Scholarship / AMNH Internship Essay [2]

Greetings!

I think you've written a very good essay! There are just a couple of suggestions I would make.

A couple of years ago...Of course, it wasn't until years later - This jumps out as a contradiction. Rather than saying "a couple of years ago" it might be better just to say "Years ago."

If I were given the opportunity to work in the Museum I know [I'd delete "for sure"] that I would carry that experience with me to college and probably the rest of my professional life.

The following sentence is too long and perhaps not as flattering to you as it could be. You can be honest and still keep yourself in a good light:

"In what I must say what seems like weaknesses in my application - such as the lack of classes I've taken - I must truthfully say that I regret not having had enough curiosity in my former years to have searched out these classes on my own, however, I strongly believe that my enthusiasm and my background in the sciences will make up for what I have missed."

I'd change it to read something like this: "Although it might seem that my application shows a weakness because of my not having taking enough science courses, I strongly believe that my enthusiasm and my background in the sciences will make up for what I have missed."

Best of luck with your application!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / an altogether different way of understanding how we make observations. [40]

Greetings!

Another enjoyable read! I love the last phrase, "an inner latent realm." Although I hesitate to interfere with good writing, there are a couple of points I'll just draw to your attention.

If two people were present at the departing, a week later they may recollect different amount of details. - I think it needs to be either "a different amount" or "different amounts" of details. Probably the former.

One could still say of the event as existing, but viewable by each to differing degrees. - You can say, "One could still think of the event as existing" or "One could still say of the event that it exists" but the way you have it does not really make sense from a grammatical standpoint.

That's a very interesting concept: to think of the outside world as being without meaning, apart from the context we give it through our thoughts. Very nice!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / an essay on - How we evolve [4]

...in cyberspace, no one case see you blush... ;-)) Thank you!!

Sarah

Poetry / Hate poem - I need some words that end in ing describing this feeling [12]

Greetings!

Yes, I'd say your poem definitely relates to the theme of love very well! If it didn't have to become a song, it wouldn't necessarily need to rhyme. Because songs almost always have some sort of rhyming scheme, your poem probably should, too.

You already have some instances of rhyming; all you need to do is throw in a few more at regular intervals. I've done a little work on it, though I'm not sure I've improved it any; I liked it your way! See what you can do to finish! :=))

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Harvard referencing in essays? [5]

Geetings!

Oh, dear, I was afraid someone would ask me that! ;=)) My research tells me that there are many different types of Harvard citation, all similar, but with small variations. Of course, the basic part is the in-text parenthetical citations which use (Author year) style. For example, (Smith 2006). For two authors, use an ampersand: (Smith & White 2005). For more than two, use et al.:

(Smith et al. 2007). If you quote directly, you must also include the page number from which you took the quotation. There is some variance on how to express this, but one popular way is: (Smith 2006:98). You will then put the full citation in your References list at the end of the paper (starting on a new page): Smith, I. (2006) Harvard Referencing, New York: Random House.

I'm no expert on Harvard, which isn't used as much here in the States as it is in the UK. My advice would be to explore some websites that have information on the topic by using "Harvard citation" as your internet search term.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / THEOLOGY OF LIBERATION RELAVANT, THEOLOGY OF HOPE TODAY [3]

Greetings!

Another fine essay! Here are a few editing tips:

twenty-first is hyphenated

As these pressures are mounting [not "amounting"], it seems that a theology in which values [delete "and"] empowers humans is the most relevant for today

However, it was not until the late 1960s that the church in Latin America

The Pope praised the changes and work done since Medellín.

Ultimately, this conflicts with scholars such as Rudy

It can also provide [delete "as"] a sanctuary of peace and comfort,

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / THE STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES OF USING ECLECTIC TEXTS OF THE BIBLE [3]

Greetings!

You do a good job of presenting your thesis, supporting it and summarizing the points you make! I have just a few editing suggestions:

Throughout the centuries, the Bible has proven to be [not "as an"] inspirational text for Christians.

Not only that, he had every reason to [delete "do"] turn his back on God

[delete "Through" Passages such as these have [delete "has"] led to historical movements such as Black Theology.

