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Posts by milamiller
Joined: Aug 16, 2014		 Last Post: Apr 6, 2015
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milamiller   
Apr 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Are human beings by nature primarily selfish or unselfish? SAT Essay. [3]

Are human beings by nature primarly selfish or unselfish?

The assertion that people are selfish from the moment they are born has been a major subject to argue about among psychologists and philosophers throughout the history. Humans are driven by their needs and desire to live which makes them prioritize their problems. That is why persons are more egoistic than altruisitc. There are many examples of that in history.

...
milamiller   
Apr 6, 2015
Writing Feedback / Getting a book nowadays becomed an easy task. It's enough to buy it online, being at home. [2]

In the era of technology progress. Make our lives more comfortable even buying a book. You do not have to go to the store to buy it. You just have internet access and press select and pay. A book will be sent to your home. I agree that online shopping for book is increasingly popular because it's convenient for shoppers online stores can reduce their prices dramatically, and you can follow the new update every day.

You should've written that even our everyday routine can be simplified by technology progress. And then present online shopping as an example. You shouldn't directly point at the reader, so avoid using "you". You could say, for example, "There is no need to leave the house - online-shops make purchasing possible within two clicks of the mouse. " and so on. The vocabulary you chose is primarly conversational. Try and spend time learning academic vocab - it'll increase your score dramatically.

The begin with, buying books online is convenient for shoppers. They can spend time browsing through the Internet as long as they want. If you go to the store, you may not take long to find the book you want. Because the number of people in the shop a lot. And they can shop within a limit of time, because you can order right away.

You have used The begin with, buying books online is convenient for shoppers. in your introduction. Do not repeat the sentences you write because they simply won't count and will reduce your score. The overall idea is good, but again, revise sentence structure and read more essays.

Secondly, stores that operate exclusively online can afford to dramatically reduce their prices. Make buyers can get cheaper books online because you will have the exclusive right to purchase over the internet. You benefit of the cheaper prices to buy the stores. And they do not have to buy/rent a space for the actual store nor hire an army of employees to help the clients. Reduce costs possible and can also be money left over to invest in other parts in this section as well.

Again, right idea! But you should have presented why online book-stores reduce the prices.

I don't see the conclusion indicator, you better use one of those: Consequently, to sum up, in conclusion, concluding , etc.

If it's an IELTS essay, I'd give you a score of 5.
milamiller   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / It takes failure to achive success. SAT [4]

Is there a person who has never failed any task? Do we even how how many tries it took scientists to drive a satellite which would go around the Earth? We all learn from our mistakes, we get more experienced and wiser after every failure we deal with. It helps us eliminate the wrong path we used in the past and improves our ability to think critically so we could not fail next time.

Back to the past, when I was in the nineth grade I found out about an exchange program for students called FLEX which allowed a pupil to get a full-paid academic year in one of the United States' high schools. Having studied more about the programs I participated and, unfortunately, did not even get to the third and the final tour. Instead of being taken down by the failure I decided to make a study plan for myself and study hard so I could give it a try the other year. And it actually worked! I made it to the third tour which made me feel completely satisfied and special because only 90 participants out of nearly 1000 get to the third tour. Well, honestly, I did not win the scholarship that year too. However, I got a brilliant and very useful experience.

Failure is actually a part of great success - it's aim is to teach people how to evaluate their strengths and weaknesses and at the same time to inspire them to improve both critical thinking skills and ability to be patient.
milamiller   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Telling the truth is the best policy that a person can adopt in his life. [6]

In the other word, the fact that,( be careful with punctuation. Consider revising in which occasions you should use it) the effect can be both positive and negative some people may argue that (you should have written about what they may argue about before saying about the circumstances. I guess you wanted to write that they approve telling lies under special circumstances)under special circumstances in which they identify!

You also have many errors using an appropriate form of verbs with he/she.
milamiller   
Nov 11, 2014
Writing Feedback / Difference between the book and computer [4]

You definitely should have uploaded an essay you wrote so we could check it and tell you whether your interpretation of the topic is right. Consider doing this.
milamiller   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Task 1: 'popularity peak took place in 1980' - Teenage vegeterians [5]

The graph shows the percentage of UK adolescents following a vegetarian diet. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features

The line graph illustrates the percentage of teenage vegetarians in the United Kingdom between 1960 and 2020.
Overall, vegetarianism was more popular in the twentieth century than it is now.

