Undergraduate / Plans upon graduation and the future/ APU admissions essay #2 [2]

2. Please write about any previous commendable experiences, any extra-curricular activities you hope to pursue after you have entered the university, and your plans after graduation from APU.

This is what I wrote:

During my high school days in 78 Senior High School, I participated in a lot of activities. I am involved in various committees. I joined "Paskibra", which main duty is to raise the Indonesian flag during various ceremonies throughout the year. "Paskibra" had held various activities; the biggest and latest event was "KRISTAL", a marching competition held in 78 Senior High School. The contestants came from various junior and high schools in Jakarta and its surrounding regions. Also, last year I participated in a national contest, where my school is assessed as the healthiest school in Indonesia. 78 Senior High School successfully claimed the third prize and the third healthiest school in Indonesia. These activities that I joined in high school have given me so much knowledge. I learn how to work in groups and deal with so many personalities. It is demanded that group issues have to be resolved first before moving on to individual issues. Automatically, I also learned how to set priority scale and to manage timing. Juggling between schools and clubs, I need to manage my time to get both things done well. Having engaged in many committees, I surely have encountered many unsuspecting turns of events on field. This required me to think fast and decide what is best to resolve the issue. This trains the spontaneity inside me.

I am intrigued by the range of clubs offered at APU. I am able to choose either cultural or sport clubs even volunteer works. I am personally interested in joining tea ceremony club, Onsen, and badminton club. I choose to participate in tea ceremony club because I am curious how the art of preparing and presenting tea has become a huge impact on Japanese society. It will be a definite pleasure and honor to be involved in such a genuine Japanese culture.

Meanwhile, I chose badminton because I enjoy the sport so much and I also want to maintain my fitness. I have enjoyed this sport since my primary school days. Lastly, I want to join the Onsen as well. Beppu is renowned for its Onsens. Through this club, I hope it will give me the chance to explore and experience Beppu even more. Besides, I have never been to Onsen before, so by joining the club, I will know what Onsens are like. Also, by joining these clubs, I will be getting new friends who share the same interests as mine. I believe that college is not all about studying, but also balancing it with social activities as well. But of course, on top of those, I will definitely prioritize my study in APU because the main reason I come to APU is to pursue my further education.

Upon the completion of my study, I wish to work in Japan. I personally want to give back to the country that will have paid my education and living cost by then. Of course, almost every accounting graduates would love to work for one of "The Big Four" auditing firms; KPMG, Deloitte, PwC, or Ernst & Young. Other than that, I am also interested in working as an accountant for a fashion company. It will be fantastic to be working in place where I have interest in and is the same field as my background education.

After a few years, I want to pursue my graduate degree either in Europe; preferably France; or in New York. I am planning on paying my school fees using the salary I would have earned by then or by getting scholarship to support my study.

The ending is not finished yet, and quite frankly I currently do not have any idea how to end the essay properly. Any suggestions for the ending and the whole essay?

(word count: 594/600 words)

Undergraduate / I am choosing Japan to continue my further education/ Reasons to attend APU [2]

The first question out of three essays that need to be submitted:
"1. Please write the reason/s why you to attend APU and how you intend to approach your studies within your first choice of college (APS/ APM)."

Here is my response:

I choose Ritsumeikan Asia Pacific University to continue my further education because APU is located in Japan, a country renowned for incredible work ethics and rich culture and knowledge. As a developed country, Japan provides high quality education which is essential to survive in the dynamic and ever-changing world. APU will also give me the chance to make my way into the international community. APU provides incredible quality education and supporting aspects needed to create conducive learning environment. Besides, APU has high employment rates upon graduation. This will give APU students higher chance to be recruited by companies upon graduation. I hope I will be able to explore Japan and experience the challenging and interesting life as an international student in Japan.

APU has huge amount of international students, thus I hope I will be able to build networking in the multicultural and multilingual surroundings. This kind of place will be able to sharpen my linguistic, leadership, and communication skills, without having to lose my identity as an Indonesian, as APU also has the multicultural weeks activity on campus.

Although I am not able to understand written nor spoken Japanese at the moment, APU gives me the space to learn and master Japanese and also to sharpen my ability in understanding written and spoken English. This could be an amazing chance for me improve my skills.

Also, thanks to APU's diverse student composition, I will be getting the opportunity to engage in so many different communities. To my opinion, good academic skills must also be supported by the ability to built networking and socializing. So, I hope by making new connections and friends and sharing ideas with people from various backgrounds, I will get the needed valuable lessons to solve problems or obstacles that may come later, whether in pursuing my education or even in the future stage of life. I probably will not be getting this one of a kind opportunity where I can participate in international community on a daily basis if I choose to continue my education in Indonesia.

Both of my parents and I agree that I should be majoring in accounting. I am truly ecstatic about money matters and how to manage money. During the sophomore and senior year in high school, I and my friends raised fund by selling some goods, like foods or ladies accessories. After sales, I would count the income and profit earned. I also learned how to set up prices and earn adequate profits. These activities have become one of the biggest contributing factors why I choose to major in accounting.

If I am chosen to be an APM student, I am going to give all my best on learning and gaining knowledge in APM. Although I am now majoring in natural science in high school, I do not mind learning accounting from zero. To my opinion, the more the knowledge we have, the better. As a Japanese illiterate, there will definitely be a lot of catching up to do, both on the linguistic and cultural sides.

Japan is the country I believe will open doors of opportunities for me, so, becoming a student in Japan, specifically APU, is a chance not to be missed. I will definitely make the most of it, and the most important thing, is to enjoy every time spent learning in APU. I believe college is not only about reading and memorizing lectures, papers, or textbooks; college is also a place for us to expand our point of view and to cherish friendships. I never know what future has in store for me, but as long as there is a good opportunity, it is surely not to be missed.

(word count: 614 words)

Any suggestion how to make the essay more interesting to read? Any help would be highly appreciated :)