Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by Jwala
Name: Anjana Ravindran
Joined: Jul 20, 2014
Last Post: Aug 16, 2014
Threads: 3
Posts: 8  
Likes: 3
From: India

Displayed posts: 11
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Jwala   
Aug 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] - Earlier Technologies vs Recent Technologies [3]

Technological progress has taken place throughout the course of human history. While early technologies certainly changed the lives of normal people, I believe that recent breakthroughs have had an even greater impact.

Earlier technological innovations initially reached the rich society and slowed moved to ordinary people. Firstly, the invention and later ubiquitous availability of electricity lighted up every home in the world and it forms the base of other electrical equipments invented later to fulfil the various needs of the people. Secondly, the telephone was an important early technology that revolutionised the communication, allowing people to speak from different locations. Thirdly, technological breakthroughs led to the new forms of transport, such as cars, trains and planes, which have completely changed the way we travel and trade goods. Finally, TV and radio become the main source of entertainment those days and also helped in getting the news all around the world to the living room.

Modern technologies makes it available to all normal people due to its disinflation trend. Personal computers and Internet fundamentally change the way we get information, communicate and entertain ourselves or doing business. For example, business deals are closed via video conferencing than via business trips. Also, Services like Skype, opens up new possibilities of training for students allowing to get video lessons from teachers from any part of the world any time, thus have access to better quality and highly available education than ever before. From my personal experience, I had online training for IELTS exam in the evening after office hours. Another important lifestyle change is to use social networks like Facebook or Whatsapp, to keep in touch with friends and family and be up to date with their progress.

In conclusion, old technologies certainly revolutionised the life of a normal household but it took time to reach them whereas the recent technologies has easily become a part of a common man.
Jwala   
Aug 9, 2014
Writing Feedback / Ambition motivate people - without it life would be mechanical or meaningless [3]

Some people have great ambitions in life, others don't. Do you think ambition is important to succeed in life? Is it a positive or a negative quality to have?

Discussion+Opinion question

It is true that ambition motivates you to make one's dream true. Although ambition has a dark side of it, I strongly think that ambition is needed for anyone who wanted to excel in their chosen field.

In many situations, ambition is highly regarded. First of all, ambition helps us in self realisation of our own strengths and how better we are in this world. It lays down the path to success in our personal, family and professional lives. An example is Steve Jobs who is ambitious and extra-ordinary visionary who made people to believe Apple products are better than long run rivals in the market. Secondly, it teaches us resilience to overcome the problems in this competitive world. For instance, Japan is the best example to the world which regained its economy after the atom bomb attacks and repeated earth quakes. Finally, being ambitious makes us adaptable and tolerant in a team and by adding more people to one's ambition makes everyone to move forward.

On the other hand, ambition is often associated with greed, intolerance and drive for power. In the movie Wall Street, the character Gordon gecko preaches Greed is good. There is no limit to how much money one can make and how much one can expand the business. Another wrong perspective of ambition is ruthlessness or merciless. It can block human emotions like friendship, respect for others or compassion. Finally, ambition is regarded as individual goal to achieve power, money or fame by paying any price to achieve it.

In conclusion, while ambition may be portrayed negatively by those who failed themselves, it is much needed for life otherwise it would be mechanical or meaningless.
Jwala   
Aug 4, 2014
Undergraduate / Creative Spoof - Madison Application Essay [2]

A well written essay with lot of good vocabulary.

It took 2 times to read this essay to understand who the writer wants to thank here. Finally, it was a doctor. This essay is written in a novel style.

Mostly all the sentences are lengthy filled with adjectives. Can have few short sentences when you want to stress a point. So, it reaches the reader quickly and need not read twice.
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Faq, Help / How do you get a credit on EF? [8]

I searched for word 'Urgent' before i posted this thread but that returned no answers.

But after posting this thread, I found a related thread - How to get a credit? and saw it is redirected to this transactions link of essay forum.

