Writing Feedback / The usage of chemical materials in food-making and maintenance has become a debatable issue. [3]

Hi everyone, thank you so much for stopping by. I need some suggestions and insights of my writting task 2.
Critics are very welcome! :)

Do the dangers derived from the use of chemicals in food production and preservation outweigh the advantages?

The usage of chemical materials in food-making and maintenance has become a debatable issues. For several case, it provides an impact for the food whilst others calculates the risk. Regarding to several statements, I highly likely believe that chemical materials have more drawbacks than benefits in the food-treatment.

Having said that, in some countries, the utilization of chemical materials for food-making should comply the governance standard such as the amount of usage, usage limit, and even the side effects. The usage of chemicals which usually found in the snacks, traditional snacks, or any variety of foods might have an adverse influence for the society. For instance, sushi, noodles, or even rice have applied the chemicals, in order to strengthen the flavour or make it more appealing. Consequently, the consumption which is carried out continuosly might cause a health issue for the society. Some people would have a few diseases, which would be accumulated in the future. In addition, there is no solid proof as well, which can reveal the usefulness of chemicals, apart from preserving, colouring, or add any various flavour for the food. All of them might be used in a different way, but the impacts still have not found yet.

Nevertheless, the advantage of chemicals might maintain the condition of food for a long time. Normally, it is used by the transportation company for preserving their quality of foods to the customer. As an example from it, we might have eaten several instant foods or daily foods which have been "flavoured" by chemicals material in the transportation company or any fast-food restaurants. The presence of chemicals, however, have provided several merits, after all.

In sum, the key to the issue of chemicals materials in food-making are depend on how and why we use it. I would therefore argue that although there are advantages of the chemicals usage, they are outweighed by the disadvantages, such as health issue problems which clearly could address an awareness to society of the chemicals usage in food-making.

GBU!! :)

Writing Feedback / The teenager's decision for having a paid work is not a poor decison at all. IELTS TASK 2 [3]

Hi everyone, thanks for stopping by.
Since I am a newcomers on IELTS, I do really need lots of insights for my writting subjects.
Critics and comment are very welcome!

Q : Some people think that young children should be allowed to do paid work while others think that this should be illegal
Discuss both opinions and give your opinion

In the globalization era, the notion of employing the teenagers in paid work is debatable in several countries. Some people convince that this is a credit value, whilst others neglect it and assume that it is not allowed. In relation to this, I highly likely believe that allowing the teenager to work and get paid is acceptable. However, there should be some considerations to be concerned with.

Firstly, it is certainly true that the teenager's decision for having a paid work is not a poor decison at all. It would definitely add a few fresh insights about work life, which will be worthvalue for their forthcoming era. One of the good example is when they should deal with a few aspects of works such as maintaining a company's reputation, learning the practical and social skills, and they would even have another income, apart from their parents. All of these values are unusual subjects that they would never receive in the formal school.

However, some people also clearly believe that doing a paid job could affect their focus on studying and their physically as well. The adolescence is an era for studying and creating a memory alongside their friends. Doing chores, playing sports, and even being punished together are a period that they would love to recall it later. Therefore, instead of having paid, they certainly should focus on their study life and having a job, afterwards.

In my opinion, both of this views would be acceptable, depending on several condition. Taking an example for those whose their families need a financial support. It s highly make sense that having a paid work would rise their families income no matter what. In contrast, in work life, it would be too risky if they enter it with no clear backgrounds and have not finished their study, yet. They would be out of focus, since they are not fully developed at all.

As an conclusion, having a paid job or not is a decision which should be considered carefully because, the one that matter is how much our love is for what we do.

It is 350 words long because I am still confuse in several aspects.

1. In discussion and give opinion type, do we have to create a conclusion since we have creat our opinion? (As far as I am concerned, we are allowed to give an opinion as well in the conclusion)

2. If we need an conclusion, can I put it into a same paragraph with my point of view? Or divide them into two paragraphs?
3. Do we have to state our position about one view in introduction?

That is all. Really appreciate your support guys. GBU! :)

Writing Feedback / TABLE - TEFL and Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees for students living in the UK [3]

Hi everyone, Im Patric a new IELTS takers in essay forum. I still need your input and criticism, so feel free to coment and suggest!

Thanks in advance.

The table below shows the number of students living in the UK gaining English language teacher training qualifications in 2007/8 and 2008/9, and the proportion of male qualifiers.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The represented table reveals information about the total amount of students in United Kingdom who acquired English language teacher training in 2007/2008 and 2008/2009, with male as their focus point. It is noticeable that the male rate for TEFL and Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees in 2007/2008 were slightly higher, compared to the following year.

