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Posts by nikhil333
Name: Nikhil Mithani
Joined: Sep 8, 2014
Last Post: Sep 28, 2014
Threads: 4
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America
School: Aviation High school

Displayed posts: 10
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nikhil333   
Sep 28, 2014
Graduate / I CAN COMPETE WITH TALENTED STUDENTS FROM ALLOVER THE WORLD - SYRACUSE Personal statement [2]

I welcome ANY critique and changes that you believe should be made in order to improve my personal statement.

Who or what influenced you to apply to Syracuse University?

My interest in Syracuse University sparked when I realized it was not just the rankings that made Syracuse, but how unique and special the university itself is.

I believe Syracuse's melting pot of cultures, social atmosphere, and community involvement make it an ideal place for me to study. I am aware that Syracuse's brilliant students don't just solely focus their energy into to academics, but also into social life. I am excited to find that the campus life is so diverse so I can meet and compete with talented students from allover the world, by which I can gain knowledge of different cultures and Interests.

When I met Syracuse students they spoke with great admiration and love for their university. At Syracuse I look forward to a being part of a community, made up of students who take great pride in their university.

Syracuse being heavily involved in helping the community gives me a chance to continue my passion for tutoring, I plan to work with Learn To Be foundation chapter at Syracuse to continue my passion for touring students, L2B provides free online tutoring for underserved students nationwide.

Not only does Syracuse have an accredited Computer Science program, the University also gives me the opportunity to engage in significant research experiences with talented professors. Syracuse can challenge me academically and provide me with great life experience through their student organization and campus events. I could see myself wearing Syracuse's orange color proudly.
nikhil333   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / Things To Do For Joy - MIT Essay [3]

You like to learn try to elaborate on what type of courses interests you, do you only take up online courses ? or do you like to go out and learn from experience. Talk about different ways you learn and how you use that knowledge.
nikhil333   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / How to be Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable [2]

" Since anyone can learn how to swim " try to restate this

Your essay is too genearl. Focus on one specific friend you made from the swim team, your first impression of him/her and how that changed after the bus ride to the swim meet. Write in a narrative form as if your telling a story.

You have a good idea but just try to make it more personal, your starting was good just continue to write your entire essay like that.
nikhil333   
Sep 28, 2014
Graduate / I WILL NOT FORGET THE ASTONISHMENT ON HIS FACE [2]

I welcome ANY critique and changes that you believe should be made in order to improve my personal statement.

Explain why you have chosen to obtain a degree in engineering. Discuss any experience you may have had and/ or people you have known that influenced your decision. (150 - 250 words)

Fabricating a wing bay using wood, saw, fiberglass, resin, and machinery was intriguing. I was proudly holding my wing bay on the 7 train commuting home when an elderly man standing besides me noticed me admiring my composite wing bay, perplexed he asked me what it was. I will not forget the astonishment on his face when I gave him an elaborate answer. I was flattered to present my in depth knowledge on the wing and its airfoil shape. He did not believe that composites are structurally as strong as metal alloys.

I placed the wing bay beneath my feet and jumped on it, to exemplify its strength . He was surprised to find my wing bay intact. It was empowering to use my knowledge to create a product that will help solve problems, composite materials have improved aircraft fuel efficiency and performance due to their high strength to weight ratio. I knew then, engineering is what I wanted to do in the future and what I wanted to study. After spending about five years in a technical school, I have become a problem solver, I plan to use this skill to help me advance in my engineering studies.

As soon as I arrived home, I began researching engineering schools, that is when I discovered Grove School of Engineering. I witness every day how technology improves peoples' lives and I want to contribute to that. After plenty of research I decided I want to study computer science at Grove School Of Engineering because it will allow me to solve real world problems using technology and explore my interest in programing software.
nikhil333   
Sep 27, 2014
Undergraduate / "Wrong but Right" - a memoirs about your experience in the past and its effect on you today [5]

Mistake is what makes us human. It is essential to make mistakes and failure to do something wrong will lead to long-term malfunction. I made countless mistakes throughout my life, but none of them I considered important, or worth to learned. Until recently, I decided to let myself go and do something different, that change me completely. The best and worst decision I have ever made, I makemade friends, especially with the "bad" ones .
Growled up in an Asian family, I'm always being protected from, well, everything. As I aged, I know absolutely nothing about the real world. The only information source that available to me was the television. I rarely communicate with anyone but my family, not because I don't want to but because I was not allow to. My brain was washed with all the academic lectures an d with all the horrible stories about whats out there, from economic downfall to murdered , raped crimes, if there's something badhorrible about life, it thereI have heard it . The stories waswere told to ensure that I'm aware of my surrounding and of course, it is an indirect way to say "You are prohibited from the outside world" without making it sounds like a command. Aside friends from school that I now understand that they'reare only "classmate". I spent most of my time at home or at cram school. I was force to do and learn things that I do not enjoy, but as parent, they only want what would beis the best tools for your future success. I remembered numerous times I asked if I can go to a birthday party or having friends come over, and every time I asked, it always the same answer "I will think about it", and never a reply. Shorten this section of your essay

start your essay with this section to avoid loosing the reader's attention I felt frustrated. I wanted to go out, I wanted to make friends, I wanted to have a life and most of all, I wanted to find "me". What do I want for my future? I do I enjoy to do? Where and when can I find a best friend that will be there for me when I struggle? I want to feel love, have a boyfriend. All the questions swirling around in my head, I wanted to experience them all. I wanted to break through the safety hazard and experience failure. I wanted to fail. As I come to the thought of not able to do what I want, I felt depress; but then, the opportunity finally came, my family moved to the United State. I was beyond excited; I thought it would be a great beginning for me to start over and for once, live.

