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Posts by schoolboy124
Name: Pravin Basyal.
Joined: Nov 19, 2015
Last Post: Nov 23, 2015
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
Likes: 1
From: Nepal
School: Tulips school

Displayed posts: 8
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Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Mathematics is the essence of numbers!! This is a debate where I have shared my view. [2]

This is a debate where I have shared my view. Please help me to improve them.

"Mathematics is a challenging subject, but of little practical use".Discuss
Mathematics is the essence of numbers.It is a subject dealing with numbers and their operations.It is a universal language created by the human itself and is capable of demonstrating many miracles.Students who seem are influenced innately seem to achieve easiness in mathematics . Students often find tough to deal with mathematics.Mostly,the girls refer it as a male dominant subject.And actually,it is.

Mathematics is a language entirely different from the language like English or Latin that are used to express ones feelings.Rather it is factual and it possesses its own beauty.The supreme beauty of accuracy and results.

Scholars hardly find Mathematics as easy and simple subject to rely .They don't prefer Mathematics for their further studies and try to trace the fact that Mathematics has no practical implications.But the thing it totally wrong.

Actually,everything that exists is Mathematics. Ranging from the carrying capacities of the earth to the height of the Everest or the depth of the Mariana Trench to to the hotness of Kalahari,everything is Mathematics.Mathematics is the base of Science.Internet, robots, network protocols everything were the outcome of Mathematics. In fact, the estimation we do is mathematics.So we can judge ourselves. And now, isn't mathematics implied practically?

Mathematics is used in every fraction of our daily life.From buying vegetables from the vendors to compound money in the banks,mathematics is implied everywhere.Economics,Business or accounts,mathematics is the crucial part of every financial fields.Mathematics is the tool for designing and engineering.Mathematics is the key to modify the nature and its contents innocuously. Mathematics helps to survey,analyse data and formulate plans.While building a bridge or a tunnel or paying service charge in cafes,mathematics is in fact implied everywhere.

Mathematics is challenging though,the students who are capable of understanding the power of numbers can turn out their relations with this subject very very well.Ignoring mathematics is much like ignoring oneself

because the universe implies maths,the society implies maths,the science implies maths and we human aren't an exception.
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Technology has changed the way people work [2]

Hi hasbi, your writing is quite good. Hope these suggestions help:
You may start likewise:
Information technology today is so sophisticated that we can work outside our offices...
It is true that technology....
Change the sentence after: "rather than demerits."
Your writng overall follows the theme. It is a good work!!
Nov 23, 2015
Writing Feedback / Information Technology brings prominent aspect to the society's life but it cause also addictions [2]

hi irfan, your try is appreciable. You should write the essay following the theme. You should mention the advantages in a way that it dominates the disadvantages. You should write this essay in rather comparative way. Your writing has grammatical errors as well. Look, here are few suggestions.

You should use the term information technology instead of "technology of information"
your topic sentence is not clear.You may begin likewise.
Information technology has impacted human life in a way that they have become addict to it.
It has influenced their social life, profession and creativity.
This has been significant, globally.
And this sentence:One of the main problem which affected by information technology
How is problem affected by the technology?
It can be written as: Humans spend more time with gadgets than with kith and kin, exercise and sleep. This situation addresses the negative portion of Information technology.

Avoid using "then" in the second para.
You should highlight the impacts in students, youths and every one.
similarly follow this: Employees in office use the computers and other graphical devices for hours. This makes them prone to various disease..
Mention about psychological disorder. Eg. Techno-addiction
We are being a lot dependent in these devices.
Mention about its impact to media, education, health, business, agriculture..
Mention about demerits. But few.
Show that the drawbacks seem to be negligible in comparison to the advantages.
Increase the size of your essay. Don't hesitate if there is no word limit.
In this way you will not miss the theme.
As a whole, it is good try. Keep it up!!
Nov 19, 2015
Undergraduate / My background and an experience of meeting new people [7]

Hi akbarmappiare,
I mean that my mother did not do any jobs as she had to look after us. Now after 15 years, she has forgot almost everything..and she is not getting jobs. Can you help me to simplify this sentence and write it in a quite clear way so that the readers will understand.
Nov 19, 2015
Undergraduate / My background and an experience of meeting new people [7]

I am applying for scholarship in UWC. This is my essay. I hope you will suggest me and improve it. Let's try to erase the flaws and obtain a perfect shape soon. Inspect this from a perspective of a UWC committee selector.

In the space below, please write an essay of not more than 300 words describing your background and family. Include an account of any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own.

