Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]

Hey, sorry I disappeared for a while!


Yes, so far I am following you. It is true that I get out of the way when a car is coming. So far I have only read your first paragraph, and the obvious implication is that, when the body dies, we will probably experience a cessation of our experience. Just like getting hit by a car, the answer is obvious. We know what happens when we get hit by a car, and we know what happens when there is no longer a body to take in sensory information. That's a discouraging thought!

However, I was using the word "fundamental" for an important reason. The fact I spontaneously started existing opens up a world of possibilities.

I see that you also made the point that I more often experience myself as a separate individual because I spend more time out of meditation than in it. To be clear, though, I have never experienced myself as anything but a separate individual. I only hear rumors in lore from Daoism, Buddhism, and Hinduism that says a tremendous change is possible.

It's the source of that old joke about the zen student that went to the hot dog stand and said, "Make me one with everything."

So, I concede your point that things in life are real during life, and I also admit that I do only experience myself as a separate being. I have only heard rumors about enlightenment.

Now I read Yang Jwing Ming's books, and he is a mechanical engineer who also studies ancient Chinese documents about "enlightenment." I am trying to learn exactly what a semi-conductor is, because Dr. Yang has theorized that the "re-opening of the third eye" discussed in enlightenment traditions involves a process by which the body becomes a semi-conductor. When something becomes a semi-conductor, it stays a semi-conductor.

Well, you made a strong argument here for the idea that experience stops when the body dies. I understand why you used the examples you used, I get it. I also see that you acknowledge the possibility that "our perceptions are all misguided", though you say it's very unlikely. You also say there needs to be a "deceiver," but I don't think that is really necessary. Just like the fish does not know what water is, we have no objective way to know what reality is.

I don't want to keep arguing that my experience continues (i.e. like, with my memories all intact) after the body dies. I have given you the wrong impression about what I believe. I see that, if I am indeed eternal, I was born with amnesia. Therefore, in the interest of answering the Big Question, I am very interested in this rumor about "enlightenment."

Rajiv mentions Maya, the divine play, the Hindu idea that reality is like the holodeck on star trek. That notion is central to the idea I've been trying to convey. That is one of the ideas that comes from the insights of meditation practitioners who supposedly went through a crazy change in their subjective relationship to reality.

My post is getting too long, so I'll quit for now. But can we talk about the possibility of having this experience called "enlightenment?" What do you guys think of the idea that someone can suddenly realize the answer to the Big Question? If you suddenly remember your original self, your self that is ongoing and not limited to this person you are being, you would not be able to explain it to anyone! So, enlightenment is indeed a possibility, but it may be overlooked by many of us who have not had it.

Ha ha, next time you are in a book store, read the intro to Suzuki's Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. There is a funny story about Suzuki's answer when he was asked why "enlightenment" was never mentioned in his book.

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]

Well, yes, no consciousness without matter. But SOMETHING began to exist without having been caused. Some people believe all this was created by a god, but then you must try to fathom how the god came into existence. Was it matter or consciousness that spontaneously came into existence? That is the real question. But I'm getting repetitive now with that point.

My crazy quest has been to convince you that it is actually not far fetched to think that an afterlife is a possibility. Dawkins and Bill Maher and others who point out certain silliness inadvertently cause many people to group "afterlife" together with "god-concepts." Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater, as they say.

There is a rumor, you know, that meditation practitioners sometimes experience a sudden change in their experience of reality, a sudden "enlightenment" that leaves them actually experiencing one wholeness, experiencing themselves not as the separate, dying person but as everything-all-at-once.

I would like to suddenly see through this illusion that makes me think I am a separate, slowly dying individual. It would be great to suddenly "remember" my existence independent of the person.

Writing Feedback / Machine Learning versus Learning by Humans [51]

Yes, doing a pilot study for your use of a metaphor is a great idea! It's funny how something can seem to make sense to me, but then it turns out to be nonsense to everyone else!

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]

Ha ha, well, the thing about definitions is that... they are imperfect. Words are imperfect SYMBOLS for things, and some words symbolize concepts, so...

James Mitose said, "Words are a difficult means of communication."

