Writing Feedback / IELTS Task II: The purpose of business is to make money [3]

The purpose of businesses is to make money and they should concentrate only on this.
Do you agree or disagree

Since the dawn of globalization, market is widely open for everyone to enter the business world. It is sometimes argued that the main motivation for starting a business is only money, and people shall only stick with it. However, I disagree with such claim because I think that innovation and people are the key ingredients of successful enterprise.

To begin, even money is important, but innovation is the king. In modern era, businesses are driven by the ability to solve a new problem. Google, for example, has a large capital, which successfully hires the best engineers and builds the modern infrastructures, but its social networking product, Google+, is failed to attract general audiences. This is probably because Google lacks of attention on the innovation side of its social media; it tends to imitate what already existed out there.

Moreover, business shall also focus on upgrading its people. Because of the constant changes, this seems inevitable that the ability of each individual in the company will bring the business in the next level. According to Harvard Business Reviews, business ventures which invested their fund on their employee's knowledge tend to be succeeding on achieving the venture's objective and winning the global market. In addition, some corporation which is only focus on maximizing income and ignores their workers' skills will be departed from global competition. It is clear, therefore, that the continuous changes demand collaboration of knowledgeable and creative people.

The aforementioned argument revels that although money is crucial for business, the other factors, such as innovation and people, cannot be disregarded.

Undergraduate / The wind turbine machine and its optimal location; Process Diagram for IELTS Task 1 [3]

Given the diagrams that illustrate a wind machine for generating electricity and the optimum location where it can be placed. In general, while the wind turbine can employ the renewable energy that seems straightforward, its installation area can make a huge difference related to electricity output.

The turbine machine consists of steel tower, wind sensor, power generator, and three blades; which can be made either from fiberglass or wood. In the first stage of the process, the wind hits and rotates the blades. Following this, the machine's sensor detects wind's velocity and direction, meanwhile, it activates the generator for producing the electricity. Finally, the sensor sends real-time data to the computer for further adjustment of the blade's angle and direction in order to optimize the power generated by the machine.

There are three possible machine locations which all are dependent on the strength of the wind. Hill side has the most optimum power which turbine can generate, and it can foster the electricity until 15,000 kilowatts. In contrast, the machine located in domestic area can only produce 100 kilowatts, which is 150 times lower than the first location. In between, the unspoiled location can produce the moderate amount power because of the medium strength of wind that it can acquire.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / 'numerous plus points' - Undesirable consequences of an electronic media? (IELTS Task II) [4]

The use of electronic media has a negative effect on personal relationships between people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Since the invention of modern technology, people start to behave differently with their peers. It is sometimes argued that the intervention of electronic devices is harmful for their mutual lives. In my opinion, I believe that its interposition has a valuable aspect for people's connection in general.

To begin, people, who argue that the modern media such as computer and mobile phone has a negative effect, may claim that they tend to become selfish beings. In the past, people valued the intimacy of relationship by time spending together with their friends for example. Today, however, modern media rob people's gathering time more than any invention that ever exists before. As a result, modern people may feel lonely and miserable because no strong relationship has ever built.

Although the change, which is produced by the electronic tools, seems disadvantageous, I think that it has positive qualities that people has to consider. First, electronic media creates a possibility of long distance relationship. In the past, it might be impossible to stay connected with friends and families in different continent, but today using video chat such Skype is undoubtedly realistic to meet in screens everyday. Moreover, people can also find a group of people with the same interest and bond a new relationship. This type of relationship which involving the same hobbies will make relationship priceless and last longer.

The aforementioned argument reveals that even though the electronic media may cause undesirable consequence, I believe that it has numerous plus points in most aspect in today's form of relationship.

Writing Feedback / Graph: language acquisition in child (IELTS Writing Task 1) [2]

Given are the line graphs that compare the number of spoken words and vocabulary size that child aged 1-4 and 1-3 years accumulated in three different family's categories.

It is clear from the provided information that there is a positive correlation between the stored words, the capacity to talk, and family's talkativeness in child's language development.

In detail, although all figures was rising in all given period, it seems like the surrounding matters most in child's language acquisition. When the toddler were 3 years old, for example, the lowest-talking family's child on average has 400 words compared to 1000 words of higher-talking families. In total spoken words, the gap was increasingly higher; the average gap of all points were approximately 2 million words, then it became virtually 15 million words when child was 4 years old.

Another striking feature is that child spoke more than vocabularies that he already acquired at any given figure.

Writing Feedback / The willingness of Bulgarians to move oversea based on their educational level (IELTS Task I) [3]

Given is the bar chart that illustrates the willingness of Bulgarians to move oversea based on their educational level in 2002, 2006 and 2008. It is clear from the information provided that people who had secondary educational level were more attracted to depart from their country than they who hold lower education and higher education degree.

To begin, the highest percentage of Bulgaria's inhabitants who are motivated to stay abroad was in secondary education people. However, it can also be seen that this trend was declined by six percent, which shifted the figure from 65 percent in 2002 to 59 in 2008. Furthermore, people, who tasted higher education degree, experienced a rise to nearly one-fifth percent in 2006, but-at end of given time span-it had a dramatic drop to be nine percent, which made it as the lowest.

It is also visible that while figures from primary and lower education background hit their peak reaching to 20 percent in 2006, for the next two years, there was a dramatic drop by 11 percent. Simultaneously, the primary background people went up sharply and climbed to 32 percent, which ranked as a top two.

•