Undergraduate / 'Eco-Rep or Team Green' - Why Meliora? / U Rochester Supplement' [3]

Please see if there's any room for improvement. Especially the word choices and sentence structures .. Thanks :)

The University of Rochester offers many rare advantages, building from our "Meliora" ("ever-better") motto that has inspired generations of scholars, professionals, and artists. Describe what's leading you to apply, and what kind of "Meliora" experiences you want to have here in Rochester and beyond. (250 words max)

A part of me was missing. I searched here and there until I found you. A part of me is still missing, which only you can fill up with your dandelion yellow and mild blue.

You wanted to know why I am prone to having a bond with you. Your open curriculum complements my philosophy. You are a nexus where I can satisfy my yearning for innovation and progression. Together we can enhance ourselves within the sphere of human knowledge. I will eventually grow my knowledge on cloud computing through the painstaking and loving research facilities that only you can compound.

Fondness of music always remained a secret within me. I still love getting lost in the serenity of Clapton's fascinating guitar work in 'Running on faith'. With your Take Five program, I wish to spend one year learning about Audio and Music Engineering.

By being an Eco-rep or a member of Team Green, I wish to become your disciple to attain our precious sustainable campus, together. I am ready to take a pledge in going green for a better world.

I understand your taste, your knack for diversity. For someone of your caliber, your eclectic choices set you apart. Understanding the values of cross cultural relationship, I want to evolve as a 'global' human being. Who else can guide me better than you?

I followed my heart that led me to you, led me to adore your originality, your compassion. Missing in my ever-better story is just your commendation.

Scholarship / 'A cocoon of a caterpillar' ; Vandy Scholarship/Why do you engage in service? [3]

Please make any sort of corrections that needs to be done. I'm kind of rushing with the essays .. Thanks :)

II. Why do you engage in service? Please limit your response to no more than 800 words.

'A cocoon of a caterpillar' That was the first time I had seen the weird looking yellowish-green slime that clung onto a branch of our mango tree. I knew that a caterpillar cocoon turns into a butterfly, or more accurately from the inception of every caterpillar, there's a butterfly within itself waiting to emerge.

A few days later, I witnessed the miraculous birth of one of the most beautiful insects on earth. It emerges from the cocoon with a new form. An hour later it swings its full sized wings and being ready for flying it sets off to the unknown. The butterfly could do what the caterpillar couldn't FLY. The metamorphosis has been just a period of evaluation, building and development.

This concept of a butterfly's life cycle fascinated me. They changed themselves to sore to a new height, leaving the old shell behind to embrace the new life. I find a strong liaison between my entity and the life cycle of the butterfly.

Just as the caterpillar waiting to transform; engaging in service, marks my period of self-acknowledgement and self-development.
During my school break after 11th grade, I volunteered at an NGO 'Gram Bikash Songstha' to work with autistic children. The NGO arranged a month long special program for the children at a special children school in Dhaka. Not knowing how to interact with them, at first I felt a bit reluctant. We arranged music and dancing talent shows. I observed how they reacted and enjoyed every piece performed by the artists. Finally, it was our turn as volunteers to engage the children into performing. Trying to get their attention, I started talking with them more and more. I was amazed to see how they used sensory skills and mere expressions to convey feelings. As if I were not a stranger to them anymore. All this time being focused on how they would take me, I forgot to see what was right in front of me. I eventually grew accustomed to their way of thinking and expressing themselves. While they were always a part of us, unfortunately, I never really got a chance to know them well before.

At the time of our departure, we volunteers organized a farewell party. Some of us were called to sing, some told jokes and some performed magics. While waiting for my turn to perform, I looked around the audience with unease as I had never sung on a stage before. Amidst the jostle of chattering children, one girl's enraptured attention to all the performances caught my interest. Not sure of how she would react, I went on to the stage. Cleared my voice and introduced my piece 'Shader lau' a famous Bengali folklore song. I kept looking at her and was amazed to see her standing firmly, preparing herself to sing along with me. I sang with all my heart, her companion from down the stage gave me the confidence to perform however I wanted to. It was one of the best moment of my life. No one cared about the technical problems or even about the lines I forgot in the middle verse. All that mattered was the fun we had together.

It was her delighted smile that made my effort worth it. I came out of the school with new hopes, learned new truths about life in general. I am sure I wouldn't have gotten any such experience anywhere else. This is why I engage in various services and from each I try to gain something. An experience to enhance, an acknowledgement of the beauties around us and ways to explore unknown paths. I love meeting new people because I can relate them to myself even more.

