Writing Feedback / Toefl: Is this good enough to get 24 score in writing section. [3]

In some countries teenagers have job while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specefic reasons and details.

Yes, I think that earning some money during the student life is a good idea. It helps student to understand the value of money. Working also helps to develop responsiblity and discipline in life.

First of all, working will help students to understand the value of money. Most of the student do not understand the value of hard earn money, as they get their pocket money from their parents. Where as when they get their salary after their full devotation for a month, they will value it very much. This money can be used as their pocket money or for their studies as well and can even help thier parents.

Secondly, this is very good concept because it teaches student some very important qualities in life. Like it teaches student to be punctual. For example, if student work in a resturant they have to be there on time otherwise they may lose their job. They will also learn cooperation, as if some other members in the resturant are not well then, in that case, how one should help him by taking over his/her work? This will prepare them for future; when they will land up in this compitative world. Furthermore, this will also teach them the importance of bearing the responsiblities. For example, setteling accounts on time or if some body is not comeng how to manage the situation without affecting the coustomers.

In this way, working while being student is good concept as it teaches the student value of money and some important qualities of life.

Writing Feedback / If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? (TOEFL essay) [10]

Would I be able to pass the toefl (24/30) writting section with such essay???

Topic is: If you could invent something new, what product would you develop? Use specific details to explain why this invention is needed?

My essay is:

In today's era global warming is the most difficult problem in front of the whole world.If I were be the scientist, I would have invented such an equipment by which we can detect the shortcoming of any event which can be hazardous for our environment. So any equipment which can tell beforehand that certain event can be dangerous for our enviornment and by that we can stop it and prevent further damage to the atmosphere. By this invention the entire humanity will be benefited.

Now a day, more and more people are using automobiles and fumes out of chemical factories first of all directly affect the human health. They also damage ozone layer which can protect us from harmful ultra violet rays. Deforestation has also added to the problem. There are serious attacks from all the sides on the nature. Our successors will be in grave problem because there will be more and more natural calamities. Global warming has created threat not only for some endangered species but for all the living beings. There are temperature variations in all the seasons in every part of the world. For example, there are lot of island being formed out of glaciers as a result of high temperature.

This problem needs a quick and effective solution. I think we need such an instrument which can help us by warning us prior that certain event is dangerous for the environment. So that we can stop such activities before hand and further damage to the earth's ambience can be prevented. For example, if we had a machine which could had told our ancestors that deforestation may lead to such problemes ; or they might had known the effect of pollution on ozone layer;or the effect construction of dams on the enviorment on future generation, they would have not done that. By inventing such an instrument I would be able at least delay the natural disasters in coming future.

In the conclusion I will say invention of such a machine which can detect that particular event can alter the balance in the atmosphere can save present as well as the future of humanity. I think it is duty of every human to contribute towards his/her atmosphere. If I could get a chance I would love to protect my surrounding in every possible way.

Writing Feedback / People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest. [7]

Toefl topic:
People do different things to stay healthy. What do you do for good health? Use specefic reasons and examples to support your answer.

My essay:

Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest. For me it's even more necessary. Because I believe fittness is key to sucess for a physcial therapist. For staying healthy I do three things first of all starting my day with meditation and light yoga; preperaing my own healthy food and; jogging for half an hour in the evening.

Being a physical therapist I have leared proper techincs of yoga and meditation. I also know the advantages of it. In the early morning, starting with "pranayam" I enjoy the fresh oxygen. Slowly with light yoga aasanas like "bhramari asana" I stimulate my brain and body. With some other poses like "surya nameskar " and "pawan mukat aasana" I get flexibility and strength for the body to resist whole day exertion. After that I finish it with "shav aasana" which relaxes the body.

Food is also very important for good health. I prepare my meals by myself. I try to make it completly filled with all the required nutrients. Lot of salad and fruits are always part of my diet. I believe it is also necessary to eat hygenic food. For that home made food is the right choice.

Thirdly and most importantly, jogging for half an hour is a routine for me. After I am back home, I want to get relaxation and need fresh air. For that I love to jog. Advantages of it need no discribtion. I jog for half an hr and after that 5 mins of cool down. I love to spend time near my park, watching small children playing.

I do these three things religiousely to keep myself upto the mark in my personal and professional life.

Please review it. Does it still contain run-on-sentences??
Am I improving ? Or still the same.

Writing Feedback / People should read only those books which are real events& real person [10]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People should read only those books which are about real events, real person and established facts?

MY ESSAY:
Books tell us the story which are intrusting and appealing to people. It is not necessary that it should be real because some time even the fractious story can be intrusting and appealing to people. I believe that unreal or futuristic book can give people hope and foresightness. It may improve the imagination of a person and can be fun filled and exiting.

Every book is the imagination the author. It may be inspired by the real story or real even but more or less it contains some imagination of the author. So in a book which is purely a imaginative story can be real fun and can improve the imaginative power of even the readers. These books sometime can tell things which have some potentials or hope for something new. For example, comics or cartoon books give children lot of imagination power. For example they gave the hope of time machine.

Sometime fractious book or fairy tale can be real fun and intrusting to people. They might know that this is not real but love to image a human flying or enjoying magical stick in one's hand.