When I tried this link, it says that we need to pay some dollars to remove my threads. But my intention is not to remove the thread but add my essay under Urgent. I believe it also means that I need to pay still. Please clarify.
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Faq, Help / How do you get a credit on EF? [8]

How to get a Credit to post my essay under Urgent?

Featured needs 2 likes. I got one like for one of my writing feedback. Need one more.

But I am not sure how to get my essay posted under Urgent. It says it needs a 1 credit. How to gain 1 credit?
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Internet will help student only if he has a desire to study [6]

Overall, the essay is good. I think it might be for IELTS. Attach the word IELTS in the thread topic so that other IELTS students will pickup on priority.

Introduction - there are 2 lines provided but both seems to be positive. Though it has not requested for opinion, but still you need to provide a general opinion mentioning whether it is a positive or negative.

Paras - It is better to talk about the positive first and then negative.

Conclusion - It is better to have inclined to one side though there could be partial agreement
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: Intelligent students should be educated separately. Do the benefits outweigh the problems? [4]

Introduction - first line is really attracting. But second line should talk about your opinion as the essay question is a discussion+opinion type
Para 1 - should describe the advantages of high IQ students in separate class. But 3rd line is not align with this topic sentence. It should be good if you provide a short topic sentence. Paras should be combination of simple, complex and compound sentences. Your statements are mostly lengthy.

Para 2 - 'Selecting students according to their IQ levels are not equal to these students in low-level classes' is confusing. how come both can be equal? 'embodying' - can use another equivalent word.

Conclusion - No new ideas here

Overall, I doubt the essay has reached 250 word count. You need to add few examples to reach there.
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] 'advertising manipulates people' - Positives and Negatives of Ad's [3]

Topic - Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life. Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives while others say it is a negative one. Discuss both views and include your own opinion.

In today's material world, we are inundated with various forms of advertising that we cannot easily escape from it. While there are few negative impacts on people, I believe that they have become indispensable part of modern business.

For a variety of reasons, advertising is needed in free market economies. Firstly, it creates public awareness of various products or services offered by companies and inform them about the choices they have. This helps consumers to make right decision to choose a product that leads to customer satisfaction. For instance, on Thanksgiving Day, people get pamphlets from different stores and can compare the prices and details before buying the product. Secondly, small to large business get name, fame and profit by advertisements and becomes a formidable contender in the market. It helps in selling more products, increasing the profit and allows expanding the business and in turn improves the country's economy. Thirdly, advertising agencies has become a creative business that produces clever, witty or humorous commercials or product placements and it has been considered as another source of entertainment for public.

On the other hand, advertising manipulates people to buy things without thinking. Companies often exaggerate the capabilities of their products to seduce the customers and also involve glamorous or famous personalities to bring more attention. For example, Amitabh bachhan, a famous film star is featured in noodles commercial that influence the children easily and they put pressure on their parents to buy them.

In conclusion, though advertising sometimes persuades people to make a false purchase, I think advertisements are inevitable for country's economic development.
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Writing Feedback / Technology has both advantage and disadvantage for creativity of children [5]

Its better if you can do a grammar check once with MS Word. There are few grammar mistakes - a new toys, Technology not only do increase

I think this essay could have used present tense instead of past tense as it talks about the present situation of the children.

kids creative ability - either there should be apostrophe or rewrite this as 'creative ability of kids'
imagination of them - their imagination
existence around them - exists around them
they like to played or talked - they like or play
have creative - have been creative
can avoid direct speech in essay - My father said
Jwala   
Aug 3, 2014
Research Papers / More stressful jobs and reasons behind it - let's discuss the topic [3]

This is a 2 part question. So, 1 para for the reasons and another para for suggestions.

Para 1 - Mention 2-3 reasons with example for one reason atleast. Since the questions has asked for reasons, it is better to provide more than 1 reason here.

Para 2 - This can be 2-3 suggestions with 1 example atleast. Or it could be just 1 suggestion with more explanatory sentences and examples.