Natalia1988
Jul 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 Working hoursare toolong and people don't have time for family [7]
Thanks eirehc :)
Thanks eirehc :)
Natalia1988
Jul 15, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 Working hoursare toolong and people don't have time for family [7]
Thanks a million Koit for your suggestions.
Sorry dumi I didn't mean not to follow rules. I will pay more attention when I choice the field. Thanks for you advice as well.
Thanks a million Koit for your suggestions.
Sorry dumi I didn't mean not to follow rules. I will pay more attention when I choice the field. Thanks for you advice as well.
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Undergraduate / 'I found someone with shared values and motivation' - Honors College App. Essay [4]
I think it is good, just you should add why they will be lucky to have you in.
I think it is good, just you should add why they will be lucky to have you in.
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS 2 Working hoursare toolong and people don't have time for family [7]
Prompt: working hours today are too long and people are not spending as much time as they should with their families and on leisure activities. What's your opinion on this?
Personally, I tend to think that people spend even more time at work because of several reasons. It is certainly true that competition is stronger than in the past and people have the necessity to be always abreast about news in their field. Some people choice voluntarily to do so, while others are, simply, workaholic or compelled to work harder by their senior staff like a strictly chief.
There are a number of problems that overworked involves. First of all, family and social life could be affected from this. After a long day of work, maybe individual just wants to have rest and relax and does not enjoy the company of their friends as well as family. People usually do not have time neither for themselves and often use their spare time to keep on working. In my opinion this attitude rise situations such as alienation and individualism in the modern society. Most of people, instead, could argue that to achieve success and the highest point of the power ladder you must spend all the time just working.
From my point of view, overworked has serious effects on children. Parents often spend time at work thinking that more they earn more they can give to their children. In addition, they think that their children will excuse them for this absence. Actually, I think that children need attentions and the chance to grow up with their parents. Often, it could be read on newspaper about children and teenagers, in general, who think that their parents do not love them and that their priority is the work and not their wellness or the relationship with them.
In conclusion, I think people are led to work so much time in order to achieve goals or because they are forced to do that. In addition, overworked is resulted in the overlooked of their family and friends, risking to feel alienate. Besides, it might crack the relationship with their kids, who could think that their beloved parents do not care about them. Personally, I tend to think that nowadays it is even more difficult to divide time between work and personal life especially for the strongest competition but that people should start to think about the worthy important things in their life.
They are 377 words. Too much? Could you correct, please? Thanks a million :)
Prompt: working hours today are too long and people are not spending as much time as they should with their families and on leisure activities. What's your opinion on this?
Personally, I tend to think that people spend even more time at work because of several reasons. It is certainly true that competition is stronger than in the past and people have the necessity to be always abreast about news in their field. Some people choice voluntarily to do so, while others are, simply, workaholic or compelled to work harder by their senior staff like a strictly chief.
There are a number of problems that overworked involves. First of all, family and social life could be affected from this. After a long day of work, maybe individual just wants to have rest and relax and does not enjoy the company of their friends as well as family. People usually do not have time neither for themselves and often use their spare time to keep on working. In my opinion this attitude rise situations such as alienation and individualism in the modern society. Most of people, instead, could argue that to achieve success and the highest point of the power ladder you must spend all the time just working.
From my point of view, overworked has serious effects on children. Parents often spend time at work thinking that more they earn more they can give to their children. In addition, they think that their children will excuse them for this absence. Actually, I think that children need attentions and the chance to grow up with their parents. Often, it could be read on newspaper about children and teenagers, in general, who think that their parents do not love them and that their priority is the work and not their wellness or the relationship with them.
In conclusion, I think people are led to work so much time in order to achieve goals or because they are forced to do that. In addition, overworked is resulted in the overlooked of their family and friends, risking to feel alienate. Besides, it might crack the relationship with their kids, who could think that their beloved parents do not care about them. Personally, I tend to think that nowadays it is even more difficult to divide time between work and personal life especially for the strongest competition but that people should start to think about the worthy important things in their life.
They are 377 words. Too much? Could you correct, please? Thanks a million :)
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Graduate / Review Personal Statment for MSC Finance & Accounting in West Minster [2]
I thinks your final text should be a little bit shorter because who is going to read your cover letter does not want to spend so much time. Try to summarize and choice the main relavant point.
In the past, from some previous interviews, some interviewers told me that my cover letters were too long and they didn't read it at all...
Hope it is useful, :)
I thinks your final text should be a little bit shorter because who is going to read your cover letter does not want to spend so much time. Try to summarize and choice the main relavant point.
