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Posts by Lanarey
Name: Nguyen Thi Ha Anh
Joined: Sep 25, 2015
Last Post: Nov 26, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
Likes: 7
From: Viet Nam
School: Lam Son high school

Displayed posts: 9
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Lanarey   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / Task 2 - The coherence of technology and basic skills [2]

Actually, your argument is complex and not logical so I feel it is not persuasive. I suggest your writing this essay again, this time has a more detailed outline to have a comprehensive coverage about your essay will be. Normally, to present clearly, most people will put the topic sentence as the beginning of a paragraph, then using reasons and evidences to support in the following sentences. Mind the flow of your writing.

Also, take notice of word use because there are a few occasions, linking words are not used appropriately.
Hope these might help you
Lanarey   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / A dress is needed by the workers to cultivate their performance - appropriate clothing in companies [2]

Mind your linking words as some are not at the right places. Also, don't use common ones like because of . There are several altenatives: since, as, by dint of, owing/due to,... Search for more

Try to make clear expressions instead of lengthy ones by connecting devices
You also repeat the worker, highly regard, professionally, ... Find more synonyms at thesaurus.com
Overall, I think the biggest problem is your lexical resource and expressions.
Hope these might help you
Lanarey   
Nov 26, 2015
Writing Feedback / People becoming so reliant on modern technology [2]

Comment
Your writing is quite clumsy sometimes, and I have lots of misgivings on reading your essay.
I think you can improve your concluding paragraph by summary or paraphrase the mentioned ideas.
Try to write in a clear way, and avoid lengthy expressions because I find them frustrating.
Also, try to use a wider range of vocab.
I hope these might help you
Lanarey   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / Do you agree that learning about the past counts little value in the modern world? I don't [3]

Learning about the past counts little value in the modern world. What is your opinion?

These days, many people consider History as inance in a futuristic world, since History holds fewer meanings to the construction of a child's progress than Maths and other Sciences. I firmly believe that this is a miserable attitude that overlooks the stance of History. History, in fact, is as important as any other domains.

Learning about the past establishes people's analytical skill. Via History, world affairs in the past are scrutinized, from the root causes to the upshot of historical events, which still impose on us these days. It also allows history learners to think critically about narratives that have developed over time and in doing tso, learners do not only look at the event individually, but also interrelate to contemporary events to see their mutual impact. History provides them with a format to develop the meaningful interpretations necessary to examine the events that shape modern society. Thanks to the postulation of History thinking process, learners build up better analytical skill constantly demanded in their daily lives.

Another merit of antiquity knowledge is that people stand a good chance of learning from mistakes. History is a lesson: a lesson of intentions, movements, experiments, and human production. Throughout history of humankind, stories about wars, in which prevail how a wrong decision can give rise to irretrivevable consequences like anguish, massive deaths and famine, are discernible. To illustrate the point, after two World Wars, eleven million precious lives were lost, and even when the war ended, the battle scar was not easily diluted. These concrete evidence deputize for latent lessons that history perpetually reminds us of. Humankind now is able to learn to prevent parallel mistakes from reoccuring. Unequivocally, this is unfeasible if there is a bereft of historical knowledge.

Some people would argue that learning history is of little value to present days since it belongs to the time immemorial. However, amenities including state-of-the-art applications people utilize today are mainly inherited from research in the past. Disrespecting former time renders people to be parasites.

In conclusion, historical understanding benefits us in some aspects that may be inadvertently overlooked. As such, history is as crucial to a child's mindset as natural sciences are. Personally, I think history is more than about the past, it is about who we really are.

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I was really stucked amongst ideas on writing this essay. I find it hard to make it more persuasive. Can anyone help me with my thesis?

Thank you
Lanarey   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / IT enables people to do their work at home. What are the pros and cons? [3]

IT enables people to do their work outside their workplace, at home. Pros and cons?