With every service I engage in, every new experience I have, I shed a cocoon and come out with as an enhanced self. I love meeting with people because I believe we all learn from each-other. I dedicate myself to explore the ways of life and nature so that I can be a butterfly with every venture. I still have a lot to know, a lot to give.

The appreciation we got from the children and their mentors at the special school is what encouraged me to visit them at least once a month. I was told there is no limit to learning but what I recently learned is that there is also no limit to caring. For me a service is to share and care. No matter where I go and what I do I will live in the butterfly cycle.

Undergraduate / 'creative and destructive humans' - UBC personal statement [3]

Prompt : Tell us more about one of the activities you listed above, explaining what your goals were, what you did to pursue them, the results achieved, and what you learned in the process. (Maximum 200 words)

While resting under the shadows of an oak tree, I blinked and straightened up to catch a glimpse of the singing magpies. It was the third day, camping on the hills of Chittagong.

I have been angered by our carelessness toward nature. The project 'species conservation' is what turned my anger into hope. The initiative was to locate the habitat of familiar plant species of local region and process a data based on findings. At day two I began my hunt carrying a bag pack and a notebook in hand.

As cool an adventure as it was, I depressingly realized that all the trees, birds and nature itself wanted only a good listener in return of their unconditional love.

A week as an intern made me think how humans can become intensely creative and destructive at the same time.
Later that week, tree planting festival and awareness symposiums were worthwhile an effort. Children, parents and grandparents gathered to sing in favor of peace and sustainability.

A month later, I founded my school's earth club. I've decided to attend to the murmur of our unsung guardian angel. I take a stance to escalate the ever better in each of us listeners.

Scholarship / 'The poor will always remain poor and the rich would always be rich' - SCHOLARSHIP [3]

Please give any thoughts and corrections of any kind. I had to rush so the grammar and sentence structure is not up to the mark ! Any help is appreciated. Thanks. :)

Growing up, I always felt agitated with the 'division' in our society. They say 'The poor will always remain poor and the rich always rich'- which explains why hundreds of homeless people sleep under the sodium light on the footpaths of Dhaka every night.

On my way from home to school, I would encounter at least a dozen children, with chips or popcorn or roses in hand. They seemed to have a natural way of convincing me. For instance, I could never say no to a little girl who urged me to buy a red rose, despite I had no use of it !

It was a Sunday like any other on November 18, 2012. I went to school, came back and did my chores. But little did I know what was waiting ahead. During supper, I turned on the tv. To my astonishment, I saw a girl crying and describing what she saw earlier today. The devastating fire at Hazaribagh slum that took her parents away forever, left a burning scar on her face and left arm. The girl was Tuba.

I knew Tuba from her roses. She was an adept at convincing me to buy her roses. I wondered how she was doing. Will I ever see her again with her hands full of roses ? I decided to visit the slum after a few days. Unexpectedly enough, I found the miserable people of the slum had already got over their loss. They resign to disaster so easily ! My search for Tuba took me to her aunt's place. She now lives there and works as a maid in an office. She doesn't go out to sell roses anymore. Is it because of the scars on her face, I don't know. She never told me and I never asked her why. My heart ached when I learned about how she is physically and verbally abused at work. It's astounding how she managed to put a smile on her face while recounting those horrible experiences.

The next day, I visited Tuba with a pink overcoat, she grabbed it with her head down, too timid to look. Forcing her eyes to hold back the tears. I would wonder night and day, 'were those tears of joy or sadness?'

I wrote Tuba's story in my school and local newspapers asking to raise funds and secure her child rights. Much to my delight, it got solid reviews from local NGOs, government workers and well wishers. But a few days passed and yet again Tuba went into oblivion.

With every passing day, Tuba inspires me. She installed a seed of leadership that incites me to stand hand-in-hand with her and ask for 'equilibrium' of our society. I now write for those who silently endure abuses because 'we' characterize them as illiterate, useless.

Every day hundreds of Tuba around my country, suffer from poverty and abuse. I give my word, I will lend my hand to rescue as many of them as I can.

Undergraduate / 'The annual race hit' - Common app # 2 failure : 'topic and content' too cliche? [4]

Please check for any room of improvement in grammar and sentence structure. Any advice is appreciated. Thanks ! :)

I inhaled a bit through my nose, catching a whiff of sweat as it travels with the breeze. Glancing at the white rope held ahead, I exhaled. 'I will get there first or die trying' I chanted inside my head.

