Undergraduate / VT reasons to be a Hokie [4]

These are my two essays for VT admissions. Grammar and content feedback would be extremely helpful. Thank you in advanced (:

What are the top five reasons you want to be a Hokie?

There is absolutely no question about Hokies being one of a kind. From the burnt orange to the Chicago maroon, Hokie colors are inescapable.
What greatly attracts me to being a Hokie other than their festive colors is their motto Ut Prosim. As president of National Honor Society I have put great emphasis on giving back to the community. When giving back; what better community is there to give back to than your own. I have done so through coordinating community cleaning projects, working with local charities, extensive volunteering at my church, and several school drives. As a Hokie It would be refreshing to be among students that value service as much as I do. Since Virginia tech is ranked nationally in academics I would be guaranteed the hands-on, minds-on learning that I desire. Hokies also get to indulge in the best dining experience of the nation. Since cooking and I seem unable to get along, Virginia Tech's excellent food would surely save me from days of hunger and microwavable foods.

In my opinion experiences that make college memorable are derived from school spirit. It is common knowledge that Hokies do not lack any school spirit. Wherever they may be Hokies exude pride and love for their school so much so that they create a palpable electricity. Hokies bind together forming lifelong friends and remain loyal to their beloved school. I hope to one day have the privilege of igniting this Hokie pride within my own family.

MOD comment:One essay at one time please

Undergraduate / Being a native born Salvadorian has automatically injected diversity into my being [2]

Prompt:The Mason IDEA represents our unique institutional characteristics and captures the strength of who we are as a university. Four of Mason's most distinct characteristics comprise the Mason IDEA: innovation, diversity, entrepreneurship, and accessibility, Select one or more of the four components of the Mason IDEA and write about how you exemplify that characteristic.

The first essay is one that I only slightly modified to fit the diversity prompt. Essay 2 is one that I wrote from scratch. Please let me know which one would best to use, any grammar fixes, or content advice. Thanks so much!

Essay 1:

My issues with mayonnaise began at the age of four, I was introduced to a completely new and terrifyingly different culture: American culture. My mother and I had only lived in the U.S. for two years and I did not know a single word of English. She had just begun a new six to six job and had no choice but to take me to a Nanny.

To this day I can picture my Nanny perfectly. She barely stood at 5 feet tall and was round with hair as white as snow. She was the feistiest old lady I have ever known and would not hesitate to spank me with a fly swatter and stick me in a corner at the first sign of disrespect. However, come lunchtime, the most dreadful part of the day, Nanny would list the available options for my sandwich and I -unable to comprehend what she was saying and afraid I would upset her - would stand in the kitchen shaking my head "no" to everything except mayonnaise. So for months I ate two slices of bread slathered with a thick layer of mayonnaise in between and nothing else. Each day I would closed my eyes and hold my breath as I ate the dreadful sandwich in hopes of minimizing the awful taste. After eating mayonnaise for what felt like an eternity, I have not been able to come in contact with it ever since.

Adapting to a different culture is one of the most difficult challenges I have encountered but the mayo incident is only one of the things that has shaped me into a diverse person. When outside of my home and away from the customs my mother implemented, I came in contact with an unknown world of strange customs and an unknown language and was often conflicted about embracing my Hispanic culture or embracing the culture of the country I reside in. However, I could never ignore the culture of my family, and more importantly the way of my mother, and I also could not ignore the world around me. So from a young age I have chosen to be part of both. To this day i am still fluent in both languages and take pride in embracing aspects of both cultures. While my family may celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve and open presents at midnight as part of hispanic culture we still eat typical American food. Turkey, ham, yams and, macaroni and cheese can also be found at our Christmas feast. Being part of a completely different culture took tremendous courage but I feel fortunate to be a melting pot of cultures and to be able to experience the best of both worlds.