[delete "Although,"] It was through hardship and [delete "the"] challenges as well as plagues

This use of biblical knowledge theology shows a strong religious perspective in support of Black Theology.

In high sight, Black Theology had opened up the eyes of black and white people, making them both aware that their way of life was cruel and unjust. - The expression is "hind sight" but I'm not sure it's really appropriate here. You could leave it out and be fine.

Whilst some of the prominent figures of the Black theological movement (Martin Luther King Jr.), [whilst they have what? you didn't finish this thought before going on to "others have"]

Although, both Mathew and Luke each present their stories in different ways. - a sentence fragment; you can tie it to the previous sentence with a comma, making them one full sentence.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / an essay on - How we evolve [4]

Greetings!

I really like this one! I was actually able to follow your chain of thought throughout the whole piece, which I couldn't always do in the previous ones. (That's not necessarily a criticism; sometimes I can't follow Aristotle's line of reasoning, either ;-))

There's not much I can add to this, except to point out, in my compulsive-editor way, the only two tiny errors I see. After having nagged you about leaving apostrophes out of "it's" when it stands for "it is," I must now point out that the possessive form has no apostrophe! :-)) So say "taking up our newly discovered power of acqusition we wish to do more with it and explore it to its fullest extent." I know, it seems strange that the possessive forms of nouns use an apostrophe (the chair's leg; John's book) and the pronoun forms do not (yours, hers, its); but somewhere along the line, that's what happened, so I guess we just have to live with it!

The other one is probably a typo: "loneliness" instead of "lonliness."

I absolutely love this: "think of ourselves as intrinsically all-knowing and covered in a layer of ignorance, which is removed through experience and learning." That's an excellent description of the way we learn over our lifetimes! It reminds me of Maya Angelou's "when I knew better, I did better," but hers is a practical description while yours is an artistic metaphor. :-)

Thanks!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / persistence of external reality [4]

Greetings!

I'm glad to hear it! I don't anticipate any "suffering" will be involved. ;-)) The world needs more deep thinkers, so keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Hate poem - I need some words that end in ing describing this feeling [12]

Greetings!

I like the poem you have written! As far as I can tell, it is, indeed, a contrast poem. I have a suggestion, though. I think you use "incomplete" too many times. If you can find a different way to say the same thing in the first two lines, I think it will be better. For example:

My breath was shallow
My heart beat faint [or slow, or timid, or muted-- you could put lots of things here]
Incomplete was I
But now the moon is full
Complete in the sky
And now with you
Complete am I

Titles are fun. A lot of your poetry mentions roses or flowers, right? What about something like "A Garden of Poetry" or "Poem Rose Garden"? Robert Louis Stevenson has already taken "A Child's Garden of Verse" but yours could be a sort of allusion to that, without crossing the line of plagiarism.

You've done very well!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / persistence of external reality [4]

Greetings!

Another interesting essay! You create some interesting images such as the "turn in our beds" and the "chain around our ankle."

I have a question about this sentence: "If we pass away this moment the next we will be around here, tied to the same." - I wasn't sure if you meant "pass away" as in "while away"--that is, spend the moment existing," or "pass away" as in "die." If the latter, then the sentence does not make as much sense to me. Does it refer to energy remaining even after death? If the former, it might be less confusing to use another phrase besides "pass away."

The wall doesn't go away ask however stupid a question I may. - This sentence's construction is a bit counter-intuitive; I had to read it four times before my brain would let me see the words in the order you wrote them. You might want to consider changing the word order to "The wall doesn't go away, however stupid a question I may ask." If you keep the word order the same, at least put a comma after "away."

Remember that when you use "it's" to mean "it is," you need an apostrophe (because it's how I am inclined in the sum balance.)

I may not understand every point you make in your essay, but I nonetheless enjoy the artistic way you express yourself.

Thanks!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay about "What is work?" [5]

Greetings!

