Posts by ibe13

ibe13

Nov 29, 2016

Writing Feedback / Unconscious brain training and the exposure therapy [3]

Unconscious brain training beats phobias without the stress

Exposure therapy is usually utilized to treated phobias, yet the result is not satisfied because some dislike and feel stressful when they try this therapy. Moreover, Hakwan Lau of the University of California tries to use software which can detect what person is thinking without realizing. Lau believe that the result which was presented at the Society for Neuroscience conference in San Diego can easier reduce fear reaction from patients.

By Clare Wilson

ibe13

Nov 29, 2016

Writing Feedback / One of the modern designs of houses is the underground house designed by the professionals [4]

aloha Nda18 and nurainiyusuf16, thanks for your suggestion, yet there are some I have to explain according to my knowledge;

(1) price low VS low price
I write "price low" because I want to mention "price which is low", and then I try to make reducing adjective clause. Therefore, price ~~which is~~ low can be price low

(2)

(You have to put comma here) where it is

as far as I am concerned, conjunction "where" can use whether comma or not

Overall, I appreciate your thoughts

ibe13

Nov 30, 2016

Writing Feedback / Article Summary : Jayapura Residents struggle with recurrent blackouts [3]

Aloha, below are thoughts;

(1) [...] day-to-day of 4 to 6 hours of blackouts because they(refers to where?) only ~~had~~have(use simple tense to mention a habit of people in Papua getting the electricity every day) electricity storage gap up to 15 megawattsper day.

(2) This routine blackouts ~~were~~are prompted by ~~several~~ technical problems, [...]
(3) Even though Papua ~~have~~can obtain a hydro power turbine which ~~has~~can generateanthe electricity with capacity [...] blackouts ~~problem~~issue due to issues ...

ibe13

Dec 1, 2016

Writing Feedback / Quitting smoking in your 60s - there is no age limit to stop [2]

Quitting smoking in your 60s can still boost life expectancy

Basically, there is no age limit to stop smoking, yet scientists suggest that kick the habit should not smoke as much as possible or until their 60s. This is because the faster they stop smoking, the longer persons are likely to live. Also, experts find out that all smokers can emphasize smoking cessation, regardless of age. Therefore, although smokers have some opportunities to live longer, they should consider the negative side from smoking especially causes of smoking-related death included lung, heart disease, and respiratory conditions.

source; newscientist

ibe13

Dec 6, 2016

Writing Feedback / The alteration of annually distance dealt by person in various vehicles in two disparate years in UK [4]

Aloha Willy, here are my thoughts;

- Overall, it can be seen that in general, (this phrase is wasting words because of same meaning, so you can choose one. For instance,Overall, it can be seen that...orIn general,... )

- [...] just three types (bicycle, walking and local bus) ~~declined over 15-years period~~(you'd better use present perfect for time signal "over")(15-year period // the period of 15 years)

- [...] six types of travel ~~that~~whose the distance solely rose in 2000.

overall, your presentation is adequate even you have to explain more detail about comparison. Also, you'd better keep your flow coherent and cohesion so that it can be convenient to follow. I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback

ibe13

Dec 9, 2016

Writing Feedback / People can freely choose clothes they like, while they cannot be assessed from their appearance [3]

Aloha Kurnia, here are my thoughts for you;

(1) word choices
basically, it is absolutely crucial that you enrich your vocabulary because IELTS test is also about vocabulary test. So, let me share some vocabulary you can use to change yours such as;

- people => persons, individuals, inhabitants, citizens, etc
- in the last decade => in the meantime, these days, etc.
- I totally agree => I am more likely to be in agreement, I tend to argue that this notion is the best choice, etc
- I totally disagree => I am more likely to against this notion, I tend to be opponent with this notion, etc

(2) understanding question
I find your essay almost does not answer the question owing to the phrase "what they are like". Let me explain, "what they are like" means "what they are similar" for instance, in my country, Indonesia, if you wear white clothes, you will appear similar to a nurse or a doctor. "what they like" means "what they enjoy or be fond of" for example, I like pastel clothes because I can be feel free when wearing this.

(3) taking an example
I suggest that when taking an example, you'd better provide readers with your personal experience or the result of study that you have ever read or listened to.

I hope it can be helpful and I am waiting for your feedback