Unanswered [5] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by rosieish
Joined: Dec 29, 2012
Last Post: Dec 31, 2012
Threads: 3
Posts: 9  
Likes: 4
From: China

Displayed posts: 12
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rosieish   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Creating my own stream in this fast-paced world; Masters in Economics/ WHY NYU? [2]

Tell us why you have chosen the above campus (using a maximum of 700 characters-spaces and punctuation included).

A place of possibilities and diverse population constantly shuffling every single second. A place where I can only imagine concretely from magazines and photos. A place that has one of the most prestigious economic depth in America. These are how I describe New York City, a place I long for. Within this fantastic city, New York University provides abundant research opportunities by offering Dean's undergraduate research Fund and research Journal Inquiry, affords study aboard programs, and consists of a diverse student body with distinguished faculty. I am sure I can master economics in this attracting location with NYU's ample resources, and create my own stream in this fast-paced world.
rosieish   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / hard work and dedication/ UVA Sup - World you come from [9]

First, I wanna say its not cliche at all, but it is unique because shifts between countries is not the main theme of your story right? there are much more things you talked about in the story that distinct you from others.

but as people above me said, you can revise the ending to be a little more stronger. It is not so much different from your introductory sentence.

But overall its good I can see you as a pragmatic and diligent student who have a definite goal:)
rosieish   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Shining computer parts / Greenhouse Club / Brown sup; Short answers [12]

When I was small, I was fascinated by Chinese history since young . SinceBecause I had strong interest in Chinese culture, my family began to pass on Chinese traditional value to me little by little: the Confucian values. Under this influence, I gained a unique perspective of life, aspirations and goals, which shaped my personality and moral views and I becametaught me to be modest and conservative on the journey to knowledge. Being Obsessed with the beauty of Chinese characters , I also have had practiced Chinese calligraphy for seven years. The practice of Chinese calligraphy enhanced my understanding of Chinese culture,andcultivated the quality of patience in myselfcultivated me to be patient,whichand helped me to develop a methodical thought while solving problems. Despite this, the experience of living in America has broaden my horizon and the liberal value has drove me to accept an interconnected world. Being (you used too much being; use "As" instead) a student in America, I am proud to learn in this open-minded academic environment while keeping my own traditional value as a unique individual.
rosieish   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / I MOVE/ U Penn/ Ben Franklin essay. [4]

I actually think that is good to show all the activities rather than being specific to only one or two because all the activities show that you were and still are consistently moving, not only physically between place to place, but making progress in your interests and goals.

But I think the introduction paragraph is a bit weak and the introductory sentence is not well enough to grab readers' attention, try to have a more creative introductory sentence.
rosieish   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / "Challenge" ; UVA Sup/ favorite word and why? [5]

What is your favorite word and why?
(roughly 250 words)


Challenge was once like the cane vine twining upon me, which only grew more and more when I tried to flee. Born Japanese-Chinese per se made me unusual among kids in the neighborhoods in Tokyo, Japan. At the age of six, I shifted from Japan to Tianjin, China and attended a local elementary school while I knew nothing about Chinese language and culture-a newfangled challenge again. Later, I experienced more transitions-Chinese school to Tianjin Japanese School, to Chinese middle school, and to Tianjin International School. The first few months in a completely new school was always tough for me, like a single-handed solider bursting into a foreign kingdom, attempting to establish his own world. I absentmindedly followed the challenges coming upon me with fear as well: barriers of language and cultures, rigorous curriculums and socialization issues- difficulty in making friends with students who already had their own bonds for many years. However, soon I started to realize that the transitions indeed equipped me with superior flexibility, and the diverse people I met and experiences I had garnered for me a unique perspective.

Now, with so many challenges I confronted, I am facing a new tremendous challenge again-the pursuit of economics in college. With my growing fascination in academic areas, especially economics and math, and the drastic transformation of China I witnessed, I aspire to analyze the past economic trends and make insightful predictions for the future global economy.

Challenge, once fearful and something to avoid, has grown into a learning experience that I appreciate and seek.
rosieish   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Smiles and laughter; Boston College/ How I Will Bring Service to Others in my Future [3]

abenelazar has corrected most of your grammar errors, but one more:
It is remarkable what a difference one'sperson's actions can be on the lives of others.
person's is redundant.

