Writing Feedback / We recommend maintaining Grove College's tradition of all-female education - GRE AW [2]

Recently, there have been discussions about ending Grove College's century-old tradition of all-female education by admitting male students into our programs. At a recent faculty meeting, a majority of faculty members voted in favor of coeducation, arguing that it would encourage more students to apply to Grove. However, Grove students, both past and present, are against the idea of coeducation. Eighty percent of the students responding to a survey conducted by the student government wanted the school to remain all female, and over half of the alumnae who answered a separate survey also opposed coeducation. Therefore, we recommend maintaining Grove College's tradition of all-female education. We predict that keeping the college all-female will improve morale among students and convince alumnae to keep supporting the college financially.

The argument claims that after surveying about the changes in the college policy in order to admit men in addition to women, most of the students and alums are in opposition to this view. Therefore, continuing present condition of the Grove college is more efficient in all aspects. Stated in this way, the argument fails to mention several key factors on the basis of which a thorough evaluation is possible. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is unconvincing and conveys several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that the survey conducted by the student government is plausible, and the results are reliable. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. It is possible that the survey conducted by the student government, because of their tendency to maintain the present situation, is biased. There are a lot of examples which show that this assumption is fallacious. It is probable that the student government members do not want to lose their predominance. If men enter the college, they should be part of the student government which is not satisfactory for women. In addition to this, in the argument, it was mentioned that the separate surveys were used in order to evaluate students' and alums' comments about co-educated college. It is not professional, and the results of such a survey are not reliable. A unique survey must be used to have an integral assessment about the consequences. Therefore, the above mentioned survey is not a good mean to judge the students preferences. In addition, the university services, itself, could conduct a unified survey to have reliable results on the basis of which the judgment is possible.

The second flaw that crosses my mind is that the percent mentioned by the argument is not applicable for a convincing judgment. This is again a very weak assumption as the argument does not mention any information regarding the total number of students and the percent who responds to the survey in comparison to the all. To illustrate, imagine a situation that the total number of students in the college is about 3000, and the number of students who attended the survey was 100. In this situation, the total number of students who disagree with the coeducation policy is about 80 which is less than 30 percent of all the students who could participate in the survey. In fact, the argument does not mention morsel of information about the total number of students. If such a data had been shown, then the author would have sounded a bit more convincing. Besides, if the argument provides a correlation between the responded and total number of students, the argument could have been strengthened even further.

Last but not least, the argument assumed that the mono education college is a better place in order to enhance students' morality. There are different factors by which community's morals can be improved. A college is a sample of a community which should be framed according to its criteria. It is possible that, in a co-educated college, the presence of different sexes helps students to be more prudent in their behavior. By this, they are restricted to norms which can help them to improve their morality. For instance, in a female college, students are free to talk about everything. But, in co-educated colleges they are not allowed to talk about everything in public. This is a good mean which assists them to be morally well-prepared for their presence in the society. Therefore, it is not definite that morality can be achieved through mono-educated colleges.

To sum up what I have outlined above, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be strengthened if the author mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merit of a certain decision, it is tenable to consider the entire contributing factor. In this particular case, the administration of the survey, the total number of students, and factors affect morality are three main defects that should be explained better. Without this information, the argument is unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Writing Feedback / 'For many years the city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony'; GRE [3]

For many years the city of Grandview has provided annual funding for the Grandview Symphony. Last year, however, private contributions to the symphony increased by 200 percent and attendance at the symphony's concerts-in-the-park series doubled. The symphony has also announced an increase in ticket prices for next year. Given such developments, some city commissioners argue that the symphony can now be fully self-supporting, and they recommend that funding for the symphony be eliminated from next year's budget.

