramatically throughout history. And while others simply read and memorize, I analyze and hope to understand more through the writings of Thomas Paine and Alexis de Tocqueville.
When I started taking photography seriously I decided that it was time to become better. I asked around and was soon able to intern with a photojournalist at a well-known newspaper. During sophomore year I founded the photography club at school and still run it. And when I started needing money for additional equipment I decided to shoot portraits for clients and post samples of my work on an online photography portfolio. Besides photography, my interest in the yo-yo drove me to start a collaborative blog with my friend in California. And when I moved back to Taiwan I immediately searched and found a local yo-yo club to participate in. I started participating in competitions in Taipei and developed meaningful friendships. After the devastating tsunami that occurred in Japan I decided to raise money with the yo-yo through the online forums that I was involved with.
Although my life so far has certainly been an interesting and at times difficult one, I have learned to not be limited by the environment and rather take control of the situation by moving. Whether or not it has been promoting my liberal views in my conservative school or seeking to live an impactful life by volunteering to speak at leadership club weekly I strive to continue this mode of living life. I have learned to embrace movement.
chillyp
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Let your life speak/ Swim team community; WHY Tufts? [6]
with your type of grammar and spelling I don't know if I should even believe that I saw a comment
with your type of grammar and spelling I don't know if I should even believe that I saw a comment
chillyp
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Ranking,renowned faculty,programs& research opportunities; Columbia App:Why Columbia? [5]
im just gonna say that you need to be WAYYYY more specific.
and the first sentence? of your essay says "we", change that to "I".
You are specific in the latter part of the essay, but you need to be specific in the academics portion, etc...
please provide constructive feedback on my essays, good luck
im just gonna say that you need to be WAYYYY more specific.
and the first sentence? of your essay says "we", change that to "I".
You are specific in the latter part of the essay, but you need to be specific in the academics portion, etc...
please provide constructive feedback on my essays, good luck
chillyp
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / "Boys dont play with dolls"/ Tufts supp/ Unwritten rules of society [6]
Hey, this is a great idea, but I feel like you need to develop your idea a lot more.
For now it seems like a bunch of thoughts from you about how you feel towards this social injustice. However, it goes on and on, and to me at least, doesn't seem to have any sort of a strong conclusion.
BUT. I'll say that it's definitely a different (good) essay topic and that if your major is towards that type of thing it'll help you lots. Good Luck!
Hey, this is a great idea, but I feel like you need to develop your idea a lot more.
For now it seems like a bunch of thoughts from you about how you feel towards this social injustice. However, it goes on and on, and to me at least, doesn't seem to have any sort of a strong conclusion.
BUT. I'll say that it's definitely a different (good) essay topic and that if your major is towards that type of thing it'll help you lots. Good Luck!
chillyp
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Let your life speak/ Swim team community; WHY Tufts? [6]
hey, that's great feedback. I appreciate it.
DO you think I would be able to answer the prompt (the swimming one) well without the last sentence? You got me, I totally had to add that in because I felt like I did not answer the prompt well.
cheers :D
hey, that's great feedback. I appreciate it.
DO you think I would be able to answer the prompt (the swimming one) well without the last sentence? You got me, I totally had to add that in because I felt like I did not answer the prompt well.
cheers :D
chillyp
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Let your life speak/ Swim team community; WHY Tufts? [6]
1. Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?'' (Suggested length is 50-100 words.)
In retrospect, the unique perspectives that I have gained from living in Asia have made me more accepting and aware as a person. This makes the existing diverse community at Tufts very important to me. Additionally, Tufts offers a plethora of student organizations to join and get involved. The Institute of Political Citizenship will grant me opportunities to interact with leaders in public policy and get practical experience through internships, which would prepare me for a future in the judiciary. And with no core curriculum at Tufts, I will be free to study international economics in addition to political science.