You are more than welcome here! This is a free forum for everyone and we can all learn from each other. :-)) I think any of us who has felt a serious urge to write has asked the question, "what do I want to do with my writing?" Fortunately, there are more options than ever these days. Many websites exist to assist writers with not only tips and writing advice, but the opportunity to post their work online in a portfolio. Doing internet searches with terms like "writers" or "freelance writing" will turn up a bunch. You can then visit them and get some ideas about what's available. You may want to look for magazines which buy essays from new writers (there are a few, though sometimes they pay only in copies of the magazine); you may want to look into self-publishing or print-on-demand if you are committed to the idea of seeing your work in book form; you may even want to find out how to get an agent (eventually) to see whether you can get a deal with a publishing house. By exploring these writing sites and reading articles by and for writers you can gain a wealth of information to help you answer the question, "where do I want to go with my writing?"

It's good to have you here and I look forward to reading more of your work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / "Then" as an adjective [4]

Greetings!

That's a very good question! I had to do some research to find an answer for you. I know that I tend to hyphenate when in doubt in a situation like this, but according to the one reference I found, one should not use a hyphen when using "then" as an adjective before a noun. As I was unable to find any authority stating that one should use a hyphen in that instance, I think it would be safe for you to leave it out.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Hate poem - I need some words that end in ing describing this feeling [12]

Greetings!

Here are some ideas: revulsing, revolting, abhorring

After detestation, perhaps execration? abominate?

Your middle line makes an abrupt change from positive (valuing) to negative (scorning); was that the idea--to switch suddenly? Or should there be more of a transition?

If you're not using an online thesaurus, I'd highly recommend it! I find it very useful when I can't think of the right word.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Contrast poem and a rhmying couplet [13]

Greetings!

You're welcome, welcome, welcome!! :-))

Is the concrete poem supposed to rhyme in any particular pattern? I ask because your rhyming scheme seems a little inconsistent. Here's what I'd suggest (assuming it does need to rhyme and not in a specific pattern):

This heart is in pain
There is nothing left to gain
Nothing remaining in my world
Except for your name
Nothing more
Nothing Less
How much patience of mine
Must you test?

Good luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Contrast poem and a rhmying couplet [13]

Greetings!

All right, because I can see you are trying, I'll give you some more help. ;-))

There is no limit to human desire
Its burning sets the heart on fire
But if ignited by a flash
The flames soon turn to soot and ash.

See, the trick is to do your list of rhyming words and then pick out ones which logically go together. To me, desire and fire is so obvious it's almost a cliché.

Softly, rain dances on leaves
Pattering quietly, dancing lightly
Rapidly flowing
Into the new day
Nudging buds from their hiding places
Growing life out of brown earth

And the trick for the acrostic (and really, any kind of poem) is to think of it like a picture. Imagine yourself there (in a Spring-like setting, for example), and ask "what would I be hearing? seeing? feeling?" For instance, right now I'm sitting by an open window and rain is softly pattering down onto the leaves...it wasn't hard to come up with the words! You just need to get yourself into the right frame of mind!

Now then--your turn! The next one's all yours! :-))

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / "Letter from Birmingham jail" - rhetorical analysis [2]

Salut!

As usual, you have written a fine, well-reasoned essay! I have just a few editing tips:

the promoters of social justice utilize rhetorical strategies to persuade their opponents of their claims.

Martin Luther King, Jr. wanted to convince them of the utility of his commitment in this particular area at this specific moment.

His intention is to prove to his opponents he has sufficient authority

Moreover, in the forty-fifth paragraph, he exemplifies the police evil repression on protesters. - I don't think "exemplifies" is the word you mean here. It could be taken to mean that Dr. King was himself an example of police repression. A better word might be "exposes."

the readers keep in mind his motivation for appeasement and concord.

You might want to use a few more quotes, especially when you are saying "he said this in the forty-fifth paragraph" and so on; let your reader know what it is you are referencing.

The only other thing I would point out is that you don't need to refer to him every time as "Martin Luther King, Jr." It is perfectly acceptable to refer to him as "King" or "Dr. King" and, in fact, using his full name every time is cumbersome. I'd recommend using a shorter version except for the first and last times you use his name.

Excellent work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Critical Analysis of "The Street Lawyer" by John Grisham [6]

Greetings!

You've done an excellent job of refining your essay. I just have a few more minor editing tips:

"The novel is fast-paced, [add comma] moving from one scene to the next..."