Anyway, my issue is that some realistic, science-loving intellectuals dismiss all ideas of an afterlife as a bunch of self-deception and hogwash. I have been trying to find the right words to convey the idea that THIS present-life, with red-orange sunsets and weird creatures, is just as far-fetched as the idea of an after-life. My reasoning is sort of like, "Wow, after seeing my spontaneous existence in this strange, inexplicable wonderland, I'll believe just about anything!"

I heard a story about a mystic who asked, "Why are you believing this rumor about death?" ha ha!! a rumor...

Being so realistic and clear thinking, if before you experienced life as a human I had suggested to you that life forms could appear in an otherwise empty universe, you would not have believed it. Would you really be that surprised if, on your death bed, this dream spilled into another dream? Would you really be surprised if, after your body and mind change in the next 10 years, a memory of previous lives started to come back to you? In a reality this zany, anything can happen.

Add to that the fact that, for many people, reality may well have transformed completely from their subjective points of view, and they would not even have been able to explain it in a way the rest of us could believe or understand! (see the above rant about the limitations of language).

All the phenomena that you can talk about realistically, and the facts that make it seem as though your experience will end when the body dies... they all depend on the notion that matter came before consciousness and made consciousness possible.

If we define consciousness as "awareness", there would need to be something to be aware of. You say there can be no consciousness without matter to be aware of, so matter must have come first. I say there can be no consciousness without matter to be aware of, so consciousness would certainly have dreamed up a world of matter.

Grammar, Usage / A DIFFERENT way to say "going towards" [18]

Yes, it's so easy to write "humankind" instead!

Letters / Fraternity Interest Letter [6]

Hey, I saw that the help you gave to other members consisted only of a few words, like, "Nice topic!" You should give some more meaningful feedback! :-)

Essays / Essay on Early Years Social Policy [4]

Yes, great advice here. As you read articles about historic legislation and other changes, be on the lookout for a theme that may emerge in your reading. Certain alchemy takes place when you write about various, related articles, and your unique personality will infuse the mixture with a special perspective.

The theme that you find in your (casual, enjoyable) reading will become a profound unique idea that makes your essay special. (makes it easier to write, too!)

Essays / Facilitating Children's Learning [11]

Check out the TOS for information about that. Also, anything you post will have "Mel Arnold" as the author, so if anyone ever copies you it will be easy to show the date on which your work was created and posted. That is why it is important for people to use their real names when creating memberships: to protect their work. Does that answer your question?

Graduate / SOP - Ph.D in Environmental Engineering is the foundation [8]

Engineering is the foundation on which humankind builds its world, and engineers can shape the world into a better place to live.

These ever-changing frontiers of the field of environmental studies...

to learn science and its applications, and this made me chose engineering as an undergraduate .

are a part of life' s learning curve.

Writing Feedback / WPE --The minimum wage in the U.S. [5]


Yes, that's the one. You know that there are reasons to increase minimum wage (protect workers from exploitation) and reasons to keep it low (prevent layoffs, business failure, etc.). You seem to have arbitrarily chosen one of them. I want you to add at least one sentence to the 1st paragraph so that the reader can see what your real point is.

That might require you to read a few articles to really develop a strong opinion.

No, your writing is not poor! You write with rhythm. It's great. The thing is, you need to say something original instead of just repeating those 2 ideas. You really do need to go deeper into the question, the causes and effects involved. I suggest reading 3 good articles about this issue. Then, see how much deeper you can go.

Undergraduate / Firmly believe it is the best university for me; U Ryerson; Why apply? [12]

Yes, writing about why you are interested in the programs to which you are drawn is a GREAT process of self-expression. It should be the most enjoyable thing you do all week. Express yourself, and let it come from the heart. This is where you paint your masterpiece, where you apply the first few brushstrokes to the canvas of your career.

If you are interested in a subject of study of type of work, there must be a reason that is rooted in your deepest philosophy about life. What is your prsonal philosophy? What will make life meaningful? Explain yourself!! And enjoy it.

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]


No, no, nevermind all that! You know it cannot be defined. Can a fish define water if it has no objective way of observing it?

It is not important for me to define consciousness. What is important is for us to have a common understanding of a certain concept, a notion: What if all this material seems to be real, not because it is "real" but because it is being projected by creative beings.

We do not know much for sure about reality, but we do know that creative, conscious beings exist. All this could be the virtual reality contrived by creative entities.