2. There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood, or community- and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
"___ (insert my name here)"
I remember being ordered by my mom to join swim team in the 3rd grade. Pulled and dragged, I finally demanded a black Tweety bird pen as a reward. As I weaved through the dark green gates outside the pool, I was greeted by cold stares and empty looks. I was an outsider. To make matters worse, I suddenly froze with fear at the deep end of the pool while doing my first lap. I left the pool discouraged, telling myself that I'd never do swim team again.
It is ironic how I now miss seeing my swim team family daily. The smell of chlorine on our skin and the 6 AM practices that we have endured every Wednesday has bound us together. I have been able to count on the swim community for laughter and acceptance through all the chaos that has come with moving to Asia and back the U.S multiple times. Whether it has been a good or bad day, somehow those tedious freestyle sets, the seemingly endless staring at the white bottom of the pool, and the continual reminders I make to remind people to circle swim make me feel better. I belong at the pool with my mirrored goggles on, swimming hard, channeling the frustration of even the worst day into a faster 50-meter freestyle time. And even if I do feel like an outsider at times, a quick glance around to see everyone suffering together makes me grin. Through swim team I have become more responsible and have realized that nothing great comes without effort.
please provide good constructive criticism and i'll do the same for u.
1. Which aspects of Tufts' curriculum or undergraduate experience prompt your application? In short: ''Why Tufts?'' (Suggested length is 50-100 words.)
In retrospect, the unique perspectives that I have gained from living in Asia have made me more accepting and aware as a person. This makes the existing diverse community at Tufts very important to me. Additionally, Tufts offers a plethora of student organizations to join and get involved. The Institute of Political Citizenship will grant me opportunities to interact with leaders in public policy and get practical experience through internships, which would prepare me for a future in the judiciary. And with no core curriculum at Tufts, I will be free to study international economics in addition to political science.
2. There is a Quaker saying: "Let your life speak." Describe the environment in which you were raised-your family, home, neighborhood, or community- and how it influenced the person you are today. (200-250 words)
"___ (insert my name here)"
I remember being ordered by my mom to join swim team in the 3rd grade. Pulled and dragged, I finally demanded a black Tweety bird pen as a reward. As I weaved through the dark green gates outside the pool, I was greeted by cold stares and empty looks. I was an outsider. To make matters worse, I suddenly froze with fear at the deep end of the pool while doing my first lap. I left the pool discouraged, telling myself that I'd never do swim team again.
It is ironic how I now miss seeing my swim team family daily. The smell of chlorine on our skin and the 6 AM practices that we have endured every Wednesday has bound us together. I have been able to count on the swim community for laughter and acceptance through all the chaos that has come with moving to Asia and back the U.S multiple times. Whether it has been a good or bad day, somehow those tedious freestyle sets, the seemingly endless staring at the white bottom of the pool, and the continual reminders I make to remind people to circle swim make me feel better. I belong at the pool with my mirrored goggles on, swimming hard, channeling the frustration of even the worst day into a faster 50-meter freestyle time. And even if I do feel like an outsider at times, a quick glance around to see everyone suffering together makes me grin. Through swim team I have become more responsible and have realized that nothing great comes without effort.
please provide good constructive criticism and i'll do the same for u.
chillyp
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Watching Videos; MIT app; Pleasure activity [8]
you should put some more emotion and not just tell the person what you've been doing..it's a bit bland.
you should put some more emotion and not just tell the person what you've been doing..it's a bit bland.
chillyp
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / notation:U VA supplement : College of Arts and Sciences [3]
I'm gonna start by saying that you probably need to add a decent amount of writing to this piece. I know i wrote more for mine, but anyhow.
The intro needs working on, don't give the reader those type of questions. It wastes space and doesn't really accomplish much IMO.
You need to do a lot more of explaining on the significance of the infinite symbol in calculus. Dig deeper.
but good luck, interesting concept, and thanks for commenting on my thread.
