Graduate / Navy OCS Motivational Statement; 'Risks are the essence of success' [5]

Hi All,

I'm writing a motivational statement and could use some help in getting this focused and cutting down some fat. Any assistance is greatly appreciated. See below for prompt and statement:

1) Why do I want to join the Navy? What evidence is there that I will enjoy being in the Navy and be able to stay motivated, overcome the challenges, etc..

2) Will I serve the Navy well? What evidence is there that I can adapt to and overcome challenging situations / stressful environments. Also, what experiences can I draw upon in order to be a good leader, etc.

Risks are the essence of success and I come from a family that has had to take major risks in order to bring me to the place I am today. Despite the dangers and fears of leaving one's native country, my grandparents crossed the border from Mexico to the United States to provide a better future for their children. My immediate and extended family members then served as enlisted men and women, sacrificing their lives as my grandparents did, so that their children would have more opportunities. I wish to serve as an Officer of the Navy to not only continue the sacrifice and commitment made by my family, but to also serve as a leader that inspires my family's future generations.

My father proudly served two tours in the Marine Corps, and this shaped his character's strong sense of justice. He was committed to my success and he worked very hard so that I could become something more than ordinary. Though his life was brief, the impact and values he taught me continue to be my biggest source of inspiration. His stories of duty, camaraderie, and honor continuously reinforce my sense of patriotism and desire to serve within the U.S. Armed Forces.

Because my family has served in all branches of the U.S. Armed Forces, their experiences have been helpful in my selection process for service. The stories that resonated with me the most are the ones about the Navy. As an enlisted Navy man, my Uncle Bobby traveled the world. After he completed his service, he attended USC and graduated with a BA. I believe his success is due to the expansion of his global perspective, which he gained while serving in the Navy.

I earned my bachelor's degree from New York University (NYU) in 2012. I graduated top of my class as an NYU Honors Scholar. During college, I learned how to be self-sufficient and, despite the distance, I found ways to strengthen the bond between my family and me. I realized how the older and younger generations of my family did not communicate well due to a language barrier. The older members spoke Spanish while the younger ones spoke only English. I took a stand for my family when I studied abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina and learned how to speak Spanish, my family's native language. From my travels I bridged a generation gap within my family and I gained an enlightened sense of myself. I understand that the Navy prides itself for its strong sense of courage and community. I hope to strengthen those qualities for myself and share them with the rest of my family.

After studying abroad in Buenos Aires, Argentina, I served as a Global Ambassador in the Study Abroad Program at NYU. As a Global Ambassador, I learned valuable skills: time management, research, organizing, strategic thinking, outreach and teambuilding. The most rewarding aspect, however, was conversing with incoming study abroad students. Most of the students had fears and anxieties of being so far away from family and acclimating into a new culture. As I shared my fears as an incoming student and then my actual experience, the fears and anxieties of the students disappeared. I found that the reward I received as a Global Ambassador was that I dedicated myself to a higher purpose: to ensure that the incoming students had a safe and memorable experience. As an Officer, I realize that my success depends on the success of others and the unit as a whole. I believe my time at NYU helped in chipping away my selfishness and I look forward to dedicating myself to others as an Officer.

I believe my adaptability and passion for technology makes me a great asset to the Navy. As a computer programmer, I have a strong understanding of analytical skills and numerous computer-programming languages. Though my focus is in C and Java, I maintain knowledge of other aspects of computer technology: the logistics of DNS, how to maintain a web server, and most importantly, how to communicate these concepts to everyday people who do not understand the technological vocabulary.

Though I am well versed in technology, I understand that without a larger purpose, my skills are meaningless. I can continue on my path of education and work an ordinary office job. That type of ordinary living does not appeal me. I wish to serve a purpose that will allow me to contribute to my family and country. For this reason, I believe serving as a Naval Officer will help me fulfill both desires.

My family's dedication and courage are my motivating factors to serve as an Officer. I am aware the commitment will be extremely demanding, challenging, and ultimately incredibly rewarding. I look forward to the experience from an intellectual as well as social point of view. I hope to learn and grow as an individual and in service to my country. Risks are the key to success. I am willing to sacrifice whatever it takes to continue and advance my family's legacy.

Undergraduate / Why I Want to Study Abroad in Argentina Essay [4]

First draft. Thanks for the help in advance.

Prompt: 250-500 words
How does studying and living abroad fit into your overall educational goals?
What do you hope to gain from your time abroad?
Why is it important for you personally to have cross-cultural experiences?