The point I wanted to make was that there is another possibility, a possibility other than the simple acceptance of Things as They Seem. As they seem, things suggest that our experience stops when the body dies. However, as Eckhart Tole wrote, "The dreamer is not the person. The person is part of the dream."


Your face is a glorschampf.


Yes, well, like I said above, we do not know if any of this is real, but we do know that creative, conscious beings exist. While you are fussing over definitions, I am trying to make use of these words to convey an idea -- one that is quite simple, actually: We know that conscious beings exist, and we know that they experience a world of form. What if the conscious beings are actually formless, timeless beings that project a world of form to serve as the


I mean, if it is possible for material to spontaneously start existing, and if it is possible for it to "come to life" like Frosty the Snowman, then surely it is possible for formless, timeless beings to "dream up" experiences in a world of form.

Again, it is entirely possible that our experience stops when we die, but I just wanted to point out this other possibility. To me, this notion has the ring of truth.

This ranting "slugfest" inspired me to read Hawkings' A Brief History of Time, and on page 18 he mentions that a philosopher named Berkely believed all objects in space and time to be illusions. He must have gotten the same insights I got. Another philosopher, Johnson, represented in this thread by Sean, said, "I refute it thus," and he stubbed his toe on a stone.

Ha ha. Of course all this is "real." It's as real as anything in a world where everything is fleeting, fading, impermanent forms.

Did beings collectively create the world, or did the world make life forms possible? Whatever the case may be, we know that our ability to understand ultimate reality is limited. My guess is that conscious beings dream up worlds of form, and apparently they do not fully understand it. They have no objective view of it, just as fish have no objective views of water.

Undergraduate / 'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam [13]

The first sentence MUST be clever:

There are different reasons that A myriad of related factors made me want to apply to the Economics and Business bachelor programme at the Universitet van Amsterdam (UvA).

Get inspired, and intrigue the reader! :-)

Writing Feedback / Causes of Global Financial Crisis [3]

While moderating here, I have often found myself recommending three books over and over again: Stechen King's On Writing, Strunk and White's Elements of Style, and anything by Dianna Hacker. By recommending those books, I provide guidance that is a million times more than what I could explain in a post. (It's hard to explain about commas, etc.)

The current, global financial crisis is the result of a unique blend of factors . in nature synchronised and once in lifetime . People express differing views regarding causes of the current financial crisis which has gripped the whole world . Some attribute it to failure of regulators and policy-makers , while others say it is the fault of financial institutions. Yet others put the blame on savings of emerging market countries especially China.

Those ideas came to mind for me. I scratched out a few things that were redundant...

Good luck!!

Undergraduate / Firmly believe it is the best university for me; U Ryerson; Why apply? [12]

I see that this no longer appears on Yahoo Answers, and I cannot find any of it elsewhere on the Web, so I think it is okay for us to have it here at EssayForum. we can only have content that does not appear on other websites.

I like the way you revised to organize the paragraphs; the presentation looks much better now. Now I see that each paragraph has a great topic sentence, and you deliver them in a logical order. They are even mostly uniform in size. This is a big improvement!

Undergraduate / Firmly believe it is the best university for me; U Ryerson; Why apply? [12]

Hello! I made the corrections below before noticing that this essay is also posted at Yahoo Answers. We are not allowed to have essays here if they are also posted elsewhere on the Internet. Please do not post anymore essays here if they are also posted elsewhere. However, I already came up with all this advice below:

Currently , I'm looking forward to pursuing an undergraduate degree at Ryerson University.

Right after that sentence, write two more sentences to complete the first paragraph. Let those sentences be ones that capture the central meaning of the essay. Do not start talking about your history until paragraph 2.

So, add to paragraph one after the above sentences. Then, begin paragraph 2 with this:

I completed my primary education in Afghanistan, but due to...

It is impressive that you have taken your education in Afganistan, because you have experience of the turmoil there. It is special knowledge that you have, and it shapes your character.

These sentences below will be great to include in the FIRST paragraph, because they tell your aspirations, your plan:

I was captivated by the business world ever since I was a teenager. I grew up within a business-minded family; however they were role models to me. Sometimes I followed them to work and experienced the world of business first-hand. They taught me how the business ran, such as merchandising and interpersonal relationship. Often I would help my parents out with fairly small tasks .