In the past, from some previous interviews, some interviewers told me that my cover letters were too long and they didn't read it at all...
Hope it is useful, :)
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Chocolate production sequences [3]
The diagram shows the stages for chocolate production. Chocolate comes from cacao and cacao trees thrives in South America, Africa and Indonesia.
The process starts when the red pods on cacao trees are ripe and harvested. Next, hired hands take beans from the pods for the fermentation phase and are laid in the sun to dry. Then, all beans are picked up and put in very large sacks.
Following this, they are carried to factories by trains or lorries. In the next stage, beans are put in the oven to start with the roasted phase, at a temperature of 350 Celsius degrees. After this, they are crushed with the aim to remove the outer shell and are pressed at the same time. As a result, the chocolate liquid is produced.
To sum up, chocolate production seems a very long process. It starts with pods harvest, through the fermentation until to arrive at factories. There, cocoa beans work process keeps on going in order to cook them by dry heat in an oven and with the aim to remove the shells. Finally, they are pressed to make chocolate
The diagram shows the stages for chocolate production. Chocolate comes from cacao and cacao trees thrives in South America, Africa and Indonesia.
The process starts when the red pods on cacao trees are ripe and harvested. Next, hired hands take beans from the pods for the fermentation phase and are laid in the sun to dry. Then, all beans are picked up and put in very large sacks.
Following this, they are carried to factories by trains or lorries. In the next stage, beans are put in the oven to start with the roasted phase, at a temperature of 350 Celsius degrees. After this, they are crushed with the aim to remove the outer shell and are pressed at the same time. As a result, the chocolate liquid is produced.
To sum up, chocolate production seems a very long process. It starts with pods harvest, through the fermentation until to arrive at factories. There, cocoa beans work process keeps on going in order to cook them by dry heat in an oven and with the aim to remove the shells. Finally, they are pressed to make chocolate
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The two main materials of making cement are limestone and clay [3]
Hi,
I am studying for IELTS as well and I think that you should write a small conclusion. At least, in the writing reference on my IELTS book, it is explained that always you need a hook, a body and a conclusion.
hope it is useful :)
Hi,
I am studying for IELTS as well and I think that you should write a small conclusion. At least, in the writing reference on my IELTS book, it is explained that always you need a hook, a body and a conclusion.
hope it is useful :)
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university [7]
Hi Eddies, you advice is very useful. And I hope you keep on correcting my essays.
I want to ask something if you can reply. In the paragraph considered I have listed some advantages. You brought a real example. What if I don't have one? Most of the time, my problem is that I don't have opinion about the topic and the result is what you have seen.
Any advice?
Thanks a million.
Hi Eddies, you advice is very useful. And I hope you keep on correcting my essays.
I want to ask something if you can reply. In the paragraph considered I have listed some advantages. You brought a real example. What if I don't have one? Most of the time, my problem is that I don't have opinion about the topic and the result is what you have seen.
Any advice?
Thanks a million.
Natalia1988
Jul 14, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2]: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. [6]
Thanks.
Thanks.
Natalia1988
Jul 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2] Job for a few years between school and university [7]
Prompt: some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.
Nowadays, it is popular between young people to start working between the finish of the school and the beginning of the university. This choice may have advantages and disadvantages.
The main argument in favour of starting a job before university is that you will earn money, which let you to get independence. Therefore, you will be able to pay the rent for your house on your own and make work experiences. You might also save part of that money in order to pay the university fee afterwards. Besides, you would have much more time to decide what you want to study and with which purpose. From my point of view, take time is a good choice especially for people who are ensure about their academic and job future.
On the other hand, the general view is that working before get the university might be a waste of time. It is certainly true that taking time help to decide but the risk is that the academic courses that you would attend might be changed or dropped. In addition, the later you get a degree the later you entry into the labour market. That is because, companies, generally, prefer younger people with and excellent curriculum vitae.
All in all, it is sure that there are many points in favour and against to start a job between the high school and the university. I think that the important thing is to be aware of this issue and make the decision that best suits your personal situation.
Could you help me with correction? Thanks in advance :)
Prompt: some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university. Discuss advantages and disadvantages.
Nowadays, it is popular between young people to start working between the finish of the school and the beginning of the university. This choice may have advantages and disadvantages.
The main argument in favour of starting a job before university is that you will earn money, which let you to get independence. Therefore, you will be able to pay the rent for your house on your own and make work experiences. You might also save part of that money in order to pay the university fee afterwards. Besides, you would have much more time to decide what you want to study and with which purpose. From my point of view, take time is a good choice especially for people who are ensure about their academic and job future.