Essay 2:

I am lucky to say that being a native Salvadorian has automatically injected diversity into my being. When I came to the United States after my parents' divorce, my mother thought it was very important that I not completely forget where my family originates from, but that I also not neglect the world around me. Even though I have never returned to El Salvador I have had a little taste of my homeland in the comfort of my own home in Richmond, Virginia.

A characteristic I possess that exemplifies my diversity is that I am completely fluent in both in English and Spanish. I take pride in being bilingual and find it necessary to be able to speak Spanish in today's day in age. If I were not able to speak Spanish I would be unable to communicate with the older generations in my family life my grandmother and my great aunts.

There are also certain customs that my family and I possess that make us unlike the traditional American or Salvadorian family. To this day my family enjoys camping and every summer we have made it tradition to take camping a trip. Something so trivial to Americans is something my mother, aunts, and uncles came to learn about in America. Camping is not common at all in El Salvador. However, just like my family has incorporated American culture into my life like going camping, we have also remained true to our Salvadorian culture. Each day I come home and have no idea whether my mom will make a Salvadorian dish or an American one. I enjoy eating pupusas which are essentially thick tortillas filled with cheese or beans in the middle just as much as I enjoy juicy bacon cheeseburgers.

Another example of our mixed cultures is holidays. Holidays are done a little differently in my family. For example, it is Hispanic culture that Christmas is celebrated on Christmas Eve and through the night. My family and I have our Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve and have a countdown until midnight. When the clock strikes twelve we kiss and hug one another and celebrate Jesus' birth by exchanging gifts. However, this is the only Hispanic twist that we add. Turkey, ham, yams and macaroni and cheese can still be found at our Christmas feast. Myself and the all the kids in family also grew up believing in Santa Clause. So when gifts have been exchanged all the kids are rushed off to bed so they can wake up the next morning to presents under the tree from Santa. This is something that is unknown and not practiced in Hispanic culture but something that we have adopted from the American way of life. Thanksgiving is also unheard of in El Salvador yet every year my family gets together on the 3rd Thursday of the month to give thanks for all our blessings.

Embracing two very different cultures has made me well rounded and open to all different types of cultures. I enjoy learning about different and cultures and interacting with people of different nationalities. I feel truly fortunate to be able to experience the best of both worlds.

Undergraduate / There came a time in my life when I absolutely hated my mother. [3]

I would like grammar and content feedback please! my deadline is Thursday if i could get a response before then, that would be very helpful. (:

*Some students have a background or story that is so central to their identity that they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story. *

There came a time in my life when I absolutely hated my mother. As I remember the ill feelings I had towards her I am filled with great shame and sadness. My disliking towards my mother began the day of the 5th grade father daughter dance. I remember staying home and crying the entirety of the night of the dance, unable to go because I didn't have a father to escort me. I had locked myself in my room and refused to listen to my mother's comforting words. Without a sound explanation I blamed her for my broken heart and hated her for not giving me a "normal" family.

My mother left my father after experiencing physical and emotional abuse from him. In an effort to protect me from her experiences she gained full custody of me and we fled to the United States in search of a better life. However, when I was younger there was no way I could have understood that and would question my mother about why I only had one parent. She would give me a cursory response along the lines of "that's just how some families are" and then, that was enough to calm my curiosity about the subject. However, for event of the father-daughter dance that answer no longer sufficed and the realization of the effects of not have a present father hit me like a train. I realized that I was missing out on experiences that my friends and my peers got. I felt left out and wondered what all the other kids had done right to be rewarded with a family that I desperately longed for. In retrospect. it was normal for me to have those sort of feelings and it was also normal for my mother to feel the need to overcompensate. Even though my mother did not verbally express it to me, her actions demonstrated to me that she felt at fault for my unhappiness.

My world and mindset did not change until the end of middle school when I realized that my mother is my hero. I believe that as I began to mature, I began to see all the things my mother did for me all along. She was indeed my mother and my father. I look back at my childhood and remember every school play, swim meet, soccer game, and orchestra concert and the only thing I can picture is my mother standing in the front row with a smile so wide it brings me to tears. Even though it was just her in audience I know she had more than enough love to give to me. My mother has been my rock and I have watched her age as she struggles and sacrifices so much for my comfort and well being. To this day she still has not finished her nursing education to be able to work two jobs and provide for us. Not once has she complained and not once have I seen her falter.