I'm gonna start by saying that you probably need to add a decent amount of writing to this piece. I know i wrote more for mine, but anyhow.
The intro needs working on, don't give the reader those type of questions. It wastes space and doesn't really accomplish much IMO.
You need to do a lot more of explaining on the significance of the infinite symbol in calculus. Dig deeper.
but good luck, interesting concept, and thanks for commenting on my thread.
chillyp
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Long boarding makes me happy : Tufts Supp/ "What makes you happy?" [3]
"What makes you happy?"
There is something about the combination of a longboard and music that makes me feel like I am on top of the world. Perhaps it is my obsession with high speeds and "Papercut" by Linkin Park blasting through my earphones. After school on Wednesday's I open my locker, reach in and pull out my longboard, put on my black Ray-Bans, plug in my earphones, and walk towards the entrance of my school. It's time.
I slowly go up the hill that leads up to "the area," a group of restaurants and shops a short walk from school. I stop by 20 teas, and order a large yogurt green tea. Half ice, half sugar, please. I continue up the hill, waving to a couple on a "tea-date" and notice a new bien-dang, or lunch box place and decide to check it out for lunch tomorrow. (Senior privileges are great, yes?) Looking towards the park, I notice some elderly people stretching while others are betting on a game of Chinese chess. Stay classy, Taiwan.
Reaching the apex of the hill, I stop and exhale to get myself ready for the task at hand. I push off with my left foot again and again, synchronizing my movements to the beat of the snare and bass of "Papercut". I jerk my hips to the front and back, swerving around cracks in the cement and avoiding collisions with slow and pesky motorcycles. Halting to a stop, I wipe off some sweat with my hand.
That was fun.
please critique :D oh, and its a 250 word limit.
"What makes you happy?"
There is something about the combination of a longboard and music that makes me feel like I am on top of the world. Perhaps it is my obsession with high speeds and "Papercut" by Linkin Park blasting through my earphones. After school on Wednesday's I open my locker, reach in and pull out my longboard, put on my black Ray-Bans, plug in my earphones, and walk towards the entrance of my school. It's time.
I slowly go up the hill that leads up to "the area," a group of restaurants and shops a short walk from school. I stop by 20 teas, and order a large yogurt green tea. Half ice, half sugar, please. I continue up the hill, waving to a couple on a "tea-date" and notice a new bien-dang, or lunch box place and decide to check it out for lunch tomorrow. (Senior privileges are great, yes?) Looking towards the park, I notice some elderly people stretching while others are betting on a game of Chinese chess. Stay classy, Taiwan.
Reaching the apex of the hill, I stop and exhale to get myself ready for the task at hand. I push off with my left foot again and again, synchronizing my movements to the beat of the snare and bass of "Papercut". I jerk my hips to the front and back, swerving around cracks in the cement and avoiding collisions with slow and pesky motorcycles. Halting to a stop, I wipe off some sweat with my hand.
That was fun.
please critique :D oh, and its a 250 word limit.
chillyp
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / 'An experienced election officer' - Stanford Intellectual Vitality--Election [5]
Hey, I would say put some more imagery or more exciting details. I feel like there is too much description in the essay, but good experience, very different.
Try to work in your international viewpoint if possible, that'd be a good addition. :D
Hey, I would say put some more imagery or more exciting details. I feel like there is too much description in the essay, but good experience, very different.
Try to work in your international viewpoint if possible, that'd be a good addition. :D
chillyp
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Dream of becoming an Architect; Commonapp Architecture/ A RISK YOU HAVE TAKEN [5]
the last sentence seems a bit choppy, but good ending.
the last sentence seems a bit choppy, but good ending.
chillyp
Dec 25, 2012
Undergraduate / Personal Attention; Northwestern App/ Why Northwestern? [2]
In _____ , everyone knows about Northwestern -- people throw around the university's name like a hot item because of its academic prestige and reputation for producing leaders.