Overall it is a great essay, I read your essay cuz I am struggling on writing the BC supp essay now haha
And I think your ending is a bit weak: I want more smiles and laughter,
you can conclude stronger, something like: "I strive to do my best to serve others and make a mark on the society for the better. I do not want anything for return, except smiles and laughter. "

Something like this:) make it stronger.
rosieish   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / It is a pleasure to put others before me; Stanford Essay / What Matters & why? [6]

Your essay is great. I can see your bona fide and pragmatic personality through your essay and your passion for serving others.
Does Stanford require only this essay?
If only this essay, then you better elaborate more on your major-biotech,
but if there are more essays in which you talked about your major already, then it would be fine.
It is a great essay overall.
rosieish   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / Walk on the Wild Road;Personal Statement [11]

I REALLY like your essay! I wish I can write like that haha:)
However, I think it would be too narrative and obviously there are fragments, such as "Maybe." "A shrill of feedback." I know you intentionally write like that and it may be your style as I see from your essay you are really trying to be unique and different and be yourself. But in my opinion, it is still better to have the correct grammar and you can always freely express with right grammar. And afterall, this is college application essay:)

A grammar correction:
"The words were subconsciously flowing out of my absent mind, with my voice quivering and my head bobbing awkwardly on each downbeat vibrating with my eardrums."

But overall it is really great and I can see your desire to be different and your passion in pursuing what you truly enjoy doing.

The awesome thing about your essay is that it is like reading a small story and I could not stop reading it until the end.

And I like the ending sentence, which distinct yourself from everyone, with your own experience proving it.
rosieish   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / My role model is my father; University of Michigan / Unique qualities [4]

It is a very good essay overall, but as Bighall said as well, it is too general. The prompt asks you to write how the curriculum in UMich would support you interest which means you should research about its specific program relevant to your interested major that you find supportive and beneficial for your pursuit. I also applied to UMich, but we are different though i applied to Ross BBA program, however, as I find Ross school has its special features such as its action-based learning program, Tozzi Finance center, I'm sure if you go on to UMich website, you can find special features about Umich's the college of arts and sciences as well:) Do more research:)

Also, you say UMich will "change your life forever" and its the "golden gate", and I think you are being a bit careless and impetuous on the wording. If you really think UMich is your dream dream school, you should definitely provide more evidence to prove your statement-show Umich's UNIQUENESS. Otherwise, don't be too absolute here.

If you have time..please take a look at my NYU essay (NYU essay: My interest in economics)
THANK YOU<3
rosieish   
Dec 29, 2012
Undergraduate / My eyes were soon tagged on the economy : NYU/ Area of interest [4]

NYU's global network provides students with hundreds of academic areas of interest for students to cultivate their intellectual curiosity and to help achieve their career goals. Whether you are entirely undecided about your academic plans or you have a definitive program of study in mind, what are your own academic interests? Feel free to share any thoughts on any particular programs or how you might explore those interests at NYU on any of our campuses.(MAXIMUM: 1500 characters)

"It's dinner time," with my mum's yelling, I pulled up my exhausted body and walked to the dinner table. As usual, my father has turned on the TV with news being broadcast. My eyes were soon tagged on the economy: " Nikkei share reached its highest level since the 2011 Tsunami," "European leaders cut a deal to give Greece another bailout enabling Athens to stay solvent..." Rather than merely absorb the news, I pondered why Nikkei share went high and what the bailout would cause, concluding that maybe the rise of Nikkei share implies the financial market's support to the new Prime Minister Shinzo Abe, and that the bailout would mitigate Europe's financial crisis.

I like to wonder about economics because it is capricious and stimulating like a box of chocolates in which every new square offers new excitement. What would happen next is unpredictable but predictable at the same: there are often reasons behind the happenings. In addition, with my unique identity and globally diverse experience, my interest in economics has been constantly spurred, causing me to think and analyze worldwide affairs.

I always wondered: Why does Japan, a small island country, have the second highest GDP average? Why did China have dramatic transformation in such a short time? Why did America, a country with only hundreds of years of history, become the most influential country? And how can we solve the menacing monetary crisis that continues to prevail throughout the world?

The answer is: economics.

I appreciate any revise to my essay, especially regarding the overall idea of it:):)
Please help me, thank you!
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