"The subject of this story is real in America everyday thousands of people live in absolute poverty." - This is a run-on sentence. You could put a colon (:) after "real" because the following clause explains the preceding one. You could also use an emdash--like that--or even a period. It does need something, though. Also "every day" is two words (think of it as "every single day"), unless you are using it as an adjective to describe something ordinary, as in: "She wore her everyday jeans."

The following partial paragraph needs a bit of work with word choice and punctuation. I'd do it lke this:

After reading the line I could not imagine what would occur next. What drama might the characters fall into? The Street Lawyer is not in the least morsel boring; it hits hard on the first page, and continues to hit until the last page. I would recommend The Street Lawyer to anyone required to write a critical analysis on a novel--in fact I cannot wait to read more of John Grisham's works.

Very good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Essay about "What is work?" [5]

Greetings!

You've raised some interesting philosophical issues and have a unique writing style! You don't say what class this is for; ordinarily that might not matter, but in this case the answer to that does have some bearing on my comments. If, for example, you are writing this for a philosophy class, it is probably very much on point. The same is true if it is meant to be a sort of experimental style of writing. If, however, you will be graded on the usual things such as a strong thesis, arguments which support that thesis, and a conclusion based on the evidence you've presented--and proper punctuation--you may find your instructor will not be kind in grading your work.

Unless your instructor has indicated that punctuation is not important, you should go through and make sure every sentence begins with a capital letter and ends with either a period or a question mark. Read it aloud to catch run-on sentences. Any time your thoughts come logically to a stop, there should be a period. You can use a semicolon in some places where you have a comma, but it needs to divide two independent clauses which could stand on their own as sentences.

I'm afraid I really didn't understand the "trees" analogy...

It is generally not acceptable to use contractions in formal writing, but if you do, be sure to put apostrophes in words like "isn't." If you use "its" to meant "it is" then you want one, too: "it's."

I really like the tone of your writing; it reminds me of the tranquility of a Japanese watercolor landscape. I just hope that your unique style is acceptable to your instructor!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Corruption of Materialism [5]

Greetings!

You've done a great job with improving your essay! I'd be happy to give you some editing tips.

"In the process of impressing her, he becomes materialistic." - Wasn't he already materialistic and was merely revealing it through his attempts to impress her? You could say "...he reveals his materialistic nature."

"She disregards human beings and care only for her materials. " - Say "...cares only for material things."

"...she flees from the death of Tom's mistress, Myrtle, and lets Gatsby take the blame. - I'd end the sentence there and delete "showing her corruption." What she did shows her corruption, you don't need to point that out again.

"Tom, therefore, is materialistic." - Again, for me, this is overkill. You can take it out.

"Tom's focal interest in money results in his corruption when he only thinks of himself and retreats back to his money following Myrtle's death."

"Because of Tom's materialism, he is devoid of emotion and is corrupted." - This sentence really isn't necessary, but if you'd like to reiterate this point, you might want to do it a bit more artfully and less matter-of-factly. Perhaps something like: "Tom's soulless materialism has robbed him of emotion and corrupted his spirit."

They treat Gatsby's mansion as they would [delete "in"] "amusement parks."

"Such atrocious presentation from the people at Gatsby's party is resulted from their materialistic values." - Say "results from" not "is resulted from."

"The people from Gatsby's party are so concerned with their wealth that they do not pay attention to the host." (A typo.)

"Because the guests at Gatsby's party are overly enthralled with the lavish party, they show little importance of their morality." - Better would be "they show little concern for morality."

Your last paragraph brings in a lot of new information that is not covered in the above paragraphs. A conclusion should really be a summary of what the essay said; you might want to tailor it more closely to the points made in the essay.

You've put in a lot of hard work; good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / WWII Paper - Hitler Expansion [6]

Greetings!

I'd be glad to help. How about something like this:

"Great Britain and France, struggling with their own economic crises, did not take seriously enough the threat Hitler posed to European stability."

You can use "debacle" and "tyrant" (which are great words!) in the following paragraphs.

Good luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Short paper discussing SETTING [2]

Greetings!