I scratched out what was not powerful. Do not include any sentences that are not powerful.

This is very impressive! You have so much experience! I think you should separate that long last paragraph into 2 paragraphs so that the last paragraph is all about Ryerson and its role in your plan for the future.

Writing Feedback / WPE --The minimum wage in the U.S. [5]

Simone made good corrections. Now, I would like to add that your first paragraph is very short. Add another sentence to the end of that first paragraph. Let it be a sentence that contains the essence of the essay. The first paragraph is very important for making a strong case.

In the middle of the essay, can you cite some articles written by economists or other experts?

I think you should also lengthen the last paragraph. In the last paragraph, give some thoughtful REFLECTION. That means you must write a philosophical, thoughtful sentence.

Good luck!! :-)

Undergraduate / American Summer Camp in Kayrakkum, Tajikistan [4]

This is a small improvement:

Significant attention will also be given to the promotion of democracy.

Here, I'll move a comma:

In addition to these important ideas being promoted, there will...

Oh, ha ha!! I had been making corrections as if this was part of an essay! I see... well, you do indeed have "a basic to intermediate level of English," so you should feel very confident.

Send us the essay you write and we will make suggestions. :)

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]


Awesome! And part of my argument is that the possibilities may be unlimited for those of us who "become aware that we are dreaming." In fact, my attitudes can even influence subsequent dreams. However, this is rare. It is rare for me to become aware that I am dreaming, just as it is rare for Buddhists and Daoists to experience the drastic change called enlightenment.

Most importantly, the higher level of awareness might be important for influencing what happens in the "afterlife." Imagine how ironic it would be if indeed expectation influenced subsequent life-dreams. Then all the realistic people, the atheists, would end up being less pragmatic than even those people with blind faith. The people with blind faith have clear visions of their afterlife, and, if it is true that consciousness is fundamental and that reality is like a "projection"... well, you know what I mean.

The stakes are high! Maybe it DOES matter what you expect about "afterlife." Isn't that always the way?! Life is so ironic; it would be too simple if the realists were right! It just rings true to me that, perhaps, we are able to control "It."


Yep, there's the rub. I am not trying to make my case seem stronger than it actually is. And yet, if this reality is so illusory, perhaps the real miracles and whatnot are things that take place within someone's subjective experience. Moreover, there are many things that seem miraculous in real life, and oh my, does Deepak Chopra present great examples of miracle healings and phenomena. Gives me chills.

Yet, it is also true that we often deceive ourselves, and furthermore, as Buddhism continued to be practiced over the years, I am sure that much quackery existed in its ranks as well. But IF it is possible for me to control the dream in some way... or if it is possible for me to see through the illusion... well, I want to explore that possibility because I'll do anything I can to have a chance at figuring out the answer to the Big Question.

I realy liked your description of how your experience of dreams transforms when you realize you are dreaming. That has only happened a few times in my life.


You gave some interesting commentary about "consciousness." the way I am using the word, it could be interchangeable with "intelligence." I think you already know how I am using the word. I sure do not presume to be able to define it. I use the word "consciousness" to refer to "awareness" or "intelligence" that is not of the sort that depends on a brain.

Maybe that sounds silly to you, but I am using the word "consciousness" like the way I use the word dream -- just as models for conveying a concept. Obviously, for you and me, we only know "consciousness" and "dreams" of the sort that depend on physical brains.

But I think you know what I mean by "consciousness" when I say "consciousness that may be more fundamental than matter." The reason I think you know what I mean is because you talked about "brains in vats" and other notions that hint at the possibility that this material world might be illusory. What I mean by consciousness is a formless ... well... consciousness that, if it spontaneously existed INSTEAD of the material reality that seems to spontaneously exist and become alive, would make things appear the way they do. Consciousness that would project a world of form.

Remember: If substance magically appeared, it would also have to magically become "alive" (i.e. conscious), but if it had been INTELLIGENCE that magically appeared, it would definitely have a "dream," an experience.