The argument claims that recently, attendances to the symphony's concert have increased. Besides, the ticket price for the next year will be higher. Therefore, the symphony, itself, has sufficient resources to allot enough financial support to its tasks. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention a lot key factors that on the basis of which, evaluation can be made. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is not cogent, and suffers from a lot flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that following years are similar to the previous ones. This sentence is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. Because each year has its own condition, and even successive years have significant differences in many aspects i.e. tourists. There are a lot of examples that shows that this assumption is fallacious. It is possible that the number of tourists who visited Grandview city was increased because of good weather condition in the summer last year. But, it is not definite that for the next year, we face the same weather condition. Rainy weather can belittle commissioners' prediction in which it will reduce the number of attendances significantly. Besides, it completely depends on the symphony's quality by which people can be attracted to the symphony. If the symphony does not provide qualitative performance for the next year, or repeat the same performance, people will not be absorbed, and the rate of attendances will decrease drastically. Therefore, it is not reliable to decide based on some unreliable evidences. In addition, the argument would have been clearer if it explicitly mentions solid evidences in order to strengthen this assumption.

The second flaw that crosses my mind is that the argument claims that based on the percent of private contributions, it is reasonable to conclude that the symphony will have a reliable financial resource. It is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not mention the absolute number of private contributions for the previous years. To illustrate, it is possible that the number of private contributions was few and is doubled for the last year. This doubled number may not be adequate enough to rely on, and consider it as an appropriate financial support. In fact, the argument does not mention morsel of information about the quantity of previous private supports which is so influential in the commissioner's decision. If such information had been shown, which supposedly work well, the author would have sounded a bit more convincing. Additionally, if

the argument provides a good basis for private contribution and its total quantity, the argument could have been strengthened even further.
Last but not least, the argument assumes that the number of attendances will enhance the symphony's profit. However, it should be noted that increment in the number of attendances will cost the symphony more in comparison to less audiences. In this situation, the symphony will earn more, but more tax it should pay, more spacious place is required, more acoustic facilities should be provided, to name but a few. It is possible that the number of attendances will increase the symphony's total income. While, it is important to calculate its net profit which is substantial in making a decision about its financial status. Without supporting explanation from the symphony's official, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidence.

To sum up what I have outlined above, the argument is flawed and therefore not cogent. It could be strengthened if the author mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of certain situation, it is essential to consider all the contributing factors. In this particular case, time dependency of the decision, the relative value of private contributions, and computing net profit of symphony, are three main flaws that should be elaborated more. Without this information, the argument will be unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Writing Feedback / GRE AW - 'Homes in the northeastern United States' [4]

Homes in the northeastern United States, where winters are typically cold, have traditionally used oil as their major fuel for heating. Last year that region experienced twenty days with below-average temperatures, and local weather forecasters throughout the region predict that this weather pattern will continue for several more years. Furthermore, many new homes have been built in this region during the past year. Because of these developments, we predict an increased demand for heating oil and recommend investment in Consolidated Industries, one of whose major business operations is the retail sale of home heating oil.

The argument claims that recently, very cold weather has been predominated. Besides, many new homes have built in the region. Therefore, the oil demand increment is probable and investment in consolidated industry is required. Stated in this way the argument fails to mention a lot of key factors on the basis of which, evaluation can be made. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is not cogent, and suffers from several flaws.

First, the argument readily assumes that consequent years are similar to the previous one. This statement is a stretch and is not substantiated in any way. Because each year has its own conditions, and years are different in many aspects i.e. rainfall and snowfall quantity. Besides, an adequate equipment in order to guess the long-term weather pattern has not been invented yet. There are a lot of examples which show that this assumption is fallacious. In my country, Iran, ten years ago, we encountered an arid year, which made everything hard. We could not go out to accomplish our daily task. The weather was suffocating, and forecasters, subsequently, predicted that we would face a rather a drier condition for the following years. But, three months later, everything changed, weeks of the rainy weather, which was originated from the Indian ocean, energized plants and humankind, helped them to recover their losses and return to their ordinary life. Therefore, forecasters are not capable of estimating climate changes for more than a few weeks or months. In addition, the argument would have been clearer if it explicitly mentions solid evidences to reinforce this assumption.

