Writing Feedback / IELTs - Voluntary community service fulfils the purpose of education [3]

Hi everyone, please have a look at my essay and tell me what could be improved. I'm preparing for the IELTs exam but I'm not very acquainted with the IELTs style, so I need your advice.

Topic: Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Community service, even if unpaid, is rewarding to both those who volunteer and those who get helped, and thus, should be encouraged. Nevertheless, its alleged benefits, especially to high school students, pose ethical questions as to whether it should be enforced as a mandatory part of tertiary education. From my perspective, community service should be compulsory, as I believe that it offers students lessons that most textbooks do not.

First and foremost, extra-curriculum voluntary activities can brings students a sense of social involvement. While students are being bombarded with tons of information nowadays, their social life has become more monotonous than ever. Voluntary activities, e.g nursing patients in convalescent homes or teaching children without access to formal education, help bridge distances between people, and in a sense, bring students a feeling of getting connected.

More importantly, though, participation in community service trains invaluable soft skills, which otherwise can be hard to acquire for a student. Many Asian pupils, for instance, concentrates exclusively on their academic performance; consequently they become more susceptible to culture shocks when thrown into new surroundings or at workplace. Assigned tasks which might exert certain impacts on the community can foster students' awareness of hard work, boost their sense of responsibility, and teach them how to adapt themselves. This prepares students for their future career, especially if the programmes are geared towards their intended fields of specialization at college.

The remaining issue is, to what extent community service benefits if it becomes compulsory. If such programmes are to be implemented on a large scale with regular supervision, every student can have an equal opportunity to socialize, do meaningful things, and furthermore, apply their knowledge into practice. Voluntary community service, along with school curricula, in a word, fulfils the purpose of education: to educate children both academically and socially.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Freedom of speech in a free society [5]

Please have a look at my essay. Thanks in advance!

Topic: Is freedom of speech necessary in a free society?

While we are working towards a free society, there has long been controversy over whether freedom of speech should be curtailed in favor of social harmony. Some even oppose absolute freedom of speech. However, I advocate that this right should be promoted in all aspects of life, as I believe it is an indispensable element of the modern civilization.

On the one hand, freedom of speech enables the government to maintain a stable nation. Only when criticisms of how a government operates are publicly voiced, can it promptly respond to social issues encountered by its citizens. Furthermore, it seems to me that a nationally important decision can hardly be reached if not preceded by thorough consideration of a representative range of views. Freedom of expression, in a sense, is a cornerstone upon which our society develops.

On the other hand, access to this right helps make social equality possible to an extent. The lack of freedom of speech has been inflicting the already marginalized, i.e. ethnic minorities facing discrimination, LGBT people, or released prisoners. Whereas the scale of their struggles varies, they have one thing in common: they face greater barriers, ironically erected by the society they live in, when expressing their worries and needs. To allow absolute freedom of expression, I believe, is to give them an opportunity to conquer their current difficulties.

In addition, freedom of speech also strengthens critical thinking. Many Vietnamese college students are unable to defend their perspective over a problem, partly because they were only taught to follow standards. This is a prime example of how speaking freely matters. The scene would be different now if they had been encouraged to speak up their mind without being afraid of overstepping what is considered accepted.

Though it can be abused for malicious purposes, freedom of speech is necessary on the path towards a free society, I firmly believe. We, once armed with this right, will be able to stand up for what we believe in and make other kinds of freedom possible.