I come from a Mexican-American family and I have always considered my mult-ethnic background to be an asset. It has definitely shaped the way I view the world. The Hispanic side of my family always made me feel like I was watching a Marx Brothers comedy because they are so ridiculous and zany, while the American side was more like a John Wayne western, because of their ruggedness and tough independence. My biracial upbringing ultimately led to my decision to study Creative Writing and Spanish at California State University, Long Beach.

Living in Buenos Aires and complete immersion in the Spanish culture would not only enable me to speak spanish fluently, but also give me the opportunity of learning about the people of Argentina. This is an experience that cannot be accomplished in a classroom alone.

My ultimate goal from studying abroad is to develop cultural awareness. Personally, I feel that from living in the United States my whole life I have taken the values, stories, and history and drawn from that in my writing. By living and studying abroad, I hope to take the positive aspects from that experience and integrate them into my life. As a student of writing, new people and surroundings will not only broaden my perspective of life, but enrich my future work.

I believe that experiences, lifestyles, and backgrounds create diversity. Diversity is important because it gives people the opportunity to reach their maximum potential and promotes the transfer of ideas, which is ultimately what I hope to gain from this experience.

Undergraduate / Reasons for transferring (NYU's BFA Program of Dramatic Writing) [7]

This is my last essay for the common app. Any suggestions on how to make this essay stronger/stand out are greatly appreciated.

Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Attending the NYU's BFA Program of Dramatic Writing would be the opportunity of a lifetime for me. It is my dream to become a playwright/screenwriter. However, I do not yet have the sophistication, knowledge, and wisdom necessary to succeed as a writer. I feel that NYU, above all others, can guide me toward that goal.

I am a first generation college student and very committed to my education. I have successfully completed my freshman year at UCSB and I feel that I have matured tremendously in that time. The most important trait that I have learned from being independent for the first time, deals with being a cosmopolitan person. I have lived, studied and worked alongside students from diverse nationalities and religions. The key is to become a master of communication with teachers and fellow students, all of whom are a part of the community at UCSB. I would bring the value of this insight and maturity with me to NYU, thus ensuring my success while there.

What sets the BFA Program apart from all other writing programs offered is that it actually allows me to live the life of a writer, while continually learning. The workshops and discussions with agents and producers would not only improve my writing, but teach me the mindset of the people I will work with in the future.

Where will I be in the next ten years? I could be a successful writer for a premier sitcom like "Saturday Night Live" or I could be in a London flat creating the next great play. Whatever I end up doing, NYU's BFA Program of Dramatic Writing will be the first step in achieving my goals.

Undergraduate / "Improvability" - NYU Transfer (activities, additional information) [6]

Hello all,
I was wondering if you could help me on my last short essays I have for my application. I feel like I'm laundry listing my activities. Any types of suggestions are more than appreciated.

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

Previously, I had tried to find other activities to become involved with, but nothing ever satisfied me like theater. Writing was my gateway back into theater. As I began to write, I realized there were other aspects of theater to explore such as acting and directing.

Through acting, I was able to improve my writing ability. Before acting, my writing was mostly plot-driven, based on the Poetics of Aristotle. Acting revealed to me a whole new school of though. As an actor, I had to pinpoint my character's objectives and dive into their psychology. This process carried over to my writing and I was able to learn how to create character-driven works.

From directing, I learned the importance of communication and leadership. I had to be authoritative, sensitive to egos, and maintain my sense of humor all at the same time. As far as leadership, I learned to coach and manage others.

Additional Information. (No more than 2000 characters)
In the beginning of my freshman year at college, I worked with Parking Services on campus from 09/2008 - 01/2009. My duties included selling parking permits for events and activities on campus and set up. I worked an average of six hours per week. From my job with Parking Services, I learned the importance of time management. My jobs before this one were during breaks, so I did not have to worry about school. Since this job was during the school year, I had to schedule my study and leisure time in advance

During the same time, I was also involved with UCSB's improvisational comedy troupe known as "Improvability". I was invited by the troupe to participate in their improv comedy workshop to learn the fundamentals of improvising on stage. The weekly two hour workshop sessions lasted for a total of eight weeks. My work with Improvability greatly improved my writing. Not only did my mind sharpen, but my knowledge of scene work expanded. I was able to take the simple elements of character, relationship, and conflict and apply them to larger works. In addition, I got the opportunity to network with members of both the theater and film community.