Aside from learning a new language, I decided to become active and started to socialize. I made friends and find groups that I belong. School was great and as I became more mature, my hormones kicked in. I started to urge for belongingness and proximity between male and female, friends. I didn't want to just be classmate or schoolmate, I wanted friendship. I became a rebel, but not the extreme type. I told my mom I stayed at school for help in order to hang out with friends after school. I did it constantly, I felt guilty, I never lied to my mom, ever; but the pleasures of lying and able to get away with it make me want to do it more. I made good friends along with bad friends. Good friends included all straight A's to B's students. We went to library to study together, eat together, and many things good friends would do when they are in a group. I had great time, I felt secure and surrounded by good "kids", I felt proud that I had successfully create connections to people. As much as I love the bright side of the paper, I also wanted to see the dark side of it. I wanted to explore everything, but also concerned about the outcome. What if something went wrong and my mother find out? Too many questions that I couldn't answer at the time, but I tried anyway.
The definition of bad friends would be friends that you shouldn't be together with, for your own sake. I wanted to see and experience how "bad" was and I made some friends. I can instantly discrete them, from the way they dressed to the way they talked, all are different. I found it hard to become friends with them. I need to have a connection of some source to able to fully access the "community"; so I dated a guy, secretly of course, that I considered "bad". As a leader of some gang that I know nothing about, he usually took me out to eat with his "followers", I supposed, and I tried to act natural. I noticed how I became smarter with my words and how to act differently to "fit in". From after school fight to bizarre territory conquest, I saw them with my own eye. I do not involve in any activities, I just parked from far away to watch. I also had been introducing to drugs, but I refused. When I felt like I "experience" enough, I decided to stop. I learned that not all bad friends are bad. In their world, they are a group and only survive when they stick together. They do not force you to do anything you do not like or uncomfortable to do, it all about what you willing to do for the group. I did not experience everything because I had set my limit, but I felt accomplish.
For the first time in my life, I was able to break the protective boundaries and be free. I was able to explore and do what I wanted to do. I met and made new friends, I had made a best friend, and I felt good about myself. The pleasure of guilt was a new experience to mean and I cannot do this any longer. I knew I had taken it too far to the point where I now know where to get access to illegal "substance". Until today, I do regret for having bad friends but at the same time, I do not. I learned so many things and I value what I learned, ( what did you learn ) because it is real and I saw it. Many times, I looked at my mother and wanted to talk to her about everything, but I can't. I don't want to shock her and ruin her image of me as a pure, innocent child. I will keep this memoir as life lesson and because of it, I become smarter and able to handle situations more efficiently. As for now, I will just be the normal student as I used to be and continued to wait for more opportunity to come.

Try to focus more on your choices impacted you and what you learned from them then your parents being strict.
Try to focus on one important decision you had to make, like stay away from drugs and talk about that
nikhil333   
Sep 13, 2014
Undergraduate / I WILL NOT LIE NYU - NYU SUPPLEMENTAL ESSAY [3]

NYU is global, urban, inspired, smart, connected, and bold. What can NYU offer you, and what can you offer NYU? (200-400 words)
Any type of help is greatly appreciated

I will not lie and say that I fell In love with NYU at first sight. Living in New York I had always heard how prestigious NYU is, but to me NYU was just another college that popped up in my college search. My interest in NYU sparked when I realized it was not just the rankings that made NYU, but how unique and special the university itself was.

I believe NYU's melting pot of cultures, social atmosphere, and prime location makes it an ideal place for me to study. I am aware that NYU's brilliant students don't just solely focus their energy into to academics, but also into social life. I love extracurricular activities and have a wide range of interests, such as skateboarding, swimming, and other outdoor activities. I am excited to find that the campus life is so diverse so I can socialize and compete with talented students from allover the world by which I can gain knowledge of different cultures, Interests, perspectives, and beliefs. I intend on becoming a member of Aviation Club where I plan to pursue my interest in aviation and share my knowledge that I have acquired studying aviation maintenance technology for the past five years in high school.

At NYU I would hope to study computer science so that I could explore my interest in programing software and solving problems using technology. I can feel the passion and energy filled at the campus when I walk through Washington Square Park and I hope to be a part of one day.
nikhil333   
Sep 13, 2014
Undergraduate / 'health and science has been my top consideration' - UIC personal essay of program choice [3]

Ever since I started to think about my future, health and science has been my top consideration. This is because I would like to I always wanted to serve in the health industry in the future and help others. After deep consideration, I discovered thatI have decided to further study Food and NutritionI am interested to further study in . There are two main reasons that helped me decide, the society and myself ( save this sentence for the conclusion) .