The percentage of vegetarians among teenagers has risen sharply from 0% to 15% between 1960 and 1980 and reached it's peak. Interestingly, there was a significant fall right after the peak (from 15% to 6%). From 1990 to 2000 line showed some fluctuation. During the fluctuation the number of teenage vegetarians reached it's lowest point at 3% in the end of 1990-s. However, the fluctuation had an upward trend and beginning in 2000 and ending in 2010 the quantity of followers gradually rose from approximately 6% to 11%. As for the following years , it remained stable and predicted to say so in the near future.

To sum up, the peak of vegetarianism's popularity among adolescents from UK took place in 1980 and there were almost twice as many vegetarians in 1980 as it is predicted to be by 2020.




milamiller   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / a Table about proportion of female & male genders in sports [5]

Firstly, you should have uploaded the table so it is easier to check.

The table provides information about proportion of both genders who tooktaking part part in sport actingactivities during approximately(approximately sounds odd here) one month in theU.K(you better write United Kingdom)aroundin 2002. The companycompany? may be comparison? was made between five different sport categories. You should have named the categories.

Overall, participation of men in these five various types of extreme sports were much greater than womenmore men participated in extreme sports than women . For instance, the number ofboysmale participants in Cue sports werewas five times the number of girlsfemale participants. MoreoverIn addition , compare with the percentage of females, more than twice as many males participated in cyclingmore than twice as many males than females participated in cycling . (why don't you present the concrete info? ). Although over 50% male-genders involved in one activity or more, female-genders involving in it was considerable high also (around 50%).Incoherent centence

Exceptionally, the average of women in Yoga and keeping fit sports werewasfarmuch greater than the average of boysmenwho involved in itthese types of spots . At the bottom of the list, swimming proportion for both genders was almost similar.There was asmost the same number of both male and female participants in swimming . Same pattern was seen is in Walking-sports followed the same pattern as swimming . Undoubtedly, involvements of men in extreme sports werewas mostly common rather than that of women.

You should use concrete numbers when writing an essay for IELTS Task 1 because it is what essay-checker expects you to do.
Be careful when structuring centences because incoherence will cost you points and will affect your band score.
Consider reading more samples of other students' essays because it will help you to impove your writing skills.
You can find bunch of books about writing for IELTS in the Internet which are absolutely gratis.

Best wishes, Mila
milamiller   
Aug 19, 2014
Writing Feedback / Virtual learning beneficials [4]

Searching through the Internet could be extremely time-saving. In other words, There isit is notno necessary for societies to spend big amount of timemuch time in book stores. For instance, There have been numbers of book sailing sites such as amazonthere are many helpful websites such Amazon which sell different types of electronic books . Not only the Internet is in urgent need of communities these days,but also it could be leaded to demoting the traffics through the keeping individuals in their houses.I don't think that the last sentence is revelant because the essay-checker might find it incoherent .

I think you should consider improving your vocabulary skills along with the sentence structuring. Try reading other students' essays so you could have an example how to structure yours
milamiller   
Aug 16, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Women absolutely dominate in two fields' - male and female teachers [8]

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart represents the proportion of men to women working as teachers in 6 educational spheres, namely, nursery, primary and secondary schools, colleges, private training institutes and universities in the United Kingdom in 2010. Overall, it can be seen that woman outnumber men in this type of career.

Women absolutely dominate in two fields - nursery and primary school (the amount of females reaches more than 90%). The number of men and women employed in secondary schools is almost equal. As for college, both genders own 45%. Beginning with the private training institutes the number of women employed starts to decrease and men tend to dominate (approximately 49% of females and 51% of males ). Regarding to universities, there are much more men working in this field of educational setting than woman (around 70% of males).

To sum up, it is clearly seen that women prefer working at primary education institutes where as men choose teaching at higher educational settings.



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