Undergraduate / You sound terrible!; My Song Parodies: UVA Quirk [3]

Hello! I'm submitting this tomorrow as one of my UVA supplements. I was hoping to get some last minute feedback on it. If you see any awkward sentences, grammar errors, etc., please let me know! The prompt asked me to share one of my quirks and describe how it contributes to who I am.

As I dive deeper into the daunting task of completing college essays, I find myself singing, "I believe I can try, I believe I can just apply! I dream about it every night and day, spread my wings and fly to UVA!"

"Christian, shut up." Abigail says. "You sound terrible, and your singing is completely unnecessary.
I certainly can't disagree with her about how I sound-my singing is indeed quite horrendous; however, singing parodies is actually very important to my sanity. Whenever I'm tired, stressed, anxious, busy, or uncreative, I simply create a song parody that perfectly fits my present situation. Doing this allows me to rejuvenate my energy and maintain my sanity throughout life's difficult moments. If I'm trying to stay up all night studying, coordinate a charity event, or anything in between, I break out into a cheesy song parody, and for some odd reason it helps me stay focused towards my goals. Yes, I know that it might seem somewhat pointless, but it works for me.

So, next year whenever you are woken up at 2:30am to the sound of a screeching cat, it's probably just me studying economics and singing, "Ah ha ha ha stayin awake, stayin awake!"

Undergraduate / What a Wonderful World: UVA/ surprised, unsettled, or challenged [12]

Here is one of my UVA supplements! The topic is "What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?"

I'd like opinions on a couple of things. First, is it a good topic? I'm concerned it might not be that appealing to admissions counselors.. Also I really don't like the way I end, so I'm trying to change that a bit. Any feedback on the topic itself, how the overall paper is, and any grammar errors etc., will be much appreciated. Thank you!

I fling myself into bed after yet another day of having my life controlled by depression. Using the last bit of energy I have in me, I reach to my bedside table and turn on the radio. As I turn it on I hear the graceful whistle of a flute accompanied by the soothing vibration of a trumpet. These instruments are joined in by the gravelly voice of Louis Armstrong singing "What a Wonderful World."

The song immediately triggers an emotional response, and as my soul absorbs the beautiful music and powerful lyrics, I begin to weep. I cry not because of the harshness of the world but because of its goodness. I cry because for so long, I've not been able to see the world as the incredible place that Louis describes. I've been sheltering myself underneath a canopy of despair, covering my eyes with a blindfold that blocks out all light, and binding myself with chains that rob my freedom.

But as I listen to this song, I see a vivid image of the wonderful world Louis sings about. I see the vibrant roses, the clear blue sky, and the friendly people with warm smiles. I even see hope for the future that's reflected by the babies' growth. As these images rush through my head, I leap out from the dark canopy, rip off my blindfold, and tear off my chains. I'm finally able to see the world as a wonderful place.

Undergraduate / I express myself through my cakes; When Curiosity Led to Baking [10]

Hello! This is my UNC writing supplement, which I'm planning on submitted for EA this Sunday. Let me know of any grammar issues, poor sentence structures, etc. Thank you!

After hours of baking, I come to such a critical moment, and suddenly I'm struck with a vision of a beautiful lace design; the finely woven strings of black royal icing on top of a smooth white fondant will give the cake a very simple, yet elegant appearance. I make a batch of icing, steady my hand, then get to work on the intricate design that I'm envisioning. Finally after over an hour of detailed piping, I look at my completed cake and am overjoyed by how well it turned out.

Although it now seems so natural to be baking and decorating cakes, I remember when the idea was quite foreign to me. Growing up in a family that abides by rather stringent gender roles, I hesitated to explore my curiosity for baking. However, driven by an insatiable desire to bake, I stepped out of this gender structure and discovered an incredible talent and passion of mine.

From the moment I completed my first cake, I knew that I was in love with baking. Albeit, the cake itself had a grainy texture and a certain unappetizing taste, and the decoration of the cake looked like the masterpiece of an inartistic two year old; however, these factors were irrelevant because all that mattered was the joy I experienced while creating the cake. After coming to the stark realization that my cake was terrible, my spare time became engulfed by learning new recipes, reading cake magazine, watching cake decorating videos on YouTube, and even enjoying a bit of Cake Boss.

After many a bad tasting cake, I began to perfect my cake recipes; I figured out the correct ratios of ingredients, then searched high and low for the perfect brands of flour, sugar, eggs, and flavoring, that give my cakes a wonderful and unique taste. Next I began to refine my decorating skills; I spent hours on end learning new techniques, researching creative ideas, and practicing designs whenever I could. Finally after months of baking, my cakes acquired such a heavenly taste and alluring appearance that an influx of people began to request my cakes; and thus began my cake business.

The money that comes along with my business merely helps me buy ingredients and invest in new equipment, but the real reason I bake is to express myself and display who I am through my cakes. The cake I've just finished reflects the intricacy and complexity of my personality, while other cakes I've done, such as a bunny shaped cake, reflect the more fun and creative parts of me. All of my cakes are me; they reflect my passions, dreams, desires, and cares; my cakes are an outward reflection of who I am and who I aspire to be. It's crazy to think that a love for desserts led to such an intense passion and a wonderful opportunity to express myself.

Undergraduate / "Nathaniel is in no rush to leave"; UNC Chapel Hill : Challenging an Idea or Belief [5]

I'm submitting my UNC application Saturday, so I really need some feedback for my essay. Please point out parts of the essay that are weak, awkward, etc. While grammar is important, I'm really looking for advice on how to improve some of the weak parts of my essay. Any help is much appreciated. Thank you!!!

