Writing Feedback / Cinema, Theatre, Zoo, Library. Popular Places for Different People in Australia (IELTS TASK I) [2]

Greetings!

There's a large number of writing mistakes in your writing, so i have made another one for you. I tried to make it similar as much as i could to yours. I really hope you'll like it! :)

A decline in the percentage of visiting four well-known places in Australia by people who live there, whether they are natives or immigrants. One can notice this decrease in the attached bar chart. Yet, some new migrants who were born in other nations prefer to go to cinema. Furthermore, new English migrants are not keen to go to theater as a favorite destination, but most Australians prefer to visit cinema.

At 70%, one can see that the most foreign migrants go to cinema. In contrast, it is only 20% for theater visits. In addition, those people also seem to be attracted about going to zoo (40% visitors). Similarly, library is.

As it is clear in the chart, new English migrants also consider cinema as their favorite place at about 65% attendances. This proportion shows that theater visits are less by three times.

Unlike the other types of migrants, library is considered as the best choice for new foreign migrants (55% visitors), but this figure recorded five times less in theater.

Best Wishes!
Good Luck!

Poetry / So Mean (toward the softest rose...) [3]

Dear Anna,
Greetings!
Thank you so much for your helpful and informative comment. I so much appreciate.
English is my second language and I'm trying to improve it.
I fixed the poem according to your criticisms.

I am the goldest sunshine you will feel.
Which can pierce you easily.

I am the softest rose you will touch.
Never will you feel a thorn on me.

I am the calmest storm you will face.
But you can never escape from me.

I am the most raging river you will ride.
O! certainly we are going to have a fight.

I am the brightest star above.
But of course you can't reach the sky.

I am the wish you can't have.
I am the one who will leave you behind.

If you are so mean to me.

Thanks again :) !

Scholarship / I'm a teacher surrounded by the happy students - a journey through time to the 2025 [5]

Greetings!

I agree with lcturn87 and I enjoyed your essay, it has an interesting words but, i didn't really find out the purpose or the main topic of it maybe because i didn't get the title well. ( i mean maybe because it is kind of a story )

Anyway, i made two conclusions for you which i really hope that they would be the type of conclusions you like or you would.
Here they are ( i wrote them from my own mind ) :

con#1 So as I see the sparkles in their eyes, want to shove a way in this life. I wish to all the children in this world ...

con#2 Never do I thought that these children will anything ever stop their magical minds, in every question, every answer I see that. So I pray to God ...

I hope u will like these humble conclusions !

Best Wishes Always!

Dissertations / Dissertation on Rice Production and enviornment: Fertilizers, Pesticides use and good practices [3]

Dear Nga,

I'm ready to help you gladly, but what is the specifically thing you need help in ?
O , please would you tell me more ?(explain it for me).
And I'll do my best :)

Best wishes! ^___^

Faq, Help / A piece of advice to new EF members - get involved! [8]

Hello, Ershad !
I'm a new EF member here. I have ended my high school, now i'm a first-year student in the university studying English literature (English is my second language).

Well, this website is going to help a lot in my Writing Course ^_____^

Thankyou so much about this advice :)!

Best Wishes!

Writing Feedback / High school students should voluntarily participate in payable community services [3]

Greetings!

What a genius essay?! ^_^

I agree with you.
If community service became a part of the studying programs, students will be more consistent. Moreover, they will learn how to hold responsible and this will bring lots of advantages for the community. Besides, students can fill their time up with useful and creative activities and this will improve their minds, also, it will keep them away from time wasters and bad behaviors i.e .

Thank you for this essay !
Once More ... I Do Agree. :)

Best Wishes!

Speeches / From Algebra till love affairs. Who Am I? [3]

Greetings! @ danielwong
What i wrote wasn't about me at all !!
It's just kind of a guess , i wrote some details about something then, you should have know (guess) what is it ?
The answer is: Library .
Anyway... thanks for your comment :)

Best Wishes !

Writing Feedback / Story about a sick person getting recovered from his cancer throughout my help. [2]

Greetings!

At first, i want to congratulate you about your humanity.
I found your writing interesting but i want to tell you to use full stops between sentences.As you know, Full stops are used to indicate the end of sentences which are not questions or exclamations.

Furthermore, in line 3 and 8 i guess you should have written thought instead of taught (search about their different meanings.think: p.p thought & teach: p.p taught ).

In addition, capitalize and make a little space in the beginning of your writing.
Finally,bunch of people may not be formally correct , group of people is much more common and appears to be uncontroversial in usage.

Best wishes!