Graduate /
Law School Admission Essay with Special Circumstances [2]
I'm what they like to call a statistic, not in homes, but in schools.
The term "a statistic" usually refers to somebody who is a high-school dropout or a drug addict or a victim of violence. Starting in this way leads the reader to believe that something very different than what you write is coming.
Two teachers abused me in high school.
Again, this is misleading. It seems you were treated unfairly. "Abuse" tends to be reserved for sexual or physical abuse. Unless you are saying that teachers who sexually or physically abused you were then allowed to decide whether or not you would graduate, choose a different word.
The only other way that I can conceive wording this introduction to a description of unfair treatment as you have -- "abuse" "statistic" -- is if the unfair treatment was an expression of some form of bias. It can't be race or gender, since your twin sister was treated better. Sexual orientation, perhaps? If you faced persecution on that account, had to leave school to avoid it, and were still oppressed by unequal graduation requirements, that would be worth stating explicitly. Otherwise, you need to tone down the introduction and significantly reduce the tone of grievance that runs through the recitation of your struggles with the graduation requirement.
You say that you want to cut length. I can tell that this experience is still very sore for you and, as people do when they are still very anguished by something, you go on and on, giving far too many details and losing the reader's interest in the process. That's a shame, because your commitment to children's rights law is sincere and unique. Don't let it get lost in the shuffle.
Similarly, you need to be more concise in describing the special circumstances. In cutting down, stay with the facts and keep your tone even. You do not want to inadvertently sound like someone the school has to worry will complain or even sue the moment things don't go her way. What I'm talking about here is tone: You can pitch this as a victory for people with disabilities about which you feel proud or you can pitch it as one more in a series of endless grievances that will undoubtedly continue wherever you go.
In summary, you've experienced difficulties in both high school and college. Instead of stressing those difficulties in a tone of complaint, stress your successful resolution of them in a tone of confident pride. And, again, if there was some identifiable reason for the differential treatment you received in high school, say so. Otherwise, tone down the language in which you introduce those difficulties.