In this day and age, the dominant role of information technology is irrefutable. It facilitates people having optimal conditions for their job achievement and even raises the flexibility of workplace. As a result, officers can now either work at conventional place like their office, or at home. However, the increasing trend represents some merits and demerits.

Working out of office has two clear benefits. The first one is better working productivity. Scrutinizing the working place at home, there are some outstanding features that outweigh offices. Obviously, no distractions rapidly occur at home, however, at offices, people can easily notice the titter of colleagues on mundane topics, or the sound of somebody walking around. The aforementioned elements are highly likely to deteriorate working mood and intervene with the working process inadvertently. Meanwhile, these are mostly avoidable at home and workers are capable of concentrating utterly on their given tasks. Therefore, there are concrete proof that working at home boosts working productivity by dint of the environment it supplies.

The second pros of offline working is that it is both time-saving and economical on taking transportations issues into consideration. On working at home, people no longer have to confront traffic congestion, which means no time is squandered on dusty and crowded roads during rush hours. Besides, home-working requires no vehicles for mobility, thus, reduces the use of fuel like petroleum. With the escalating cost of such fossil fuel these days, staying at home working depicts a much more efficient choice.

Turning to the other side of the argument, home-working gives rise to physical and mental issues as well. Owing to the less-communicated environment at home, the needs of indirect communication like telephones, fax and most frequently, emails, are crescent. As a consequence, diseases in eyes and skeleton like short-sightedness appear in case some spending hours with eyes glued to the screen. Concerning mental problem, it is proved that individualism is developed once people spend too much time working in their own sedentary surrounding, which means there is a tendency of working for one's own sake.

In conclusion, unconventional workplace like home is capable of bringing about some upsides and downsides. Most employers affirm that working environment plays pivotal role. Personally, I think working at home is more efficacious, since it benefits us mentally and economically.
Lanarey   
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Technology's development makes people today more likely to do their job outside of offices. [5]

In my opinion, you should state clearly which one outweighs another from the opening. Then in the body paragraphs, use more reasons for the side that you support.

ex: You prefer working at home, then state 3 reasons for it, and spend only 2 ones for working at office.
Another way might be state reasons for the side you support, then have a reputation paragraph why the rest can't outweigh
Just my opinion. Hope it can help you in some ways ;)
Lanarey   
Sep 25, 2015
Scholarship / I'm a teacher surrounded by the happy students - a journey through time to the 2025 [5]

"Describe how your day goes on April 29th 2025"

It is a part of UWC Scholarship. I have been working on it, but it seems I am stuck
Well, can you guys help me with the conclusion?
And It seems that this essay is a little boring ::( Can you help me to change some words in order to make it more interesting?

The sound of the alarm clock wakes me up at 6.00 AM in the morning, a brand new day has dawned. "Let's get started" I whisper to myself. From my window I see the sun is just shining its warm golden light over, the breeze is blowing the leaves on the ground ... How beautiful it is. Such A wonderful day is awaiting for me

I hurriedly get to work on my car. From the school gate, my second family has been waiting for me. My students, they are waving towards me, showing that they can't wait any longer for my lessons. Deep down my heart, I feel so warm. Suddenly, it took me back to 10 years ago, when I was at the age of 18, daredevil and headstrong, I went in for teaching career despite my parents' warning about its low income. From that day and age, things have changed significantly. However, what remains unchanged is my desire for influencing and enlightening.

Walking as I am looking back upon, I get into class 1A. There my lovely students are lightened up with curiosity and excitement about what I am going to teach them. Those eyes filled with innocence and intelligence have always been motivating me everyday in my life. As I start to tell them how I experienced the world in UWC universities, they are all ears to my wonderful stories and completely immerse in them. At that moment, I know that I am not only telling, but opening a whole new world to those kids, and at the same time inspire and arise hope and dreams for those who want to broaden their horizons, to experience and to discover things from all walks of life like their teacher used to achieve...