I think you've done an excellent job with explaining the importance of setting! I understand what you were trying to say with "the lack of meaning of the aristocracy" and I also agree that it sounds just a little awkward. What about saying "the meaninglessness of the aristocracy" or "the hypocrisy of the aristocracy"?

Is this the entire essay? If so, you might want to mention setting again, in your last sentence, to reiterate your thesis.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Critical Analysis of "The Street Lawyer" by John Grisham [6]

Greetings!

You're doing a fantastic job so far! I can't find anything at all to criticize (with the possible exception of "furthermore" which is a bit cumbersome; you could take it out and lose nothing).

Really good work; I'll look forward to reading the rest!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Contrast poem and a rhmying couplet [13]

Greetings!

When you put your mind to it, you write very good poems! You don't need anyone to write them for you; yours are just fine! I really like this one:

May my life's breath find refuge in your heart
Destroyed in your love may my life depart. - Now think about where it should logically go next. It sounds like a failed romance; you could use "fears" and "tears"; "lies" and "cries"; "forever" and "never"-- I know you can finish it! :-)

There is no limit [no "e"] to human desire - think about what rhymes with desire...
acquire
briar
choir
dire
fire (that's a good one)
hire
liar
mire
pyre (as in funeral)
sire
shire
tire (or retire)
wire...
and I bet you could come up with more! See if some of those help you finish. :-)

For your acrostic, there's lots you could do with "I": "I dance with joy"; "Ice cream melting"; "Indoors no more!"

Keep working, you're doing an excellent job!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Performance enhancing drugs in athletes. [2]

Greetings!

I can see you've been working really hard! I'd be happy to give you some editing tips:

I will be telling everyone who [delete "all"] uses the drugs, the different types of age groups that are using these drugs, what different types of drugs are available [delete "that there is to use", the consequences of using these drugs, and the reasons why no one should [delete "not"] use these drugs to boost his or her performance in sports. In today's society the will to win has gone to a new level--even to the point where athletes use legal and illegal drugs to enhance their power and stamina. - I think your thesis is good, but the last sentence in the paragraph was a fragment, so I combined the two sentences.

But of all the things that you do as the parent of a student athlete, have you taken the time to talk to your child about the dangers of performance-enhancing drugs and supplements, and what all can happen to them if they get caught by the police or their principal [not "principle"] with these drugs? - Unless your instructor has specifically told you it's all right to write in the second person and ask questions of your readers, it's generally best not to, in formal writing.

You've done a lot of really good research! You might want to check the APA guidelines (or whichever citation form you are supposed to be using) to see how to do the parenthetical citations. Some of the information you have in your parentheticals belongs in the References section, but not in the in-text citations. If you do an internet search for "APA citation" you will get lots of good sites that explain the proper way to cite.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Corruption of Materialism [5]

Greetings!

That's a good question! The answer is that the examples you provide will prove the thesis for you. Introduce the paragraph by saying what it is you are going to demonstrate, as you have done, for example:

"In addition to characters, Fitzgerald uses the motif of carelessness to show that materialism is corrupting society." But having said that, and given examples, it is not necessary to then conclude the paragraph with: "Through Fitzgerald's motif of carelessness, he establishes his point that materialism corrupts society," which is almost exactly the same as your first sentence.

At least, that was my impression as I read your essay--that too much of it was rote repetition of what you were asserting. If you are trying to fulfill a word count requirement, I'm concerned that your instructor might count off for too much repetition of that sort.

There's an expression I use that has to do with good writing: "don't hit your reader over the head with it." Another way to put it would be to "trust your reader"; if you have explained something adequately, you should not then have to point out to the reader, "I just explained that to you."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Contrast poem and a rhmying couplet [13]

Greetings!

I'm sorry, but we're here to help students with their assignments, not to do the assignments for them! However much you do implore, I'll send you back to write some more! Couplets are easy, and fun! Try it, you can have fun with it.;-))

As I said, I'd be happy to give you my thoughts on them, once you've got them written.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Corruption of Materialism [5]

Greetings!