The woman I owe my life to has perhaps taught the biggest life lesson that no one else could. Through her actions she has taught me strength and determination. She has taught me to never give up and make the best out of what you are given. From her I have learned hard work, so much that as soon as I was able to work I got a part time job to help her out in way I could. She has taught me independence and courage and countless other things. I can only hope to grow up to be as strong and willful as mother. I feel nothing but gratitude and admiration towards my mother, I did not need a father to give me happiness or to escort to some dance, my mother and I could just have our own. My mother gave me all the love and joy a child could ever ask for all, on, her own.

Undergraduate / Where did Highschool go? I feel as if my high school years passed me by in a blink of an eye [3]

College admissions essay! Any feedback is welcomed. I need to cut down about 60 words and need grammar help. Thank you (:

As you start your college career, what is your primary goal as a student and how have you prepared to meet this goal, how do you plan to succeed, how do you feel you will do at VCU?

It seems to me like just last night i laid anxious in my bed awaiting the exciting first day of high school and now, almost four years later i feel as if my high school years passed me by in a blink of an eye. Although, it felt like the last four years of my life were on fast forward i am certain they equipped me with all the tools necessary to tackle the next chapter of my life: college.

As I get ready to enter college in the fall of 2015 I am already aware of what my major goals are that i plan to accomplish during my college experience. The most important being my desire to major in engineering. I plan to gain as much knowledge and experiences that will aid me in becoming the best engineer and professional I can be.

For the last four years my high school life has been filled with pre-engineering, math, and science. Because i attend an engineering specialty center I have taken rigorous math and science AP courses that have foreshadowed a little of what I am expected to tackle in college. Besides a rigorous academic schedule, in September of my junior year i began working a part time job that challenged me further. Working and average of 28 hours a week and balancing some of the toughest classes i have ever taken I have gained extraordinary time management skills and become more responsible. Working and attending school was not easy but I feel i can implement the skills I have gained to help me stay focused in college as I continue growing as a young adult. I feel I am fully prepared and equipped to embark on my journey through college. Even though I might need countless cups of coffee along the way there is no doubt in mind that I am capable of succeeding.

Undergraduate / Mayo anecdote explaining a challenging situation [5]

This the common app prompt: Describe a challenging situation you've faced. Briefly state the situation, how you responded and why, would you have done anything differently, has it affected or shaped who you are today? Any feedback would be extremely helpful, thank you! I am currently at 280 words and need to be at 250. Please let me know where I can shorten this a little.

My issues with mayonnaise began at the age of four, I was introduced to a completely new and terrifyingly different culture: American culture. My mother and I had only lived in the U.S. for two years and I did not know a single word of English. Having just begun a new job, my mother had no choice but to take me to a nanny.

To this day I can picture Nanny perfectly. She barely stood at 5 feet and was round with hair as white as snow. However, every day spent under her care came lunchtime; the most dreadful part of the day. Nanny would list the available ingredients for my sandwich and I - unable to comprehend what she was saying and afraid I would upset her - would stand in the kitchen shaking my head "no" to everything except mayonnaise. So for months I ate two slices of bread slathered with a thick layer of mayonnaise in between and nothing else. After eating mayonnaise for what felt like an eternity, I have not been able to come in contact with it ever since.

Adapting to a different culture is one the most difficult challenges I have encountered. The mayonnaise sandwich is only one example of the many hardships I faced while becoming accustomed to the American way of life. When outside of my home and away from the customs my mother implemented, I came in contact with an unknown world of strange customs and an unknown language. Adapting to the new culture took tremendous courage and I feel fortunate to be a melting pot of cultures and to be able to experience the best of both worlds.