The water droplets rattle as they crash against my windshield; at last, I pull underneath the overhang to escape from the hurricane-like downpour. Enjoying the powerful gusts of wind, Nathaniel is in no rush to leave. However, after being blasted by one last breathtaking gust, he reluctantly abandons the storm. As he is driving up his ramp, he enthusiastically exclaims, "It's such a wonderful day outside!" His cheerful attitude towards such terrible weather condition makes me smile, and I tell him, "I don't quite know if I would say that it's a wonderful day. I know that you long for this type of weather, but trust me, it makes driving horrendous." He relents, but by his radiant expression I can tell that he is overjoyed about the ongoing thunderstorm. On our way to his physical therapy appointment, Nathaniel gives me an in depth description of the mighty storm brewing in the Gulf. The storm is getting ready to unleash its fury on Baton Rouge, and Nathaniel is very optimistic about the possibility of missing a couple days of school. Just as my meteorologist friend finishes his weather prediction, we arrive at his clinic.

Inside, Nathaniel's doctor leads him to his office, and as I watch Nathaniel disappear down the hallway, I find myself pondering how our unique friendship developed. Several months ago, Nathaniel's mom approached me and asked if I would drive her handicap son to his physical therapy appointments every Monday. My first thought was that I'd be happy to do it. I didn't know her or her son that well, but I knew that she worked a full time job, her husband had just passed away, and she definitely needed some extra help. Before I told her yes, however, I began thinking about how I would have to give up the one thing I valued the most: time. With this thought rushing through my head, I became somewhat disgusted at my selfishness. It's true that I'd have to push back the schoolwork I would normally do during this time, which inevitably means I'll get less sleep; however, this is such an insignificant sacrifice if I'm truly able to help a family already experiencing hardship. Without further delay I accepted the opportunity to help the family.

My hesitancy to become Nathaniel's driver revealed to me that although I had always enjoyed helping people, I only did so when it was convenient to me; I was never truly sacrificial in my service to others. This, however, is not surprising given that I live in a society in which each person is his own top priority. Being influenced by this individualistic philosophy, I always pursued what was in my best interest first, and I served others with my leftover time. I quickly rejected this philosophy, and instead began to imagine a world where each person genuinely cares more about others than he does himself. Of course this is an unattainable and idealistic outlook on life, but I've still determined to adopt this mindset for myself.

Since I adopted this mindset, I've experienced an incredible change in my life. I'm no longer held in bondage by the desire of selfish gain; I have a newfound peace that is both pure and genuine; and I've even developed a wonderful lifelong friendship. All of this allows me to fulfill my passion of helping others, and in doing this, I experience a joy and happiness that I would never be able to experience if I were bound by society's self-centered philosophy.

With these thoughts, Nathaniel comes back from his appointment. Smiling, I lead him to the car, and we talk about his favorite eras in history.

Undergraduate / Driving a handicap - Common App: Challenged Idea of Belief [3]

Hello everyone! I'm new to this forum, and I'm hoping that I'll be able to get some help with my Common App essay. My first application is due October 14th, so I'm hoping to get this done soon. I don't know if I like this essay... It's hard to speak about it objectively. Could I have people's opinions about 1) Whether or not the topic itself is a good topic (is it good enough for highly competitive schools?) and 2) If the topic is doable, what parts of the essay need the most work? Is there anything that needs to be completely changed, added, subtracted, etc? I will greatly appreciate any help. Thank you!

Several months ago, someone at my church approached me and asked if I would drive her handicap son to his physical therapy appointments every Monday. My first thought was that I'd be happy to do it. I didn't know her that well, but I knew that she worked a full time job, her husband had just passed, and she definitely needed some extra help. Before I told her yes, however, thoughts slipped into my mind about the fact that the one thing I value most, time, would have to be sacrificed. Those several hours I spent driving him and waiting on him have to come from somewhere; whether it be less sleep that night, less time I have to read, or anything that makes up my normal Monday afternoon routine. As these thoughts rushed through my head, I became somewhat disgusted by how selfish I was being. It's true that I would have to sacrifice time that could be spent doing something else, but that's such a small sacrifice if it really does help a family already experiencing hardship. So, without further hesitation, I accepted the opportunity to help the family.

This experienced enlightened me and opened my eyes to the realization that even though I had always done things altruistically, I often still faced an inward struggle to be sacrificial in my actions towards others. This, however, is not surprising given that I live in a society where the individual is exalted, and for the vast majority of the population each person is his own top priority. We strive to make ourselves prosperous-to make large sums of money, to live in nice houses, to use our free time solely for our personal leisure-and so often in doing this we neglect our responsibilities to help others. I imagined a world where individuals genuinely cared about the wellbeing of people as a whole rather than the wellbeing of themselves. Of course this is an unattainable and idealistic approach of life; however, I truly believe that society would benefit greatly if people would set aside their individualistic mindsets and adopt mindsets that focus on how they can benefit others rather than benefiting solely themselves. Society as a whole will not be the only one that benefits from this; from personal experiences, I can attest that the rejection of this individualistic attitude and the subsequent embrace of a sacrificial attitude leads to a pure and genuine peace that cannot be attained by any betterment of oneself.

I can't say that since I've rejected society's emphasis on individual prosperity I've been selfless in all of my acts or have completely devoted my life to others, but I can say that I've made continuous attempts to recognize the fact that personal gain is not as important as helping others. This philosophy I developed is certainly not a common one. When people consider it, many wholeheartedly agree; however, when it comes time to put words into actions, most loose sight of their original devotion. Although society tends to push me into the latter category, I push back as hard as I can and fight for the greater good of people.