But why do I want to attend Northwestern?Throughout high school I have loved the personal attention that teachers have given me because of the small class sizes at our school. Northwestern offers me a small student to professor ratio as well as the unique opportunity to interact and learn from highly distinguished professors. At Northwestern, professors genuinely care about your success and in developing your academic interests. I am particularly interested in the course "Southeast Asian Politics" taught my Professor Jeffrey Winters as my Asian heritage continues to inspire me to look at issues with an international perspective. The Brady Scholars Program in Ethics and Civil Life would allow me to study ethics in a discussion orientated setting. The Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences would allow me to create an academic experience tailor-made to my academic interests. Besides focusing on political science, I'd fully utilize the quarter system by studying economics or strengthening my writing skills in the school of journalism. I intend to enroll in the "Business and Government" course to think and understand the impact of government in business decisions.
As an undergraduate I would be able to take internships and jobs that relate to my field of study. I would definitely capitalize on the opportunities offered to me to intern at the Illinois State Representative's office and bring the experience that I've had living in ___ to writing for The Diplomacist. At school I would take advantage of the multitude of student clubs by honing my oratory skills through the Debate Society and as I am quite interested in eventually starting and running my own business, exchange ideas with other entrepreneurs at the InNUvation Forum.
Northwestern's location in Evanston and close proximity to Chicago reminds me of attending school in the quiet ____ area but living in the loud and exciting Taipei over the weekends. Chicago would provide me the loud and populous city feel that I enjoy: I would be able to enjoy watching Derrick Rose dunk in Bulls basketball games and continually add to my photography portfolio pictures of the breathtaking Chicago skyline. In Evanston I would cheer on the Wildcats at football games and participate in club swimming.
At Northwestern University I will be pushed to think, to explore, and to succeed, as its academic excellence in political science, economics, and journalism is unparalleled. I will be adequately prepared for a future in the judiciary.
In _____ , everyone knows about Northwestern -- people throw around the university's name like a hot item because of its academic prestige and reputation for producing leaders.
But why do I want to attend Northwestern?Throughout high school I have loved the personal attention that teachers have given me because of the small class sizes at our school. Northwestern offers me a small student to professor ratio as well as the unique opportunity to interact and learn from highly distinguished professors. At Northwestern, professors genuinely care about your success and in developing your academic interests. I am particularly interested in the course "Southeast Asian Politics" taught my Professor Jeffrey Winters as my Asian heritage continues to inspire me to look at issues with an international perspective. The Brady Scholars Program in Ethics and Civil Life would allow me to study ethics in a discussion orientated setting. The Weinberg College of Arts and Sciences would allow me to create an academic experience tailor-made to my academic interests. Besides focusing on political science, I'd fully utilize the quarter system by studying economics or strengthening my writing skills in the school of journalism. I intend to enroll in the "Business and Government" course to think and understand the impact of government in business decisions.
As an undergraduate I would be able to take internships and jobs that relate to my field of study. I would definitely capitalize on the opportunities offered to me to intern at the Illinois State Representative's office and bring the experience that I've had living in ___ to writing for The Diplomacist. At school I would take advantage of the multitude of student clubs by honing my oratory skills through the Debate Society and as I am quite interested in eventually starting and running my own business, exchange ideas with other entrepreneurs at the InNUvation Forum.
Northwestern's location in Evanston and close proximity to Chicago reminds me of attending school in the quiet ____ area but living in the loud and exciting Taipei over the weekends. Chicago would provide me the loud and populous city feel that I enjoy: I would be able to enjoy watching Derrick Rose dunk in Bulls basketball games and continually add to my photography portfolio pictures of the breathtaking Chicago skyline. In Evanston I would cheer on the Wildcats at football games and participate in club swimming.
At Northwestern University I will be pushed to think, to explore, and to succeed, as its academic excellence in political science, economics, and journalism is unparalleled. I will be adequately prepared for a future in the judiciary.
