Undergraduate / Redefining Beauty - Emory Supplement [2]

Prompt: In the spirit of Emory's tradition of courageous inquiry, what question do you want to help answer and why? (500 word limit)

Notes: Hey! I'd appreciate it if anyone could take a look over my essay, help me correct it, help me make it better, etc. THANKS ALOT! Feel free to slaughter my essay!

A couple months ago I was appalled to find my niece, Anaya, crying in her room. I rushed to her aid and immediately began to ask her what was wrong. She parted her lips to speak but her voice was overwhelmed by her cries. She took a moment to calm herself and then finally she asked me, " Uncle Johnny, why are white girls prettier?" I was overwhelmed by pity and my heart sank as I began to search for an explanation. Usually, I always have an answer for her questions, but as I searched for words to assure her of her beauty, I quickly found that there were none. How could I encourage her to be proud of her dark skin when white standards of beauty dominate the media? How could I convince her that she is beautiful when beauty doesn't look like her? It was at this moment that I realized that beauty needed to be redefined.

In its current state, beauty does not represent nonwhites. As a result of this, we often take up practices such as straightening our hair, narrowing our noses and lightening our skin to fit in. Good hair has become a colloquial phrase in the African-American community to describe those who have hair that resembles that of whites. While many may see these things as harmless, I believe them to be the garments that clothe self-hatred. All of these stigmas I am very familiar with as I have experienced them all firsthand. For this reason, I want to find a solution to this problem that plagues our communities.

I know that Emory can help me in my efforts to solve this problem. Emory provides countless opportunities that I plan on taking advantage of such Scholarly Inquiry and Research at Emory grant. As these issues are complex, it would require sophisticated research to find adequate solutions. Emory's dedication to meaningful research and inquiry would aid me in my search for a solution. Additionally, I plan to take advantage of the school's Multicultural Emory programs (ME). Through ME I will be able to engage in thoughtful discussion with peers who have experienced similar problems and work towards a solution. I know that at Emory I will be able to help redefine beauty.

I realize that Emory will be an incredibly challenging journey, but the opportunities and the doors that Emory will open for me are well worth the challenge. I firmly believe that Emory's devotion to inquiry will provide me with the platform to dismantle the discriminatory standards of beauty.

Undergraduate / Defining of happiness - GW Supplement: "experiences outside the classroom correlates with success" [3]

What do you think of my essay? How can I make it better?

Prompt: Research shows that an ability to learn from experiences outside the classroom correlates with success in college. What was your greatest learning experience over the past 4 years that took place outside of the traditional classroom? (249/250 Words)

Nearly two years ago I sat in a room with fifteen other teenagers at a youth conference. We went around the room and shared what we wanted to do with our lives and where we saw ourselves in twenty years. Feeling confident about my plans, I stood up first and shared that I wanted to go to law school and become a lawyer. The boy next to me wanted to become an engineer, and the girl next to him a doctor. Each student took their turn and shared his or her aspirations and goals.

After the last person finished the counselor stood up and pointed out that not one of us had said that happiness was a goal for their life. I began to imagine my life as a lawyer and quickly realized that I had no passion for law. Although I could potentially make plenty of money I could never truly be happy as a lawyer. How could I have crafted this elaborate plan for my life without once considering my happiness?

It was at this moment that I realized that success is not defined by how much money you make, but rather, whether or not you pursued your passion. I had nearly made the mistake of sacrificing my happiness for a false ideal of success. From this simple activity I learned that true success has no correlation to monetary value, true success is the ability to reminisce over your life without regrets. Success is to be happy.

Undergraduate / How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? [4]

Here is my supplement essay for the University of Pennsylvania. I know there are probably a ton of errors in my essay because i haven't proofread yet. However, please take a look at the essay and help me make it better. Thanks!

Johnny Jenkins
Penn Supplement

"How will you explore your intellectual and academic interests at the University of Pennsylvania? Please answer this question given the specific undergraduate school to which you are applying. (400-650 words) "

Upon first setting foot on campus, I immediately knew that Penn was the perfect university for me. Every aspect of the school matches the type of environment where I want to spend the next four years of my life. Between the flexible curriculum, the hands on approach to learning, the urban environment, and the diverse community, Penn has all of the qualities that I wanted in a school.

The school's founder, Benjamin Franklin, was a leading author, inventor, politician, diplomat and scientist. Needless to say, Franklin was not an expert in only one field of study. Likewise, I am a student with many different interests both in-and-out of the classroom that cannot be boxed into one category. Attending the College of Arts and Sciences would supply me with a solid liberal arts education that will enable me to view the issues of society from many different perspectives. Not only would I be able to continue exploring subjects like Spanish, Chemistry and Politics, but I would be able to understand the correlation between them. Applying undeclared and designing my own curriculum would provide me with time to figure out which major I am truly passionate about, immerse myself in it, and then, ultimately combine it with a purpose.