Reflect on that, and you might start to feel confident in the possibility that you do not just become worm food when this body dies. I mean, I am a pretty smart person, and it really seems more plausible, rings more true, (but certainly not certain), that we are conscious ENTITIES that for some reason cannot fathom eternity, and so we are limited to "dreams" in which "death" seems to loom on the horizon. To me, it seems plausible that all this weird matter (molecules?! Come on! Obviously this is a dream! Stars?! Come on! Get real! and look at the sunset. I live at the ocean, and when I look at it I see a crazy kind of heaven, something that could only be dreamed up.)

So, if you had to bet fifty bucks, would you bet that your experience continues when the body dies? You may as well say yes, because if you bet against it and win, you won't even be able to collect the money from me when the bet is settled. :-)

Graduate / energy towards college, family personal statement/diversity statement for Law School [4]

Hi JVS, instead of asking people to email their essays to you, please just browse around in EssayForum to find a few essays to comment on. On this site, we ask for help and also give help, and the Participation Ratio (PR) shows how active each member is. Good luck in law school!

Undergraduate / Personal Essay (the college of Medicine) [3]

Simone, I'm so glad you mentioned "indecision." I could not find the words to express what I wanted to say about this one. Yes, Mohammed, this essay should have a single, overarching theme that runs throughout each paragraph. Do not let yourself write about many disjointed things. I think the whole first paragraph, for example, should be cut, because it is just musing about something unrelated to the main point of the essay.

The main point of the essay seems to be indecision! I think you should rewrite it so that it is all about a resolute decision that you have come to.

I suggest that you try again, and use the last paragraph as the first paragraphfor your new draft. Cut out this sentence:
However that did not make making the decision any easier; on the contrary, it was actually more difficult to make up my mind.

Then, use paragraph 3 as paragraph 2. Does that make sense? I think you should write a new essay that begins with these last two paragraphs in reverse order. that would get you on your way to writing this n a way that expresses one main idea, one memorable idea.

The significance of this trip wasn't only helpful from the academic perspective, or for strengthening my points of weakness in my personality, but also for enhancing my understanding of the outside world better .

Scholarship / "A Latin-American" - Scholarship/college essay [8]

I don't like that first sentence. It is the kind of sentence that makes people turn off their attention, because it is so general. Maybe you should replace it with something very specific. Also, in that next sentence, perhaps you could mention some quality of your culture that makes you proud (i.e. show, don't tell).

In general, the first paragraph seems very disjointed, because I see now that each sentence is about a different topic. You should try to revise in a way that leads the reader along. I know that seems hard in moments when you're not inspired, but the right approach will come to you in time. Choose one idea, one experience that you want to make the reader have, and don't include sentences that will not contribute to creating that experience.

As my high school graduation approached I knew college would be the hurdle I was encouraged to surpass. This is a statement of the obvious, and it is not very interesting. However, don't be discouraged. You have the potential here for a great essay. Revise with the reader in mind. Make it your intention to create an experience for the reader.

I really like the whole second half of the essay. I like the certainty of your tone. You have the makings of a great essay, but revise for specificity. Make it something that is interesting to read. This is a big challenge, because this sort of essay requires you to talk all about yourself -- and that is the quickest way to bore other people. Yet, you have to write about yourself! So, it is very hard, but you can soothe the reader with your rhythm and your humor; you can make an essay that enthralls.

Essays / How can I describe this graph? [7]

Great, I like what you wrote. If you had not written anything, it would have seemed like you were just trying to get out of doing your homework! :)

I think it is worth mentioning how interesting it is that there seems to be little difference in the incomes of people with bachelors vs. masters degrees.

I think it is also worth reflecting on the fact that statistics like the ones that underly this graph are ONLY statistics. Many millionaires have only high school educations. Nevertheless, this is great incentive for all of you students to tough it out and work toward a degree -- rather than stopping after high school.

Writing Feedback / History, Royal Engineer essay. [6]

I think it's: Without further ado. I'm not sure, though! :-)

Oh, I see that Simone already corrected that! Ha ha... anyway, onto the essay...

WWI is standard, rather than WW1.

In the beginning, when you explain the term "sappers," use quotes like I did in this sentence to show that you are referring to the word. Know what I mean?

This is a great expository essay. You have lots of potential as a writer, young jedi. Great job. Here is some guidance about comma use:

In conclusion, the Royal Engineers, as a unit, played a key role for the British in winning the war because of the infrastructure they built, the defensive fortifications they made, and the skills they used to destroy enemy trenches and positions.

