In terms of Harvard you could definitely go ahead and use this. However, for Yale it would be better if you edited it a bit so that your essay could have a better fit for the prompt. Essay was good but I would personally recommend steering away from saying America has enough leaders. Maybe something like you intend to stay in America for a while and then take your expertise that you have learnt there and bring it to Mexico.
Very good, it passed my initial expectations. I am not entirely sure what corrections could be made here unless you want to add a few creative words into it.
At the beginning you stated "We buy your shit and sell it back to your for a profit." I think that 2nd your should be a you. Anyway you used 488 words so I would suggest trying to add a sentence or 2 and possibly rearrange the order of the last sentences so that it wraps up better.
Could you post the other essay you were referring to. It would make it easier for us to tell you if you should just drop this one seeing as it has mixed reviews. In addition, if you feel the other one conveys a better picture of you then you should go ahead and use it.
No I don't see much else. After reading your 2 essays I noticed that you are really comfortable with using certain words and constructing your sentences. You are somewhat high above the word limit so it may take a bit of work (and pain) to cut it down while still trying to convey the same info to the reader.
Very interesting essay. Your life experience shows why you find UPenn to be the right fit for you in terms of its unique program. Very specific. I liked the way in which you wrote your essay and apart from the first reply there weren't many other problems I noticed.
I noticed a minor mistake. It seems there is a word missing in this line "My fellow delegates during that time had passed a plethora of resolutions expand thorium-based power, reduce space waste, and promote new developments in scientific education." I think you left off the word to. Apart from that well written essay as it was very specific in regards to UPenn and you showed your own personal interests.
I really liked the essay itself but I never did understand this question. That is why I stayed away from it so I am not sure how the essay relates to the question itself. I feel like the stereotype essay you wrote for Armherst would be a better answer for this essay prompt.
I liked the various reasons you put forward for your desire to attend that school. It shows why you have a particular interest in that school as you point out some of its unique features. However, I feel at times you were repeating the same ideas in different sentences like the 2nd to last sentence. Maybe you could replace that sentence with something else you liked about the school.
I really enjoyed this essay. However, there was a little error at the end of the 2nd paragraph where you said "I visualize myself being mentored by one the many." Left off the of.
I think this was a really good essay from personal experience. However, you will have to sacrifice some of those adjectives in order to cut down on the amount of words. Apart from that you will have to decide which sentences aren't as necessary as the others in order to cut down on the words. You could also merge some sentences like the black then female then poor sentences.
I am not sure why you were unsure about the last paragraph. However, seeing as you have words available I would recommend expanding on that last paragraph so that you can alleviate any fears you have over the flow.
I really liked your first MIT essay. You gave a great visual description of the process. I also liked your second essay. You gave a personal reason coupled with your own interest in biomedical technologies.
Do You Need Writing or Editing Help?
✖
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:
