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Posts by Lincsanity
Name: Lincoln Sung
Joined: Aug 1, 2016
Last Post: Aug 18, 2016
Threads: 3
Posts: 5  
Likes: 4
From: United States of America
School: Newton North High School

Displayed posts: 8
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Lincsanity   
Aug 18, 2016
Undergraduate / "COUGH SYRUP AND SWEAT" - UVA PROMPTS 2016 [3]

Hi Guys,

So this one is a two parter for my UVA application.

1. Answer the question that corresponds to the school you selected above. Limit your answer to a half page or roughly 250 words.

College of Arts & Sciences: What work of art, music, science, mathematics, or literature has surprised, unsettled, or challenged you, and in what way?


Back when Glee was still a hit show, I remembered one song that they covered that stood out. As Darren Criss sings Cough Syrup, by Young the Giant, school bully Karofsky is outed as homosexual in front of his new school. Karofsky then goes home and attempts to hang himself in his closet. The whole scene made me nearly cry at the cruelty the world held.

The haunting guitar riff coupled with the melancholy tone of the piece always fascinated me. I always thought that the song could be taken as both a cry for help or a sign of defeat. The lines "one more spoon of cough syrup now", "life's too short to even care at all", "if I could find a way to see this straight, I'd run away to some fortune that should have found by now" all lead me to believe that the singer was giving up on life by overdosing on cough syrup.

On the other side, cough syrup is remedy to heal. The singer could be "waiting for this cough syrup to come down", as a way for the singer to get better from life's depression.

My interpretation is that the singer is only using cough syrup as a temporary fix for his larger problems. Cough syrup only relieves someone of their symptoms, it does not actually cure it. Instead of addressing the roots of his problems, he is merely seeking a temporary solution.

So for this essay, I wasn't really sure if I had completely answered the prompt. I also wasn't too sure if I had made a meaningful impact in the essay so any suggestions on how to improve that would be great.

2. Answer one of the following questions in a half page or roughly 250 words:

What is your favorite word and why?

My favorite word is "sweat". I used to associate the word with the mundane repetition of endless drills. After competing my whole life, be it in soccer or music, I came to realize that sweat was a gauge of effort. The more I sweat, the more often I won, and that felt good. But then the competition caught up, and I lost. I would think to myself, "I sweated, but I did not win. What is the point of putting in effort if you do not always win?". After one particular upsetting moment when I put forth total sweat and still lost the championship, my father took me out for ice cream. It was in that moment that I realized that sweat is the process. The process of struggling, failing, and working was intrinsically valuable. I did not need a trophy or even ice cream to prove that my work was valuable. My sweat was proof enough.

So for this essay, I still have about 100 words to use. I also want to improve on my hook so any suggestions on that front would be great. I think I also need to work on transitioning between ideas in this one and adding more clarity to the essay. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.
Lincsanity   
Aug 15, 2016
Undergraduate / How I Wrote This Essay; I'm not sure that I've ever been a particularly good writer. Personal Essay [4]

Hey Sof. I really loved your writing style. I loved the use of imagery, particularly your theme of nature. Instead of saying "with so much room to grow" I think you could replace "grow" with "explore" to build on that nature theme.

I think that you should expand upon the struggle between conformity and originality. I definitely feel like there is an "either the system changes, or you change" and I think that you should explore more how you changed and whether or not that was a good thing or a bad thing.

I also think that you are alluding to how education is taught as a metaphor for life. How both life and education conforms people and strips away at their originality, and I definitely think that you could expand on that theme. The brilliant thing about this is how it works so perfectly. You being unable to function once you were actually given the opportunity to be creative is much like how teenagers are forced to be independent all of a sudden, despite the fact that they had people telling them what they could and could not do their entire lives.

I think that you need to pay more attention to the second half of the prompt. You identified the problem, the way writing was taught, but you haven't laid out any clear steps in which you can overcome the problem. The last paragraph shows the obvious clashing of you and the school system. I think that you could perhaps say that you don't want to change for the school system, even if it results in lower grades and be more true to yourself.

Either way, I think that this is definitely a well-written essay.

Cheers
Lincsanity   
Aug 8, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some individuals believe that its parent's responsibility to make minors a good society's member. [5]

I think that your essay is well articulated but I think that you could still address some points. Perhaps you could include some statistics to back up your claim, or take into consideration kids that were homeschooled or didn't receive a formal education. Do you think those kids would be inferior in terms of being good members of society?

Just some points to consider.
Lincsanity   
Aug 3, 2016
Essays / Thinking outside the box essay? :) For Upenn [3]

I mean honestly it's all about you. The point of the essay is to bring out who you really are. Think about what makes you unique and write about it. You could do anything from changing the format of the paper, to writing a poem. The whole point is being creative. You should also try to think about a time when you thought outside the box and draw from what you learned there.
Lincsanity   
Aug 3, 2016
Undergraduate / WARMTH - CORNELL HOTEL SCHOOL APPLICATION 2016 [4]

Hi Guys,

First off, let me say how blown away I am by the amazing feedback that you all provide. After taking into consideration the feedback you gave me on my last essay, I decided to give this one a more formal approach. Please let me know of any changes you think I should make.

Cheers

Prompt- The global hospitality industry includes hotel and foodservice management, real estate, finance, entrepreneurship, marketing, and law. Describe what has influenced your decision to make the business of hospitality your academic focus. What personal qualities make you a good fit for SHA? 500 words max.