You've done a good job of analyzing Fitzgerald's book! One thing you might want to watch out for, though, is too much repetition of phrases like "...shows that he is materialistic" or "____proves the corruption of materialism." Once you have established that you are giving examples of these types of things, you don't need to keep repeating, again and again, what it is that you are demonstrating.

A couple of editing points:

When you quote, make sure the sentence leading into the quote makes sense in the context of the quote.
One symbol is the eyes of T.J. Eckleburg: [add colon and delete "that are"] "over the ashheaps the giant eyes...kept their vigil...regarding us with peculiar intensity from less than twenty feet away"

They see past [not "pass"] the careless situation and do not offer any consequence to the corrupted people.

You've done a lot of work; good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Contrast poem and a rhmying couplet [13]

Greetings!

Well, I can't write them for you, but I'd be happy to critique them when you have a rough draft. It would help me to help you if you could post the definitions of both contrast poem and rhyming couplet. I have heard of the latter, but don't really know the structure of it; contrast poem is a new term to me (I assume it involves contrasting things, but more specific instruction would be good). If you have examples of either, as you did with some of the other types, that would be helpful, too.

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Compare/Contrast: Siddhartha, Experience and Education and Pedagogy [4]

Greetings!

Congratulations on receiving As on your papers! The assignment sounds like three separate assignments in one. Perhaps the easiest way to get started would be to write them as if they were three different papers, and then find the best way to tie them together. As you've already written papers on the three works, look for common elements in them to compare first; then, you can probably find points to contrast more easily. Once you've got a rough draft, I'll be happy to help you with editing it!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Can you help write a descriptive essay about me? Conclusion. [8]

You're welcome! I'll look forward to reading it!

Sarah

Essays / A content analysis of involuntary autobiographical memories [8]

You're welcome! Sorry I couldn't be of more help with your question!

Sarah

Essays / Critical Analysis of "The Street Lawyer" by John Grisham [6]

Greetings!

I think you have a good opening! You've pointed out the fast pace and lack of unnecessary details, which is great! As you continue your analysis, you can talk more about how Grisham accomplishes these things. For example, how does he create the fast pace? Short sentences? Lots of action verbs? Is it ever confusing because he leaves out those details, or does that just make the prose clearer? Talk about not only what he does, but how he does it, and your analysis will be concise and thorough.

I'll give you a few small editing suggestions, mostly to do with punctuation, on what you have written so far.

The novel is fast-paced, moving from one scene to the next with no unnecessary details and it constantly left me wanting to read more [delete this repetition: "of the novel"].

In The Street Lawyer, [add comma] the main character, Michael Brock, [add comma] a 32-year-old antitrust attorney, [add comma] has a remarkable transformation that happens over a period of only thirty-two days.

You're off to a great start!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A content analysis of involuntary autobiographical memories [8]

Greetings!

This is one of those questions that really depends on what your instructor wants. Is the heading the name of the essay, or a subtopic within the essay? I am not aware of any concrete rule about headings; also, not having seen the essays makes it even harder for me to answer your question. However, if the headings are the author's form of expression, you do have to be concerned about plagiarism. On the other hand, merely introducing a topic by saying what the topic is shouldn't be plagiarism. I'd have to see it, I think, to know--and even then, I wouldn't want to try to read your instructor's mind. I'm sorry. but I just really can't answer this question, I'm afraid, with the information I have. :-)

Thanks.

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Can you help write a descriptive essay about me? Conclusion. [8]

Greetings!

Unfortunately, not having been in class with you, I am not sure about some of the terms you are using. In fact, the only one that made sense to me was "informal outline." Surely your instructor gave you definitions for the "five leads" and other terms? Or you have a textbook which describes them? I'm afraid I can't be much help with that part, but I'd be happy to help you edit the paragraphs once you've written them!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / English 1102: Oedipus the King- discuss an element of fiction used in the play [7]

Greetings!

Goodness, you're doing a fantastic job of juggling everything! As far as making it longer, one place you might be able to stretch a little is when you say "the truth is spoken to him by the Theban shepherd." You could expand a bit on what that "truth" is. Similarly, you might be able to get a bit more out of "the conversation between Oedipus and the priest." You want to be careful not to overquote, of course, so that it is obvious you're just trying to stretch to reach the word limit of the assignment; however, in these instances, I think a bit more would be quite appropriate.