I am a Nepali origin. Aryan by race and Hindu by religion I am a Brahmin. I come from the hills of Lamjung where my ancestors migrated before centuries. My dad brought my family to Kathmandu for our education. I have five members in my family. It is my dad, mom, me and my two siblings. My dad is the only working member of my family. He works in remote Rolpa(mid hills) despite of his lung and nerve problems so that our expenses can be met. He is always away from family. My mom raised us. She sacrificed her career and looked after us three children. She is weak and ill due to those entire burdens she had. My brother and sister study in seventh and sixth grade respectively. We love each other very much. With dad retiring very soon and the real expenses just starting with our age, it is me the hope of everyone. A hope, which will shine and return to support this family in the near future.

During one of my vacations, dad took me to Rolpa. I was invited to a Magar (a nepali caste) family. Before entering their house, the put white tika on my forehead and welcomed me. They insisted that it is a must. Beautiful girls dressed in chaubandi cholo and patuki offered me garlands made from maize. They danced in different songs. I was presented with variety of foods in a shining, spacious brass plate. Though they ate boiled corn flour as their meal, they offered me rice nourished in pure ghee. A bowl of curd added beauty. They prepared a special dish of nettle that was a new taste. They were illiterate. They were poor. But they respected their culture and were committed to preserve it. Only their house was small, but not their heart.
Nov 19, 2015
Scholarship / Describe a figure or movement which has provided inspiration within your own life. [6]

The writing answers the prompt. You have written to the point and correctly. It is touching, i must say.
Hope these might help:
Divorce, a ruin of a family unit that an innocent child doesn't deserve
she returned home..
she took a nap..
she would again set off...
She wanted me to continue my studies. She worked to provide me food and shelter. she never kept anything for herself.
All the best!!
Nov 19, 2015
Writing Feedback / 'The machine can be placed near the coast' - A WIND TURBINES AND OPTIMUM LOCATIONS (IELTS) [3]

I am not that good with English. However, I am trying to give you few suggestions. They may help. Not sure :))
Instead of "The diagrams present a turbine machine for generating electricity " you may write "The diagrams displays working of a turbine.."

I think the second sentence can be improved. Right after "sensor for measuring speed and direction" you can end this sentence. And continue like:

Also, there is a steel...
Similarly " the process begins with the application of maximum strength in the blades" may be good.
You can edit your sentences like this:
As a result, the wind turbine which is connected to...
A computer in this machine ..
Both blades and generator are adjusted so that they produce electricity as much as 1.5 megawatts.
In the last paragraph:
The machine can be placed near the coast where the landscape is not spoiled. Else, it tends to produce less electricity
Technically,the machine should be placed on the hill where the wind are blustery in the maximum strength so that more power can be generated

It should also be placed near a house that is functioned to accommodate 100 kilowatts electricity energy ( I guess this is much imp)

Your writing is quite good. Few improvements can beautify them. All the best!!
Nov 19, 2015
Scholarship / In UWC I will represent my country and share my culture and tradition, help it in any way possible. [3]

I am a UWC applicant. This is my essay as a practice.
I am not so good at English. But i have tried. I hope to receive feedback and suggestion very soon. It will be a great help.Thank you!!

The title is:
Please write an essay of not more than 300 words explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC and reflecting on UWC's mission and values, what you might contribute to the school/college and what you would hope to gain from the experience.

Last June my brother texted me from the USA, told me about UWC and "definitely" applying. Then I thought, my destiny is about to roar in glee. It felt like I was about to knock the door of a place where I actually belonged. I am interested in attending a UWC. A travel buff and a nature freak like me who can't afford going abroad can get a chance to explore the world. I will get the taste of a diverse community where I learn to respect others and celebrate cultures. I will learn important instincts and skills. I will be inspired to team and lead and serve. I will get excellent undergraduate placements. Honestly, my family will economically sustain.

If I become a part of UWC, I will represent my country and share my culture and tradition. I will learn to care for this earth. I will be a productive member of the school engaged in clubs, forums and services with dedication and commitment. I will respect other and their opinions. I will appreciate their talents and skills. I will share my understanding for wellbeing of everyone. As a potential student, I might also take new initiations or start new programs and clubs which is genuine and benefits everyone.

I hope that UWC will discover my strengths and weaknesses. It will inspire me to contribute and serve. I hope it will teach me the complexity of this world and motivate me to be a part in changing it. I hope I get to use my skills to bring changes in my society and make differences. I hope this experience will last for my entire life. I hope UWC resides in my heart with all my wishes and gratitude and I shall help it in any way possible.

Total words:298