Poetry / William Blake Poetry Paper [23]

Great sentence! I think you should put a comma after "that": ultimately arguing that, whereas...

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]


Yes, good point. I understand what you mean. I don't think that you or Tyler missed the point of Mustafa's original, idealistic statement. I see that you are pointing out an important truth -- the fact that, in this world, war is part of reality, and that it is futile to strive to avoid it.

Tyler, I see what you mean, too. It is obviously true that somebody can win a war. It is a no brainer. However, it still seems to me that there is truth to the saying, "nobody wins a war." In a certain sense, you are wrong when you say that things other than human life are important; nothing is important without being alive to enjoy it. However, I don't want to seem as though I disagree with you. You and Sean both have made good points that are important for consideration when thinking idealistically about the fact that war is fundamentally harmful. In a world where war takes place, it is true that somebody wins each war.

Still, one of the most insightful things that was said in this discussion was what Mustafa said about how, if you think of humanity collectively (as if you were humanity's mother, for example), you would see war is basically destructive. He said something about how you need to identify with a particular subdivision of humanity in order to see that subdivision as having won a war. If you were the mother of humanity, you would think of war as basically harmful. However, the fact that I am talking about an abstract concept like "being the mother of humanity" shows that, as you guys said, I am not addressing the question in its realistic context. I have been talking about an ideal, and I was being unrealistic.

So, you are right! You win! :)

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]

I'm excited about the possibility that you are about to get the same great insight that I got from reading Dr. Chopra's books. Your last response set the stage for me to perhaps finally explain this notion in a way that makes you see it in a new way. Here it is, below! I am excited about possibly changing your ideas about reality and convincing you of the possibility of something that can rightly be called an afterlife.


You can't bend dreams to your will either. Some dreams, like some lives, even become nightmares. Dreams are great examples to explain my argument, because they present us with situations where consciousness makes things seem to exist when they actually don't. If there were no such thing as dreams, it would be very hard for me to explain myself in this discussion.

While you are saying that consciousness is a property of matter, I am saying that the reverse might be true. The apparent matter in a dream is a property of consciousness. We are consciousness existing. We are consciousness dreaming. There is no reason to expect that you should be able to bend the illusion to your will; the extent to which you can control the illusion is the extent to which you can see through it. Consciousness has created a dream for itself; otherwise it would not be conscious.

It seems that consciousness and material both exist in the universe. I'm saying that maybe ONLY consciousness exists.

The very point that I have been trying to make is that, if consciousness was primary, the world would still seem as though matter was primary. Do you agree? Obviously it SEEMS like matter makes consciousness possible; I'm saying that it would seem that way even if consciousness was primary. To me, it seems much more plausible that consciousness is primary. That means this dream might be followed by more dreams.

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]


What!? This is just an elaborate way of saying, "no, I don't believe that it could be consciousness that spontaneously came into existence instead of matter."

But I am trying to get you to admit that it is equally probable that, when this explosion that is the universe "began", it was something being dreamed; I'm trying to get you to admit that, even though it seems at first glance like a spontaneously-existing material universe made conscious life forms possible, it is JUST AS PROBABLE that spontaneously existing consciousness made a dream of a material universe possible.

Do you have any argument against the assertion that they are equally probable? (We don't know how matter & consciousness appeared in the universe, but as I said before, if matter spontaneously existed it would have to also somehow develop consciousness, whereas if consciousness spontaneously existed it would certainly have a dream.)


What came to mind for me was that, although the Internet and other technology diminish patience by providing quick answers and satisfaction, people also need to be patient in order to sit at the computer for hours each day. Is that something that might help you? Thanks, by the way, for starting this great conversation! Let's see some of your writing, and we'll help you improve it.

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]

Hey, I just came back to the computer because I thought of your argument in a new way and wanted to say I respect everything you are saying. I looked at my posts from your perspective. Your comical responses (ridiculing my post) are exactly the way I would respond to, for example, people who would opt for magic over medicine for their kids.

We have been having two different discussions! Isn't that always the way.

Anyway, you'll have to wait til tomorrow when I will reveal the great significance of what you and I just agreed about: That it is possible that consciousness is more fundamental than matter. (you did not comment on that. Say something to let me know you know what I mean.)