On the other hand, the general view is that working before get the university might be a waste of time. It is certainly true that taking time help to decide but the risk is that the academic courses that you would attend might be changed or dropped. In addition, the later you get a degree the later you entry into the labour market. That is because, companies, generally, prefer younger people with and excellent curriculum vitae.
All in all, it is sure that there are many points in favour and against to start a job between the high school and the university. I think that the important thing is to be aware of this issue and make the decision that best suits your personal situation.
Could you help me with correction? Thanks in advance :)
Natalia1988
Jul 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Success in life is a product of one's constant effort and dedication [3]
Everyone wants to get a successful life, however it is not that easy.
People want to be successful in life but not everyone can reach it.
Some people are luckier than others to reach success.
What do you think?
Hope it helps :)
Everyone wants to get a successful life, however it is not that easy.
People want to be successful in life but not everyone can reach it.
Some people are luckier than others to reach success.
What do you think?
Hope it helps :)
Natalia1988
Jul 11, 2014
Undergraduate / 'What do you want to be when you grow up?' - Yale supplementary essay [3]
What do you want to be when you grow up?For me, that dream has always been to become a doctor.I have always dreamed of becoming a doctor
But why? I'm lucky enoughbeingto be born born into a family ofwith a medical background. As a child, I would simply say it was because I wanted to be like my father, whom I had looked up to all my life, because I admired the way he put his patients' mind at ease and treated them with his skilful hands.
But as I grow up, I know - far beyond a dream to follow my father's footsteps - I aspire to become a doctor to quench my thirst of knowledge inside.
Since I was little, curiosity, the yearning to know how everything in the world works, has always been my signature. At age 3, I would riddle my parents with questions like why 'the sun shines' 'oranges are orange'.
It soon turned out that my 'study' interests started inclining towards the human body and the mechanisms behind one of the greatest creations of nature. Knowing my father's profession, I would approach him to ask about it, about anyinsanethingthings a child's mind could wonder: how our eyes work, where our food goes or why we grow.
Getting to school, I study Human Biology in absolute fascination. For the first time in my life, I am captivated by the intricacy of our amazing system. It is far beyond anything that I could have imagined as a child. I learn, now, the beauty of the human body: every detail, down to each invisible molecule, that composes what we are, is there for a reason. I've realised ours are not simply individual organs stacked together. Rather, like a Swiss watch, our body is a sophisticated machine created with numerous seemingly separate components, working in incredible harmony, like tiny cogwheels, to bring about a functioning 'us'.
Nevertheless, delving into the depth of human biology, it appears to me that intricate as it might be, our body is also very fragile. Like how one rusted cogwheel can dismantle a watch, just one faulty component can disrupt our well-being. Unlike a watch though, this causes much more fear and the damage comes at a much greater price.
I have always thought I want to be a doctor. But now I utterly know for sure I want to be one. I want to see to the fullest details of how our body works. I yearn to know about what might go wrong in the beautiful yet delicate work of creation and learn about the cause of those diseases.
But more than anything, I yearn for the day I am able to treat them. Because I don't simply want to learn: I want to use my knowledge to save lives, to alleviate people's pain from both their mind and body, because being told by my father is not enough, because I want to be engrossed in the ineffable beauty of the human body, witnessing and conserving it myself.
I think it is very good and I hope it helps.
Good luck ;)
What do you want to be when you grow up?
But why? I'm lucky enough
But as I grow up, I know - far beyond a dream to follow my father's footsteps - I aspire to become a doctor to quench my thirst of knowledge inside.
Since I was little, curiosity, the yearning to know how everything in the world works, has always been my signature. At age 3, I would riddle my parents with questions like why 'the sun shines' 'oranges are orange'.
It soon turned out that my 'study' interests started inclining towards the human body and the mechanisms behind one of the greatest creations of nature. Knowing my father's profession, I would approach him to ask about it, about any
Getting to school, I study Human Biology in absolute fascination. For the first time in my life, I am captivated by the intricacy of our amazing system. It is far beyond anything that I could have imagined as a child. I learn, now, the beauty of the human body: every detail, down to each invisible molecule, that composes what we are, is there for a reason. I've realised ours are not simply individual organs stacked together. Rather, like a Swiss watch, our body is a sophisticated machine created with numerous seemingly separate components, working in incredible harmony, like tiny cogwheels, to bring about a functioning 'us'.
Nevertheless, delving into the depth of human biology, it appears to me that intricate as it might be, our body is also very fragile. Like how one rusted cogwheel can dismantle a watch, just one faulty component can disrupt our well-being. Unlike a watch though, this causes much more fear and the damage comes at a much greater price.