First, I noticed that in the recent years, aging and obesity became a global issue. As there are more and more elderly in the societymedicine advances so does life expectancy , the health industry will need to provide more care and services themto the elderly . One of the areas that could be improved is the eating habits. Helping them to develop and maintaining a healthy eating habit is very important to their health. the other hand, Obesity is really dangerous to our health and it can lead to a lot of serious illnesses. Therefore, more diet plans should be developed in order to help the people that are suffering in obesity to succeed in dieting.

Find another way to transition to the second paragraph using "Second" feels too formalSecond , I really likelove to eat and cook. I am always interested in trying new and tasty foods. However, I would like to still be healthy, therefore I thinkwant to study food and nutrition to help me to develop a better understanding of which kinds of food are better and healthier for me. I like to spend time and dospent hoursresearches and find researching differentnew healthy recipesthat are healthy and will provide nutrients to us . This is because I would like plan to enter the food and nutrition program in the future andto obtain morefurther professional knowledge.

I believe that after completion of the Food and Nutrition program, it would lead to many job opportunities that are will prepare me for a career in the health industry. Dietitians in clinic and hospital would provide professional advice to the patience and help them develop a healthy diet. Dietitians working in the food industry may help to give advice and monitor to produce healthy product or meals to the company. Dietitians may also work with specific group of people such as children, elderly or patients with illness. I believe that after the completion of the Food and Nutrition program, there will be a lot of potential careers or job opportunities in the market that I will be passionate in.

You have a good Idea, try not to write this essay like how you write an essay for school. You are being too formal by writing "first" "second" to open a new paragraph. You lost focus in the conclusion and I was confused about the Dietitian information, do you want to be one?. Try to look out for repetition, each sentence should build upon the previous and not repeat the same idea.
nikhil333   
Sep 9, 2014
Graduate / The Challenge: Why do you want to be a Physician Assistant? [4]

My choice to seek a career into the healthcare field arose from a series of unfortunate events.

Try to start your essay with something interesting that will catch the readers attention. Maybe something your grandma said or did to convince you to pursue a career in health care, or something you witnessed in a hospital that sparked an interest for career health care.
nikhil333   
Sep 8, 2014
Undergraduate / "College Ready"; in danger of failing the second marking period - experiencing a failure [NEW]

The Common Application: Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what lessons did

"your teacher is making you college ready" the Math Assistant Principal said with great assurance.

The increase in workload knocked me off my feet. I always loved numbers since I was a child which is why I felt frustrated and angry when my teacher handed me my test results. I could see my summer plans drifting away as I imagined the horrors of summer school.

"Your son is in danger of failing the second marking period!" the words replayed over and over in my head as I was abruptly brought back into the moment from my mother's voice... "yaha kyā hai!" shouted my mother as she peered over my shoulders rigid and alert, I realized that it was too late to hide the note from her. She stormed to my room, grabbed the skateboard and threatened to garbage it. I begged her to spare my skateboard and in return she demanded to meet with my teacher.

I anxiously watched my teacher dig through his briefcase with my Mother sitting besides me, he pulled out my recent tests. I drifted away in my thoughts where I saw my Mom chasing me around the house with a spatchula. I instantly returned to reality when I heard my teacher state "He's a hardworking student and pays attention in class ...". My teacher recommended I sign up for tutoring. I have always depended on myself, never asked for help because I thought it made me seem weak and incompetent.

I was ready for intense scolding on the ride back home, but peculiarly my mom told me a story from my childhood. when I was in kindergarten, my 5 year old self was too busy playing cricket than learning my alphabets, and I got away with it because my parents were occupied supervising the construction workers in my house, my teacher asserted that I was going to get held back. I was tutored by my Mom for two consecutive weeks to such an extent that I was reciting the alphabets while sleeping. My teacher was astounded by my performance on the test and how I managed to learn me in such short time. I realized that everyone needs help at some point in life and not asking for help didn't make me strong, what makes me strong is recognizing that I need help and reaching out for it.

In my Indian family everyone excels in math, my mom tutored kids in India and my brother studied finance, therefore failing math was not an option for me. I felt guilty, my mom migrated to United states, made lots of sacrifices, and worked seven days a week so I could have a good education and I wasn't living up to her expectations.

While my peers enjoyed their lunch, I would knock on the math office door in hope to find teacher to tutor me. After school as soon as I stepped in my home, no matter how fatigued my body felt I would start my math homework because it was the most time consuming. I limited the time I would spend skateboarding with my friends to join the Math Club. Unusually my Mom was taking time out of her busy schedule to check how I was doing in school. Her support is what pushed me to wake up at 5am to attend Math Club where I received tutoring by my peers and learned new ways to perceive math. All my hard work had paid off when I presented my Mom my result for the Algebra regents, her eyes widened, jaw dropped, and she jumped from the couch to give me a huge hug. "Congratulations! you did it, I am so proud of you, see what a massive difference a little help can make" she said while still holding me in her arms. I am now able to rely and learn from others in all aspects of my life.
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