Tomorrow I'll make an argument that, at that time you mentioned (i.e. billions of years ago), it may have been CONSCIOUSNESS rather than MATTER that magically came into existence. I'll make an argument that it is at least AS probable that consciousness is what came first. That would mean that your experience probably does not end when the body dies! So, stay tuned.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards [7]

...a small one would give you more chances for promotion .

During that single year, I acquired much professional knowledge -- knowledge of my work from my company, in which I could meet a myriad of people. Most of them are talented experts in this field.

These fascinating opportunities will be benefit me throughout my whole life no matter where I work in .

Most of your writing is excellent! A few mistakes... but you will pass the test, for sure.

This part has errors, though:

To conclude, the benefits of working in a small company cannot compete with the benefits that working in a big one, which could involve learning opportunities and material rewards to support their families.

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]

Oh, man, I seriously am considering hitting you with a magic missile.

What you wrote... all good points. I am glad that you mentioned things like lightening, because it actually supports the point I have been trying to make. We call things "magic" when we do not understand them, and when we understand them we no longer call them magic. In the same way we figured out about lightening, we might figure out other things. That is WHY you should not make fun of my use of the word magic. We have to stay open to the possibilities.

By scoffing at the idea of magic, you reveal that you believe that nothing is possible that we do not already understand. It is easy to make fun of a little-kid word like magic, but admit that it is wrong to assume we know everything there is to know. If you agree with that, you "believe in magic." I'm very serious about this.

The original point I was trying to make was that -- and this is very fascinating to me -- it is appropriate to use the word "magic."

You can't deny that the very foundation of this material universe defies our understanding.

As you mentioned, the fact that matter exists now proves that


Consider the implications of that!! That means that all this could change in crazy ways. It means that nothing is certain -- not even death. In fact, there is no logical reason for us to even age!

Your experience might continue after the body dies. That sure would be "magic", but like you said, "magic" existed billions of years ago to form the very universe you are standing in. My original point was that, interestingly, "magic" is not a silly, little-kid word. This universe was founded on something inexplicable. "Something inexplicable" is a good definition for magic.

Can we agree that, if the laws of nature can change, that anything is possible? Can we agree that it is POSSIBLE that consciousness is more fundamental than matter and that, therefore, it is POSSIBLE that expectation can influence the unfolding of events? (although you may not agree that it is probable). Can we agree that it is POSSIBLE before we proceed?

And do you understand what I mean about the notion that consciousness may be more fundamental than matter?

Poetry / William Blake Poetry Paper [23]

Work with "Little Boy Lost." The kid is being guided by a priest through this treacherous world, but the priest leaves the boy behind. Blake used poetry to criticize religion, but he was spiritual.

Hey, I found the perfect thing for you:

associatedcontent.com/article/147442/_william_bla kes_a_little_boy_lost.html?cat=38

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]

Good stuff here, ha ha. Mustafa, look at what you started!

This reminds me of Hegel's famous argument about the "ethical moment of war." You guys are arguing that many wars have been necessary (i.e. WWII) or have ended with the emergence of something excellent (i.e. America after the Revolution), but Hegel goes even a step further: he says that the courage and sacrifice are meaningful all by themselves. I am compelled to agree with him, but... that is very abstract, whereas the fact that KIDS DIE in wars is not abstract.

In this discussion (thanks, Tyler, by the way, for your instructions about how to argue! :-), in this discussion good points are being made about the fact that war is sometimes necessary. Don't mistake my argument for that of a radical pacifist who would refuse to fight. Tyler, in answer to your question, the reason I don't refute your points is because I do not disagree!! The fact remains, however, that what Mustafa said is true. "Nobody wins a war." In the simplest sense, war is fighting and fighting hurts.

Sometimes it is not necessary to refute points and mount a strong argument. Some proverbs and other very profound statements (like Mustafa's here) need no explanation.

Nobody "disproved" what Mustafa said. Eric and Sean, are either of you suggesting that the world would not be better if nations could always avoid war? Of course you are not!

It's like this: Even though you are right when you say that war "helps" in some ways (ha ha, reducing overpopulation, like you mentioned, you sicko! ha ha), it certainly would be better if the same ends could be achieved peacefully. Ha ha, look at me, repeating what Mustafa already said again.