At the beginning, in the period 2007/2008, the number of male students in TEFL was 6,870, which experienced a small decline to 6,545 in the next year. Cambridge also had a similar case, where they experienced a small decline from 17,3% to 12,1%, in 2008/2009.

However, the number of females students in TEFL and Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees remained steady in two years, whereas the number of females in TEFL was three times than Cambridge UCLES CELTA & other degrees. As the fact remained, despite the total participants remained stable in two years, it was clearly seen that the number of females surpassed the males, in both subjects

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS1 - MAP - Nuclear Reactor. The making process of steam using a gas-cooled nuclear reactor. [3]

Hi everyone, Im Patric, since Im a newcomers in IELTS, I need your help to add an input or criticize my writing or way of thinking.

Thanks in advance!

The represented diagram illustrates the making process of steam using a gas-cooled nuclear reactor. The making process of gas-cooled nuclear reactor utilizes a reactor and heat exchanger.

The reactor inside, however, has an uranium fuel elements, which is covered by graphite moderators and connected to charge tubes for loading fuel elements. Meanwhile, in the outside, the reactor itself is layered by a concrete shield. On the other side, the heat exchanger only has a winding pipe and linked to outside of it.

At the beginning, the hot gas inside will pass through the reactor until the heat exchanger. Then, in the heat exchanger, the hot gas will particularly be used for heating up the water which comes upf from water circulator. Consequently, the result will be able to produced a steam which will provoke the turbo-alternator.

However, the remained gas will sinked down to the bottom of heat exchanger and passes through a gas blower. At there, a cool gas will back to the reactor, and the similar process will be repeated continuously to power the turbines.

--------------------
Forgive me due to the missing questions. Here are the questions,

The diagram below shows the production of steam using a gas cooled nuclear reactor.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

Little correction in last paragraph,
However, the remained gas will sinked down -- will sink down.

Feel free to add your suggestions

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / Information about the number of students who succeed on their high school test in 2010/2011 [4]

Hi everyone, since Im a newcomers in IELTS, kindly check my task and feel free give a suggestions and criticism.
Thanks in advance.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of students who passed their high school competency exams, by subject and gender, during the period 2010-2011.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The represented chart illustrates information about the number of students who succeed on their high school test in 2010/2011 and is measured by subject. It is noticeable that Computer Science had the highest rate of success by hit around 100% combined between girls and boys, whilst History experienced approximately half of it in total for both sexes.

At the beginning, the subjects like Computer Science, Mathematics, and Foreign Languages including French, German, and Spanish had the highest rate of success among all. Despite the boys who stood around at 40%, the girl students nearly hit 60% rate for Computer Science. At the same time, Mathematics and Foreign Languages had a similar rate by almost hit 50%, for both gender.

On the other side, the rest subjects had a moderate rate of success. Physics sit around 35%, whereas Chemistry marked a significant difference between girls and boys, by 30,2% and 14,1%, respectively. Geography, however, experienced a similar rate with Chemistry, but 10% higher for boys, and History had the lowest rate among all.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / MIX CHART- Number of people who broke the law in the couple years ending 1994 and reasons of it [3]

Hi everyone, Im Patric from Indonesia, and I'm a newcomers in the IELTS test.
Therefore, I honestly need several input to improve my capacity, particularly in task 1 and task 2.
So, hereby my first writting. Feedbacks and criticism are very welcome. Thanks in advance

Questions:
The pie chart shows the percentage of persons arrested in the five years ending 1994 and the bar chart shows the most recent reasons for arrest *

The represented graphs reveal the information about the haul of male and female in the last five years, ended in 1994.The pie charts show the comparison of haul for both sexes and the graph provides the several causes making it, afterwards. It is noticeable that males are the most frequently arrested and the prominent cause is public drinking.

At the beginning, it is clearly seen that almost a third of males was arrested compared to one in four of it by females. However, the level of uncaught of female was higher than male, 91% and 68%, respectively.

A closer look to the second graph, the reason in public drinking was considerably higher than others. It was particulary seen that females were the highest rate, at around 38% whereas the male is around 30% in a period of time. In reverse, male actually witnessed a significant difference by 27% contrast to 14% in drink driving reasons. As a matter of fact, the level of haul for other reasons such as breach of order, assault, and theft, were quite similar for both genders, whilst the least reason was no answer, led by female in 7%.

• 
  Mixed Chart