Thirdly, I think books about murder mystery or thrillers can be imaginative. But they can orient the mind of the readers and can be real brain exerciser.

Books like "one night at call center" which is a imaginative story can insist people to rethink about the existence of god and can sometime give the hope that their activities are guided by god.

I think a good book is the one which can draw public attention and can engage it till the completion of the whole book. It doesn't matter that it is based on truth or is complete fractious. And books which are not based on real story, person or event can also sometime be fun filled, exiting and can help in increasing brain activity and imagination power.

Can you please review it??

Writing Feedback / For Eng 121 class: Use of critical thinking using Mary Postgate and Yellow Wall [5]

It's a 1000 words essay, any sugggestion would be appreciated.

"Functions of interpretation, examination of evidence and analyzing assumptions and biases"
Considering other interpretations; examining the evidences and analyzing the assumption and biases are important tools of critical thinking. Their roles are to reveal the meaning, function and significance of different situations in a written expression and to avert misjudgment. By considering other interpretation we can find out the intended meaning of the narrator, by examining the evidence significance and function of the character and objects can be understood and by analyzing assumption and bias we can pick up our assumption and biases that prejudice our thinking.

To find out the deepest meaning of a written expression considering other interpretation is the key. By using this habit we can know the contemplated relation among different parts of a given expression. As in the "Mary Postgate" story the relation between Wynn and Mary seems to be of a mother and a spoiled child. In which mother loves her child very much and tolerates all her child's absurdity but child is ungrateful towards his mother. But, in the scene of Wynn's funeral where Wynn's friend told Mary that he used to talk about her, shows that there was a relationship of mutual affection between Wynn and Mary. By considering this scene the whole scenario of relation between them appears different which represents the hidden meaning of the story. In addition to it, when Mary found a German in her backyard, the author compares the German's body with a tree trunk and his head with moving branch and the helmet with a nest. This depicts that the narrator wants to show that the German can only be Mary's imagination and in reality it's only a tree. In "Yellow Wallpaper" the woman said she asks Jennie softly and gently-"what she was doing with the Wallpaper" but in the next sentence narrator tells us that Jennie asked -"why I should frightened her so?" This shows that voice is not actually low but the woman is considering it low. Moreover, in the story woman tells us that she is in "mansion" (personal place) which is rented by her husband. But, by the presence of a nailed bed, bared window and ringed walls the narrator wants to tell us that it can be an asylum. Thus, considering different interpretation identify the intended and actual inferential relationships among statements, concept or other form of written expression.

To evaluate the importance and function of a situation, examination of evidence is the best critical thinking habit. It helps in understanding the significance of characters and items and their implication. In "Yellow Wallpaper" the narrator tells us that Wallpaper is yellow in color, in some places narrator tells it sticks so tightly and some other time he tells it is ripped out at many places, the author also explains in detail about the design of the Wallpaper. These all explains the attributes of the Wallpaper and their value in the story as a thing which is so complicated that it makes a mentally ill patient crazier. Similarly, the big room in the story is pictured as dull, covered with Wallpaper, a bed nailed down, bars on the window and rings in the Wall. This picture shows the type of room it is and its significance in the story as it can be an asylum. In the Mary Postgate story the author initially tells us that Mary is a domestic help, hardworking, later he explains her loving nature and at the end Mary's character seems complex. All this presents the qualities of Mary's character and their relevance in the story as Mary come out to be full of emotions. In the same story, Wynn appears spoiled, demanding, and disrespectful initially but gradually he appears sophisticated. This shows the traits of Wynn's character and its importance in the story as in the end story tells us that he has some emotions for Mary. This is how examining the evidence reveal the features of characters and objects and their connation.

Sometime there are certain areas in the essay/paragraph where our interpretation is different from the narrator's point of view and analyzing assumption and bias detects these areas of personal bias. This habit can prevent misinterpretation and can simplify the content. For instance in "Yellow Wallpaper" when the woman says that she feels tired in daytime and so she does all her crawling work in the night. I assume that she is actually trying to hide her activity from other people because she knows that what she is doing is not acceptable to all other people around her. Similarly, when the woman says that she has seen some women out of the paper wandering in courtyard and garden area, I assume that she is in an asylum and all those women are other patients. In "Mary Postgate" story Mary believes that the German which is found on the tree must have fallen from a plane but I am wondering how a man can survive falling from an airplane? Furthermore, the reason for Edna Geritt's death is not clear, Dr. Hennis tells that Edna died because of the collapse of the "Royal Oak" which is already a weak and dry-rotted building but when Mary tells him that she heard and saw a plane which collapsed the building, Dr. changed his tone completely. I assume that the Dr. is also not sure about the cause of death - which is weird. In this way by analyzing assumption and biases we can avoid errors of personal bias which simplifies the meaning of any given expression.

With the intention to judge a written expression I found considering other interpretation, examination of evidence and analyzing assumption and biases, essential accessories. Considering other interpretation expresses the intended meaning and relation among the sentences; examination of evidence comprehends the gravity and magnitude of character and their role and analysis of assumption and bias helps in clarifying our doubts. They all help in grasping the in-depth focus and meaning of the written expression by making it clear and easy.