Best of luck with your studies--and everything else! :-))

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / 5 paragraph essay form about my career goals [4]

Greetings!

I think it's coming along very well so far! I can give you some editing suggestions.

My goal is [rather than "My career goals are"] to attain a career where I can express my artistic talent and passion for art as well as open my mind in ways that I could never do in any other field [instead of "at any other career"]. To obtain these goals, I must set a track.[I'm not sure what this means--set a track?] After considering many other career opportunities [rather than "looking to many other vantage points resulting in faint success" which sounds somewhat negative], such as [delete "considering" here] the army, attempting to obtain a job at Boeing, and looking into various other art colleges [not collages], to name a few, I have found that the Art Institute of Seattle has just the programs I'm looking for and just what I need to be successful at my goals.

It has been a life-long [add hyphen] dream of mine to put my imagination, with my world and characters, into life-like [add hyphen] animation. I would like to create video gaming with three dimensional modeling as well as flash animation with thrilling story-lines that appeal not just to myself, but to other viewers. My portfolio reflects much of my ideas and that [delete "of"] which I am passionate about. The Art Institute of Seattle offers just the right animation programs I need to obtain these goals--everything from simple flash animation to advanced three dimensional modeling in an interactive digital world.

With this experience, I can gain a career I'll love for the rest of my life. I would be eligible to work at popular gaming and animation companies such as Blizzard, EA Games, and Forgotten Realms, [delete "in"] which I have been a fan of for many years, using skills learned from the Art Institute of Seattle. I want to learn [instead of "These skills being"] two dimensional and three dimensional animation and techniques, story boarding, scripting, and rendering.

I am very passionate about art and want to excel in it. Therefore, I am [delete "strongly"] willing to participate in whatever programs and activities which are needed to complete my goals in this institute. I am very committed to fulfilling my goals and as so, I will push myself in all ways to succeed and graduate so that I may fulfill my creative dream and to be a proud part of the [delete "employee at a large"] computer gaming and animation industry.

You haven't really specifically answered the question "In what ways will you participate and commit to your education in order to be successful?" They want to know if you are willing to put in the time studying, give up outside activities which may interfere with your education and embrace activities which will enhance it, like joining organizations connected to your major. See if you can come up with a little more detail to answer this question.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Cinquain / The Quatrain / The Concrete - Poems [10]

Greetings!

I'm afraid I don't know anything about writing concrete poems; I've never heard of them. However, if it involves making the poem look a certain way on the paper, I doubt there would be any way I could demonstrate it here, anyway. There is less flexibility with formatting here than there would be using a typical word processing program.

All I can do is give you a suggestion: try writing a poem about how your mind goes blank when you try to write a poem! You could use a lot of white space on the paper to symbolize the emptiness of ideas...just a thought!

Good luck!

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Cinquain / The Quatrain / The Concrete - Poems [10]

Greetings!

The great thing about nature is that it is balanced, so it's easy to come up with opposites. Here are some examples: night/day; dark/light; winter/summer; spring/fall; birth/death; hot/cold; rain/drought; sun/clouds (maybe not exact opposites, but close).

You asked about using my poems. I wrote them to help you, so I wouldn't mind, except you need to remember that this is a public forum which anyone can access, so you don't want to be accused of not doing your own assignments! It would be best to make some changes so that it's your own (substitute synonyms, for example--which would also be a good learning exercise for you!).

Best of luck!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / A content analysis of involuntary autobiographical memories [8]

Greetings!

The hardest thing about this type of assignment is getting started. When you don't know what to do first, making lists for yourself can be very helpful. Try just informally outlining the major points of each essay. In a "content analysis" you're obviously analyzing the content, so go through each paragraph of the essay and ask yourself, "What was the author really saying here? What point was being made?" Just jot down a few words for each paragraph; at this point you're just doing this for your own benefit. Then, once you can see the major points you've drawn out of the essay, you can stretch those few words you jotted down into sentences.

See if this helps you get started, and if you want some editing help when you have a rough draft, I'd be happy to oblige!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com