Undergraduate / "COUGH SYRUP AND SWEAT" - UVA PROMPTS 2016 [3]

Hi Guys,

So this one is a two parter for my UVA application.

1. Answer the question that corresponds to the school you selected above. Limit your answer to a half page or roughly 250 words.

College of Arts & Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?

Back when Glee was still a hit show, I remembered one song that they covered that stood out. As Darren Criss sings Cough Syrup, by Young the Giant, school bully Karofsky is outed as homosexual in front of his new school. Karofsky then goes home and attempts to hang himself in his closet. The whole scene made me nearly cry at the cruelty the world held.

The haunting guitar riff coupled with the melancholy tone of the piece always fascinated me. I always thought that the song could be taken as both a cry for help or a sign of defeat. The lines "one more spoon of cough syrup now", "life's too short to even care at all", "if I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away to some fortune that should have found by now" all lead me to believe that the singer was giving up on life by overdosing on cough syrup.

On the other side, cough syrup is remedy to heal. The singer could be "waiting for this cough syrup to come down", as a way for the singer to get better from life's depression.

My interpretation is that the singer is only using cough syrup as a temporary fix for his larger problems. Cough syrup only relieves someone of their symptoms, it does not actually cure it. Instead of addressing the roots of his problems, he is merely seeking a temporary solution.

So for this essay, I wasn't really sure if I had completely answered the prompt. I also wasn't too sure if I had made a meaningful impact in the essay so any suggestions on how to improve that would be great.

2. Answer one of the following questions in a half page or roughly 250 words:

What is your favorite word and why?

My favorite word is "sweat". I used to associate the word with the mundane repetition of endless drills. After competing my whole life, be it in soccer or music, I came to realize that sweat was a gauge of effort. The more I sweat, the more often I won, and that felt good. But then the competition caught up, and I lost. I would think to myself, "I sweated, but I did not win. What is the point of putting in effort if you do not always win?". After one particular upsetting moment when I put forth total sweat and still lost the championship, my father took me out for ice cream. It was in that moment that I realized that sweat is the process. The process of struggling, failing, and working was intrinsically valuable. I did not need a trophy or even ice cream to prove that my work was valuable. My sweat was proof enough.

So for this essay, I still have about 100 words to use. I also want to improve on my hook so any suggestions on that front would be great. I think I also need to work on transitioning between ideas in this one and adding more clarity to the essay. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

Undergraduate / WARMTH - CORNELL HOTEL SCHOOL APPLICATION 2016 [4]

Hi Guys,

First off, let me say how blown away I am by the amazing feedback that you all provide. After taking into consideration the feedback you gave me on my last essay, I decided to give this one a more formal approach. Please let me know of any changes you think I should make.

Cheers

Prompt- The global hospitality industry includes hotel and foodservice management, real estate, finance, entrepreneurship, marketing, and law. Describe what has influenced your decision to make the business of hospitality your academic focus. What personal qualities make you a good fit for SHA? 500 words max.

Warmth
The entirety of everything hospitality encompasses can be described in one word: warmth. It is such a soothing word, a remembrance of the amber glow of the fire while it pours outside, the feeling of hot chocolate in the throat, and the love that the dearest people provide. It is a comforting word and it is a safe word. To me, that is exactly what hospitality should be. I chose hospitality as my academic focus because I wanted to provide that warmth to people.

I was not always so sentimental. High school is hell. It is filled with people who are constantly trying to put others down so they do not feel so terrible about themselves. I did not just learn trigonometry, I learned how to raise walls of indifference, and how to launch stones full of malice. I would always try to knock someone down a peg. I would always have something smart to say. I did not care about whose feelings got hurt, as long as I got a good laugh.

Then I met this man named Leon through work. Leon was in his fifties and as we were discussing college, he gave me some advice. Leon had just been like me. He was always ready to insult someone, to break them down. He was the big man on campus. Everyone knew him, and he thought that he had a lot of friends. But then he got Leukemia and while he was recovering, not one person visited him in the hospital. He told me, "Do not take your relationships for granted. A laugh lasts a few seconds. Your actions last a lifetime".

Hearing his story made me want to pursuit a career in hospitality. After working at a restaurant, I experienced first hand how draining this job can be. It is filled with customers who think they are always right, and servers who think of nothing else but clocking out. But no matter what day it was, Leon always came in with a skip in his step and a whistle in his voice. And I soon found myself feeling better. It was as if his positivity had rubbed off on those around him. His attitude made me think. All my life, I had brought people down, and for what? It is my senior year, and I do not want to be remembered as the kid who was a jerk, but happened to be funny. I'm the captain of the varsity soccer team. I'm supposed to be a leader, someone people look up to. Yet how could people respect me if they felt ridiculed?

I realized in that moment that hospitality is not just about the industry; it's a state of mind. It's the simple action of giving a warm smile when a customer walks through the door. It's giving a little kid an extra crayon even though his parents said no. It's asking someone how their day was. It's encouraging someone to talk when they feel like nobody's listening. It's being kind, and kindness is contagious.

Undergraduate / "THE HIGH FIVE" COMMON APP ESSAY 2016 - making success from a failure [3]

Hi guys. This is my Common App Essay for 2016. Any feedback would be much appreciated especially by those who have already gone through this process.

Prompt- The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

I began my entrance into the world of romance in a fireball of passion. Back in the summer of 2012, I met her. Her name was Julia, and she had these pale blue eyes that were just captivating. I thought she was cute, and decided to do some recon. I thought I was being a sneaky genius when I asked my friend Scott to casually ask Julia if she liked me under the guise of a poll. I subtly dropped hints by making the only question on the poll, "Would you date Lincoln?" Absolutely foolproof. When she said yes, I thought that I couldn't fail.

The next day, I invited Scott, Julia, and a few of her friends over to my place. The night came to a close and people began leaving. Soon it was just me and her in my basement. Alone. The mood was just right. The pale moon illuminating the dark sky. Her pale blue eyes staring into my very soul. Everyone asleep in the house. She had to go soon. Her hand drifted to mine. I could hear her soft breath. Okay Lincoln. This is your chance. It's now or never. I made my move, leaning in...

And that's when I high fived her.
Yep. That actually happened. I high fived my crush goodbye. I panicked. I cracked under pressure. I was Bill Buckner letting the ball roll under me in Game 6 of 1986 World Series. In my twisted logic, it made total sense. I couldn't hug or kiss her because then I'd appear too desperate. A handshake was too formal. That just left the high five, which I had thought was the perfect mixture of cool and laid back. I now regret that thought process. She awkwardly high fived me back and then left. I couldn't look her in the face for a whole day after the incident. And so came the tragic end for our hero. That was my grand failure in the field of romance. Even now, nearly three years later, I still cringe whenever I think about it.

Eventually, that debacle would turn into something that I can laugh about. And although I didn't realize it at the time, that instance embodied exactly who I am. I'm the person who, at the most mortifying moments of his life, can accept that everything, eventually, will be okay. I have never let my fear stop me. I have always put myself out there, whether it was jumping off a bleacher when I was four years old to impress a college girl (and promptly breaking my skull requiring stitches), or replying "Yes" when asked my name on the first day of high school. Everyone is going to have moments they wish they could forget, but I have learned to embrace mine. I am the kid who high fived my crush. I am a failure and that is fine by me.