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Robots have negative effects on society and sometimes are even dangerous - IELTS essay [2]
PARAGRAPH 1Robots, a great invention in the 20th century, have entered into every corner of human life. When it comes to its influence to human future development, people hold different views. One think robots are very important,while the other contend they are dangerous and could have negative effects on society. As far as I am concerned, both their views have some merit.
1.) One think robots are very important => I believe you can gain your score if you use "essential" or "fundamental" rather than important. What more, maybe you can rewrite like this " Some people strongly believe that robots are tremendously essential"
PARAGRAPH 2There is no denying that robots can bring about tons of benefits. In the first place, compared with human, robots need not rest and can work on 7 x24, which ensure them work more effective. In the second place, robots can work in serious or even dangerous environment where folks can not survive. For example,folks can not bear under the environment with extreme high,low temperature or full of radiation, robots, howvever can handle critical issues instead. As some reports said,robots have been used to solver critical problems in nuclear plant instead of human.
1.) robots
need not rest and
can work on 7 x24 => robots do not need to rest and they are able to work on ...
2.) Missed spelling = For example,folks
can not bear => cannot
3.) robots can work
in serious or even ....
I think its should be more appropriate if you put "to" or "for" rather than in after work, because work (verb) usually followed by as/between/to/for/on.
4.) Missed Spelling :
howvever should be however
however usually followed by coma, maybe you can use semicolon for your sentence.
5.) dangerous environment where
folks can not survive.
I am not sure, Vocabulary "Folks" is good for IELTS Essay.
6.) As some reports said,robots have been used to
solvercritical problems in nuclear plant instead of human.
=> some is familiar vocabulary in IELTS, maybe you can use Several, Few, or something like that.
=> Solver = solve
=> Preposition of Critical = for/to. so you can write : .. critical problems for nuclear plant
PARAGRAPH 3It is remarkable that there are many negative influences on human society brought by robots as well. Firstly, the wide use of robots probably increases the unemployment rate. with the enrollment of robots and improvement of working efficiency, factories need not so many labors that many people are fired. Secondly, robots work by following some designated instructors. in some urgent and dangerous situation, robots can not adjust automaticly to fit the change and lead to serious consequence.Thirdly, the widespread use of robots decrease the independence of human on machines, weaken the creativity ability of human indirectly.
1.) with the enrollment of robots and improvement of working efficiency
=> with = you must type Capital letter after dot "."
=> Improvement is commonly followed by
in, on, over, upon, to as proposition. So, you can write ... robots and improvement on ...
=> working efficiency = efficiency working
2.) robots
can not adjust
automaticly to fit the change
=> can not => cannot
=> automaticly => automatically
PARAGRAPHIn sum, I concede that robots have the negative effects on society and sometimes are even dangerous. However, compared with the benefits they bring, those disadvantages are not worth mentioning.On balance, robots will act as an important role and contribute to human society soon.
1.) In sum, I concede = there are some alternatives that probably more appropriate for the beginning of your conclusion :
a. ) to sum up
b. ) in summarize
c. ) to conclude
d. ) in conclusion
e. ) ultimately
2.) sometimes are even dangerous => sometimes they become dangerous.
