Your text could use being refined stylistically so that it sounds better:
advancecommunication technology [...] appears to have a negative effect on people's ability to pursue interpersonal relationships. I disagree with this notionassumption [...] because technology helps people to stay in close touch with each other. severalsome people...electronic mediadevices... [...] cause individuals to stay preocupied with using these gadgets for sending each other messages. Certainly focus [...]However, it is not because of technology that some people tend to ignore their close friends and relatives. not only in mediavirtual reality, but... It has happened [...] The reason for this is that we do not allow our electronic gadgets to control us. make accessiblyit easier to... sand [...] send... make me to do not visit Surabaya [...] spare me from the nessesity to visit Surabaya.
Most of your sentences need to be rewritten so that they sound better (stylistically) and make more sense. Here are some suggestions:
Raising a [...] [i]The ongoing progress in the domain of global technology made it possible for people to spend their time much more wisely. Somepeople argue [...]that this mostly benefits employers and not the ordinary workers. This essay [...] In this essay, I will argue that the mentioned idea does not make much sense. why raising a high-tech [...] why the rise of hi-tech technologies... This is mainly [...] The reason for this is that while taking full advantage of technology, employees are able to manage their time much more efficiently.
While working [...] For example, technology makes it possible for people to stay in constant touch with their friends and coworkers, without having to travel to see them in person.
I'm sure you'll be able to fix the rest of the text on your own. Try to make sentences shorter until you get a better hang of English. I hope this will help. Regards.
Hello... I'm sorry to say this, but most sentences in your text sound a bit awkward. It's quite clear what you're trying to say. However, it is also clear that the text has been written by someone who is not very well versed in English. In the future, you should try keeping the sentences as short and straight to the point as possible. Try making sure that there are smooth transitions between sentences. You should also read more in this language to get a better hang of it. Here are some examples as to how your sentences could be fixed:
Every crime [...]It is believed that some categories of people are more predisposed towards committing a crime than others. People think [...] Another common assumption in this respect is that every unsolved crime contains clues as to the culprit's ethnocultural identity. In contrast [...] However, such a view of crime does not make much of a sense. The reason for this is that, as practice shows, different people seem to be driven by the different sets of motivations while committing essentially the same crime.
I applied some corrections to your text so that it sounds better. They are as follows:
The genetic [...] genes... especially which determined [...] because it determines one's... This genetic [...]One's genome is responsible for defining the concerned person's ability to withstand diseases. important for people [...] specialists... to indigenize genome sequencing because it is commonly the genome sequencing [...] this senstence doesn't make much sense - you should consider removing it. sequencer, which [...] has been developed recently by... genetic research, [...] intended to help the representatives of minorities to enjoy healthyness. this approach is [...]in [...] science...
I hope this will help. You should try keeping your sentences shorter - it'll make them much more intelligable. Regards.
Your text will sound much better if you reformulate some of the sentences as follows:
Knowing and Learning [...] a foreign language is believed to be very beneficial for one's brain. The speaker said [...] It is commonly assumed that... or learn bilingual (multilingual) [...] some other language. hemispheres while adults...(this statement is incorrect). Having [...]Being fluent in... children and adults. The children or adult learning ... [...] Those children and adults who know more than one language will...
and this will help them [...] not to succumb to a number of different neurological diseases, such as dementia. Although it is not make us smarter [...]one's proficiency in a foreign language will not make him or her smarter...
There are no major issues with your text. However, you should consider rewriting some parts of the sentences as suggested below. (This will make the text sound better).
many people [...] they often face... of their life and work-life [...] betweern their private lives and their professional responsibilities. type of life we want to live [...] lifestyle that they want to pursue. If they do not design their life [...] make proper choices in life, it will prove rather challenging for them to aspire for social prominence. They will never find a quality [...] be able to enjoy life to its fullest. workers should balance [...] look into ensuring that their intellectual and emotional sides are balanced as well.
Your text will sound much better (stylystically) if you apply the following adjustments to it:
Nigeria has [...]There are over 250 ethinic groups in Nigeria, with my family beloning to one of them. mum [...] Mum.... delta [...] Delta... We are [...] belong to the...
Our foods [...] You should describe these foods briefly... western [...] Western... the most important [...] This should be the begining of a new sentence. Christians [...] Christian (?)... I am grateful [...] for the fact that my parents were able to support and train me... this exposure [...] prompted me to learn...
Other than that your text seems Ok. You should simply shorten some longer sentences in it and the word-number will be kept under 100. I hope this will help. regards.
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