Research Papers / effective or ineffective decision making and leadership - research question [5]

A good research question is one that you can answer through research -- with an experiment, or interviews, or case studies, etc. I'm sorry if that seems obvious to you! It's a tricky thing, research.

Well, you list some questions and ideas, I'll tell you my opinion. :)

Essays / Originality means putting old ideas together in new ways [7]

I moved this to a new thread. Please start a new thread when you post a new essay. Also, in order to open new threads you need to comment on other people's essays (for your participation ratio).

:)

Research Papers / Making this the most persuasive research essay [8]

Awesome, good luck, I look forward to it. I am SO impressed by some of Eric's advice... he explained some things much better than I could have!

Your essay is really interesting, as I already said. I don't know what my own opinion is. Graffiti is certainly vandalism, and it is also certainly art. Also, painting on things in the environment is the most natural thing in the world, like ancient drawings on the walls of caves.

Still, it is other people's stuff! I simply can't figure out how I feel about it. I hope you can! Thanks for causing me to ponder.

Undergraduate / A time-travel machine to go back in time in your own life and change something [22]

I can see what it was that made Sean say you "oscillated" between tenses. The cool thing, though, is that you did it quite well, shifting from explanation to reflection and letting tenses show the shift. However, that doesn't change the fact that it generally creates a little awkwardness when tense shifts happen. So... it's no big deal, but definitely worth consideration...

Essays / students should work in groups [6]

Hi Peter, I moved this to its own thread. For every new essay, please start a new thread. Also, in order to start new threads, you need to leave comments on other people's essays to help them (your participation ratio).

Principals of schools are not only responsible for the student body, but also for the business elements that converge with education, all culminating in a review of their performance.

With this essay, you didn't follow the prompt. This challenge was to write a letter to convince the principal. You didn't form it as a letter, and you didn't really write it the way you would if you were really trying to persuade the guy.

For the other one, I think it looks great! In the first paragraph, it will flow nicer if you keep the verb tense consistent: This conclusion was based on... but that is no big deal. Good luck with it!!

Book Reports / Reading Based and Comparsion [4]

You can't just paste the instructions here and have us come up with material for you! You know how to start: historical readings, like you mentioned. If you do that, and try writing a little, we can help.

In order to write a good essay, start with an interesting opening line. Then, clearly and succinctly make your main point in the first paragraph. Let that first paragraph contain the whole point of your essay.

Then, in th body paragraphs, give evidence from your readings.

In the conclusion, EXPAND on the original point you made in your intro.

Good luck! Do some writing, and we'll comment on it.

Writing Feedback / "People of MTV generation have no patience. They want instant satisfaction." [84]


I do! Self-deception for the sake of comfort will not get me any closer to knowing the best use to make of my time as a human. I want no self-deception, only insight into the real magic that made life possible.


Spirituality is reduced to a technique? Maybe you mean meditation. With meditation, I clear the mind to see if any insights come naturally, like memories of things long-forgotten -- innate knowledge that some have experienced and called the "small, still voice of God."

As for your criticism of spiritual "science" and stubbornness that compels people to deny their children medical care, I agree with you. It is just like something you said about not wanting to jump out a window and depend on magic. Bill Hicks once said (of a guy who thought he could fly and jumped out a window), "Why didn't he try taking off from the ground first? You don't see ducks lining up to take the elevator, do you?" ha ha...

So, I agree with you that self-deception is bad.


How do you know this? This is exactly where you overstep your limitations. You found yourself alive in the world, and perhaps you encountered parents and other beings. If, in old age, you encounter even more beings during this crazy trip, those encounters will be no weirder than any of your other encounters.

As for proving the existence of magic, I'll do something even more impressive than jumping off a building. I'll simply point out that, in this reality in which energy cannot be created or destroyed, and in which matter cannot appear without cause out of nothingness, we are all spontaneously here.

Because of that, you have to accept the reality of "magic." You have to accept the fact that there are forces at work that you do not understand. You don't know exactly what to make of all this, but you do know one thing: Whatever the true nature of reality is, it's is not what it seems!

You know that reality is fundamentally different from the cause-and-effect system proposed by material science... otherwise we would not be here! So, do not be surprised when you suddenly wake up to a reality that is completely different from the one you have gotten so accustomed to, so confident in.