The second flaw that crosses my mind is that the argument claims that based on the weather condition for just less than a month, the situation can be ascribed to the whole year and be extrapolated for the sequential years. This is again a very weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not mention any correlation between that 20 days and the whole year. To illustrate, it is possible that during that period of time, namely twenty days, oil consumption was increased. But, it was at a normal rate, even less than the standard quantity, for the rest of the year. In fact, the argument does not even mention morsel of information about other times. If such a correlation had been shown between different weather conditions, which supposedly work well, then the author would have sounded a bit more convincing. Besides, if the argument provides examples of similar phenomena during past years, the argument could have been strengthened even further.

Last but not least, the author mentions the word "MANY", in sentence many new homes..., which can be interpreted in different ways. It is not obvious what does he or she mean by the word many? From this statement, it is not at all clear how the author measures the influence of new homes on the oil consumption, and concludes that increment in demands is probable. It is possible that new homes use different energy sources to accomplish their household tasks. Without supporting explanations from official statistics, one is left with the impression that the claim is more of a wishful thinking rather than substantive evidences. As a result, this conclusion has not legs to stand on.

To sum up what I have outlined above, the argument is flawed and therefore unconvincing. It could be strengthened if the author mentioned all the relevant facts. In order to assess the merits of a certain situation, it is essential to consider all contributing factors. In this particular case, time dependency of weather, solid evidence in order to provide a provable correlation, and elaborate vague terms, are three main flaws which should be explained better. Without this information, the argument remains unsubstantiated and open to debate.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] People were more satisfied in the past in comparison to today's people/ [2]

Please revise and rate my essay/ I am going to take TOEFL exam in a week
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In today's world, everyone seeks his or her own satisfaction. People try different procedures to gain their goal and be happy. As far as I am concerned, there are two different notions about this question. Some people think that humankind is happier today in comparison to the past. While, others believe otherwise. I subscribe to the latter one, and there are several reasons to name. Three of which-that is-there are a lot of differences among people now, communication means were less a hundred year ago, and people tried to convince themselves that they are happy, are the most conspicuous ones.

The first point of my advocating this notion is that people are more different from each other nowadays than in the past. A century ago, a lot of people lived in a small village with a few facilities. However, technological developments provide a situation in which people desire to have a lot of things. New inventions appeal people to buy them. It is not possible for all the people to afford a budget that is needed to purchase such stuffs. Therefore, they feel lacking of happiness because they desire to have something, but cannot reach their goal. It makes a differential condition among people's social level, and results in unhappiness for a low level group.

The second reason that crosses my mind is that there were less opportunity for people to compare themselves with other people in order to evaluate own happiness. Happiness is a relative feeling which should be judged based on our goals. Someone who reaches his or her goal, can be assumed to be a happy person. If we travel to the past, there were less facilities by which people can observe people all around the world. Nonetheless, people are more informed by means of different communication instruments. They can investigate how comfortable or poor people in a certain country are. Nowadays, everyone tries to compare him or her by another one, and it results in the lack of happiness. But, it was not possible in the past. Moreover, people imagined that they are so successful and happy because they did not have any idea about other people's condition.

Last but not least, people were more contented in the past. Now, people are so desirable. They want to have everything. When I compare myself to my grandfather who is around eighty years old, I can understand how different we are. He mentions that he and his family lived together in a small house. It was a family which included ten persons. It is hard to imagine this situation for me. It is hard for youngsters share their room with even one person. But, people were obliged to share their room with four other persons. Besides, he says about this situation with a smile on his lips which shows that he was happy and satisfied.

To sum up what I have outlined above, people are trying more nowadays toward their goal, but, their efforts cannot be aimed easily. A lot of factors provide a situation in which gaining satisfaction becomes an uphill desire for most of the people. Therefore, they feel less satisfied today in comparison to the past.