'Is he going to cough his way to the finish line again? How pathetic!' whispered one of my teammates, peeking at me with unease. Slightly annoyed, I wanted to erupt at that moment but I knew I must live with my quiet rage. Ignoring my shaking legs, I bent my knees, head to the ground. Suddenly, there was only dead silence. I was left with a ruthless void of fifty yards, waiting.

It all began with the dreams of becoming a champion sprinter. While most of my classmates spent their summers on vacation or played video games on demand, I had other aspirations. Despite the asthma attacks I often had, I could never let go of my love for the sport of track and field. With the same enthusiasm every morning, I put on my boots, filled my old Pepsi bottle with water, checked my wrist watch and left my house. While my friends had a good two hours in bed till their alarm cried out, I would roam around the empty streets, with the will to grow better. I wanted to become the best athlete that I could be, even though, with years of erratic practice, my coaches all said 'I would never become more than an ''okay'' athlete'. No matter how desperately I tried to hide or control my flaw, my frantic nature of breathing made me a horrible choice to consider for starting position.

The annual race hit: this time I had to triumph over asthma for good. Proving my worth was a challenge, I wasn't going to let some disease be an irritating reminder of my imperfection. The whistle blew. I felt a sudden biff in my heart. I clutched my chest and stretched out to the rope with tears spilling down my cheeks. Soon I realized I had won 2nd place, falling one step short.

Staring in the bathroom mirror, I forced myself to look into my own reflection. I only wanted to give myself some good advice. As teardrops fell with every blink, I felt a bit ridiculous. But there was no one else to listen to my weeps.

"Why are you letting this get to your head so much?" I asked the sad teenager in front of me. "Shouldn't you be moving on?''

A week later at school, coaches were praising my performance, the same coaches to whom I was an 'okay' athlete, all these years. At first, it seemed as though nothing had changed. But then, for the first time, I started to wonder, why I had been so adamant to win the annual race. When I looked back, I realized, I felt vulnerable all my childhood. Deeming asthma as a curse, I sought of ways to feel superior to it. Fearing the world would recognize me with only pity. But then, not coming in the first place was probably what I needed to repel these thoughts. Maybe it was the excitement of proving them wrong or the intensity of rising above fear that dulled my senses. Somehow, I'd lost sight of my most valuable asset: my true self. The moment I crossed the rope, I unconsciously broke the shackle of anxiety that I clung onto for so long. This instant serves as an aching reminder of my past and an inspiration to continue excelling, even when adverse conditions dominate.

Tomorrow, I will put on my team jacket with just as much dignity as any other accomplished athlete in the world. I take an earnest stance in my life and no one will define who I am. I now fear no void because I know my soul's worth.

Undergraduate / ''Why did they make you our teacher, you are a kid yourself ''; Extra-curricular activity [2]

** Briefly Elaborate one of your extra-circular activities or work experience (250 words)
It is 277 words but need to cut it down to 250 .. and my friends tell me that grammar is terrible. Can someone help me on the grammar please. The deadline is coming up in a few days. Thanks in Advance !

My first day experience with the 4th graders of our literacy school was rather unexpected. With almost 50 pair of eyes staring at me with awe and despair, I found myself quite perplexed. I was assigned to be their English teacher.

''Why did they make you our teacher, you are a kid yourself '' dazed by such astute objection, I replied ''I am here to be friends''. It didn't take me long to realize how true I was. At the age of twelve I imagined myself riding a roller-coaster or playing cricket 24/7. I was restive. But never, not in my consciousness, I would dream of pulling a rickshaw or scavenging in garbage in search of food. The kids sitting in front of me, do I just call them unfortunate, for my childhood nightmares are their resigned reality?

I spent the last four years teaching at two literacy schools. I take solace in their curious gaze and temperate persona. All the disputes I deal with and rancor I bear seem to fade when I find myself surrounded by my beloved friends. Rakib, a boy from my class, loves to hear about the moon and the sun. So, I share with him astronomical facts. Maya, a girl who loves to sing. So, I listen to her humming 'twinkle twinkle little stars'. What I am today is a blend of hundreds like Rakib and Maya. No, it is not my duty neither do I see myself as a savior of humanity. But I feel blessed being a harbinger of smile to the kids who strive to find it. After all, a smile is what we live for, don't we?

Words: 277