Posts by Guang

Guang

Dec 14, 2015

Writing Feedback / The growing number of high school leavers choose to obtain their bachelor degree in a foreign school [2]

Hi hollanda,

Nice essay. A few suggestion about it.

school leavers choose to obtain their bachelor degree in a foreign university ies instead of ~~in their home country.~~ domestic ones.

which will gradually build up their independence

number of disadvantages of studying abroad (abroad is a adv, and used to explain a verb rather other a noun)

and evento experience culture shock

Guang

Dec 10, 2015

Writing Feedback / We can't live without doctors as well as without inventors, so we must appreciate their efforts. [4]

many diseases since ~~they train~~they have been trained for many years to acquire medical knowledge

they are the only ones

increase the quality of people's life or increase quality of people's ~~life~~lives

such as the Internet.

complete humans' life

Guang

Dec 6, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK 2: Young people say that traveling to different countries benefits them and the society. [6]

Hi majid11, I do have some great english teachers behind me, but I am a IELTS candidate just like you. I make many mistakes as you do.

I would say studying the IELTS writing is a arduous but rewarding process, write and rewrite according to feedbacks, focus on the their difference, that helps you make progress on a fast pace.

Hope you do better in the future. cheers

Guang

Guang

Dec 5, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS-TASK 2: Young people say that traveling to different countries benefits them and the society. [6]

Hi majid11, I found a plenty of good ideas from your essay, that really be helpful in preparing IELTS. I rewrite this essay according to your opinions and your comments are appreciated.

FYI, some suggestions about essay:
1 space between paragraphs
2 pay attention to the links between sentences by using 'link words ', 'pronoun' - you may see the Rubric of IELTS Writing- coherence and cohesion
3 use diverse expression as to a repeated word: you use travel overseas in your essay for 8 times. see the Rubric of IELTS writing-Lexical resource

REWRITE
The application of cutting-edge technology nowadays, such as large passenger airplane and high-speed train, has significantly improved transportation. As a result, it makes possible for young individuals to travel overseas much frequently. Yet, it is questioned whether the overall effects of this trend have been negative or positive. While there are certainly valid arguments to the contrary, I personally believe that international tour of the young benefits themselves as well as the society at large.

The main advantage is that they could learn to live independently during the journey. Most of young international travelers have to face absolutely strange environment without any help from their parents. They have to plan their travel by themselves in terms of scheduling and budgeting. Furthermore, being exposed to unfamiliar surrounding, encourages young people to make new friends from diverse culture backgrounds. These practices make a huge difference to their socialisation, which could be beneficial to their future working lives.

Equally importantly, though, young generation would be more responsible for their society as they have broad their horizons during the travelling overseas. For example, many young people choose volunteer work in non-profit organisations and fight for a better environment of their countries after their international journey. This might because they experience damages of natural beauties in others countries and endeavor to prevent their own country from the same fate.

On the other hand, Undeniably, young travelers tend to be influenced by local unhealthy lifestyle. They might be exposed to alcohol abuse, drugs (marijuana)or prostitution which are absolutely illegal in their home countries. Once they are used to there 'popular' ways of entertainment and considering it as a normal part of live, they might conduct crime in their country. However, this phenomenon could be occasionally seen in some tourists and can be addressed by serious censorship from governments.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that the benefits of international travel of young people overweigh its drawbacks and should be advocated.

Guang

Nov 23, 2015

Writing Feedback / 'modern lifestyle isolates people from their families' - IELTS TASK2: BIG FAMILY OR SMALL FAMILY [2]

Hi everyone, appreciate your help

Question: In many countries today, people in cities either live alone or in small family units, rather than in large, extended family groups. Is this a positive or negative trend?

With the astounding development of information technology and transportation, people today can live and work wherever they could. Consequently, they tend to live in relatively small families than before and keep distance with their elderly family members. From my perspective, this phenomenon is harmful to individuals. Its affects on people are twofold.