Writing Feedback / parents were busier in the past - nowadays more of them are involved in their children's education [8]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Parents today are more involved in their children's education than were parents in the past.
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In today's world, education plays an important role in everyone's life. Therefore, people tend to pay attention to it more than the past. As far as I am concerned, there are two different ideas about this question. Some people think that parents are behaving similar to the past. While others believe otherwise. I subscribe to the latter one, and there are several reasons to name. Three of which-that is-business of people in the past, existence of distracting, and factors the importance of education nowadays, are the most conspicuous ones.

The most important point of my advocating this point of view is that the parents were busier in the past in comparison to nowadays. In the past, cities were not developed much, and a lot of people lived in rural regions. Because of technological lacking, families were self-produced. This means that they forced to work so hard to provide family's food resources in addition to earn money by selling their products. Consequently, they were so busy which prevented them to involve much in their children's education. On the other hand, developed cities provide a situation by which parents are working in certain hours every day, and they are at home rest of it. Therefore, they have enough time to participate in their children's education process and try to lead them in the best manner.

The second reason that comes to mind is that there are a lot of distracting factors which can push the children in a wrong way. Video games, the Internet, and to name but two; which are so exciting for the children, are trying to attract them. Therefore, children tend to spend huge amount of their time for this kind of activities. They are not mature enough to handle this confusing situation successfully. So, parents can play a critical role to prevent children from distraction because it will cause bad effects on their education. My cousin who was so attracted by video games and wanted to play it all a day. So, he did not assign enough time to his studying, and failed to pass his mathematics course.

Last but not least, education is so important in today's world. Technological advancements provide a situation by which everyone should have a basic information about the technology, and it is completely related to education. Someone who is not knowledgeable enough will face a lot of problems which categorize him or her as a low level person in a society. In example, statistics show that workers and employees should have at least have a certain diploma to be accepted by a company. Therefore, parents want to persuade their children to focus on their education because having an educational background will influence their future.

To sum up what I've outlined above, parents have more free time now, technological development of a society demands more educated people, and factors which were brought by this technological developments, force parents to involve more in their children educating process.

Writing Feedback / If people have opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right awayI [5]

Do you agree or disagree in the statement if people have opportunity to get a secure job, they should take it right away rather than wait for a jab that would be more satisfying.

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In today's world, Having a good job is everyone's aim because it will have a good impression on people's life. As far as I am concerned, there are two different ideas about this question. Some people believe that secure job will satisfy everyone's expectations about job and they should accept this kind of job offers. While, others believe otherwise. I subscribe to the latter one, and there are several reasons to name. Three of which-that is-more motivation, higher income, and more security, are the most conspicuous ones.

The most important point for my advocating is that motivation plays an important role in everyone's success. Secure job is not motivating certainly. In a career which is secure but not motivating, people will not reach success because they do not tend to spend their time to improve the quality of their performance in the job. Motivating job provides a situation for everyone to enjoy their career, and to try so hard to progress as fast as possible. In this way, people can compensate the time they have waited for this motivating career. One of my friends, after graduation, has waited a long period to obtain his favorite job. I can remember that he had almost become depressed. Eventually he got it, and now he is happy and so motivated to raise his grade in his career.

The second reason that comes to mind is that income is one of the key factors in career selection. People tend to select a job which has higher income because the money can make life easier for them. They can have their favorite house and buy luxury things. My cousin whose children is at school age has not had a job since 3 years ago. 2 years ago, he was invited to an interview for a job which income was not high enough to handle a family. He refused to accept their invitation. One year later, he found a job with high income. It changed his life completely. He calculated recently that if he would accept the first job, he should work 5 months to have income equal to the latter one in a month.

Last but not least, job security is provided by workers. By this, I mean someone who wants to be on his or her own career, should try hard enough to not to lose it. Companies tend to retain employees who are hard working. On the other hand, even in a secure job, if someone works lazily, he or she will be hired. I can remember that my uncle was hired by a company, which promised him to support him for his whole life, because he was so late in the morning.

All in all, to sum up what I've outlined above, motivation, income, and security are key factors for everyone who wants to select a career. These factors can bring some one to a situation which can be more satisfied with his or her own life.