The College's flexible curriculum would allow me to explore new topics, which could lead to amazing research opportunities. At Penn, I fully intend to take my academic interests and curiosities to the next level through the Center for Undergraduate Research and Fellowships (CURF). I will take advantage of CURF and link myself with research opportunities throughout the university. In the words of Benjamin Franklin, "Tell me and I forget. Teach me and I remember. Involve me and I learn." The school's emphasis on student involvement in the learning process is a quality of Penn that I deeply admire. I also hope to take part in the school's Academically Based Community Service (ABCS) courses as well as a freshman seminar.

While taking advantage of the curriculum and research opportunities I plan on continuing my extracurricular interest. I plan to continue developing my interest in aviation by starting an undergraduate aviation club. I would like to continue my studies in politics outside of the classroom by joining Penn's Government and Politics association. This would allow me to sharpen my leadership skills and build on my previous interest in the topic. My lifelong commitment to being an athlete will continue as I look forward to joining intramural Basketball and Flag Football teams at Penn as well as trying out new sports such as Ultimate Frisbee. I also would love to give back to the community by participating in the West Philadelphia Tutoring Project.

Certainly the most attractive thing about Penn is the diverse community. The most important part of my college search was finding a school that replicated the tight-knit community of my high school. Seeing the diverse student body interact while strolling down Locust Walk was a reassuring sight. There were many different clubs advertising their cause, there were students dancing on the street, others were conversing, and some were simply walking to class. This lively atmosphere radiated an aura of strong community and I could immediately feel the closeness of the student body. In order to aid my studies, I plan on utilizing the school's Black cultural resource center, Makuu. As a young African-American pilot with an open mind and experiences from my travels to fourteen different countries I believe that I can bring a very unique perspective to the Penn Community.

I realize that Penn will be an incredibly challenging journey, but the opportunities and the doors that Penn will open for me will be well worth the challenge. I look forward to bringing my voice to Penn's diverse community and add to the school's legacy. I cannot wait to work hard, immerse myself in Penn's rich culture, and eat plenty of cheesesteaks.

Undergraduate / The flight lessons to become a pilot - common app with the convenience prompt [6]

My common app essay is attached below. I will also include the prompt for your convenience. I would appreciate any help with proofreading and any ideas that would improve my essay. The word limit is 650 and my essay is currently at 610 words, so i have some wiggle room but not too much. Let me know what you all think! Thanks a lot!

Prompt: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story

Johnny Jenkins
Above the Clouds

My first flight lesson may have been one of the worst experiences of my life. I am in an old, cramped two-seat plane 3,500 feet up in very turbulent air with an instructor that barely speaks English. Not to mention that I had just met him for the first time less than half an hour ago. Meanwhile, I am terrified of heights and suffer from motion sickness. However, my pride would not let me admit that I was afraid and sick. I had already vomited and swallowed it back down to avoid humiliation at least twice. Needless to say, my pride can often get the best of me, and this time was no exception.

Terribly nervous, I followed all of my instructor's directions crudely and held the yoke tensely. I tried to shield my uncertainty behind an ear-to-ear smile. I was not fooling anyone but myself. Once we began to approach the runway for landing, my irritated stomach was too much to handle. I could no longer fight my upset stomach, and I vomited all over the yoke and myself. I felt completely embarrassed and fragile. I was humiliated. How could I become a pilot when I could not make it through my introductory flight? After, the flight the instructor invited me back to fly again (no idea why he did), and I accepted his invitation. However, I had already made up in my mind that I would not actually return.

My second lesson actually occurred because I was afraid to be honest and I told my parents that I was still interested in pursuing a pilot's license. I thought about fessing up to my parents but I thought it over and gave flying one last shot. I went back to the small airstrip near my home and met the same instructor. Completely embarrassed, I apologized repeatedly for the last lesson, and he laughed. He explained to me how he had similar problems when he first began flying. I was immediately relieved. On the second flight, we both had a great time. I learned a lot and we shared many stories and laughs. I did not feel nauseas, and I forgot about my fear of heights.

With each flight, I became (and still continue to become) more confident and comfortable with flying. Flying has truly become a passion of mine, and the sky has become my sanctuary. Flying is both fun and a time for reflection. The sky is an unlimited canvas for me to paint with my thoughts. The most special flights for me are when I gaze into the horizon and lose myself in thought. There is an indescribable intimacy that I feel when I am flying. Flying provides me with a sense of escape. When I am in the air all of my problems become trivial and unimportant.

Flying has made me more disciplined, taught me the importance of humility, taught me how to be patient and reminded me to never fear the unknown. It is important to always be kind and patient with others because you never know what personal battles they are fighting. Had my instructor responded to my troubles in a different manner, I would never have had the courage to pursue flying, and I would have missed out on my passion. Now, each and everyday, I attempt to have that same patience with others. Secondly, I learned to not fear the unknown. Before I started flying, I passed up on a lot of different experiences simply because they were foreign to me. Now, I am able to eagerly step out of my comfort zone and try new things.