Primarily, living alone is likely to make people to suffer mental diseases. Working adults in big cities usually focus on career development and have to face stiff competition in employment. Sometimes, they may feel under stiff pressure but have no idea how to relief it. By contrast, those who live near with their big family groups could seek advise from other family members who have similar experience . As a result, it is easier for them to maintain a healthy state of mind and cope with stress.

Another problem of this trend is tied to its impact on education of the next generation. Children from small family tend to grow up with less social skills, comparing with those whose parents frequently keep contact with their kins. For example, working parents are unlikely to teach their children how to communicate with other family members, since their children have no opportunity to live with their grandparents or siblings. As a result, children might be unable to manage their social relationship in their working lives due to the lack of relevant skills which should be acquired mainly from their family.

It is fact that people can avoid boring family activities if they live in other cities or even countries, thereby concentrating on their pursuit of career or business. They could achieve great level of attainment despite the truth that they lose connection with their family ties.

In conclusion, modern lifestyle isolates people from their big family. This poses a threat to people's mental health and has a negative impact on their children. Without taking proper action, this trend will undermine the social cohesion in the coming decades.

Guang

Nov 23, 2015

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: To Be An Entrepreneur Has More Advantages Than To Be A Worker [3]

Hi fahmisadja,

here are some suggestions from me, hope can help me

they can freely manage
are able to make a vast amount of money(according to the context)
help more people than the others.
and provide products or services
production that satisfy people's real needs.
They must seriously think about how to make unique and qualify creation,
cater for consumers

manage their work by themselves.
they can make more money than their workers. Because they get the large proportion of profit,
business person can help other people get jobs (employments).
who balk at starting up business they can look for a job which can safely support their lives

Guang

Nov 22, 2015

Writing Feedback / Task 2 - The influence colour according to the psychologists [3]

Hi, irfan727, I am pursuing IELTS just like you. Some grammar errors are pointed , hoping to help you. Cheers

prominent

Colour has a prominent role in designing.

Because of this, the using of colour has to be appropriate in ~~several~~the decoration of buildings ...

In addition, it can encourages patients to become healthier.

In the beginning, stress ~~due(prep not a verb) to~~might be attributed to the work environment. Stress from long working time ~~work which is too long~~ will affect topeople's physical and psychological health ~~problems~~ .

... Wright, a fame psychologists , states that using red ...

... managers reckon that healthy recovery can only be ~~done~~addressed by a medical way.

... have a significant effect on the ~~comfortable(adj)~~comfort of patients' healing process.

Guang

Nov 22, 2015

Writing Feedback / The influence of globalization on languages - IELTS TASK2 [2]

Hi there,
Would you please give me some help as to my IELTS writing? Thanks a lot.

Around the world, only a few languages are increasing in use, the use of many other languages is declining. Is is a positive or negative development?

Globolisation brings dramatic changes in our world. There has been a trend that several languages have been used widely in the past few decades, while most of other languages tend to be used decreasingly. This phenomenon has both advantaged and disadvantaged impacts on our social activities.

The languages with a wide spread use benefits global trading and commercial transactions. There languages make it easier for companies to find and utilize business opportunities because languages pay a vital role as a vehicle of information. Two companies with different domestic languages would prefer to adopt a single language when negotiating and bargaining rather than wait a translation during the process. In consistence with the view, a single accepted language promotes the communication and cooperation between countries. It is hard to image a spaceman from Russia talks to a Chinese astronaut with Russian or versa vice. English should be the more effective language for them to communicate. The trend of increasing trading and cooperation between organisations throughout the world appears to rise a few languages in wide use to dominant position.

There are also some negative impacts on societies which may be harmful to some particular communities or countries. With the less use of native language, people may not be interested in their own culture because language is considered to be the most important parts of one type of cultural heritage. Young generations may even do not understand the history or traditions of their own. Furthermore, language is generally linked to specific countries with identical cultures. The outputs of their language present a means of cultural invasion. Juvenile from Asian countries listens to European pop songs and watches American movies will accept western lifestyles and value. Use of foreign language instead of native one posts a threat to both the country and its people.

In my opinion, the influence of globalization on language inevitable, one country cannot refuse a widely used language. However, government should make an effort to preserve its own language through education and proper regulation to make a balance between these two language.