Writing Feedback / Having a gap year before attending college - IELTS [3]

Topic: Some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea, while others disagree strongly. Consider both sides of this debate and present your own opinion.

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Please give me comments and score for my essay.
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Gap year between school and university

Nowadays, having a gap year before attending college is popular tender of many youngsters but it also creates a large controversial in society. I will discuss some valid arguments and give my personal opinion in the following essay.

On the one hand, some opponents assume that a year school off wastes not only youngsters' time but also money. We all aware that they have just graduated high school, so the money supporting for their journeys absolutely is from their parents or even bank's loan. In addition, instead of studying, the youngsters will be distracted by traveling. No one ensures all of them will spend their time for real experiences or just traveling with friends? Finally, in the turmoil world, nothing is insurance; we can't predict anything happens in their trips such as robbery, being kidnapped, violent relation or even being murdered and that is the poor start for their future.

On the other hand, some supporters oppose the rarely bad circumstance like those, they presume that gap year is the great way for youngster gaining the new experiences after living with their parent nearly twenty years. In a year school off, they can study how to start their own lives without family, they have to learn how to live in the strange place with new people. Those experiences are the means which help them more mature. Moreover, youngsters also study and practice new skills like time management, financial control, and interpersonal communication skill; those are the greatly important keys for them to get a success in the future. One and the most fundamental reason for encouraging the youngsters take the gap year is many nowadays employers appreciate candidates who take the year off after graduating high school and with that experiences, youngsters can get the good jobs in future.

Overall, I think the benefits of gap year overweight the disadvantages. In my opinion, youngsters should go out explore the world and gain new experiences with the obvious plan for their trip.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Saving or spend money [5]

Topic 4: Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.

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Please give me comment and score this essay. Sincerely thanks
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Spend money now or keep it for the future needs

Spending in the present or saving money for future has been a topical debate for a long time. I will discuss some valid arguments and give a personal opinion in the following essay.

On the first perspective, spending money, the supporters presume that, in the present society, we have to pay a lot of daily costs such as food, drinks, house renting and consumer items, so spending is inevitable. Moreover, when we spend money, we also help the cash in economy flows influent; by that way, we increase the economy, create more jobs for the job market and currently solve one of the most serious dilemmas in the world - unemployed issue. Besides, we only live once and if we ponder too much about future and forget to enjoy a flavor of present life, this is a bad idea. If spending money can make our life easier and bring happiness for us, why don't we use it like tools to develop our life?

However, in the other school of thought, people who advocate saving money acclaim because money is the tool to get the easier life, we have to exploit it efficiently. We live in the turmoil world and everything will happen such as getting fired, having a disease or relating financial crisis; in those urgent circumstances, the saving money is essential. Turning to the daily unavoidable costs, we can't refute those; however, we can control how to spend money and saving is the greatest method to teach youngsters about financial management skill. That skill is the predominant key to help them get the success in future. Finally, in macroeconomic aspect, the most fundamental reason for the crisis in 2007 is personal individuals, corporators and governments can't control their spending and exceed the real budget; this creates the big hole in the currency economic.

Overall, in my personal opinion, I extremely agree that we should save money for rainy day because of some unpredictable issues in future. Besides, the small reservation is the good start for some long-term schemes such as start-up, buying a house.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Tourism and extent opinion [5]

"Tourism is always a force for good which enables people of different countries to understand each other." To what extent do you agree with this idea?

Please give me score in the following essay. Thanks, Holt, I try to focus just 1 main reason for one paragraph and analyze it like your advice. Hope your advice.

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international tourism benefits

In recent decades, we have seen a dramatic increase in the tourism, even so, the international understanding. That is why many people laud the role of the tourism in the universal compassion. However, I absolutely refute that the tourism is always a force good things and give some pieces of evidence to prove my personal ideal in the following essay.

First at all, it is an undeniable fact that traveling helped many tourists explore distinguished cultures in various regions. Nevertheless, it also creates many erroneous preconceptions among different countries. One of particular good example is some Western people travel to undeveloped countries and be a victim of a tourist trap; then they have the bad perspective about local citizen and widespread disappointing experience for other people in their country. Invisibly, exploring new cultures without going into a detail creates the big hole in universal understanding.

Further and even more importantly, though tourism is one of the most potential motivation to developing economies of poverty countries such as Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, it also brings many great issues for those countries like prostitute, alcoholism, and drug. The finance which should help to develop the national economy and improve the quality lives of impoverished; however, unfortunately, making the affluent (travel agencies, large tourist corporations) get more benefit, and bringing the seriously social trouble for poverty. Tourism invisibly creates the wealth gap larger.

Even more worrying, the tourist flow destroys the natural environment. The most obvious instance is the Great Barrier Reef in Australia slowly dying because of pollution and tourist overload. In the most recent information of BBC, nearly one fourth of this famous destination is impossible to revise, and many undersea ecosystems have been instinct.

By way of conclusion, I think the detriment of international tourist incredibly overweighs the benefit. Besides encouraging traveling, we should impose some solutions and legislation prevents the negative impacts such as intensively defended the badly social issues and public education campaign in local areas where have attracted many international tourists.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing Task 2 - An unbalance in labor source is the controversial topic for many decades [3]

"We should introduce laws to make businesses and state services employ equal numbers of male and female workers in every department or area of the company." How far do you support this idea?

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Give me advice and score for me. Sincerely thanks!!!
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Equal on number of male and female workers

An unbalance in labor source is the controversial topic for many decades. Many lawmakers proposed that we should impose a legislation forcing businesses and government departments balancing the number of employees in sexuality. In my personal opinion, I profoundly oppose this idea and provide some pieces of evidence to prove my individual thought in the following essay.

First at all, in the viewpoint of an employer, forcing the equal number of male and female workers creates exponentially serious trouble for businesses. For instance, to meet this legislation, they have to conduct some personnel change and this process costs a large amount of money. For example, the employer has to investigate workers if who deserve to keep and vice versa; the next step is compensating for the unfortunate people - who are fired; finally and most difficult step is how to recruiting the appropriate employees who meet both of job requirements and sexual legislation without impacting the recent works.

On the other hand, in the employee's perspective, this law creates a hardship for a significant number of workers. The most evident example is some particular fields, such as nuclear industry and prison department, which are almost suitable for males and attracted a mere number of females are facing greatly serious dilemma - how to balance the employees? More seriously, this legislation will make the topically social trouble - unemployment - more and more solemn. The toughest consequence is creating the new crisis in the national economy.

By way of conclusion, this legislation just solving only one trouble - the unbalance of sexuality in workforce - however, creating many social issues and negative influent for the national economy. In my personal thought, without partial in any aspect, I completely refute operating that law because we can solve the problem of sexual balance by other methods such as public education and long-term training.