Warmth
The entirety of everything hospitality encompasses can be described in one word: warmth. It is such a soothing word, a remembrance of the amber glow of the fire while it pours outside, the feeling of hot chocolate in the throat, and the love that the dearest people provide. It is a comforting word and it is a safe word. To me, that is exactly what hospitality should be. I chose hospitality as my academic focus because I wanted to provide that warmth to people.

I was not always so sentimental. High school is hell. It is filled with people who are constantly trying to put others down so they do not feel so terrible about themselves. I did not just learn trigonometry, I learned how to raise walls of indifference, and how to launch stones full of malice. I would always try to knock someone down a peg. I would always have something smart to say. I did not care about whose feelings got hurt, as long as I got a good laugh.

Then I met this man named Leon through work. Leon was in his fifties and as we were discussing college, he gave me some advice. Leon had just been like me. He was always ready to insult someone, to break them down. He was the big man on campus. Everyone knew him, and he thought that he had a lot of friends. But then he got Leukemia and while he was recovering, not one person visited him in the hospital. He told me, "Do not take your relationships for granted. A laugh lasts a few seconds. Your actions last a lifetime".

Hearing his story made me want to pursuit a career in hospitality. After working at a restaurant, I experienced first hand how draining this job can be. It is filled with customers who think they are always right, and servers who think of nothing else but clocking out. But no matter what day it was, Leon always came in with a skip in his step and a whistle in his voice. And I soon found myself feeling better. It was as if his positivity had rubbed off on those around him. His attitude made me think. All my life, I had brought people down, and for what? It is my senior year, and I do not want to be remembered as the kid who was a jerk, but happened to be funny. I'm the captain of the varsity soccer team. I'm supposed to be a leader, someone people look up to. Yet how could people respect me if they felt ridiculed?

I realized in that moment that hospitality is not just about the industry; it's a state of mind. It's the simple action of giving a warm smile when a customer walks through the door. It's giving a little kid an extra crayon even though his parents said no. It's asking someone how their day was. It's encouraging someone to talk when they feel like nobody's listening. It's being kind, and kindness is contagious.
Lincsanity   
Aug 3, 2016
Essays / What is the greatest love story of all? The speech. [5]

I think that you should write about how you believe that the greatest love story of all is whatever you want it to be. The beautiful thing about love is that it's unique to every single person. You can love anything and anyone and no one has the right to say you're wrong. That to me if the greatest love story of all. I think that you should spend a lot of time contemplating what you love the most and then just write about it. Express how much you love it, and no matter what it is, it will be the greatest love story of all.
Lincsanity   
Aug 3, 2016
Essays / [UWC SCHOLARSHIP] Describe a typical day of your life in the year 2026 [3]

Hi Lucie.

I think that you could take a lot of different approaches to this prompt. Depending on how formal you want to be, you could do anything from imagining yourself as a successful person, to surviving in a post-apocalyptic world.

I think that the main idea behind this prompt is to gauge your aspirations and your goals in life. If you are looking for something more formal, then I would highly suggest you describe your dream life. Something that you could only hope for right now. That way it shows that you are not only capable of dreaming big, but also able to articulate your goal.

On the flip side, I think that if you took the more creative path and did described your life in an improbable scenario like the U.S. having become a different country, or the zombie apocalypse happening, then I would suggest that you show your personality through your actions in this challenging scenario, such as leadership ability, and creativity.

Hope this helped!
Lincsanity   
Aug 1, 2016
Undergraduate / "THE HIGH FIVE" COMMON APP ESSAY 2016 - making success from a failure [3]

Hi guys. This is my Common App Essay for 2016. Any feedback would be much appreciated especially by those who have already gone through this process.

Prompt- The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

I began my entrance into the world of romance in a fireball of passion. Back in the summer of 2012, I met her. Her name was Julia, and she had these pale blue eyes that were just captivating. I thought she was cute, and decided to do some recon. I thought I was being a sneaky genius when I asked my friend Scott to casually ask Julia if she liked me under the guise of a poll. I subtly dropped hints by making the only question on the poll, "Would you date Lincoln?" Absolutely foolproof. When she said yes, I thought that I couldn't fail.

The next day, I invited Scott, Julia, and a few of her friends over to my place. The night came to a close and people began leaving. Soon it was just me and her in my basement. Alone. The mood was just right. The pale moon illuminating the dark sky. Her pale blue eyes staring into my very soul. Everyone asleep in the house. She had to go soon. Her hand drifted to mine. I could hear her soft breath. Okay Lincoln. This is your chance. It's now or never. I made my move, leaning in...

And that's when I high fived her.
Yep. That actually happened. I high fived my crush goodbye. I panicked. I cracked under pressure. I was Bill Buckner letting the ball roll under me in Game 6 of 1986 World Series. In my twisted logic, it made total sense. I couldn't hug or kiss her because then I'd appear too desperate. A handshake was too formal. That just left the high five, which I had thought was the perfect mixture of cool and laid back. I now regret that thought process. She awkwardly high fived me back and then left. I couldn't look her in the face for a whole day after the incident. And so came the tragic end for our hero. That was my grand failure in the field of romance. Even now, nearly three years later, I still cringe whenever I think about it.

Eventually, that debacle would turn into something that I can laugh about. And although I didn't realize it at the time, that instance embodied exactly who I am. I'm the person who, at the most mortifying moments of his life, can accept that everything, eventually, will be okay. I have never let my fear stop me. I have always put myself out there, whether it was jumping off a bleacher when I was four years old to impress a college girl (and promptly breaking my skull requiring stitches), or replying "Yes" when asked my name on the first day of high school. Everyone is going to have moments they wish they could forget, but I have learned to embrace mine. I am the kid who high fived my crush. I am a failure and that is fine by me.
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