I have always thought I want to be a doctor. But now I utterly know for sure I want to be one. I want to see to the fullest details of how our body works. I yearn to know about what might go wrong in the beautiful yet delicate work of creation and learn about the cause of those diseases.
But more than anything, I yearn for the day I am able to treat them. Because I don't simply want to learn: I want to use my knowledge to save lives, to alleviate people's pain from both their mind and body, because being told by my father is not enough, because I want to be engrossed in the ineffable beauty of the human body, witnessing and conserving it myself.
I think it is very good and I hope it helps.
Good luck ;)
Natalia1988
Jul 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2]: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. [6]
-Task:
First point of view: people who would prefer lower price for fashion items
Second point of view: people who believe that the more expensive is the clothes the more value it gets
My opinion: do not mind to buy some dresses instead of others, I don't buy too much expensive clothes/items
Focus question:
-advantages: -stars must be looked at the best shape, fashionable clothes let them to do it.
-teenagers want to fell accepted from their peers fashionable clothes let them to do it
-disadvantages: -parents fell forced to but items that they can't afford
- young adults who work often can't afford to buy those items because prices are too high.
What do you think??? Thanks a lot for your help.
-Task:
First point of view: people who would prefer lower price for fashion items
Second point of view: people who believe that the more expensive is the clothes the more value it gets
My opinion: do not mind to buy some dresses instead of others, I don't buy too much expensive clothes/items
Focus question:
-advantages: -stars must be looked at the best shape, fashionable clothes let them to do it.
-teenagers want to fell accepted from their peers fashionable clothes let them to do it
-disadvantages: -parents fell forced to but items that they can't afford
- young adults who work often can't afford to buy those items because prices are too high.
What do you think??? Thanks a lot for your help.
Natalia1988
Jul 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS task2]: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. [6]
Prompt: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Over the time, people has discussed about the unreachable prices of the fashion items, from clothes to accessories. They are becoming more and more expensive and people ask if it is so necessarily have these items in their wardrobe or closets.
There are people who would prefer lower price for fashion items. Youngsters want to get them even if they have not their own income. So, parents fell the pressure of buying these brand products at their children. Most teenagers spend their earning in this expensive shopping. However, even if young adults start to earn money, not always they can afford fashionable clothes, because they have others expenses to deal with.
On the other hand, there are people who believe that more expensive is the clothes more value it gets. As a result, people are happy to pay designer for clothes. Teenagers search this type of item to show at their pair that they are in and fashionable. Celebrities have a lot of money and so they do not mind about the cost of clothes. In addition, they always have to look after their image because they are famous and fans expect to see them at the best way. Besides, fashion designers people cannot criticise the price until they have seen how hard the work behind is.
In conclusion, people have different opinion about this issue. Teenagers, generally, like the idea to get those clothes, but parents and young adult workers cannot always afford them. Personally speaking, I think that it depends on how much fashion is important in your life. I do not mind to buy some dresses instead of others. If the cost is too high, shops and fashion designers can keep those items for themselves.
(288 words)
Please can you help me with the corrections and tell me if it is enough good? Thanks a million in andvance
Prompt: some people argue that fashion items cost too much money. Others say that this is acceptable because fashion is an important part of life. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Over the time, people has discussed about the unreachable prices of the fashion items, from clothes to accessories. They are becoming more and more expensive and people ask if it is so necessarily have these items in their wardrobe or closets.
There are people who would prefer lower price for fashion items. Youngsters want to get them even if they have not their own income. So, parents fell the pressure of buying these brand products at their children. Most teenagers spend their earning in this expensive shopping. However, even if young adults start to earn money, not always they can afford fashionable clothes, because they have others expenses to deal with.
On the other hand, there are people who believe that more expensive is the clothes more value it gets. As a result, people are happy to pay designer for clothes. Teenagers search this type of item to show at their pair that they are in and fashionable. Celebrities have a lot of money and so they do not mind about the cost of clothes. In addition, they always have to look after their image because they are famous and fans expect to see them at the best way. Besides, fashion designers people cannot criticise the price until they have seen how hard the work behind is.
In conclusion, people have different opinion about this issue. Teenagers, generally, like the idea to get those clothes, but parents and young adult workers cannot always afford them. Personally speaking, I think that it depends on how much fashion is important in your life. I do not mind to buy some dresses instead of others. If the cost is too high, shops and fashion designers can keep those items for themselves.
(288 words)
Please can you help me with the corrections and tell me if it is enough good? Thanks a million in andvance
